Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.


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Five Things That Have Almost Ruined Halloween

It’s been a long time since I posted in this blog and as you can see, sometimes I talk about things that are off topic from Degrassi. I just thought, I know, I’ll talk about all the shit that I hate about Halloween. More to the point, the bullshit that tries to ruin Halloween for everyone. Anyone who knows me knows that I’m a huge Halloween fanatic. I love to watch horror movies all month long, have a party and then scare the kiddies on Halloween night. So I present to you, the five annoying things that try to ruin Halloween year after year.

5. Lousy Treats

I think we all know what I’m talking about. Cheap ass hard candy that no one likes. Kids and adults want Snickers, Reese’s, Kit Kat’s, all that good shit. Not that horrible candy that’s in strawberry wrappers that everyone hates. Or shitty lolly pops in clear packages. Raisins are also to be considered a sin against the Halloween gods. Not to mention tooth brushes and paste. What kid wants that? I guarantee it goes straight into the trash, unless the kid is so damn poor that they’ll gladly take it. When I was a kid sometimes people would give pennies or nickles. Yeah, thanks a lot you cheapskate! Apples suck too, as does fruit in general during Halloween. This old bag once gave them out one year and we threw them against her house because she just had to be a shithead and point out how big I was to still be Trick or Treating. I was all, “It’s not my fault I’m tall for my age you old crow.” One thoughtless guy though had no idea that it was Halloween so to atone for his grievous slight, he gave me and my little brother a whole unopened package of Oreo cookies. Thanks dude!

4. Annoying Teenagers

Yes, I sound like an old man saying that teenagers are annoying, but that’s only because teenagers are really fucking annoying. They either never come dressed or they come in huge packs acting like a bunch of asses or punks. This one year this poor kid got egged by some assholes driving around in a car. I had to hose the kid off, so I gave him some extra candy to make up for the fact that yes, fuck heads like this do exist just to be pricks to random people. Another thing I hate is when they don’t say Trick or Treat. I’ve noticed that it’s mostly guys that act like this too. It’s not to say that I don’t give out candy to everyone who comes, because I do. But goddamn, put a little effort into it. Plus they also do shit like this.

3. Bringing Religion Into Halloween

I’ll just say right off the bat that I do believe in God and I’m a Christian. But I always find it annoying as hell when people want to bring religion into it because they think that Halloween is evil. I say it’s only evil if you make it evil. Sure it started off as a Druid festival for the lord of the dead Samhain, but that meaning has gone away long ago. Dressing up as a monster or a slutty witch isn’t going to damn you to hell. Halloween is still around because the kids love it. I remember one year a Facebook friend said that her kids were having fun Trick or Treating, only it was the 30th. I said, “Uh, it’s not Halloween so why are all you guys doing it a day early?” She says, “It falls on a Sunday and we’re in the bible belt.” I didn’t say anything to that, but I was thinking, that’s hilarious especially since you motherfuckers are the most hypocritical, intolerant people on the planet. Speaking of the bible belt some wacko minister is trying to make Jesusween into a thing. Yes, that’s right, Jesusween. He thought that Jesus not being a part of Halloween was highly blasphemous. But that’s because Jesus isn’t a part of Halloween and you know what? That’s ok.

2. Banning Halloween In Schools

I remember when I was a young lad we would all go in our respective costumes, have a Halloween parade around the school and then have a Halloween party at the end of the day. It was always a lot of fun, but now a days you can forget about that shit. Religious fanatics and just plain party poopers have ruined Halloween at school for everyone because it’s offensive. At least according to them. When I was a kid my best friend was a Jehovah’s Witness and so when we would have our Halloween party he would simply go home with not a fuss at all. Not today, my niece is growing up not having some Halloween fun at school because of maybe one or two people whose kids go to the school decided for everyone that Halloween should be banned. They probably think that the huge sugar rushes kids were having was Satanic. Also a lot of reasoning is that they say that it’s offensive to other cultures or belief’s. But here’s the thing, I think it’s offensive that a lot of people aren’t allowed to celebrate something period. If you don’t want to partake in something, then don’t. Just take your child home and don’t make a big deal over it. And if you feel that they’re feeling left out, well, that’s your problem. I bet you anything that a lot of these parents when they were kids Trick or Treated and had fun. Too bad they’re denying their kids the same.

