Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.
It’s been a long time since I posted in this blog and as you can see, sometimes I talk about things that are off topic from Degrassi. I just thought, I know, I’ll talk about all the shit that I hate about Halloween. More to the point, the bullshit that tries to ruin Halloween for everyone. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge Halloween fanatic. I love to watch horror movies all month long, have a party and then scare the kiddies on Halloween night. So I present to you, the five annoying things that try to ruin Halloween year after year.
5. Lousy Treats
I think we all know what I’m talking about. Cheap ass hard candy that no one likes. Kids and adults want Snickers, Reese’s, Kit Kat’s, all that good shit. Not that horrible candy that’s in strawberry wrappers that everyone hates. Or shitty lolly pops in clear packages. Raisins are also to be considered a sin against the Halloween gods. Not to mention tooth brushes and paste. What kid wants that? I guarantee it goes straight into the trash, unless the kid is so damn poor that they’ll gladly take it. When I was a kid sometimes people would give pennies or nickles. Yeah, thanks a lot you cheapskate! Apples suck too, as does fruit in general during Halloween. This old bag once gave them out one year and we threw them against her house because she just had to be a shithead and point out how big I was to still be Trick or Treating. I was all, “It’s not my fault I’m tall for my age you old crow.” One thoughtless guy though had no idea that it was Halloween so to atone for his grievous slight, he gave me and my little brother a whole unopened package of Oreo cookies. Thanks dude!
4. Annoying Teenagers
Yes, I sound like an old man saying that teenagers are annoying, but that’s only because teenagers are really fucking annoying. They either never come dressed or they come in huge packs acting like a bunch of asses or punks. This one year this poor kid got egged by some assholes driving around in a car. I had to hose the kid off, so I gave him some extra candy to make up for the fact that yes, fuck heads like this do exist just to be pricks to random people. Another thing I hate is when they don’t say Trick or Treat. I’ve noticed that it’s mostly guys that act like this too. It’s not to say that I don’t give out candy to everyone who comes, because I do. But goddamn, put a little effort into it. Plus they also do shit like this.
3. Bringing Religion Into Halloween
I’ll just say right off the bat that I do believe in God and I’m a Christian. But I always find it annoying as hell when people want to bring religion into it because they think that Halloween is evil. I say it’s only evil if you make it evil. Sure it started off as a Druid festival for the lord of the dead Samhain, but that meaning has gone away long ago. Dressing up as a monster or a slutty witch isn’t going to damn you to hell. Halloween is still around because the kids love it. I remember one year a Facebook friend said that her kids were having fun Trick or Treating, only it was the 30th. I said, “Uh, it’s not Halloween so why are all you guys doing it a day early?” She says, “It falls on a Sunday and we’re in the bible belt.” I didn’t say anything to that, but I was thinking, that’s hilarious especially since you motherfuckers are the most hypocritical, intolerant people on the planet. Speaking of the bible belt some wacko minister is trying to make Jesusween into a thing. Yes, that’s right, Jesusween. He thought that Jesus not being a part of Halloween was highly blasphemous. But that’s because Jesus isn’t a part of Halloween and you know what? That’s ok.
2. Banning Halloween In Schools
I remember when I was a young lad we would all go in our respective costumes, have a Halloween parade around the school and then have a Halloween party at the end of the day. It was always a lot of fun, but now a days you can forget about that shit. Religious fanatics and just plain party poopers have ruined Halloween at school for everyone because it’s offensive. At least according to them. When I was a kid my best friend was a Jehovah’s Witness and so when we would have our Halloween party he would simply go home with not a fuss at all. Not today, my niece is growing up not having some Halloween fun at school because of maybe one or two people whose kids go to the school decided for everyone that Halloween should be banned. They probably think that the huge sugar rushes kids were having was Satanic. Also a lot of reasoning is that they say that it’s offensive to other cultures or belief’s. But here’s the thing, I think it’s offensive that a lot of people aren’t allowed to celebrate something period. If you don’t want to partake in something, then don’t. Just take your child home and don’t make a big deal over it. And if you feel that they’re feeling left out, well, that’s your problem. I bet you anything that a lot of these parents when they were kids Trick or Treated and had fun. Too bad they’re denying their kids the same.
1. Trunk Or Treating
This is by far the lamest thing that has been invented. Much like what Christians are doing to rock, these lameos are making Halloween less fun. Sure it helps for people who live in rural communities. But a lot of the times it’s because people are too paranoid about so called tainted candy or they’re too lazy to take their children around Trick or Treating. Or the other thing, they want to preach to kids who only want candy. These poor kids will never know what it was like to go around from house to house, passing fellow little ghouls to get their treats. It’s just part of the fun of the holiday. But no, they get to be in a church or school parking lot going from trunk to trunk. How boring is that? Even today one of my cousins was saying that it seems that the town that they moved to doesn’t celebrate Halloween. They prefer to Trunk or Treat on a fucking Saturday. Way to take the spirit of the holiday away.
We interrupt our regular program. (It hasn’t been regular for years now haha)
So I’m also a huge Saved by the Bell fan and my friend Janice got me Screech’s book about his time on the show for an early Christmas present. Some of it was interesting and a lot of it was bullshit. I’ll talk about the highlights, or low lights if you will.
First I’ll just say that there’s a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes. They even repeated the same paragraph twice. I guess no one edited this motherfucker. But Screech comes off as a very bitter person by saying that everyone didn’t want to hang out with him. But he should realize that they didn’t want to hang out with an annoying little shit. Because Screech was about three years younger. Everyone was about 15 or 16 and he was only 13.
He has a lot of hatred for the creator of the show Peter Engel, who he repeatedly called Saint Peter because he was a born again Christian and formerly huge druggie and party animal. Tiffany Amber Thiessen, is described as a huge bitch who was once a sweet girl. Mainly because she was mean to him in front of everyone. He goes on to call her a whore because according to him she slept around a lot. The same goes for Mario Lopez who he called a man whore and a bully with anger issues.
Mark Paul Gosselaar who played Zack was simply called a douche, but he also always called him the golden child because he was obviously the favored star of the show. He goes on to say that Zack would dye his hair blonde and didn’t want anyone to know it. He just loves the fact that he knew that his real hair was brown. Later on in the college years he says that Zack admitted to everyone that he was juicing on steroids. To give him credit, he did say that at the end of the series Zack became a decent human being. Again this is according to Screech.
Poor Lisa Turtle was described as a huge bore who hardly ever spoke and Jessie was just a sweet girl. So not so much hatred there. Even though eventually Jessie also became a hoe because she started banging both Zack and Slater. Obviously he’s angry because none of the girls wanted to be with his goofy looking ass.
Mr Belding is described as an annoying know it all who had horrible luck getting with women. Screech even describes an embarrassing episode where and extra told him to fuck off in front of everyone at the set. He does consider him a good friend so Mr Belding got off easy. And Max, remember Max? He pretty much says that he had a gay love affair with Neal Patrick Harris.
Ok, here’s some of the juicy stuff that everyone wants to know, because I sure didn’t give a shit about how a week of making an episode of Saved by the Bell went.
Kelly apparently was dating the actor who played Johnny Dakota but she cheated on him with everyone who had a dick. Even with Zack and Slater. At least according to him. During that same anti drug episode he goes on to say that the cast would get high on weed and by cast I mean Kelly, Zack and Slater.
Mario Lopez raped a girl and NBC covered it up much to his disgust. He really hates Mario Lopez and it’s obvious that Screech is just a hater because it was easy for him to pick up women. See, Slater couldn’t keep it in his pants and would have sex with mostly all the extras and some audience members too. Which leads me to Screech bragging about the fact that he has a huge dick and that he’s had sex with over 2000 women. While I was reading it I couldn’t help but blurt out, “Yeah right!”
