Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.


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Season 3, Episode 16, “Bye-Bye Junior High”

I can’t believe that we’ve actually made it to the final episode of Degrassi Junior High. Boy am I glad that I did this bi weekly instead of once a week. Or else I’d end up doing this shit for a year or two probably. Fuck that.

Pre-credit opener: We see Joey begging Caitlin to go to the graduation dance. I swear he’s always begging her to do everything. She tells him no because he stood her up at Lucy’s party. He explains how the cops busted him with the beer and she retorts, “You shouldn’t have bought beer.” Joey’s like whatever and says it was a mistake. She keeps telling him no due to him being a huge fucking loser and always letting her down. We hear this really old fashioned fire alarm go off and Arthur says, “This is the 6th time this week!” And the other kids start complaining too. Are you fucking kidding me? Any excuse to get out of a class is always a good one, what’s wrong with these people?! Anyways, Raditch tells them to shut the fuck up and leave the class room quietly. As they’re walking out Joey starts sweet talking Caitlin and of course he manages to weasel is way into her heart again and she starts smiling, then says ok. Will she ever learn her lesson?

caitlin

In Mr Garcia’s class everyone is taking their final exams. Wheels is seen shaking his head. It’s clear that he’s fucking up big time and probably failed because he wasn’t going to school ever since those two nerds he called mom and dad died. In Raditch’s class Melanie notices that she and Joey seemed to have made up. Caitlin then says that she likes him, even though she knows that she shouldn’t. See, deep down she knows that Joey is completely wrong for her due to him being a big fuck up.

Spike and her mom come in their K Car and Spike is hella nervous about her exams because her marks have gone way down because of having to take care of Emma. Her mom mentions how their dreams are for her to go to a university, but now Spike just shakes her head like she’s completely given up now. I just noticed that Spike has a Degrassi Junior High jacket on, but it looks more like a production jacket they made than a school jacket.

spike jacket

So apparently the school is going to get a shit load of renovations done because it looks like it was built in the 1920’s. We see two smelly looking workers bring in two paint containers that says Flammable on it. Yeah, that’s right, take that right along a corridor full of Junior High students. See look at this shit. This is one of the things that I didn’t like about this show. The juvenile bullshit that goes on. Scooter and Tessa get into an intense game of tag. They run into LD, the twins and Lucy and they say that they can’t wait to leave that crummy school. Lucy says, “Finally a real high school, bye-bye junior high!”

lucy twins

Ms Avery is waiting for Spike to come in, I guess she’s going to take her tests separate like last season. As she walks in Spike tells her that Emma is sick once again. Spike is making a face like she knows that she’s going to fail miserably.

At Joey’s place, Joey’s hot mom tells him about a deal they made. Apparently if he get’s anything under a B, he doesn’t get to go to the dance. I don’t know how Joey made that deal knowing that he’s a complete idiot. That’s aiming way too high for him. Joey just says, “Trust me mom.” Joey then tells her that he likes Caitlin alot and asks her if it’s ok to bring Caitlin some flowers to the dance. She says, “Of course stupid.”

joeys hot mom

Oh God! Scooter and Tessa are still playing tag in the hallway, running into people and just being annoying as hell. Where’s a teacher when you need one? Caitlin is telling Melanie about a dress she got for Joey. Apparently she wants to look hot as hell. Joey walks in and tells her that he has a surprise for her at the dance. She’s so excited she demands to know what it is, but Joey is mum about it. Raditch walks in and announces that it’s the last day of grade 8. Everyone cheers in excitement.

caitlin joey

In Mr Garcia’s class, he’s about to shut the door and Wheels and Snake come in just in the nick of time. Repeating everything that happened in the first episode of the season. Even Mr Garcia saying, “It’s alright motherfuckers.” “Just don’t let it happen for the rest of the year.” Just as they’re about to sit down, he tells Wheels that he wants him to stay after class because he wants to talk to him. Uh oh. That’s never a good thing and Wheels is now convinced that he’s going to flunk. But then the fire alarm goes off again, but before they could leave Principle Lawrence comes on the PA and says it’s a false alarm.

mr garcia

Back to Raditch’s class the bell rings and he says, “That’s it for this year.” And everyone cheers yet again. Caitlin pounces on Joey again, but is interrupted by Raditch telling Joey to stay behind. As they’re leaving Kathleen is bitching about not having a date. Oh that’s surprising. Degrassi’s biggest bitch is dateless. But even she has her high standards and refuses to go out with Luke because he’s a big acid using loser.

kathleen

Raditch comes to the business at hand and gives Joey his report card and says that he’s proud of him. Unbelievably Joey get’s two A’s, four B’s and a C. Joey’s day is dashed with the fucking C. Raditch can’t figure out why Joey is looking all sad for. Caitlin meanwhile is stalking Joey outside the class and he tells her that he can’t go to the dance with her because of the stupid ass deal that he made with his parents. Of course she goes ballistic and says that she should have known and he always lets her down. He tries to explain everything to her but being over dramatic she says, “Forget it Joey!” “I never ever want to see you again!”

caitlin pissed

Meanwhile Wheels is shitting bricks thinking that he’s flunked. Mr Garcia gives him his report card and Wheels says, “I passed!” Mr Garcia tells him that he’s scrapped by and just barely. Then he goes on to say that most of those barely passed grades were because of pity. If they only knew what kind of shit head he turned out to be. Wheel’s is only concerned about passing and Mr Garcia says that it would be a better idea if he repeated grade 9 again. But then he says that since everyone knows that he had a shit year, they’re letting him pass so he can stay with his friends. Why he had to tell him that is beyond me. There was no point to this conversation at all. Wheels in joy get’s on Mr Garcia and starts to hump him.

wheels

At Spike’s mom beauty parlor Ms Avery comes by to see Spike. She gives her her report card and says that her grades were complete shit. Ms Avery suggests that Spike make it up in correspondence courses so that she can go to a good college. But Spike says, “What’s the point?” Then says that she’s worn out from school and the baby. She’s all, “I don’t wanna go to school.” Ms Avery tells her not to give up, but Spike is acting like a shithead. She goes on to blame Emma for all of her woes. What an asshole. She says, “I wish I never had her.” “If it wasn’t for her none of this would be happening.” At this Ms Avery loses her shit and says, “You count your blessings young lady!” “At least you can have a baby, not all of us are that lucky you know.” Yeah, I think Ms Avery just announced that she’s barren.

spike ms avery

At the Jeremiah residence Joey gives his milf of a mom his report card. She’s thrilled that her son isn’t a complete fucking idiot, but then get’s confused as to why he’s looking all blue. Then she remembers their deal with the C grade. He tells her how Caitlin told him to go fuck himself. His mom of course is a big softie and says that they’ll have a talk with his dad so he can go to the dance. Joey all excited goes and calls Caitlin.