1. Trunk Or Treating

This is by far the lamest thing that has been invented. Much like what Christians are doing to rock, these lameos are making Halloween less fun. Sure it helps for people who live in rural communities. But a lot of the times it’s because people are too paranoid about so called tainted candy or they’re too lazy to take their children around Trick or Treating. Or the other thing, they want to preach to kids who only want candy. These poor kids will never know what it was like to go around from house to house, passing fellow little ghouls to get their treats. It’s just part of the fun of the holiday. But no, they get to be in a church or school parking lot going from trunk to trunk. How boring is that? Even today one of my cousins was saying that it seems that the town that they moved to doesn’t celebrate Halloween. They prefer to Trunk or Treat on a fucking Saturday. Way to take the spirit of the holiday away.

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Behind The Bell

We interrupt our regular program. (It hasn’t been regular for years now haha)

So I’m also a huge Saved by the Bell fan and my friend Janice got me Screech’s book about his time on the show for an early Christmas present. Some of it was interesting and a lot of it was bullshit. I’ll talk about the highlights, or low lights if you will.

behind-the-bell

First I’ll just say that there’s a lot of spelling and punctuation mistakes. They even repeated the same paragraph twice. I guess no one edited this motherfucker. But Screech comes off as a very bitter person by saying that everyone didn’t want to hang out with him. But he should realize that they didn’t want to hang out with an annoying little shit. Because Screech was about three years younger. Everyone was about 15 or 16 and he was only 13.

set_saved_by_the_bell_cast_640

He has a lot of hatred for the creator of the show Peter Engel, who he repeatedly called Saint Peter because he was a born again Christian and formerly huge druggie and party animal. Tiffany Amber Thiessen, is described as a huge bitch who was once a sweet girl. Mainly because she was mean to him in front of everyone. He goes on to call her a whore because according to him she slept around a lot. The same goes for Mario Lopez who he called a man whore and a bully with anger issues.

kelly

Mark Paul Gosselaar who played Zack was simply called a douche, but he also always called him the golden child because he was obviously the favored star of the show. He goes on to say that Zack would dye his hair blonde and didn’t want anyone to know it. He just loves the fact that he knew that his real hair was brown. Later on in the college years he says that Zack admitted to everyone that he was juicing on steroids. To give him credit, he did say that at the end of the series Zack became a decent human being. Again this is according to Screech.

Poor Lisa Turtle was described as a huge bore who hardly ever spoke and Jessie was just a sweet girl. So not so much hatred there. Even though eventually Jessie also became a hoe because she started banging both Zack and Slater. Obviously he’s angry because none of the girls wanted to be with his goofy looking ass.

Mr Belding is described as an annoying know it all who had horrible luck getting with women. Screech even describes an embarrassing episode where and extra told him to fuck off in front of everyone at the set. He does consider him a good friend so Mr Belding got off easy. And Max, remember Max? He pretty much says that he had a gay love affair with Neal Patrick Harris.

Ok, here’s some of the juicy stuff that everyone wants to know, because I sure didn’t give a shit about how a week of making an episode of Saved by the Bell went.

Kelly apparently was dating the actor who played Johnny Dakota  but she cheated on him with everyone who had a dick. Even with Zack and Slater. At least according to him. During that same anti drug episode he goes on to say that the cast would get high on weed and by cast I mean Kelly, Zack and Slater.

johnny-dakota

Mario Lopez raped a girl and NBC covered it up much to his disgust. He really hates Mario Lopez and it’s obvious that Screech is just a hater because it was easy for him to pick up women. See, Slater couldn’t keep it in his pants and would have sex with mostly all the extras and some audience members too. Which leads me to Screech bragging about the fact that he has a huge dick and that he’s had sex with over 2000 women. While I was reading it I couldn’t help but blurt out, “Yeah right!”