One fucked up thing he says is that he banged NBC executive Linda Mancuso who has since died from breast cancer so she can’t even defend herself. Again, it’s most likely a bunch of bullshit especially since he was still a minor and she was in her 30’s. One thing that I sort of do believe is that he got lucky here and there at Disneyland. Some people will go low and have sex with someone like him. So I’ll give him that.
Staying with the sex thing, he says that he witnessed Zack and Kelly going into three hour meetings with the creator Peter Engel. Being an asshole he just assumed that they were having a threesome. He firmly believes that because he and Zack were supposed to go to Paris for a promotion and once Kelly got out of the meeting he was bumped and she got to go instead, even though he got the most fan mail out of everyone. So yeah, clearly he’s still not mad at that right?
Zack once got in trouble with the law for taking a leak outside of a Seven Eleven in Phoenix. I love how Screech delighted at his misfortunes. Another incident was when they played a company softball game and Zack fucking beamed a guy with the ball when he hit a home run. Screech just loved how upset Zack was that he knocked some poor guy out on accident.
Another thing to make him the picked on outsider was that an extra dared to call him a fucking asshole and humiliated him in front of the cast and crew. So in retaliation he took a piss in her purse. Way to go there Screech!
He goes onto a chapter about celebrity’s that he met and big surprise he hated most of them. But I gotta go on to say that the chapter was really short and pretty much went nowhere. Which tells me that he just met a bunch of D listers like Gary Coleman and Webster.
One chapter I do believe is that he got involved with some mooching piece of shit who just used him for his fame because he was gullible enough to believe this guy was actually his friend. Basically the guy just wanted to get ahead in the business and even got him to buy a car for him. What a fool. Eventually the guy wanted to black mail him because he recorded Screech smoking some weed. So the NBC lawyers got involved and took care of this guy real quick.
Another thing that is unbelievable to me is that he’s some sort of badass who will kick your ass if you get in his face. He says that he’s heavily into the marital arts and knows how to take care of himself. He cites kicking Horshack’s ass at celebrity boxing as a prime example. So I guess we can call him a lethal weapon.
Some of the interesting tipids where things like his dad was on the show a few times playing the teacher who told Slater that he wasn’t on Soul Train. Mr Tuttle, the funny obese teacher was actually the accountant there at NBC. A lot of the parents were on the show, but he didn’t go on to say who they played. Thanks for elaborating further Screech!
I couldn’t help laughing when he was disappointed when Tori Spelling wanted to get with Zack when she was guest starring on the show as his girlfriend. Angrily he says that she would ask him if Zack was talking or asking about her. Eventually he credits himself for trying to hook her up with him.
The book is pretty sad when you stop to think about it. Especially where he is right now after that stabbing incident. Talk about major anger issues because he’ll forever be known as Screech.
He said that he doesn’t speak to his dad anymore because he pretty much lost all of that Saved by the Bell money. Plus the bitterness is still with him to this day. Bitterness on being picked on by the cast, None of the girls wanting to get with him. Considering himself an outsider who pretty much hated everyone there. He said at the beginning of the book that this wasn’t a woe is me book, but it’s a huge pity party of one. I would only recommend this book if you’re a huge fan of Saved by the Bell. Otherwise, who gives a shit.
So today is two years that I’ve started this crazy blog and I thought that I’d make a short Arthur list. Since he is the character that I hate the most.
#5 Arthur tries to get with Caitlin.
I’m just going to say that Arthur is the anti-poon and is probably the most unfuckable guy besides Alex on the show. So it comes to no one’s surprise that Caitlin turned his ass down when he asked her out on a date. Who can remember his sick demented dreams that he was having about her. Thank God they never showed them kissing, that just goes against the laws of nature. But good thing he had his night time dream rag next to his bed so he could finish is business. The result of all this is that Arthur gets his heartbroken because she was hooking up with Claude at this point. Serves him right for trying to bag a babe like Caitlin. Stick to your hand asshole.
#4 Arthur brings his dog to school.
Another example of why I hated Arthur, his stupid juvenile story lines and this one was no different. Arthur found a stray dog, named him Phil and brought him to school. Of course the dog smelled like Arthur’s sweaty balls and he got caught because he brought him to class, inside his gym bag. You know, instead of just leaving him at his house. The result was that he got sent home from school for being a stupid fuck. I really do think Arthur should have gotten neutered instead of Phil so that he could not contaminate the world with his offspring. But who am I kidding? Arthur couldn’t get pussy, even if he walked into a female prison with pardons.
#3 Arthur plays detective.
And he’s the worst detective in the history of ever. Rick, Degrassi’s resident bad boy buys a shit load of licorice for some insane reason and Arthur assumes that it’s because of the 20 dollars that Yick lost. But of course being a fucking imbecile he should have realized that Yick just lost it in his locker because Yick is a gross motherfucker and a slob. I wished with all my might that Rick would have murdered him in this episode for accusing him of stealing, but once again Degrassi just played with my heart.
#2 Arthur Tries to give Yick a beret.
This was the very first episode of Degrassi High and Arthur made a huge impression and by that I mean that this was the point where Arthur really ballooned up like Marlon Brando and was wearing shirts that were too tight and tucked in. So not only did he act like a dipshit, he started to dress like one as well. He came back from France and was insulted by Yick because he refused to wear the goofy looking beret that Arthur wanted to give him. I can’t believe he couldn’t tell that it looked Godawful on him, with his Lionel Ritchie style mullet that he had. This was really the point where Yick started to move away from Arthur because he was such a grade A loser.
#1 Arthur cock blocks his dad.
How selfish could he have been then in this episode? He totally fucked his dad over because he was too busy banging his girlfriend Carol. Arthur didn’t appreciate his dad not spending time with him watching Space Cadets and going to dumb ass joke shops. So at parents night Arthur decides to act like a dick and points out that Carol shouldn’t be there because she isn’t his mom. He’s is all too glad that he broke up his father’s relationship. Even saying that he doesn’t need her because his dad has Arthur for a companion. His dad probably cried himself to sleep that night because he was getting some on the regular and his asshole son ruined everything. Thus proving to the world at large that Arthur is a life ruining idiot. This really was the first time where I condoned his murder.
So there you have it. The most half assed list I’ve ever done, and it’s testament to Arthur, because who the fuck wants to reminiscence about him? But again, thanks to you readers who come by every day to read random episode reviews.
So wow, it’s been a while since I’ve checked this blog out. It’s almost going to be a year since I finished it. So I was surprised and pleased to see that it’s now reached 20,000 views.
I guess I’m not the only one who still enjoys the madness that is Degrassi. I would do something to mark the occasion, but I’m feeling lazy at the moment. And really there’s only so much that I can say about why Claude is such a colossal douche or why Fat Nancy is annoying as hell. Thanks for reading peeps!!
So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. Honestly it’s because I don’t know what else to talk about and then it hit me. How about an entry about the people who never got a starring role in any of the episodes and were mostly just back ground characters or were people who just had a few lines and then got the boot.
So without further ado, here’s the top ten Degrassi background characters. It’s hilarious that I had to google a few of these character names even though I’ve seen the entire series a few times already.
#10. Israeli Kid Aka Mahmoud
So going by the name I just found I’m guessing that he’s not even remotely Jewish. He had the distinction of getting a couple of lines through out the series. Basically he was a big nerd who was seen hanging out with Arthur and Alex. He tried to make himself sound cool by I believe wanting to go by the name of Mack. Get the fuck out of here with that. Anyways he made it into Arthur’s demented dream when he helped restrain Joey from beating Arthur’s ass. Other than that, he was mostly Alex and Arthur’s flunky, which is sad if you think about it. Loyal Degrassi reader Broomheadz pointed out that he was always seen wearing short shorts which would make that another Israeli Kid characteristic. Be sure to check out her awesome Degrassi blog https://broomheadz.wordpress.com/
#9. Mark
Mark is another well known background character that had a few lines and actually was seen going out with Degrassi hottie Amy for about five seconds. Other than that, he was mostly hanging out with Tracy and told LD that he didn’t want to share his feelings after Wheel’s parents were unceremoniously taken out by a lousy drunk driver. You could also see him reacting to Yick and Arthur smoking in the boys restroom and told Joey that Snake hadn’t been seen since they found Claude’s festering headless corpse in the Degrassi High shitter. I’m pretty sure he kept the same hair style through out the shows run. Sad that I would even notice such a thing.