It’s finally the big dance and everyone is in high spirits. Wheels seems to have gotten a date with LD. Snake is there with Melanie and Snake says, “I didn’t know you two were an item.” LD says, “We’rth just friends.” Joey for once comes dressed normal and doesn’t have his stupid tuxedo shirt on. Caitlin isn’t there yet and Joey is nervous if she’ll come or not. Mr Raditch busted out this break dancing type song and we see some of the whitest dancing seen yet. Because the writers of this show want to torture me, we see Scooter and Tessa playing tag again. Running around and just plain acting like a couple of immature assholes. They even step on Erica’s shoes. The girls can’t wait to get away from all this bullshit and Lucy says, “Bye-bye Degrassi Junior High.” And they do a high five.

joey flowers

dance

Raditch comes on as DJ Rompin Rockin Raditch again and urges everyone to dance and not to let anyone be a wall flower. He dedicates a song to Mr Garcia. Of course it’s grove-a-licous. I guess Kathleen was so desperate she asked Arthur to ask her to the dance. Then he asks her if the reason she wanted to go with him is because he was rich. Man what a stupid turd. I think he’s the one that started the rumor of him being rich. But not even having money could help this guy get laid.

raditch

Meanwhile Tessa and Scooter take their stupid game of tag into the stair well and run past Joey. But just as they leave the door Caitlin comes in looking hot as fuck. Joey hides his big surprise, which is a bouquet of flowers and a rock hard boner he got from seeing her. Joey being slick puts his arm around her and asks her to go dance. Raditch actually puts a song on that sounds decent this time. But I still have no idea who the fuck is singing it. Some Canadian guy I guess. The twins are dancing around with Lucy having a great time. But it seems like the three of them couldn’t get a date. Spike walks in with Liz and tells Ms Avery that she wants to get some correspondence forms. Ms Avery tells her that it’ll be hard but she knows that she can do it.

caitlin 3 twins lucy

DJ Rompin Rockin Raditch interrupts the song and puts on the tired old jam that we’ve heard in every party episode since the beginning of the series. He dedicates it to all the recent graduates. All the couples start slow dancing and playing a game of grab ass. BLT notices that Shane has come back and holy macaroni! He is completely fucked up. He looks like he’s completely out of it because he’s all brain damaged like Rocky was in Rocky V. He’s so messed up that he even has to use a walker. I’m surprised that dickhead Luke is helping him out. Doris puts a boutonniere on him and says how happy she is that he made it. He probably doesn’t even know what she just said. I’m also pretty surprised that Spike didn’t get in his face demanding more money.

shane

Scooter and Tess are still acting like a couple of buffoons and the fire alarms goes off again. They run down to what looks is the boiler room. Tessa says that she smells smoke and Scooter notices a red light coming from under a door. They open it up to reveal a hideous raging inferno. So of course them being stupid, they panic and run yelling, “Fire!” Meanwhile those two dipshits left the fucking door wide open and all those containers that said Flammable are right outside of said door. As soon as he showed up last season, I knew that Scooter would be the demise of this school.

scooter tessa

They go around telling everyone about the fire but no one believes them. Wheels even tells them to fuck off and go dance. How about you tell a teacher first idiots? Finally they tell Raditch and Ms Avery. Mr Raditch turns off the music and now they hear it too. He tells everyone to leave calmly and we hear Joey telling Caitlin that he’s going to go get her jacket. Just as he goes to get it we hear this huge fucking explosion and everyone panics. I was hoping that either Scooter, Tessa or Arthur were going to get trampled to death, but no luck there.

panic

Outside the school everyone is just standing by holding their dicks while the school is burning to the ground. Wheels is telling everyone the obvious which is to stay away from the fire. We then see this cheap fire effect, because let’s face it, I don’t think they would burn the real building down for a little low budget show like this one. Caitlin starts to panic and starts yelling, “Where’s Joey?” “Where’s Joey?!” Just then Joey bursts out of the side of the school, completely engulfed in flames, screaming in agony. Greasy hair all gone and then he promptly drops dead in front of Caitlin’s horrified face. But no. That was just my little fantasy there. Joey comes out of nowhere and gives Caitlin a hug. She falls into his arms relieved.

fire caitlin joey 2

All the girls are asking where the fire trucks are at and why aren’t they doing something. I gotta say, everyone seems to be all sad that the school is on fire. Me, I hated my junior high and I would be rejoicing in the fact. But oh well. The end credits come on with the music while the scene is still playing. Which is a first. We hear someone saying that they’re going to miss the school and everyone is just gawking looking sad. Finally the picture freezes and we hear a fire truck pull up with some lame dialog of the firemen.

end credits

Well that’s that, we made it peeps. That was the final episode of Degrassi Junior High. For the most part it’s been a good show. But anything Arthur showed up in, he just killed everything. He’s a fun time killer, the AT&T of people if you will. But anyways, don’t despair. Degrassi’s going to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and become Degrassi High. So stay tuned.


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Season 3, Episode 15, “Pa-arty!”