One fucked up thing he says is that he banged NBC executive Linda Mancuso who has since died from breast cancer so she can’t even defend herself. Again, it’s most likely a bunch of bullshit especially since he was still a minor and she was in her 30’s. One thing that I sort of do believe is that he got lucky here and there at Disneyland. Some people will go low and have sex with someone like him. So I’ll give him that.

linda-mancuso

Staying with the sex thing, he says that he witnessed Zack and Kelly going into three hour meetings with the creator Peter Engel. Being an asshole he just assumed that they were having a threesome. He firmly believes that because he and Zack were supposed to go to Paris for a promotion and once Kelly got out of the meeting he was bumped and she got to go instead, even though he got the most fan mail out of everyone. So yeah, clearly he’s still not mad at that right?

Zack once got in trouble with the law for taking a leak outside of a Seven Eleven in Phoenix. I love how Screech delighted at his misfortunes. Another incident was when they played a company softball game and Zack fucking beamed a guy with the ball when he hit a home run. Screech just loved how upset Zack was that he knocked some poor guy out on accident.

Another thing to make him the picked on outsider was that an extra dared to call him a fucking asshole and humiliated him in front of the cast and crew. So in retaliation he took a piss in her purse. Way to go there Screech!

He goes onto a chapter about celebrity’s that he met and big surprise he hated most of them. But I gotta go on to say that the chapter was really short and pretty much went nowhere. Which tells me that he just met a bunch of D listers like Gary Coleman and Webster.

One chapter I do believe is that he got involved with some mooching piece of shit who just used him for his fame because he was gullible enough to believe this guy was actually his friend. Basically the guy just wanted to get ahead in the business and even got him to buy a car for him. What a fool. Eventually the guy wanted to black mail him because he recorded Screech smoking some weed. So the NBC lawyers got involved and took care of this guy real quick.

Another thing that is unbelievable to me is that he’s some sort of badass who will kick your ass if you get in his face. He says that he’s heavily into the marital arts and knows how to take care of himself. He cites kicking Horshack’s ass at celebrity boxing as a prime example. So I guess we can call him a lethal weapon.

celebrity-boxing-screech

Some of the interesting tipids where things like his dad was on the show a few times playing the teacher who told Slater that he wasn’t on Soul Train. Mr Tuttle, the funny obese teacher was actually the accountant there at NBC. A lot of the parents were on the show, but he didn’t go on to say who they played. Thanks for elaborating further Screech!

screechs-dad

I couldn’t help laughing when he was disappointed when Tori Spelling wanted to get with Zack when she was guest starring on the show as his girlfriend. Angrily he says that she would ask him if Zack was talking or asking about her. Eventually he credits himself for trying to hook her up with him.

The book is pretty sad when you stop to think about it. Especially where he is right now after that stabbing incident. Talk about major anger issues because he’ll forever be known as Screech.

screech-knife

He said that he doesn’t speak to his dad anymore because he pretty much lost all of that Saved by the Bell money. Plus the bitterness is still with him to this day. Bitterness on being picked on by the cast, None of the girls wanting to get with him. Considering himself an outsider who pretty much hated everyone there. He said at the beginning of the book that this wasn’t a woe is me book, but it’s a huge pity party of one. I would only recommend this book if you’re a huge fan of Saved by the Bell. Otherwise, who gives a shit.


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Top Five Annoying Arthur Moments

So today is two years that I’ve started this crazy blog and I thought that I’d make a short Arthur list. Since he is the character that I hate the most.

#5 Arthur tries to get with Caitlin.

I’m just going to say that Arthur is the anti-poon and is probably the most unfuckable guy besides Alex on the show. So it comes to no one’s surprise that Caitlin turned his ass down when he asked her out on a date. Who can remember his sick demented dreams that he was having about her. Thank God they never showed them kissing, that just goes against the laws of nature. But good thing he had his night time dream rag next to his bed so he could finish is business. The result of all this is that Arthur gets his heartbroken because she was hooking up with Claude at this point. Serves him right for trying to bag a babe like Caitlin. Stick to your hand asshole.

arthur caitlin

#4 Arthur brings his dog to school.