#8. Max
Hmm, even though he had a lot of lines in the episode where he and Scooter wanted to take up smoking I still consider him a background character. Because after that he was never given another line again. Probably had a lot to do with the shitty acting that he did in that episode. So the producers must have told him, “We gave you a shot and you blew it.” Seriously after that he was just background filler. Poor kid. In fact I don’t remember seeing him in Degrassi High. I may be wrong though.
#7. Vicky Friedland
Now this chick was seen through out the show as well but I don’t think she ever had any lines at all. She would only react and react she did when she first saw Mr Colby. Going by her reaction his Cosby sweater sent her hormones into overdrive. Besides that, you would just see her walking around in the halls or just be a part of the class room. I bet she has a lot of juicy Degrassi background stories to tell though. She just seems the type.
#6. The Asian grandma. Vivian Wong
I never knew her name until now. She was always seen in the background in the hallway or just being the extra who just happened to be sitting in front of one of the main cast members. Other appearances was when she got her pic taken for picture day, that was actually the origin of the name Asian grandma. She was one of the few extra’s who was lucky enough to get a few lines here and there. Actually I think her one line was asking Melanie a really tough history question for a test. Way to aim high Vivian Wong!
#5. Gay Asian Kid
This chubby dude was mostly seen in Degrassi High and was also a background bit player. He was the one who took Claude to the nurses office after Caitlin annihilated his nose with a light slap to the face. I think he had a line when he and Snake made a date with Tracy to go see the Pogues. Other than that, he was just blessed to be around the presence of the main Degrassi cast. Just look at this pic, he was born to be a background player.
#4. The Long Haired Guy
Yup, this guy was always seen hanging out with Degrassi High stud Dale and never had a line as well. His only thing was that we got to hear his very stoner laugh when Snake pointed out to everyone in Spike’s fucked up fantasy that she wanted him to ask her out to the formal. You can tell that if he had a story line it would involve him getting high in the school parking lot.
#3. Chinese Kid Aka Wai Li
Poor Wai Li I think he was a part of the season 3 purges that the producers made on cutting a lot of characters and actors out of the show. His claim to fame is participating in the battle of the sexes swim competition where he showed his very flabby body. Actually a lot of the background players were featured big time in this episode as they cheered their respective sexes. His other big moment was when he nervously gave his speech about watching TV and telling Snake while playing soccer, “No problem, no problem.” The last thing I remember of him is hearing him tell some girl during the graduation dance that he doesn’t like to dance because he hates music. It just occured to me to assume that he burned to death in the fire that happened and that’s why we haven’t seen him since.
#2. Joy Saint-Jean
The resident black chick of Degrassi. She was practically seen in every episode of the series. Mostly she’d just sit at the back of the room and would always be the first one out of the room. One of her big moments was telling Wheels to leave her the fuck alone when he found out that he actually passed grade 9. The other one was when she assumed that Claude went to hell for committing suicide. Her acting chops were in high gear in that episode because she actually showed emotion and cried. I would say that she was Degrassi’s go to character for background players because she lasted from day one to the end. But someone else beat her for the top spot and of course she’s in the background in this shot!
#1. Fat Nancy Kramer (Local Degrassi Oaf)
Before some of you say, wait a minute, have you lost your fucking mind?! She was always featured in a bunch of episodes. But just think about it. None of those episodes were remotely about her or else we would have known how she ate her own weight at her favorite eating establishment, The Hungry Heifer. Fat Nancy was the ultimate background character because she would mostly say shit like, “Remember, just make sure it’s 100 words.” or she’d tell everyone the answers to a test because she’s a big fat know it all. The drivers ed episode was annoying as hell. Mostly her job was to tell various cast members what was happening in the school. Like most background characters she added nothing to the story and was just there to fill up space. A good example was the talent show. She was there with a clip board and had absolutely nothing to say and wasn’t even important to the episode. So congratulations Fat Nancy you’re Degrassi’s number one bit player.
Woo!! So yes, Degrassi Junior High Reviewed has now reached 10,000 views thanks to you good people on the interwebs. Thanks to all you loyal readers who have read every single entry in this crazy little blog. (You know who you are.) Special thanks for the person who just now read a shit load of episode reviews. I knew it was going to hit this milestone some time today, so all day long I kept a very frustrating vigil. But it’s finally happened.
To mark the occasion I thought I’d make a top five list of the hottest chicks on Degrassi because yes, I’m that fucking shallow.
#5 Melanie.
Yes, she’s Degrassi’s resident Sara plain and tall. She sported a horrible mushroom hair style, had a sunken chest and had a mouth full of metal. But through out the course of the series she became much better looking, especially in Degrassi High’s run. It was a shame she was barely featured in it though.
#4 Michelle.
Yes, Michelle I consider to be one of the better looking girls and yes, she was a bit chubby at first. Not that I have anything against a woman with some extra meat. Love that in fact. Anyways, she was shyer than a motherfucker and was a huge cry baby. But just like Melanie she seemed to have blossomed in Degrassi High. She seemed to have lost the baby fat and I’m sorry, grew some of the biggest pair of breasts of any female in the series.
#3 Allison and Amy.
Ah, the hot duo of Allison and Amy. They didn’t need to become better looking because right from the get go they were hot as hell. I would probably lean more towards Amy being the better looking one, but that’s just me. Too bad they only got one sub plot that featured them stripping in the girls rest room.
#2 Stephanie Kaye.
I don’t think there was a teenage boy alive who saw this and didn’t have an instant crush and let’s not lie, boner for Stephanie. She was rather good looking despite having a missing fang in her mouth. Plus it didn’t help that she dressed like the biggest whore you ever saw with very skimpy clothing that left nothing to the imagination at times.
#1 Caitlin.
And last but not least we come to Caitlin. Is this any surprise? I don’t think so. Caitlin is someone who I consider the girl next door of Degrassi. Beautiful and very intelligent. Plus she had an ass that wouldn’t quit. Her major faults were that when it came to actually helping people, she sucked a bunch of donkey dicks. She some how always managed to make a situation worse. Especially if it was none of her business to begin with. But she was pretty much a nice person. Not a bitch at all like Allison was.
Well there you have it, my half assed mini list of Degrassi’s hottest women. Thank you to all of you who have read this little blog and for those who continue to find it in random Google searches. It was pretty discouraging writing this blog at first because I would get about 3, 4 views a week if I was lucky. But now it’s starting to grow just a tiny little bit and I’m glad that people are discovering it and finding it rather funny. So here’s to another 10,000 views!
By the way, I’m now reviewing The Next Generation. So check out even more insane episode reviews here.
In the Pantheon of popular Canadian musical artists such as Rush, Nickelback, Celine Dion and Snow. Comes what is possibly one of the greatest school bands in the history of school bands. The Zit Remedy! Led by front man and keyboardist Joey Jeremiah. Lead guitarist Archie “Snake” Simpson and bassist Derek “Wheels” Wheeler. They were so bad ass, they said, “Fuck it, we don’t need a drummer!” Their one and only single Everybody Wants Something catapulted them right into the stratosphere. In Joey’s mind that is. They’re what every lazy, short sighted juvenile band strives to become.
THE EARLY YEARS.
The Zit Remedy had their humble beginnings in the Degrassi Junior High Cafi-gymitorium stage. They originally formed because they wanted to play at the school talent show. Their first rehearsal was a disaster. Musically they sucked a bunch of donkey dicks. Ms Avery wanted to have a heart attack when she first heard them play. Joey also started sporting a stupid looking wig that made him look like the guy from Kajagoogoo. We never did find out how that talent show played out. But we can assume it was bad.