Pre-credit opener: At Borden High, Wheels seems to be stressing a major math exam. Snake being a big brainiac is explaining to him a problem he got wrong or some shit like that. We then come to Clutch talking to Lucy. Once again she’s sporting her Lost Boys drummer boy jacket. This seemed to have been a big favorite of hers this season. Apparently Alexa is having a huge party but Clutch doesn’t want to hang out with a bunch of 9th graders. Seems like Clutch can’t handle his shit because Lucy points out how he was drunk the other time. They make a date to see each other that night and he says that he’ll be bringing the drinks along again. Lucy tells him, “No beer please.” But you can tell he wasn’t even paying attention to her.

lucy clutch

Class is dismissed and Fat Nancy is asking Liz where Spike is. I guess Emma is a sickly baby, because Liz says that Emma is sick yet again. So Spike couldn’t make it. The twins are once again dressed like referees and are bitching about going back to Degrassi. Everyone seems to be looking forward to Alexa’s party. Everyone thinks her parents are cool for having one close to exams. Lucy comes by and tells the girls that she won’t be coming because she’ll be spending time with Clutch at her place. Then she mentions whenever he comes around, he get’s drunk as shit. Saying how he acts stupid and he can’t handle it.

Back at Degrassi Kathleen is bitching to Melanie about it not being fair that they can’t go to Alexa’s party. Melanie tells her that it’s only for grade 9’s. But Kathleen points out that she get’s to go. Melanie tells her only because Snake invited her. Which automatically makes her cooler by default? I don’t know. But Kathleen won’t let it go. She goes on to say how she helped hook them up and that she owes her. I hate people that count the cost to everything. Big surprise that Kathleen is someone like that.

kathleen melanie

Joey shows Snake and Wheels a fake ID he got for 5 dollars and it looks it. Snake points out how no one would believe that Joey is 21. Especially that he’s a little pipsqueak.

In the Degrassi library. Alexa comes from the dentist and she tells the girls that her parents changed their mind and they canceled her party due to it being exam time. The girls of course complain that that’s the exact reason why they need a party. Lucy get’s the bright idea of having the party at her house. Her parents are gone once again. I guess Lucy’s parent’s are like the ones in the Charlie Brown cartoons. We never see them and it seems like she just lives alone. Anyways, they all get excited and LD asks about Clutch. Lucy says that she’ll tell him that her parents changed their minds, she adds that she didn’t want to be alone with him too. That says a lot right there. She tells them that she wants a small party, close friends only because she doesn’t want to get into deep shit again. Then she adds that no one touch her parents booze. They all giggle over that for some reason.

lucy LD

In the stairwell Kathleen is still bugging Melanie about going to the stupid party. Melanie needs to put her foot down already. Snake comes by and tells her that it’s now at Lucy’s and asks if she still wants to go. She says sure. Then Melanie reluctantly asks Snake if Kathleen could come too. It’s hilarious. Snake looks at Wheels and Wheels is mouthing, “Fuck no.” But of course Snake being a big puss says, “Sure why not.”

wheels no

After school Clutch comes by to pick up Lucy in his horrible paint ball shot up car. Lucy feels guilty about telling him that their little drunken date is off now. She finally tells him and he asks her if she wants to go to Alexa’s party but she gives him the lame excuse of having to study. No one ever believes that. Clutch isn’t that stupid.

Joey makes a date with Caitlin and tells her to meet him at Lucy’s. The twins come by and ask the Zits if they’re going to the party. Joey says, “Of course, with a case of beer.”  Erica asks him how he’s going to pull that off. He busts out the fake ID and says, “Ladies, tonight, we get fucked up!” Snake and Wheels look at him and they have no faith in him getting the beer. Joey get’s the bright idea of Snake’s giant ass getting the beer for them. He does look like he’s fucking 40 after all.

joey ID

Man, how generic can you get. The sign in front of the store says, “The Beer Store.”  They dressed up Snake to look like fucking Eliot Ness from the Untouchables. Joey tells him to act 21 and says that everything will be ok. Snake walks in and of course acts completely awkward and nervous. The guy asks him for his ID and of course it looks fake as fuck so he tells Snake to get lost. Snake just smiles and walks out the door.

Snake

He tells them that it didn’t work because of his lousy fake ID. Wheels says to just forget about it and go to Lucy’s party. But Joey says that they said they would bring beer. Snake tells him that he’s the one that said that. But of course Joey can always persuade these two to always do his bidding. Joey then resorts to getting someone to buy it for him. He goes to the worst person ever. An old man. Of course the old drunk tells him no.

At Lucy’s, she’s getting everything ready, including hiding her parents booze. The gang comes in all quiet with a shit load of chips and snacks. Mostly chips. Erica of course comes dressed like a skank. She is the slutty twin after all. Simon says that he can’t wait for the beer to arrive and Lucy’s all, “What the motherfuck?!”  Heather tells her that Joey’s going to bring it.

erica slut

It’s night time now and Joey’s still bothering people to buy them a beer. This one guy tells him to fuck off. Wheels wants to go because he doesn’t want to miss the party. Mr Wonderful Clutch pulls in and Joey goes to ask Clutch if he can get them some beer. How he’s able to is beyond me. Clutch says sure and goes and get’s them a case of beer. Inside the car Paul looks nervous as hell. Clutch comes out and opens the case and takes about 6 beers saying that it’s his commission. Of course they get pissed at him and Snake tells him that the beers weren’t just for them, it was for Lucy’s party. Clutch can’t believe his ears. Clutch tells Paul that Lucy is having a party and asks him if he wants to go. Paul says that they shouldn’t because they weren’t invited. Clutch says, “Let’s go find our own action.” I guess this means they’ll both get drunk and jerk each other off.

clutch asshole

Lucy seems to be having the lamest party ever. Melanie, Caitlin and Kathleen arrive. Lucy’s wondering why they’re there and they say that they were invited by Joey and his crew. She tells them that they’re not there yet because they’re getting beers. Kathleen says, “This is not like one of our parties.” See, she’s already bitching and she wasn’t even invited! The topic of Shane comes up and Fat Nancy tells Heather that it seems like he’s regained consciousness.

lucy caitlin

The Zits are on their way to the party and Wheels tells them that the fucking case is getting heavy as hell. Joey decides that they should take a break. You know, instead of one of them carrying it besides Wheels. They start talking shit about Clutch being such an asshole by taking six beers. Joey get’s the brilliant idea of drinking some of the beers. He and Snake open up a bottle each and Joey keeps insisting that Wheels should have a drink too. Wheels finally tells him that he doesn’t want to because his parents were killed by a drunk driver. Like we didn’t know that already. Joey asks him how he’s doing with that and he says that Christmas was rough. Behind them we see these two huge shadows coming at them. Uh oh. It’s the fucking cops and they’ve just been busted. Thanks to Joey again.