Another example of why I hated Arthur, his stupid juvenile story lines and this one was no different. Arthur found a stray dog, named him Phil and brought him to school. Of course the dog smelled like Arthur’s sweaty balls and he got caught because he brought him to class, inside his gym bag. You know, instead of just leaving him at his house. The result was that he got sent home from school for being a stupid fuck. I really do think Arthur should have gotten neutered instead of Phil so that he could not contaminate the world with his offspring. But who am I kidding? Arthur couldn’t get pussy, even if he walked into a female prison with pardons.

Arthur Phil

#3 Arthur plays detective.

And he’s the worst detective in the history of ever. Rick, Degrassi’s resident bad boy buys a shit load of licorice for some insane reason and Arthur assumes that it’s because of the 20 dollars that Yick lost. But of course being a fucking imbecile he should have realized that Yick just lost it in his locker because Yick is a gross motherfucker and a slob. I wished with all my might that Rick would have murdered him in this episode for accusing him of stealing, but once again Degrassi just played with my heart.

arthur

#2 Arthur Tries to give Yick a beret.

This was the very first episode of Degrassi High and Arthur made a huge impression and by that I mean that this was the point where Arthur really ballooned up like Marlon Brando and was wearing shirts that were too tight and tucked in. So not only did he act like a dipshit, he started to dress like one as well. He came back from France and was insulted by Yick because he refused to wear the goofy looking beret that Arthur wanted to give him. I can’t believe he couldn’t tell that it looked  Godawful on him, with his Lionel Ritchie style mullet that he had. This was really the point where Yick started to move away from Arthur because he was such a grade A loser.

arthur beret

#1 Arthur cock blocks his dad.

How selfish could he have been then in this episode? He totally fucked his dad over because he was too busy banging his girlfriend Carol. Arthur didn’t appreciate his dad not spending time with him watching Space Cadets and going to dumb ass joke shops. So at parents night Arthur decides to act like a dick and points out that Carol shouldn’t be there because she isn’t his mom. He’s is all too glad that he broke up his father’s relationship. Even saying that he doesn’t need her because his dad has Arthur for a companion. His dad probably cried himself to sleep that night because he was getting some on the regular and his asshole son ruined everything. Thus proving to the world at large that Arthur is a life ruining idiot. This really was the first time where I condoned his murder.

arthur cockblocker

So there you have it. The most half assed list I’ve ever done, and it’s testament to Arthur, because who the fuck wants to reminiscence about him? But again, thanks to you readers who come by every day to read random episode reviews.


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20,000 Views!

So wow, it’s been a while since I’ve checked this blog out. It’s almost going to be a year since I finished it. So I was surprised and pleased to see that it’s now reached 20,000 views.

blog views

I guess I’m not the only one who still enjoys the madness that is Degrassi. I would do something to mark the occasion, but I’m feeling lazy at the moment. And really there’s only so much that I can say about why Claude is such a colossal douche or why Fat Nancy is annoying as hell. Thanks for reading peeps!!


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Top Ten Degrassi Junior High/High Background Characters

So it’s been a long time since I’ve posted on here. Honestly it’s because I don’t know what else to talk about and then it hit me. How about an entry about the people who never got a starring role in any of the episodes and were mostly just back ground characters or were people who just had a few lines and then got the boot.

So without further ado, here’s the top ten Degrassi background characters. It’s hilarious that I had to google a few of these character names even though I’ve seen the entire series a few times already.

#10. Israeli Kid Aka Mahmoud

So going by the name I just found I’m guessing that he’s not even remotely Jewish. He had the distinction of getting a couple of lines through out the series. Basically he was a big nerd who was seen hanging out with Arthur and Alex. He tried to make himself sound cool by I believe wanting to go by the name of Mack. Get the fuck out of here with that. Anyways he made it into Arthur’s demented dream when he helped restrain Joey from beating Arthur’s ass. Other than that, he was mostly Alex and Arthur’s flunky, which is sad if you think about it. Loyal Degrassi reader Broomheadz pointed out that he was always seen wearing short shorts which would make that another Israeli Kid characteristic. Be sure to check out her awesome Degrassi blog https://broomheadz.wordpress.com/