Some early name suggestions were The Creatures, Lovely Lads, The Electric Shoes, The Hong Kong Cavaliers, The Joey Jeremiah Experience, Snake and the Charmers and Joey and the Joey Buzzers. After much arguing they decided on The Zit Remedy and thus a musical legend was born.
About that time Wheels grades were so much in the shitter, his parents made him quit the band while his grades improved. Joey and Snake then decided to recruit Simon Dexter to become a Zit because Simon could also play the bass. Wheels asked them what happens when he comes back. Joey’s brilliant idea is that they’ll be the first band to have two bass players. That Joey Jeremiah, always an innovator. Soon after that, Simon lost all interest in the Zit Remedy because he would rather play Soccer. Snake was so disgusted with him that he called him a Narbo. Wheels’s grades eventually improved and he returned to join the band. The boys kept practicing and practicing the first 5 seconds of the song and then they’d call it a day.
They then hit their second snag as the band slept over at Snakes house. This was also the time when talk of making a music video first started to surface. Wheels was late for an eye Dr appointment the next morning so they decided to take Snakes dad’s car for a little joy ride. Of course they got caught, especially after Snake ratted them out. So their parents hit them where it really hurt and forced them to disband. Joey’s parents who normally don’t do jack shit to him took away his Z 7000 keyboard.
Some how the band survived and continued to rock on. It was never explained but not that long after that the band reformed and Joey being their leader started to bother Stephanie Kaye if they could play at the school graduation dance. After much begging, she finally agreed to talk to Mr Lawrence to see if they could even play. Right away Joey had stars in his eyes.
THEIR FIRST AND ONLY CONCERT.
But this was the moment that tested one young Joey Jeremiah. He found out that he actually flunked the 8th grade and had to repeat. Wheels found him at the local arcade sulking. Joey informed him that he wasn’t going to play at the dance due to extreme embarrassment. Wheels basically called him a pussy and if he can’t even play at the dance for their classmates, then how could he play in front of thousands of people. Finally Joey came to terms with his stupidity and came dressed in his best tuxedo shirt. Of course the Zit Remedy rocked the house. Maya started to boogie in her wheel chair, Ms Avery started to twerk way before that was a thing. Spike went into labor during their rockin performance because even Emma wanted to get into all the fun. This was to be the greatest night of Joey Jeremiah’s life, especially after he heard the crowd chanting, “Zits! Zits! Zits!”
STARDOM.
After that, everyone at Degrassi couldn’t get enough of the Zit Remedy. That’s when Joey decided to sell copies of Everybody Wants Something in a live album called The Zit Remedy: Live at the Budokan. Too bad the band never made a vinyl. These things were hot and selling for 2 dollars a pop. Too bad Alex only wanted it so that he could tape over it. How dare he. This single is music history because it was recorded at Joey’s basement at the same time that Wheel’s nerdy parents went to go meet their maker. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here. This was also around the time that Caitlin Ryan became their biggest fan and Joey’s groupie. She bought the cassette and played it where ever she was, whether it was in Mr Raditch’s class or at her home where she was daydreaming of becoming Joey’s girlfriend. Of course Joey broke her heart because he was more interested in Liz. He must have started a drug habit, because what was he on when he decided that? So what did Caitlin do? She threw the single into the trash. Da noive!
A DARK TIME.
Inevitably with every band there comes a dark period and the Zit Remedy were no different. It all started when Wheels parents were tragically killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Wheels fell into a deep depression and lost all interest in the Zit Remedy. He even told Joey that he sold his bass. Then he added the insult to injury that the Zits weren’t going anywhere and he didn’t care about the “stupid” band anymore. This news devastated Joey and they had to cancel what would have been their triumphant world tour. Too bad because they had London, Paris, Munich, and Degrassi all lined up.
So having nothing left to lose, he decided to run away to Port Hope to be with his real dad and possibly join his shitty cafeteria band. Even though Wheels was out of the band, he still had the bass guitar rock god living inside him. So he couldn’t help slapping the bass with his air guitar while he was walking over there. But he soon found out that his dad wanted nothing to do with him and his nag of a grandmother told him that she does love him and for him to come back to live with her and his vegetable of a grandpa. It was also around this time where Joey wanted The Zit Remedy to make it big in the air waves, so he decided to go get a job at CRAZ radio. Even Snake didn’t think that the Zits were going anywhere. His job there was mostly just a front so that he could leave his demo with the program director. But he was such a bad janitor that he got fired and nothing really came of his attempts of making it big in the Toronto area.
A CHANGE IN DIRECTION.
The boys then started high school and it was at this point in their careers that the group decided to change with the times so they decided to change the name of the band. One suggestion was The Barf Bags. But Wheels and Snake hated that name. So what did they chose? They simply decided to drop Remedy from the name. So from then on the band was simply known as The Zits. Very creative huh. They also decided to write more songs that was big to the teen market. This entailed writing about getting a car and getting good grades. I’m sure Joey wanted to include a song about boning, but more than likely he was vetoed by Snake.
THE MUSIC VIDEO.
Finally after much talk through out the years The Zits finally made their long anticipated music video. But even this had a few hurdles they had to over come first. The biggest one was getting Lucy Fernandez in directing it for them because she was the only one who had a camcorder. But Lucy being drunk with sudden power wanted 100% creative control and told Joey that there would be no way that there would be girls in bikini’s in the video. It’s a shame because those girls would have been the hot duo of Allison and Amy. Joey and the band decided to give in and she finally agreed to direct. Of course the video was filmed around Degrassi. They even included Clutch’s paint ball shot up car to be the Zit Mobile. The video then had it’s world wide premiere on public access and it seems like they finally recorded a studio produced version of the song. Because it’s much more superior than the demo version.
THE END OF AN ERA.
After the video came out all three band members seemed to lose interest in The Zits and eventually never talked about it again. Joey and Snake moved on to driving and dating woes. Meanwhile Wheels went into a downward spiral and resorted to stealing. Especially after his grandma kicked him out of their house for being an unruly asshole. Thus the brilliant career of The Zit Remedy came to a close.
LEGACY.
Years later the group continues to get new fans and influence people the world over. People even love to dress up like their favorite Zit. Even though here, whoever’s dressed like Snake looks like Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs. They’re so influential that someone even recorded a reggae version of Everybody Wants Something. Yet again proving how timeless the music of The Zits actually is.
Well there you have it. The long anticipated retrospective of The Zit Remedy. This one had it all. Humble beginnings, triumph and tragedy. It’s a shame their career was so short lived. Who knows what other singles they could have came up with if they sung about getting a car. But their music will live on forever, even though it was just one song. But you never know, maybe this will help the Zit Remedy get a whole new generation of legions of loyal fans. Especially since this is one of Degrassi’s most iconic musical gifts.
And the rest as they say is Rock and Roll… The Zit Remedy foreva!
I’d like to thank my friend the lovely Veronica for doing the Behind the Music pic. Thanks Ronniecakes!!
Well it seems like the last list I made was a big hit. So I said to myself, why not make a top ten list of the most annoying, irritating. Most obnoxious fucks on Degrassi? Making the list is the easy part. Putting them in what order is the hard part. But I think you’ll all agree that most of these characters deserve to be mentioned here.
I tried to go with a year book vibe with this entry, but I couldn’t find the pics where they had the black background like Spike and Joey have. I Googled my ass off, but most things that you search Degrassi in, you’re going to get The Next Generation instead and that’s just wrong and it needs to be stopped!
10. Dwayne Myers
By far the biggest asshole to appear in Degrassi’s halls. A bully and a dick just because he could be. Who can forget when he beat the shit out of Joey, or that time he ratted Joey out when he wanted to streak across the cafeteria so he could buy that lemon of a car. Not to mention the initiation he and his cronies started at Degrassi High. Or that one time… You get the point. He just loved picking on one Joey Jeremiah and tormented him daily. But he payed for it big time when he contracted HIV. He admitted to Joey that he had it and was afraid of dying. Joey said, “If it’s true then I’ll be dancing and pissing on your grave.” Something like that. Afterwards, his whole attitude changed and was actually decent to Joey. It’s a shame it took something huge like that to make it happen. I would assume that he died since then, but I saw that he was on a deleted scene from the first episode of the Next Generation. Healthy and fatter than ever.