zits busted

Back at Lucy’s Caitlin and the girls are bored to death because no one’s talking to them. Kathleen tells Melanie, “Thanks a lot!” Melanie should have told her, “No one invited your prude ass to begin with, so do shut up.” Lucy’s phone starts ringing and everyone get’s quiet. Apparently her parents flight was canceled and they’re coming home in half an hour. She tells them to start cleaning up. Allison meanwhile says that she’s not going to clean shit. So she and Amy ditch them. Amy drags that guy Mark along too. The rest of them are just seen throwing a bunch of unopened chip bags into the trash.

allison amy

Meanwhile with Clutch and Paul, Clutch is drinking bottle after bottle of beer. Paul sounding like a woman says, “Clutch man, you know I don’t like it.” Clutch starts talking about wanting to fuck Lucy and Paul doesn’t do a goddamn thing. You know like kicking his ass for being with his ex. Clutch says that they should crash the party. But Paul says since Clutch is all fucked up, he shouldn’t drive. Clutch says he’s fine, but he clearly isn’t. Paul being stupid says that if Clutch gives him the keys, then he’ll drive him to Lucy’s.

Just about then all of her guests are almost all gone. LD says something in her lispy voice and then takes off at the side of the house and finally Lucy is alone. Or so we think. Clutch comes up banging on the fucking door like he’s the police. Lucy opens up and see’s that he’s clearly drunk off his ass. Clutch just walks in and refuses to leave. He offers her a beer and a kiss. Then he starts forcing himself on her. Paul of course just proves that he’s the biggest pussy ever! He’s just standing there while Clutch is having his way with her. Finally he tells him to leave her alone, but Clutch just easily throws him on the couch. Paul just lays there like a slug. I swear to God he’s completely useless. Lucy’s finally had enough and annihilates his balls by kneeing him. That’s always the great equalizer. Clutch goes down in a heap and she tells Paul to drag his drunk ass out of there. Paul tells her, “He doesn’t mean it, he just get’s like that some times.” I can’t believe he’s actually defending him, but he is. He sounds like a battered woman. They leave in the nick of time. As they walk out the back door Lucy’s absentee parents are walking in.

clutch pushing paul
clutch balls annhilated

The following Monday at Borden Snake and Wheels are talking about how they got into deep shit because of Joey again. Snake says that his parents were super pissed but they said that he could still go to the graduation dance. Wheels mention how Joey’s parents grounded him. Joey must have been really surprised since he’s a spoiled entitled piece of shit. Snake asks him how nothing happened to him and Wheels says that he wasn’t drinking and his annoying grandma actually believed him for once.

Lucy and the twins come along and I guess she told them everything about what Clutch did. Clutch then comes and asks if they could talk alone. He tells her how Paul told him that he was acting like a giant shit head and says that he made a mistake and it won’t happen again. Lucy doesn’t give a shit and starts walking away. He says that he’s sorry and she says, “Sorry isn’t good enough anymore.” The episode ends with Clutch looking at Lucy with a face full of regret. Good, what a stupid asshole. He deserves it.

clutch end

This episode was another one that was just alright. I guess they were trying to tackle the subject of underage drinking. But what they showed me was that most teenagers can’t handle their shit and they just act like the world’s biggest assholes when they’re drunk. But there’s only one more episode to go peeps and we say good bye to Degrassi Junior High in the series finale. But don’t fret. Degrassi will return with Degrassi High: Electric Boogaloo.


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Season 3, Episode 14, “Black and White”

Uh oh. Racism rears it’s ugly head in this episode. Shit BLT and Michelle don’t have Jungle Fever. They have Ebola and they’ve got it bad baby!

Pre-credit opener: BLT and Michelle come out what looks is a science class at Borden. Very slowly BLT is explaining to Michelle about arteries because she doesn’t seem to get the concept. He stops her and he says that there’s something that he wanted to ask her. But they’re interrupted by this guy with a horrible mop of hair and he tells BLT to watch where he’s going. BLT tells him the same, then the guy says, “Dumb n***er.” And walks away with a smirk on his face. BLT seems to have control for about 2 seconds before he goes and beats the shit out of the motherfucker. And who can blame him? Of course the fight is broken up but not before the asshole’s friend joins in too and all three of them are taken to the office. Michelle seems to be shocked by what was said and done.

BLT kicking ass

The next day Alexa screams for Michelle and asks her if BLT asked her out to the graduation dance, but Michelle says that he hasn’t and besides, they’re just friends. But Alexa points out that BLT joined the yearbook committee just to be with her. So it’s obvious that he likes her. Michelle says that she hopes that he does and that he likes him. They start talking about the fight and they mention how he never came back from the office so maybe he’s in deep shit. Michelle points out that it was that fuckhead that made the racist comment.

michelle

Oh lord, Degrassi’s super nerd power duo of Bart and Scooter are in charge of taking pictures for the year book. They take a picture of LD who we really haven’t seen much of this season. Shes in her soccer gear and her hair looks greasier than ever!

LD

We come upon Liz and Spike and once again Spike is telling her of all her many woes. This time Emma’s day time baby sitter is moving to Vancouver so it seems like Spike is fucked here again. She complains about how perfect the whole situation was. Then she mentions how she’ll have to drop out and says that she doesn’t want to be another drop out teenage mom. But she has no one to blame but herself.

BLT comes along and he tells Snake and Wheels about what happened. He says that if he get’s into another fight that he’ll get suspended. But then he adds that the next time he see’s that fucker, that he’s going to stomp his ass all over again. Stupid Snake then says something very lame. He’s all, “What’s fighting going to prove?” “Shouldn’t you just forget about it?” BLT says, “Easy for you to say, no one’s ever called you a n***er.” Snake doesn’t know what to say. What a dumbass.