Degrassi Mahmoud

#9. Mark

Mark is another well known background character that had a few lines and actually was seen going out with Degrassi hottie Amy for about five seconds. Other than that, he was mostly hanging out with Tracy and told LD that he didn’t want to share his feelings after Wheel’s parents were unceremoniously taken out by a lousy drunk driver. You could also see him reacting to Yick and Arthur smoking in the boys restroom and told Joey that Snake hadn’t been seen since they found Claude’s festering headless corpse in the Degrassi High shitter. I’m pretty sure he kept the same hair style through out the shows run. Sad that I would even notice such a thing.

Degrassi Mark

#8. Max

Hmm, even though he had a lot of lines in the episode where he and Scooter wanted to take up smoking I still consider him a background character. Because after that he was never given another line again. Probably had a lot to do with the shitty acting that he did in that episode. So the producers must have told him, “We gave you a shot and you blew it.” Seriously after that he was just background filler. Poor kid. In fact I don’t remember seeing him in Degrassi High. I may be wrong though.

Degrassi Max

#7. Vicky Friedland

Now this chick was seen through out the show as well but I don’t think she ever had any lines at all. She would only react and react she did when she first saw Mr Colby. Going by her reaction his Cosby sweater sent her hormones into overdrive. Besides that, you would just see her walking around in the halls or just be a part of the class room. I bet she has a lot of juicy Degrassi background stories to tell though. She just seems the type.

Degrassi Vicky

#6. The Asian grandma. Vivian Wong

I never knew her name until now. She was always seen in the background in the hallway or just being the extra who just happened to be sitting in front of one of the main cast members. Other appearances was when she got her pic taken for picture day, that was actually the origin of the name Asian grandma. She was one of the few extra’s who was lucky enough to get a few lines here and there. Actually I think her one line was asking Melanie a really tough history question for a test. Way to aim high Vivian Wong!

Degrassi Vivian Wong

#5. Gay Asian Kid

This chubby dude was mostly seen in Degrassi High and was also a background bit player. He was the one who took Claude to the nurses office after Caitlin annihilated his nose with a light slap to the face. I think he had a line when he and Snake made a date with Tracy to go see the Pogues. Other than that, he was just blessed to be around the presence of the main Degrassi cast. Just look at this pic, he was born to be a background player.

Degrassi Gay Asian Kid

#4. The Long Haired Guy

Yup, this guy was always seen hanging out with Degrassi High stud Dale and never had a line as well. His only thing was that we got to hear his very stoner laugh when Snake pointed out to everyone in Spike’s fucked up fantasy that she wanted him to ask her out to the formal. You can tell that if he had a story line it would involve him getting high in the school parking lot.

Long Haired Guy

#3. Chinese Kid Aka Wai Li

Poor Wai Li I think he was a part of the season 3 purges that the producers made on cutting a lot of characters and actors out of the show. His claim to fame is participating in the battle of the sexes swim competition where he showed his very flabby body. Actually a lot of the background players were featured big time in this episode as they cheered their respective sexes. His other big moment was when he nervously gave his speech about watching TV and telling Snake while playing soccer, “No problem, no problem.” The last thing I remember of him is hearing him tell some girl during the graduation dance that he doesn’t like to dance because he hates music. It just occured to me to assume that he burned to death in the fire that happened and that’s why we haven’t seen him since.

Degrassi Wai Li

#2. Joy Saint-Jean

The resident black chick of Degrassi. She was practically seen in every episode of the series. Mostly she’d just sit at the back of the room and would always be the first one out of the room. One of her big moments was telling Wheels to leave her the fuck alone when he found out that he actually passed grade 9. The other one was when she assumed that Claude went to hell for committing suicide. Her acting chops were in high gear in that episode because she actually showed emotion and cried. I would say that she was Degrassi’s go to character for background players because she lasted from day one to the end. But someone else beat her for the top spot and of course she’s in the background in this shot!