9. Claude Tanner.
Another character that was really unlikable. He was partly responsible for Joey and Caitlin breaking up because she fell for all of his environmental crusader bullshit. He talked a good game, especially about not being afraid of getting into trouble for his belief’s. But when some security guard spotted them spray painting “No Nukes” he ran away like Carl Lewis and left Caitlin behind to get caught. Needless to say she dumped his ass, especially after he weaseled his way out of going to court with her. (He was afraid the guard would recognize him.) After that he got into a deep depression and started dressing like a pirate. Caitlin once and for all told him to fuck off. At that same time his parents got a divorce and as a tribute to how unlikable he really is, both parents really didn’t want him around. The last straw was his poem’s ode to death being rejected from the school talent show. So he went into the boys laboratory and blew his own fucking head off. People ended up hating him even more because he blamed Caitlin for his death from beyond the grave and he seriously fucked up Snake because he found his headless carcass. To this day Snake still needs a catheter to take a piss. Oh how could I forget? He insisted on being called Cloode. What an asshole.
8. Spike Nelson.
Spike makes this list because she was such a pain in the ass with Shane. She totally made her pregnancy all about her and not even considered his feelings. Then when Emma was born she never let him see her. Even though he was giving her money for child support. After man stomp 1988 and Shane became retarded from jumping off a bridge she hooked up with big eared Irish guy Patrick. Spike totally had in her head that all guys are evil, horny bastards and she snapped at him because he wanted to buy her some fucking ice cream. Their relationship of course didn’t last long because she dumped him. Probably because he sang that God Awful song to her. She then tried to cock block him because he became interested in Liz. So of course Spike acted jealous as hell and even treated Liz like shit. Patrick let her have it and gave her the zinger of, “You may be a mother, but you still have a lot of growing up to do.” Check mate Spike! For the remainder of the series she remained the show’s token pregnant girl. Or girl with child if you will.
7. Fat Nancy Kramer.
Easily one of the more annoying characters because she brought nothing to the show. So glad they didn’t focus a story on her. If they did it would probably involve her trying to eat her own weight in pizza. She was super annoying when she kept telling Caitlin that she didn’t give a shit what article she wrote for the school news paper, as long as it was 200 words. Seriously, most story lines only had her acting like a know it all. Remember she was telling Wheels and BLT the right answers that they obviously got wrong? She was the most infuriating when she took drivers ed with Joey and Snake. Especially when they showed her driving around in a new car with Tracy. Not only was she annoying, she was gross too. Remember that one time that Stephanie Kaye was practicing asking Wheels out? Well Fat Nancy came out of the stall and didn’t even wash her hands! She’s a heinous ass person. Her character was so empty and wasn’t even a vital cast member, but she still managed to illicit extreme hatred from Degrassi fans the world over.
6. Liz O’Rourke.
What do you get when you mix a bad attitude, a mediocre dye job and a horrible looking hair cut? You get Liz. The man hater. Liz makes this list for being a hateful, angry, judgmental bitch. She also influenced Spike so much that Spike was a less severe version of her. She hated Erica’s guts because she had an abortion, so she resorted to harassing her. After she got her ass kicked, she cut her shit out. Funny how all that hatred didn’t help her one bit there. Other story lines involved her hating just about every male on the planet. But we finally got the answer why she was like this. Turns out she was molested by the creepiest albino motherfucker ever. Instead of getting help she just went on hating people. Like the time that Tracy tried to kiss her and she lost her mind and completely over reacted. I don’t know what Joey was thinking when he picked Liz over Caitlin. Especially when she lost her mind the first time and booted his ass out of her house when he asked her if she wanted to have sex.
5. Bartholomew Bond.
This Harpo Marx looking motherfucker was another one that really didn’t bring nothing to the show. He was a geek right under Alex, Arthur and Scooter. One of the few things that come to mind is when he got ripped off with the stupid sea monkey’s he and Scooter bought. Ms Avery literally had to tell him that those stupid gerbils he had were pregnant, not fat. You can tell that if Degrassi had a Dungeons and Dragons club, Bart would have been the grand high geek. His biggest claim to geekdom was when Tessa asked him and Scooter if they were going to the dance and he told her with no shame that they were going to stay in to watch a documentary on some stupid turtles. That same episode he taught Scooter how to dance. Horribly might I add. To me he’ll always remain Canadian Screech.
4. Joey Jeremiah.
Yeah, that’s right Joey is included in this list. Through out the course of the show Joey had an asshole, spoiled, no social tact thing going on with him. But he was far worse in the earlier episodes of the series. Not only was he an obnoxious asshole, but he was also a bully to Yick and Arthur. He was also a bit of a dick with Wheels because Joey had a hard on for Stephanie Kaye. One episode where he really pissed me off was when Wheels was totally going to bone Stephanie and so he and Wheels went to get condoms. But then when the pharmacist who turned out to be Stephanie’s mom went to help him. Joey abandoned him and just left the store. He also ran his mouth a bit too much and Dwayne, the fat asshole of Degrassi had to beat the ever loving shit out of him. As he went on to high school Joey matured a bit. Not to say that he still didn’t have his shithead moments. He was so annoying when Lucy was filming her epic feminist horror movie It Creeps. But the biggest fuck up that he did was cheating on the goddess Caitlin with Whoville looking citizen Tessa. It’s a shame he let his newly discovered sex drive get the better of him. Of course Caitlin having some dignity dumped his ass and he remained with nothing but regret.
3. Kathleen Mead.
Another character that is hated the world over is Kathleen. Definitely Degrassi’s resident bitch. She was hateful, judgmental, and really was a world class smarty pants. So many examples that I could use against her. Let’s see, she spread the rumor that Caitlin and Ms Avery were lesbians and that they were in some sort of lesbianiac relationship. She got Rick kicked out of her stupid, worthless environmental group because she got jealous that Rick was actually getting things done. Remember all the times where she wanted to change the school dress code because she’s a prudish bitch? She even wanted Spike out of Degrassi because she felt that Spike was a bad influence. That was probably because Kathleen wore 50’s style skirts that went up all the way to her chest. She pretty much hated Caitlin through out the run of the series and treated her like complete shit. But she was worse to Melanie by far. A huge example is when Melanie wanted to be on the dance committee and Kathleen went to Fat Nancy and told her that only older kids should be on it because grade 8’s were too immature. She then had the nerve to get pissed at Melanie because she spilled all the beans about what a horrible life Kathleen really has. Some times I wonder why she wasn’t even included in School’s Out. Probably because the producers figured that she’s one of the most disliked characters in Degrassi history.
2. Alex Yankou.
What can we say about Degrassi’s resident nerd that we haven’t heard before? Nerd sure? Stupid? You betcha. Plus he was annoying as hell. Especially when he was bragging to Caitlin about going to Israel or Greece. She just told him to shut the fuck up. Or how about the time when Tessa wanted to make out with him and he was so much of a scared puss that he couldn’t even make a move. Like I’ve said before, he had to have sold his soul to Satan in order to have gotten Tessa. He tried to make over his image and make himself look more cool. But who in their right mind would wear cut off Daisy Dukes with a t shirt and corduroy jacket? But he only succeeded in making himself look like a complete tool. If you notice through out the course of the series you’ll hear on the announcements something involving Alex and his glasses. Seriously, Alex is the AT&T of people.