BLT snake

In the class room Michelle asks BLT about what happened but he says that he just got a lecture. He then says before that stupid fuck rudely interrupted them the day before he wanted to ask her something and then asks her out to the graduation dance. Big surprise, Michelle is at a lost for words. But then says yes. Class begins but Michelle signals to Alexa that they’re going to the dance. Alexa having no life at all is all, “YES!”

BLT michelle

After class Scooter and Bart and taking more pics, this time of Kathleen and Melanie. She asks them if that angle shows that she doesn’t have braces anymore. Kathleen tells them to hurry the fuck up and they take pic after pic. Kathleen looks surly in all of them.

Kathleen Melanie

At lunch Liz is asking Spike if she could put Emma in a day care and Spike says, “I can’t, Shane doesn’t pay me anymore.” I don’t know if it’s just me, but that sounds really fucked up. Like that’s the only thing she cares about with Shane it seems like. Anyways, Liz suggests that Spike get a part time job after school. Spike says that she’ll have to ask her mom first but she thinks she’ll be able to go.

Back with the dudes at their table, Snake asks BLT if he wants to play some Basketball after school but BLT says that he can’t. He has to help Michelle out with the year book. Snake and Wheels both smile meaning, yeah sure. BLT says, “What?” But they point out how much he’s into Michelle.

At Michelle’s table the girls are gabbing about her going to the dance with BLT. LD says how she wouldn’t mind going with him because, “He’s cuteth.” Yup that lisp is still in full effect. At least Melanie got rid of hers. Anyways, Alexa mentions how he’s a great dancer. But then she fucks things up by saying, “Of course that goes without saying.” Lucy’s all, “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Alexa matter of factly says, “Well he is black.” LD tells Alexa how racist that sounded. Lucy adds, “That’s like saying that all blacks are great athletes.” Alexa goes on to sound like Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder and basically repeats what he said, that black people are better athletes. Lucy points out it’s because he has talent, not because his skin is dark. Alexa says that she’s sorry but then tells them that her parents would die if she went out with a black guy. But she did! She went out with BLT for about a week or two. So what the fuck is she talking about? But then she mentions how they don’t even like it that she’s going out with Simon because he’s not Greek. I guess they’re people from the old country.

Alexa michelle

Back with Scooter and Bart, it’s Joey’s turn to have his picture taken. Of course he just has to have his bad ass Zit Remedy sweater on. Joey says, “Aren’t you two a little too young to be doing this?” Scooter tells him that they’re in the same grade so he should shut his mouth and smile. So Joey holds up his skateboard and has his pic taken.

joey pic

At Michelle’s very skinny looking house she and BLT are going over a collage they’re making for the year book. You can tell that BLT wants to totally make out with her but the clock strikes and he says he has to go before his parents worry. They hear someone walk in and it’s her parents. She introduces him as Bryant. I didn’t even know that was his actual name til now. Her mom shakes his hand, but you can tell that her dad is a racist piece of shit. He gives him a dirty look and refuses to shake his hand. BLT feeling very uncomfortable leaves.

racist dad

Michelle then asks them what they think. Her mom says that he seems very nice. Her dad says, “You didn’t mention he was colored.” As I’m watching this I can’t help but think, did this mean old bastard come from a time machine from the 60’s?! Who uses the term colored anymore?! Michelle tells him that she didn’t think it was important. She then mentions that he asked her out to the dance and that she already told him yes. But her dickhead dad says that she should have asked them first because the answer is no. Michelle can’t believe her ears. Her mom says that she’s too young to go out with boys. Then she tells her that she can go, but only with her friends. She adds that they’re only doing that for her own good.

The next day at school. The Twins are dressed like referee’s again and they hold up a stupid ass horoscope magazine and have their picture taken too. Spike is then seen telling Liz all about how she has a job interview later on that day at 4 o’clock. Both seem to be excited, but Spike is naturally nervous. But Liz offers her moral support and says that she’ll go with her and wait outside.

heather erica

In the Library Michelle told the girls about her racist parents. They all tell her all the things they do to get their way, but Michelle says that they’re such hard asses that they never ever change their minds.

As the bell rings BLT asks Michelle what colors she wants for the dance, but she’s all, “I don’t know yet.” He tells her that he’s going to buy her a corsage and that they’re going to be the hottest couple there. Yeah, he just sounded like Kenickie from Grease. Moving on, he then asks her why she’s acting funny. She finally tells him that they said that she couldn’t go to the dance with him. He says, “I knew they didn’t like me.” Then asks her if it’s because he’s black. She defends them by saying that they’re not like that, even though it’s obvious that they are. Of course BLT goes to his next class completely disappointed.

blt disappointed

Going on with the lame sub plot of Bart and Scooter taking random pictures, it’s Arthur and Yick’s turn. Arthur has his stupid Joe’s Joke Emporium shirt on and holding the toy robot they supposedly built for the science fair.

arthur yick

At Michelle’s locker the girls ask her if she wants to go dress shopping but she declines. Before they go to the mall Michelle asks them if the reason they don’t want her to go with BLT is because he’s black. LD says, “How the hell should I know?” Then asks her, “What do you think?” Michelle says that she doesn’t know since they are her parents. Lucy points out that what they think doesn’t make them perfect. As they’re walking away Alexa asks Lucy if she’s ever been discriminated against. Lucy says that she get’s it both ways since she’s half black, saying that she get’s called Oreo. Man people can be real bastards at times.

girls

We finally get to Spike’s interview at this donut shop type place. She asks this fat sweaty bald guy behind the counter if he’s Don. Immediately he acts like a fucking asshole. He starts talking about her hair and asks her what her mom says about it. She’s all, “Nothing.” And he says,”I bet.” She starts asking him about the job, but he just keeps making fun of her hair and she points out to him that she’s there for the job, not her hair. But of course he has to be a fucking prick and says that she’s late. He says that he told her to be there by 3:45 but she says that she knows that he said at four. But he tells her that since she’s late, she can’t have the job. Spike should have told him to go stick his fist up his greasy fat ass. But all she says is, “How do you get through life?” Come on Spike! You could have done better than that!

fatso spike

She comes out upset and tells Liz about what a fucking asshole that guy was and didn’t get the job because of her hair. Liz says how prejudice that is. Of course this riles her up and calls him a pig. Then she says how she’s coming out later that night and is planning on throwing a rock through his window. For once I completely agree with Liz on this one. But Spike tells her not to. That that’s something he would expect.