Degrassi Joy

#1. Fat Nancy Kramer (Local Degrassi Oaf)

Before some of you say, wait a minute, have you lost your fucking mind?! She was always featured in a bunch of episodes. But just think about it. None of those episodes were remotely about her or else we would have known how she ate her own weight at her favorite eating establishment, The Hungry Heifer. Fat Nancy was the ultimate background character because she would mostly say shit like, “Remember, just make sure it’s 100 words.” or she’d tell everyone the answers to a test because she’s a big fat know it all. The drivers ed episode was annoying as hell. Mostly her job was to tell various cast members what was happening in the school. Like most background characters she added nothing to the story and was just there to fill up space. A good example was the talent show. She was there with a clip board and had absolutely nothing to say and wasn’t even important to the episode. So congratulations Fat Nancy you’re Degrassi’s number one bit player.

Degrassi Fat Nancy


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Degrassi Junior High Reviewed Reaches 10,000 Views!

Woo!! So yes, Degrassi Junior High Reviewed has now reached 10,000 views thanks to you good people on the interwebs. Thanks to all you loyal readers who have read every single entry in this crazy little blog. (You know who you are.) Special thanks for the person who just now read a shit load of episode reviews. I knew it was going to hit this milestone some time today, so all day long I kept a very frustrating vigil. But it’s finally happened.

degrassi blog

To mark the occasion I thought I’d make a top five list of the hottest chicks on Degrassi because yes, I’m that fucking shallow.

#5 Melanie.

Melanie

Yes, she’s Degrassi’s resident Sara plain and tall. She sported a horrible mushroom hair style, had a sunken chest and had a mouth full of metal. But through out the course of the series she became much better looking, especially in Degrassi High’s run. It was a shame she was barely featured in it though.

#4 Michelle.

Michelle

Yes, Michelle I consider to be one of the better looking girls and yes, she was a bit chubby at first. Not that I have anything against a woman with some extra meat. Love that in fact. Anyways, she was shyer than a motherfucker and was a huge cry baby. But just like Melanie she seemed to have blossomed in Degrassi High. She seemed to have lost the baby fat and I’m sorry, grew some of the biggest pair of breasts of any female in the series.

#3 Allison and Amy.

Amy, Allison

Ah, the hot duo of Allison and Amy. They didn’t need to become better looking because right from the get go they were hot as hell. I would probably lean more towards Amy being the better looking one, but that’s just me. Too bad they only got one sub plot that featured them stripping in the girls rest room.

#2 Stephanie Kaye.

Stephanie Kaye

I don’t think there was a teenage boy alive who saw this and didn’t have an instant crush and let’s not lie, boner for Stephanie. She was rather good looking despite having a missing fang in her mouth. Plus it didn’t help that she dressed like the biggest whore you ever saw with very skimpy clothing that left nothing to the imagination at times.

#1 Caitlin.

Caitlin

And last but not least we come to Caitlin. Is this any surprise? I don’t think so. Caitlin is someone who I consider the girl next door of Degrassi. Beautiful and very intelligent. Plus she had an ass that wouldn’t quit. Her major faults were that when it came to actually helping people, she sucked a bunch of donkey dicks. She some how always managed to make a situation worse. Especially if it was none of her business to begin with. But she was pretty much a nice person. Not a bitch at all like Allison was.

Well there you have it, my half assed mini list of Degrassi’s hottest women. Thank you to all of you who have read this little blog and for those who continue to find it in random Google searches. It was pretty discouraging writing this blog at first because I would get about 3, 4 views a week if I was lucky. But now it’s starting to grow just a tiny little bit and I’m glad that people are discovering it and finding it rather funny. So here’s to another 10,000 views!

By the way, I’m now reviewing The Next Generation. So check out even more insane episode reviews here.

https://degrassithenextgenerationreviewed.wordpress.com/


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Behind The Music: The Zit Remedy

Edit: Check out the new companion blog Degrassi The Next Generation Reviewed.

https://degrassithenextgenerationreviewed.wordpress.com/

zit remedy behind the music

In the Pantheon of popular Canadian musical artists such as Rush, Nickelback, Celine Dion and Snow. Comes what is possibly one of the greatest school bands in the history of school bands. The Zit Remedy! Led by front man and keyboardist Joey Jeremiah. Lead guitarist Archie “Snake” Simpson and bassist Derek “Wheels” Wheeler. They were so bad ass, they said, “Fuck it, we don’t need a drummer!” Their one and only single Everybody Wants Something catapulted them right into the stratosphere. In Joey’s mind that is. They’re what every lazy, short sighted juvenile band strives to become.