1. Arthur Kobalewski.
And taking the top spot is none other than Arthur. Some of you may ask, Arthur? Why? I’ll tell you why goddamn it!! After reviewing this series in order from the beginning to end. Any and all episodes that featured him were boring and juvenile as hell. Any time I saw that he was staring in one, I groaned out loud. These were the moments when writing this blog became a chore. Let’s see, Arthur highlights. Well he was a big fucking lame nerd, there’s that. Which makes it hilarious that he wanted to give Yick love advice. Arthur knows nothing about women and probably jerked off into a sock all through Degrassi High’s run. Which reminds me of the time that dumbass was getting wet dreams and thought he was some sort of sick, sex maniac. Let’s see, what else? Oh yeah. He broke up his dad and his girlfriend because Arthur was getting desperate for his attention. That was the same episode when he got way too into that stupid novelty joke store. He once brought this mangy, smelly dog to school. He managed to lose the class pet serpent. Who can forget when he thought he broke Yick’s “priceless vase” and wanted to give Yick money for life. There was also the time were he got obsessed with Caitlin and started having sick demented dreams about her. Of course she didn’t want to date him because he’s the most unfuckable guy on the planet. Later on in the series he actually got even more heftier and started buttoning up his shirt collar all the way to the top. I didn’t know it was possible but he turned into an even bigger geek. Remember the time when he came back from Paris and gave Yick that very nerdy beret? Or the time he started giving Yick shit for getting with Tessa? The list is endless with how annoying Arthur is and I would stay here all day pointing out all the shit that makes me hate him. He’ll always remain the most annoying, irritating, lamest character on the show for me.
Well that’s that. The top then most annoying motherfuckers on Degrassi. Some of you may disagree with me. I know I left out a few others. Like the Chinese kid or Jason Cox. Jason Cox was only guilty of being the worst actor on the show. So its no secret that he became a Degrassi reject. But these characters are the ones that always got on my last nerve.
Since it’s a year since I started this little blog, why don’t I do a top fifteen of the most memorable moments in Degrassi history? Because a top ten wouldn’t be enough. I think in the future I’ll also do a top ten shittiest moments. But I have a feeling it’ll mostly be Arthur plots. Trying to pick out the best moments was pretty hard, there’s just so many of them to chose from. I tried to come up with the ones that best represented the series. Some of you may have other moments that come to mind and that’s ok. I hope to read what you guys think are the best moments to you.
15.Stephanie Kaye reveals her new look for the school year. (Degrassi Junior High Season 1, Episode 1, “Kiss Me, Steph”)
And oh boy, it’s the most sluttiest, whorish outfit one could have found circa 1987. By a 14 year old girl in Junior High no less. All the boys and the girls can’t stop checking her out. Even Fat Nancy. She basically sells her body to win the school election but quickly regrets it because the job sucks. Eventually her clothing is so revealing that the boys start to chant that they want to see her completely naked. Later on her slutticus wardrobe get’s her into trouble a few times. Mostly by the Pedophile actor Damon King forcing himself on her and by her own mom after she found out that she and Wheels were going to have sex. It’s a shame Stephanie Kaye disappeared after just two seasons, because she was one of the more interesting characters that was on the show.
14.Erica get’s an abortion. (Degrassi High Season 1, Episodes 1 and 2, “A New Start”)
Yup, Erica, the more promiscuous of the twins actually had sex with some camp counselor during the Summer and ended up getting pregnant. So she quickly decides that she doesn’t want to keep it so, off to the Canadian equivalent of Planned Parenthood she goes. But Heather her prudish twin sister has a real big problem with this, but it’s quickly resolved because she figures that she has to be there for her, no matter what. Liz on the other hand is a different thing. She’s consumed by hatred and starts to anonymously harass Erica, but she quickly catches her and gives her a big beat down. This story line was too hot for American TV and it was banned from airing. Most people here didn’t see it until the DVD sets were released.
13.Mr Colby molests Lucy. (Degrassi Junior High Season 2, Episode 2, “A Helping Hand…”)
Certainly the most creepy episode by far. Mr Colby the sex demon of Degrassi Junior High arrives and all the girls hormones go into overdrive for him. I don’t know why they find him attractive for, must be his pockmarked face and Cosby sweaters that did it for them. Anyways, he takes a liking for Lucy and eventually starts to want to give her a sensual massage. LD meanwhile noticed that he was looking down her shirt, but Lucy didn’t want to believe a thing because she’s lonely and pathetic. But Colby get’s too handsy and Wheels discovers them in the class room with his dirty mitts all over her. Wheels is all, “I’m going to glare the hell out of him.” Of course Lucy doesn’t report him and he returns at the end of the season to do the same thing to Susie. Finally after much nagging from LD and Wheels they decide to report his nasty ass. Too bad we never found out what happened to him. But that’s Degrassi for you.
12.The Zits make their music video. (Degrassi High Season 1, Episode 5, “Everybody Wants Something”)
Finally after much bullshit talk from Joey, the Zits finally made their one and only music video. Of course the song was their chart topper, Everybody Wants Something. After much begging, Lucy agreed to film the video for them because she was the only one with a VHS camera. And yeah, the video was a cheesy piece of shit that ended up only showing on public access. The making of it was pretty damn great though. Poor Wheels ended up looking like he had beaver teeth because of the poor quality of the video tape. Joey on the other hand couldn’t bask in the glory because that was the day that Caitlin told him that she was cheating on him with Claude and then she dumped his corny ass for Claude’s prissy ass.
11.The girls have a birthday slumber party for Diana. (Degrassi High Season 2, Episode 7, “The All-Nighter”)
I mostly like this episode because Melanie completely humiliated Kathleen while being stoned off of a super blunt that Kathleen stole from Luke. You must be saying, how can you like that? But Kathleen is a bitch and she’s had it coming since the first season of the series. Melanie tells Caitlin, Maya, and Diana how Kathleen’s an anorexic, her mom is an alcoholic and her boyfriend beat her up. Horrified Kathleen runs off to cry outside and Caitlin of all people goes out there to comfort her. Even though Kathleen has been a cooze to her through out the show’s entire run. The ramifications of this episode was that it seemed like that was the end of the friendship between her and Melanie. I say that Melanie wins because Kathleen is such a horrible person.
10.Wheels’ parents are killed in a car crash. (Degrassi Junior High Season 3, Episodes 1 and 2, “Can’t Live with ‘Em”)
Wheels was adopted by two nerds who preferred dead crooners rather then listen to the popular music of their times, which would have been oldies music. Before all this happened they were having trouble with Wheels because they blamed Joey on being a bad influence on him, so they forbade him to see him again. But Wheels was not to be daunted and he snuck away to record Everybody Wants Something while they went out for a flick They ended up getting killed by a lousy drunk driver after they came back from watching Caligula. Poor Wheels never really got over their deaths and he was forced to go live with his annoying nag of a grandma. This episode definitely started his downward spiral into the abyss that he dwelled in for the rest of the series.
9.Joey asks Liz if she wants to have sex. (Degrassi Junior High Season 2, Episode 3, “Great Expectations”)
Definitely the most cringe worthy scene in the entire run of Degrassi Junior High. Joey became a walking hard on as soon as he saw Liz and he figured she was a whore just because of the way she dressed. Yeah, when I see a bald chick with smelly looking clothes I immediately think, yeah, she’s a skank and she’d do anybody. Joey assumes that she is, goes and buys some condoms, (which he’s embarrassed about.) and awkwardly asks her, “Do you wanna do it?” Liz has a colossal melt down and boots Joey’s horny ass out of her house. But not before she tells him that she hates his guts and never wants to talk to him again. Later on Joey would once again let his sex drive get the better of him.
8.Lucy films It Creeps. (Degrassi High Season 1, Episode 14, “It Creeps!!”)
Another great moment was when Lucy made her ultra low budget feminist horror movie. She totally ripped off Psycho for Simon’s shower death scene. But the magic of this episode was the making of it. Snake showed what a shitty horrible actor he was. Joey showed what a bigger dick head he actually is. Saying during filming how fake and unscary the movie was. Finally after she somehow edited the whole thing together she debuted it during Mr Walfish’s 2nd period class. She was severely disappointed because no one took the movie seriously and were just laughing their asses off. Especially at the way Snake was talking in the movie. But she ended up happier than a pig in shit because the final scene of Simon’s murder was really effective and everyone cheered when it was over. Probably mostly because it was over. But hey, it made her happy.