spike liz

Back at Michelle’s place in the deep South. I mean her skinny house, she comes home feeling down and gets into it with her mom. Asking if the reason is because he’s black. Her mom says the lame thing of not caring if he’s black, blue or green. For some reason, I hate it when people say that shit. Anyways, she says that they believe in equal opportunity. Then says, “Not everyone is like us.” She then starts to explain that some people would have a problem with interracial dating and says that people would start talking shit and how people of other culture’s have different values. Michelle mentions that BLT was born here. So yeah, her mom is completely full of shit. They totally have a problem with BLT being black. He should call them and tell the dad that BLT stands for Black, Long and Thick. That would give that racist prick a heart attack.

racist mom

The next day at school Bart and Scooter take the last picture, which is themselves. Anyways, who gives a shit. Michelle comes up to BLT and she tells him that he was right about her parents. Then says that they said that she should be with her own kind. BLT of course get’s pissed and just walks away. She calls him back and says that she doesn’t care what they say and she asks him out to the dance. BLT smiles and says, “Yeah.

end credits

So there you go, Degrassi Junior High tackled the issue of racism. I think they did a pretty good job of it. They didn’t pussy out at all. They showed how much people fucking suck and how full of shit they are too. Even Spike got discriminated against because of her hair. I wish Liz would have gone back to that place and burned the son of a bitch to the ground. But that would be too hardcore.


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Season 3, Episode 13, “Making Whoopee”

So going by the episode title, I’m assuming this episode has to do with sex. We shall see.

Pre-credit opener: Oh hell naw! As soon as I pressed play I saw Arthur coming into his house and my heart dropped. Any episode featuring him is automatically horrible. But I’m still hoping beyond hope that this one surprises me. Anyways he walks in and his dad tells him that his mom wants him to call him back, something about Summer vacation. But Arthur says that he’ll call after a show called Space Cadets. Thus proving what a huge fucking nerd he is. Arthur mentions that Jerry will be coming along, but his dad doesn’t seem to give a shit. He’s in high spirits and now we find out why. His dad has a date with this chick named Carol. Arthur being a huge square says, “But Space Cadets is coming on.” “Don’t you wanna know what happens to Dr Bob?” His dad is all, “Fuck that nerd shit, I’m going to go and get some tonight.” See. I knew Arthur wasn’t going to be the one who get’s laid. Anyways his dad leaves and Arthur sits there alone, all disappointed.

arthur dad

The next day at School Yick shoots Arthur with a camera that’s really a squirt gun. I’m already annoyed by this. I swear they haven’t grown up at all since the year before. You never saw Joey and them acting like a couple of immature assholes like this. Moving on, Yick asks Arthur if they saw Space Cadets, but Arthur tells him that his dad missed the show because he was out with Carol. Then he wishes that they broke up, saying that they’re too old to be dating. Even though Carol is barely about 30 something.

Mercifully we see Luke sitting on the steps and as he decides to go inside the school Allison and Amy start judging him and rightly so. They mention how he and Shane got fucked up on acid and now Shane is completely messed up in the hospital. So this was basically a little recap for those that missed that two parter. Allison then spots Snake and she thinks that he’s the cat’s meow. She totally wants him to take her to the graduation dance. Since she really doesn’t know him, she has a scheme of him helping her out with her math. By the way, they both have horrible matching sweaters except in different colors.

allison amy

Inside the school Melanie says hi to Kathleen and Kathleen acts like a weirdo, just looking at her and not saying nothing. Melanie tells Caitlin that she wishes that she never read her diary. But Caitlin reasons that she helped her out. Melanie points out how she never eats anything still. Snake comes around and he and Melanie have yet another awkward conversation. Basically just one word responses. But that’s when Allison pounces. She comes along asking Snake for help on her math, all the while touching his arm. This bitch knows how to talk to dudes. As she leaves all excitedly with Amy, Melanie is completely distraught. Because let’s face it, Allison is hot.

snake allisonmelanie caitlin

At the Degrassi Library Yick and Arthur are pulling a bunch of lame pranks with a bunch of novelty items they got from a place called Joe’s Joke Emporium. Arthur once again proves that he’s the lamest motherfucker on the planet because he has a sweater with the stores logo. Arthur says that he and his dad are going there that night and invites Yick along. Arthur then starts going off on Carol saying that he hates her and Yick suggests that they do something about it. Like playing a trick on Carol. They think that she’ll actually break up with his dad if they trick her with a whoopee cushion. Fucking morons.

arthur

After class is dismissed Allison and Snake agree to meet at a meeting for open house. Joey’s all, “Goddamn she is fine!” Apparently she invited him to a party she’s having. But Snake doesn’t even look that much into her. Joey asks him if he’s still into Melanie and it’s obvious that he is. Joey points out how every time they go out it never works out. Joey says, “Melanie is a baby, Allison is a babe.”

Luke comes up to Tracy Morgan and asks him if he saw Shane and asks how he’s doing. Tracy says that he’s still has his lights out. Luke then asks how bad he is and Tracy get’s annoyed and tells him that he should go and visit Shane and look for himself. Luke pulls a real asshole move and says that they weren’t really close and that he hates hospitals. Tracy tells him to fuck off and leaves all disgusted.

tracy

We finally come upon the open house meeting and Alex is debating to Fat Nancy about how he should say “Welcome to Degrassi!” Fat Nancy says that no one gives a motherfuck. Just say the greeting. Melanie walks in and sees Allison standing next to Snake. I guess she got nervous because she dropped all of her books. Allison starts laughing her ass off like it’s the funniest shit she’s ever seen. Snake should have told her that it wasn’t even remotely that funny. Anyways Melanie get’s her stuff and sits down all humiliated. Meanwhile Allison is showing what a bitch she really is by talking shit about everyone who walks in.