The zits joey snake and wheels

THE EARLY YEARS.

The Zit Remedy had their humble beginnings in the Degrassi Junior High Cafi-gymitorium stage. They originally formed because they wanted to play at the school talent show. Their first rehearsal was a disaster. Musically they sucked a bunch of donkey dicks. Ms Avery wanted to have a heart attack when she first heard them play. Joey also started sporting a stupid looking wig that made him look like the guy from Kajagoogoo. We never did find out how that talent show played out. But we can assume it was bad.

Some early name suggestions were The Creatures, Lovely Lads, The Electric Shoes, The Hong Kong Cavaliers, The Joey Jeremiah Experience, Snake and the Charmers and Joey and the Joey Buzzers. After much arguing they decided on The Zit Remedy and thus a musical legend was born.

zit remedy band pic

About that time Wheels grades were so much in the shitter, his parents made him quit the band while his grades improved. Joey and Snake then decided to recruit Simon Dexter to become a Zit because Simon could also play the bass. Wheels asked them what happens when he comes back. Joey’s brilliant idea is that they’ll be the first band to have two bass players. That Joey Jeremiah, always an innovator. Soon after that, Simon lost all interest in the Zit Remedy because he would rather play Soccer. Snake was so disgusted with him that he called him a Narbo. Wheels’s grades eventually improved and he returned to join the band. The boys kept practicing and practicing the first 5 seconds of the song and then they’d call it a day.

zits practicing

They then hit their second snag as the band slept over at Snakes house. This was also the time when talk of making a music video first started to surface. Wheels was late for an eye Dr appointment the next morning so they decided to take Snakes dad’s car for a little joy ride. Of course they got caught, especially after Snake ratted them out. So their parents hit them where it really hurt and forced them to disband. Joey’s parents who normally don’t do jack shit to him took away his Z 7000 keyboard.

zit remedy no more

Some how the band survived and continued to rock on. It was never explained but not that long after that the band reformed and Joey being their leader started to bother Stephanie Kaye if they could play at the school graduation dance. After much begging, she finally agreed to talk to Mr Lawrence to see if they could even play. Right away Joey had stars in his eyes.

THEIR FIRST AND ONLY CONCERT.

zit remedy

But this was the moment that tested one young Joey Jeremiah. He found out that he actually flunked the 8th grade and had to repeat. Wheels found him at the local arcade sulking. Joey informed him that he wasn’t going to play at the dance due to extreme embarrassment. Wheels basically called him a pussy and if he can’t even play at the dance for their classmates, then how could he play in front of thousands of people. Finally Joey came to terms with his stupidity and came dressed in his best tuxedo shirt. Of course the Zit Remedy rocked the house. Maya started to boogie in her wheel chair, Ms Avery started to twerk way before that was a thing. Spike went into labor during their rockin performance because even Emma wanted to get into all the fun. This was to be the greatest night of Joey Jeremiah’s life, especially after he heard the crowd chanting, “Zits! Zits! Zits!”

zit remedy concert zits joey and sanke concert

STARDOM.

After that, everyone at Degrassi couldn’t get enough of the Zit Remedy. That’s when Joey decided to sell copies of Everybody Wants Something in a live album called The Zit Remedy: Live at the Budokan. Too bad the band never made a vinyl. These things were hot and selling for 2 dollars a pop. Too bad Alex only wanted it so that he could tape over it. How dare he. This single is music history because it was recorded at Joey’s basement at the same time that Wheel’s nerdy parents went to go meet their maker. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves here. This was also around the time that Caitlin Ryan became their biggest fan and Joey’s groupie. She bought the cassette and played it where ever she was, whether it was in Mr Raditch’s class or at her home where she was daydreaming of becoming Joey’s girlfriend. Of course Joey broke her heart because he was more interested in Liz. He must have started a drug habit, because what was he on when he decided that? So what did Caitlin do? She threw the single into the trash. Da noive!

caitlin buying tape zit cassette tape

A DARK TIME.