7.Caitlin publishes a protest. (Degrassi Junior High Season 2, Episode 10 “Censored”)
Caitlin not being able to mind her own business publishes some pirate nerd underground newspaper because she was just so infuriated at the news of Spike getting kicked out for being pregnant. But she forgot one thing. To ask Spike if it was even ok if she could do it, let alone get her side of. Not only does Caitlin not help Spike out at all, but she makes matters worse because now the school and the parents know all about Spike and her condition. The results are that Spike ripped Caitlin a new asshole for being a self righteous crusader and Spike got the boot from Degrassi Junior High. Thanks Caitlin!
6.Dwayne finds out he has HIV. (Degrassi High Season 2, Episodes 1 and 2, “Bad Blood”)
Probably one of the most heartbreaking episodes of the series. Even though I fucking hated Dwayne’s guts through out the course of the series. But you couldn’t help feeling sorry for his fat ass because he was so boned in this two part episode. He actually manages to find a girl willing to bang him. But being unlucky, she just happens to be HIV positive. She tells him so over the phone while he was woofing down on some left over pizza. He goes to the Dr and has to wait an eternity to found out the awful results. Right away he changes his whole attitude and is actually nicer to his long time nemesis Joey. Unfortunately word get’s out that he has HIV and his friend Nick the cave boy shows his true colors and abandon’s him. His friend Tabby shows everyone what a true friend is.
5.Caitlin has erotic lesbianic dreams about Ms Avery. (Degrassi Junior High Season 1, Episode 6, “Rumor Has It”)
This was a story line that was quickly resolved and was never mentioned again. Caitlin couldn’t help having dreams where she and Ms Avery would hug each other. Of course Kathleen was the persecutor in the dream and real world. Even accusing the both of them of being lezzies. After acting weird towards the raven haired Ms Avery, Ms A calls Caitlin out on her shit and asks her to explain what’s going on. Ms Avery quickly puts Caitlin’s mind at ease and she reveals in the end that she’s been doing Mr Raditch the entire time.
4.Kathleen’s mustached boyfriend beats her up. (Degrassi High Season 1, Episode 6, “Nobody’s Perfect”)
Kathleen, Degrassi’s resident bitch sasses her boyfriend Scott far too many times and he starts to beat the shit out of her. But he not only does this, he also verbally and mentally abuses her as well. After he viciously gives her the smack down for thinking that she was being a slut with Luke, she finally get’s the guts to dump him, but he won’t take that lying down. He tries to act like he’s nice and tells her that he needs her and even get’s her a present. But Kathleen tells him to fuck off once and for all. Scott hulks out and completely annihilates her ass. Breaking her arm or at least spraining it. That really is the last straw and she has him arrested. She tells him that if he even come nears her again that she’ll have his balls in a vise and have him charged again.
3.Spike get’s pregnant. (Degrassi Junior High Season 1, Episode 11, “It’s Late”)
One of the major events that happens in the series. Shane pork’s Spike at one of Lucy’s legendary parties. Of course this being Degrassi, Spike just can’t have a scare. She ends up being pregnant at the tender age of 14. She and Shane have a talk in the darkened stair well and he points out that they made a huge mistake. Shane at first tries to be a good dad by giving her 10 dollars a month for child support. Even though Spike won’t even let him see Emma. That doesn’t last long though because he trips on some acid at a Gourmet Scum concert and swan dives off of a bridge, fucking him up severely. He ends up becoming completely retarded and Spike goes on her merry bitter way with Emma.
2.Claude commits suicide. (Degrassi High Season 2, Episodes, 10 and 11, “Showtime”)
Another memorable two parter. After he showed his true cowardice by abandoning Caitlin while they were vandalizing a nuclear spare parts emporium and her subsequent dumping him. Claude reaches a low point in his life. More so because his parents got a divorce and it’s pretty clear that neither want him around. He conjures up an epic dark poem about death for the school talent show. It’s a huge cry for help actually. But Bronco tells him that it’s a huge fucking downer and he’s not going to include it. Claude get’s pissed and calls everyone sheep. Joann, his annoying friend tries to reach out to him. Claude almost opens up to her, but instead keeps everything bottled up. He comes back the next day of school dressed like a pirate, along with his dad’s 45 pistol. He then blows his own head off in the boy’s rest room. Caitlin and Snake are the most affected by this. Caitlin by getting some flowers and a letter from him from beyond the grave. He basically blames her for his death. Snake is the unlucky bastard that found his headless corpse. Too bad the school got over his death in just a matter of days.
1.Caitlin finds out Joey cheated on her. (Schools Out)
Finally taking the number one spot is the scene from the School’s Out movie where that asshole Snake blurted out that Joey was fucking Tessa all Summer along. Too bad for Joey Caitlin over hears this and get’s her heart broken. Snake completely destroyed their relationship and just walks away. This was definitely the scene that was the end of an era. Caitlin says, “You were fucking Tessa Campanelli?” Joey tries to bullshit his way out of it, but Caitlin’s not having it. She breaks off their engagement and dumps Joey’s horny ass. This is so pivotal that it even becomes a plot point in Degrassi the Next Generation because it’s clear that they never got over each other.
Well there you go. The top fifteen most memorable moments in the Degrassi universe. Some of you may have some other ideas for the top fifteen. If so, leave a comment and share your thoughts. There were so many other moments I could have included, but then it would have been a top 70 moments and ain’t nobody got time for that!
Let me take the time to say that it’s so crazy that it’s already been a year since I started this blog. Some times it was a chore, but most of the time I worked on this because I loved doing it. Plus the feed back has been totally worth it. So to all you readers out there, thank you for taking the time in reading this. Hopefully you got a few good laughs out of it. There’s no way I would be able to take this blog and show seriously.
Ok, since people enjoyed the first episode of the Next Generation. How about another one? But this time it’s Wheel’s triumphant return to Degrassi. Although it’s brief as hell. This is another one that’s named after a song, this time the classic tune by The Clash.
Pre-credit opener: Oh lord, we see Craig and Ashley making out on her bed. Craig trying his hardest to unbuckle her belt. But she hasn’t shaved that week, so she doesn’t want him to. No the real reason is, she simply doesn’t want to. Or isn’t ready for it. So Craig get’s the biggest blue balls since Joey. And right away I’m thinking, “Recycled story line!” Because this is basically Joey and Caitlin’s story line about Joey wanting to bone her real hard but Caitlin is being a prude. But this time Craig is the horndog and Ashley is the prude. Going on, she tells him, “I love you.” Craig of course acts all weird about it, because he just wants to get some. Might I add, why did girls think this guy was hot? He looks like Arnold Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter.
Back at Degrassi Community School. God I hate that name. Craig is talking to resident gay kid, Marco. They run into Spinner and Paige and they’re so disgusting with how affectionate they are. Looking at Spinner I’m reminded of the time when guy’s were getting the Frodo Baggins/Bobby Brady hair cut for some insane reason. After Paige leaves, Craig tries to ask Spinner advice on what he does when Paige rebuke’s him sexually too. But Spinner is such an idiot, he just says, “Dude, I don’t know what to do.” Marco correctly says that all Spinner does is jerk off in his room because he ain’t getting none from Paige either. Spinner replies with, “Like you know anything about getting to home plate. You’re too busy checking out the bat boy.” The machismo is strong in Spinner.
Ok, from what I’m seeing Snake has cancer. Leukemia if I’m not mistaken. Spike is dropping him off and she’s telling him that he should just stay home since he’s feeling like complete shit. But he says that it’s too late because they can’t get a sub. She tries to be understanding about it. But Snake can’t help being a dick due to the chemo. Or is that his natural self? I can’t tell anymore.