allison snake

Oh lord. Back at Arthur’s, he and Yick are planning their stupid prank and they see Carol and his dad come down these steps so they hide the whoopee cushion under a little seat. But they’re the biggest pair of dip shits ever! They only just saw what they did because they could clearly be seen through the huge fucking windows they have in their living room and there’s no curtains so you can see everything clear as day. After his dad introduces her to Yick, Arthur offers her the seat but she declines. Arthur’s all disappointed that it didn’t work. He get’s even more disappointed  when he asks his dad if Yick can come along with them to Joe’s. But his dad says that he’s going out to go bowling with Carol since they have a league going on. I don’t know why Arthur wants to hang out with his dad all the time for. When I was his age I didn’t want to be seen with my parents at all. But I guess that was just me. Arthur then tries one last lame attempt at getting his dad’s attention. He says that his mom told him that she’s taking him to France for two weeks during the Summer. His dad seems elated. Probably because Arthur isn’t going to be around and he and Carol can fuck their brains out without being interrupted. The salt on the wound being when they walk away to the kitchen his dad grabs Carol’s ass.

arthur whoopee cushion

dad ass grabber

The next morning Arthur wakes up and goddamn! Look at how immature this fucking guy is. He has a pink dinosaur sign on his door that says, “Arthur’s Room”. He goes to wake his dad up and he’s completely shocked by the sight he see’s. It seems like his dad and Carol did the nasty the night before. They’re both obviously naked underneath the covers. His dad tries to talk to him during breakfast time, but Arthur doesn’t want to say a thing to him. Then he just asks if he and Carol are going to get married. His dad fumbles for an answer and Arthur leaves all pissed off, His dad telling him that he’ll see him at the open house.

arthurs room
arthur's dad carol

Joey walks in with Caitlin telling her about a stupid plan he has. He doesn’t want her to take his hot milf of a mom to Raditch’s room. I can’t believe he still wants to pull that. He suggests that she tells her that there’s no more home rooms. Yick walks in with another stupid novelty joke can and Arthur tells him how his dad and Carol boned. Yick wants to know all the horny details, but Arthur’s all surly. Arthur is now afraid that Carol and his dad are going to get married. Man what a fucking cock blocker I swear.

In the hallway Luke comes to Tracy Morgan and tries to give him a get well card so he can give it to Shane. But Tracy’s having none of it. He goes off on Luke and tells him that he went to the concert with him, took the acid. Luke being a dickhead says that he didn’t need to take the acid. Tracy points out that he should have stayed with him or else Shane wouldn’t be a fucking drooling vegetable in the hospital because it was his first time taking it. At that Luke grabs him and shoves him against a locker. I thought there was going to be another lame fight, but Tracy doesn’t do shit. Luke says, “Don’t you think I know that?” “Don’t you think I feel bad?” Then he just walks away. Everyone’s looking at Tracy Morgan and probably saying what a big puss he is.

luke tracy

In the girls restroom Melanie has a shit load of make up on and is practicing talking to Snake in the mirror. She get’s humiliated as Kathleen finishes taking a huge smelly shit and comes out smiling. No words are said, Melanie just leaves. The open house is finally in effect and it seems like Alex has Welcome to Degrassi down pat. Allison and Melanie then start giving Snake complements. Even saying how his ugly orange country shirt is nice. They both volunteer to go with Snake but then Kathleen says that Snake is paired with Melanie. Allison is super pissed but Kathleen shuts her up.

snake girls

Joey and his hot mom come up and she finally meets Caitlin. His mom humiliates him by saying, “So this is the young lady you can’t stop talking about?” I guess Caitlin is going to give Joey’s mom a personal tour. His mom then says, “She’s just as pretty as you say she is.” Joey’s all, “Mom!”

joey mom caitlin

After the parents go into Raditch’s class room Snake and Melaine start talking a little. Melanie finally get’s the guts and asks Snake out to a movie the next night. He get’s all happy and says yes. Melanie’s all, “Really?!” But Snake then says that Allison invited him to a party that night and he already said yes. But then says that maybe she can come along, but she says that she wouldn’t want to go somewhere where she wasn’t invited. Snake then points out that Melanie has a bunch of lipstick on her teeth and she runs away completely humiliated.

melanie

Meanwhile Arthur and Yick are talking about the Carol dilemma. Yick suggests just telling his dad how he feels, but stupid Arthur says that he can’t. As Alex is welcoming the parents, Arthur’s pappy comes in. Alex says, “Welcome to Degrassi Mr Kobalewsky.” But then Alex makes the mistake of saying, “And this must be Mrs Kobalewsky.” Arthur can’t stands no more of this shit and he get’s pissed and says, “She’s not my mother!” Carol looks like she’s going to burst into tears and says, “I knew I shouldn’t have come here.” Arthur’s dad get’s pissed and tells him to apologize to her. Arthur says that this night is supposed to be for parents and that he does mind that he brought Carol along. Carol says, “I can’t cope with this, I think I should leave.” Arthur being a little prick tells her that they were doing just fine without her. She goes off crying with his dad following her.

carol upset

Meanwhile in the stair well Allison and Amy are talking mad shit about Melanie. Saying how they feel sorry for Snake being stuck with a nobody like her and laugh at her make up. Kathleen comes up behind and them and tells them to shut the fuck up. Then says, “At least Melanie is nice, which is more I can say for either of you.” As Allison and Amy leave both Melanie and Kathleen just smile at each other. So I guess they’re friends again.

HAHA! We then cut back to Arthur sitting all alone in their shitty apartment brooding with his arms crossed waiting for his dad to come back home. His dad finally comes home and tells him that he and Carol are now broken up because of Arthur and his cock blocking ways. Arthur get’s all happy and says, “Really?” “You made the right decision dad.” His dad is completely depressed because he got dumped. Arthur then says, “You don’t need Carol.” But his dad says, “Some times us old guys get lonely.” Translation being, we get horny as hell. Arthur then tells him, “You’re not alone, you’ve got me.” I expected his dad to say, “Oh fuck no!!” And start crying his eyes out.

arthur cockblocker
arthurs dad sad

The next day at school Melanie thanks Kathleen for sticking up for her. Melanie asks her over that night but Kathleen says that she has a counseling session.  Snake then interrupts and he asks her out to the graduation dance. Of course she says yes. In your face Allison.