Inevitably with every band there comes a dark period and the Zit Remedy were no different. It all started when Wheels parents were tragically killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. Wheels fell into a deep depression and lost all interest in the Zit Remedy. He even told Joey that he sold his bass. Then he added the insult to injury that the Zits weren’t going anywhere and he didn’t care about the “stupid” band anymore. This news devastated Joey and they had to cancel what would have been their triumphant world tour. Too bad because they had London, Paris, Munich, and Degrassi all lined up.

zit remedy ad

So having nothing left to lose, he decided to run away to Port Hope to be with his real dad and possibly join his shitty cafeteria band. Even though Wheels was out of the band, he still had the bass guitar rock god living inside him. So he couldn’t help slapping the bass with his air guitar while he was walking over there. But he soon found out that his dad wanted nothing to do with him and his nag of a grandmother told him that she does love him and for him to come back to live with her and his vegetable of a grandpa. It was also around this time where Joey wanted The Zit Remedy to make it big in the air waves, so he decided to go get a job at CRAZ radio. Even Snake didn’t think that the Zits were going anywhere. His job there was mostly just a front so that he could leave his demo with the program director. But he was such a bad janitor that he got fired and nothing really came of his attempts of making it big in the Toronto area.

wheels rocking joey radio station

A CHANGE IN DIRECTION.

The boys then started high school and it was at this point in their careers that the group decided to change with the times so they decided to change the name of the band. One suggestion was The Barf Bags. But Wheels and Snake hated that name. So what did they chose? They simply decided to drop Remedy from the name. So from then on the band was simply known as The Zits. Very creative huh. They also decided to write more songs that was big to the teen market. This entailed writing about getting a car and getting good grades. I’m sure Joey wanted to include a song about boning, but more than likely he was vetoed by Snake.

the zits

THE MUSIC VIDEO.

Finally after much talk through out the years The Zits finally made their long anticipated music video. But even this had a few hurdles they had to over come first. The biggest one was getting Lucy Fernandez in directing it for them because she was the only one who had a camcorder. But Lucy being drunk with sudden power wanted 100% creative control and told Joey that there would be no way that there would be girls in bikini’s in the video. It’s a shame because those girls would have been the hot duo of Allison and Amy. Joey and the band decided to give in and she finally agreed to direct. Of course the video was filmed around Degrassi. They even included Clutch’s paint ball shot up car to be the Zit Mobile. The video then had it’s world wide premiere on public access and it seems like they finally recorded a studio produced version of the song. Because it’s much more superior than the demo version.

zits video

THE END OF AN ERA.

After the video came out all three band members seemed to lose interest in The Zits and eventually never talked about it again. Joey and Snake moved on to driving and dating woes. Meanwhile Wheels went into a downward spiral and resorted to stealing. Especially after his grandma kicked him out of their house for being an unruly asshole. Thus the brilliant career of The Zit Remedy came to a close.

the zits ending

LEGACY.

Years later the group continues to get new fans and influence people the world over. People even love to dress up like their favorite Zit. Even though here, whoever’s dressed like Snake looks like Buffalo Bill from The Silence of the Lambs. They’re so influential that someone  even recorded a reggae version of Everybody Wants Something. Yet again proving how timeless the music of The Zits actually is.

zit fans

Well there you have it. The long anticipated retrospective of The Zit Remedy. This one had it all. Humble beginnings, triumph and tragedy. It’s a shame their career was so short lived. Who knows what other singles they could have came up with if they sung about getting a car. But their music will live on forever, even though it was just one song. But you never know, maybe this will help the Zit Remedy get a whole new generation of legions of loyal fans. Especially since this is one of Degrassi’s most iconic musical gifts.

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And the rest as they say is Rock and Roll… The Zit Remedy foreva!

I’d like to thank my friend the lovely Veronica for doing the Behind the Music pic. Thanks Ronniecakes!!