In the hallway. Marco asks Craig if he loves Ashley, but Craig can’t even explain himself to Marco. Manny, the slut of the school comes by and says hi to Craig all seductive like. I gotta say, for some reason I never mentioned this in Degrassi Junior High. But it seems like the school has no dress code. Stephanie Kaye was dressed like the biggest skank in the history of ever and here comes Manny wearing booty shorts which leave nothing to the imagination. And not once are they told that they can’t dress like that on school grounds. Anyways rant done. Even Marco can sense that she want’s Craig’s dick. Marco then get’s the bright idea of Craig sending Ashley a Rose-a-gram, so that she can really see how he feels about her. Being a big kiss ass, he makes it a dozen.
In class Spinner some how suckered Ashley into having a birthday party for Paige at her house. Archie comes into class and is being an asshole with everyone in his class, telling everyone to shut the hell up. Everyone starts to get their roses and Ashley receive’s her bouquet. She’s delighted at first, but then we see that Craig once again fucked up. He wrote down, “Ash, you rock. XO Craig.” Which is something you say to someone if you want to banish them into the friend zone. What an idiot.
Oh my God! Manny has the world’s ugliest boyfriend, some guy named Sully. This motherfucker looks like a zit faced Hailey Joel Osment. Seriously, in what world is this guy supposed to be popular, let alone attractive to women? Anyways, he acts like a dick towards her and he blows her off by saying that he won’t be going to Paige’s party. He’d rather hang out with some Bob character. This guy has no right to be that confidant. He leaves her all disappointed, but not before he slaps her ass.
Back at Ashley’s, she’s busying making Paige a cake. Man, she sure is going out of her way for her. Especially since Paige treats everyone like complete shit. Craig walks in and she tells him that they need to talk. Which is never a good thing. Basically she wants to take a break from him because she feels that he doesn’t feel the same way. But how could anyone like a sour puss like her? See how annoying the Next Generation kids are to me?
Uh oh. We see Craig’s band consisting of Spinner, Marco and Jimmy. But he’s better known to the world at large as Drake. I wonder if he still talks to his Degrassi peeps? Give Spinner a bone Drake! Anyways, their band sucks. But they’re still way better than the Zit Remedy ever was. After Jimmy berates Spinner for being off beat, Spinner throws his drumstick, which just happens to connect with Craig’s Jewfro. After telling them that they fucking suck, Jimmy suggests that they go have a burger so Craig can wallow in self pity with Marco. So they’re off to Big Kahuna Burger. Marco suggests that he just tell her how he feels. Craig telling him that he is a girl. Man Marco is getting fruity jokes at his expense all episode long.
So what does Craig do? He leaves a note for Ashley and she meets him in the gym. And he goes on to sing the world’s cheesiest, emo love song ever. Ashley and Manny, who’s gawking at them get weak at the knees. Manny saying, “I wanna have your babies!” But of course this lame gesture totally suckered Ashley in again. You can tell by that, “Oh God I love him!” smile on her face.
Back at Ashley’s, they’re busy decorating for Paige’s party. I would definitely make Spinner’s ass help out at least. Put him on garbage detail or something. Moving on, Ashley was so touched by Craig’s stupid song that she totally wants to bang him now, so she invites him to stay over. He probably got instantly rock hard when he heard that.
At Spike and Snake’s house. Spike tries to cheer Snake up by making him some nacho’s. But Snake wants to fucking throw up from the smell alone. He tells her, “Are you insane Christine? Nacho’s? You know I’m nauseous.” Just then Joey comes in, being more obnoxious than usual. He tells Snake that they’re going bowling, but Snake can’t help being a fucking prick. At that Spike can’t take it anymore and she goes off on his ass. She’s all, “Put the shirt on Archie. You’re not dead yet. Put the damn shirt on and go.” Nice to see that Spike hasn’t changed one bit in being a bossy bitch. It’s funny to see that Emma seems like she wants to laugh her ass off.
We go to the bowling alley where they seem to be playing the Canadian version of bowling. Snake finally seems to be perking up. Until we hear a familiar voice. It’s the most Canadian of all voices. That’s right it’s Wheels and goddamn. He’s as bald as the both of them. Snake get’s instantly annoyed, and uncomfortable and just says, “Joey.” Joey gives Wheels his bowling shirt that says, Pin Pals on it and leaves the two of them alone.
Finally it’s Paige’s big surprise party and stupid Craig does the huge mistake of telling Spinner all about fucking Ashley the moment everyone leaves the party. She notices Spinner giving Craig a Top Gun wind mill high five, but thinks nothing of it. Manny meanwhile is just sitting there completely bored. I have no idea what she’s even doing there.
We cut back to the Zit’s bowling some more. Wheels tells Snake that he heard that he was sick, but that he doesn’t look it. Snake acts all sarcastic towards him. Because he just can’t resist being a jerk to him. Wheels goes on to ask Snake how he’s doing. Snake admits that he wishes that he was dead. Wheels tells him that he knows how that feels. Snake retorts with, “No you don’t, I’m sorry, but there’s no way you do.” Wheels bringing up the past tells him, “Snake, I was drunk, I drove. I killed a kid. I think I know what wanting to die feels like.” Which is pretty sad if you think about what really happened to Neal Hope. Snake asks him what he did to cope. And Wheels tells him that he found something inside him that wanting to keep going. Snake close to tears admits that he’s really scared, so scared that he can’t even tell Spike about it. Wheels simply tells him that he has to keep fighting. Just then Joey comes along with their drinks and they do a toast to old friends. So finally after about what, 13, 14 years? Snake seems to have forgiven Wheels and stopped being such a judgmental asshole.
Back at the party, Spinner completely fucks things up for Craig by blowing up a balloon to epic dick size. Ashley instantly looks at Craig, pissed off. Craig doesn’t help the situation by looking guilty as hell mouthing, “Spin.” She takes him outside to rip him a new asshole and she accuses him of conning her into sleeping with him with his stupid lie of a song. She then says the whammy that he doesn’t even love her. Craig of course get’s all pissed off and storms out of the house. Manny that Devilish little Succubus see’s her chance and follows him out. She goes for the kill by mentioning how great the song was and how she would have sucked him off right then and there if she was Ashley.
At Spike’s house. She and Emma look out the window as the Zits are heard pulling up in Joey’s car, singing their number one hit with a bullet, Everybody Wants Something. Both seem to be delighted that Snake finally got that huge stick out of his ass.
Uh oh, We go to Joey’s garage and Manny asks Craig to sing his stupid song again. He starts off a bit, but her sexual powers are so great that there’s no way that Craig can resist. So of course they start to make out and Craig goes for it, unbuttoning her shirt. Possibly her very tight pants too.
The next day at Degrassi, Manny is telling Emma all about how that was the best day of her life. Emma wants to know all the horny details, but Manny tells her that she can’t for some reason. Craig comes by and he’s basically treating Manny how Wheels treated Heather after he finger banged her outside of her porch in that one episode. She starts to tell Craig that she missed him over the weekend, (Which instantly makes her sound clingy as hell.) but they’re interrupted by a repentive Ashley. She tells him that she talked with Paige and she admits that she completely over reacted. Craig is now guilt ridden like a motherfucker, but she won’t let him talk. She goes on to say that she wants him back and that she loves him. Craig making direct eye contact with Manny says, “I love you too.” Breaking her skanky little heart.
Well this episode hardly had any Wheels in it. It was just a brief cameo that he had. But it was probably done this way because the kid’s watching it probably had no idea who Wheels was to begin with. Once again I gotta point out how they just recycled old Degrassi story lines. But stay tuned for more posts. I thought I was done with School’s Out, but apparently, there’s plenty more to talk about.
Ah yes, the companion blog to Degrassi Junior High Reviewed. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who loves the next generation's melodrama.
Brought to you from the same guy who did Degrassi Junior High reviewed. Here I'll review the classic 80's cartoon series Robotech. Since this is the 30th anniversary, why not? New reviews at least once a week, some times maybe twice.
Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.
Degrassi Junior High Reviewed 