As we get to the end of this episode Yick asks Arthur how things went with his dad and Carol. Arthur tells him how they broke up and Yick says alright! But Arthur now feels like a complete piece of shit because he knows he’s the reason that she broke up with his dad.

arthur end

Oh man, this one was a doozy to write. There was a lot going on and a lot of humiliations galore in it too. All in all, if we cut the Arthur bullshit out, it was a good episode. I hate you Arthur! Burn in hell!


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Season 3, Episode 12, “Taking Off, Part 2”

Oh man, so we continue with this emotionally draining two parter. And I say that because Wheels is such a fucking prick in it that it’s almost unbearable. But holy shit!! Just four more episodes left and I’m done with Degrassi Junior High! So there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Previously on Degrassi Junior High: Yup it’s another recap of the previous episode. Wheels explains how he’s going to run away to his real dad, Shane decides to get fucked up on some acid. Luke denies that they took the acid to the police while being questioned on Shane’s whereabouts and some random guy tries to jerk off Wheels while he was hitchhiking.

I’m guessing it’s Monday morning and Joey and Snake are talking about Wheels being gone. Snake says that maybe they should tell someone but Joey says that they made a promise and he doesn’t break promises. Snake says, “Yeah, yeah.” “Bake a pie, eat a pie.” And mentions how Wheels grandma called him up all hysterical and crying. Joey says that the old battle ax called him too. But Joey then says that if he doesn’t call them by that night, that they’ll tell someone.

Joey

The subject of Shane being missing comes up and Spike thinks that Shane just ran away. But then doesn’t explain why she thinks that because the scene just abruptly switches to Melanie and Caitlin. Melanie still hates her pictures, more so because her mom wants to send them to everyone now. Melanie thinks that she’s being punished. Caitlin then asks Luke if he knows what happened to Shane since dickhead was with him that night. But right away he says, “No, I don’t.” “Leave me alone.” The guilt is strong with this one!

caitlin luke]

Raditch comes in all somber again and tells them that the  police are asking anyone with info to please come forward. But of course Luke isn’t going to say shit because he wants to cover his own ass.

At last we come to Wheels walking along a grave yard it seems like and we hear his dad’s voice reading the post card for the one billionth time! It’s hilarious. Wheels finally makes it to Port Hope and the cheap sign on the front says, Mem’ries Lounge, Mike and the Drifters. Yeah, the place looks like a rundown hall where old people play bingo. Wheels comes in and tells the desk clerk that he’s looking for Mike Nelson and the dude looks at him like he wants to say, “Who’s asking?” Why would this guy give a shit if anyone is looking for Mike?! I mean he’s acting like they’re friends and he’s looking out for him. Wheels then mentions that he’s his son and the clerk finally tells him the room number. What was that all about?

lame sign
clerk

Wheels knocks on Mikes door and Mike opens it up all cheerfully saying, “Derek, how have you been?” “I’ve missed you man!” Wheels then says that he’s sort of run away and Mike says, “Too many hassles huh.” Mike then asks Wheels if he still plays his bass and Wheels says yeah. Mike tells Wheels that he can practice with them and maybe he can become their new bass player. Wheels can’t believe his fucking ears. He’s so happy right now. Mike then says, “For now on, it’s me and you against the world!”

mike bullshit
wheels

But it was all a bunch of bullshit. Wheels was just day dreaming the whole thing. Mike opens the door and it’s pretty clear Wheels just woke him up. Mike then asks him what the fuck he’s doing there. Wheels tells him that his parents died last Fall and it seems like Mike could give a shit. You can tell that he doesn’t want him around. Then we hear this women asking who’s pounding on their door so goddamn early. He then tells Wheels to go wait down stairs and shuts the door on his David Koresh looking ass.

mike
wheels idiot

Back at good ol Degrassi Junior High Doris tells Mr Raditch that someone wants to speak with Luke. Luke looks like he’s walking to his doom. He looks at the Mountie that came to his house and he instantly knows that he’s fucked here. The cop repeats the bullshit line Luke told him which was, “He doesn’t do that stuff, I don’t know anyone who does that stuff.” Luke then continues with his lie and the cop says that they found Shane. Apparently they found him below a bridge. They don’t know if he jumped off or someone pushed him. He’s alive but very, very fucked up. The cop then get’s into Luke’s face and wants him to tell him the truth. Luke shakes his head, but then admits that they took acid. What a fuckhead I swear.

luke

Back at the shitty lodge where Mike is staying Wheels is still reading the post card, but I don’t know how his hopes aren’t dashed yet. It’s pretty clear Mike doesn’t want him around. He even asks about his grand parents. Wheels tells him how he ran away because they don’t want him. What an asshole. But his dad insists that Wheels call them because they’re probably worried sick. Mike then asks the clerk if Wheels can use the phone long distance, saying that he’ll pay for the cost. But you know that’s going to hurt him financially because let’s face it. Mike is a huge fucking broke loser.

Back at the Crypt, Wheels grandma picks up the phone and Wheels tells him that he’s fine and that he’s not going to come back. He refuses to tell her where he is, but stupid Wheels then says, “Just tell Joey that I’m ok.” Then he just hangs up on her. The Grandma puts two and two together and pretty much figures out that Joey knows where Wheels is.

In the cafeteria that Mike’s shitty band plays, Wheels lies his ass off and tells Mike that they said he could stay. Then he asks Mike if he can stay, but Mike shakes his head no. Wheels says that he can basically be a roadie. Then Wheels tries to guilt trip him by saying that he’s his dad and they’re blood, plus he has no where else to go. His dad gives in, but says only for that day. Mike’s probably thinking, “Stupid, why did I send him that goddamn card for?!” Mike then ditches wheels in the cafeteria and says he has shit to do. Oh man, Wheels is either completely insane or delusional as hell. As Mike leaves Wheels looks at the post card and the fake day dream voice over of Mike saying, It’s you and me against the world comes up again. Get a clue you maniac!

post card

Uh oh, Wheels grandma arrives at Degrassi Junior High looking for Joey’s dumbass.  Joey of course get’s called up to the office and there Wheels Grandma is waiting for him. She tells him that Wheels is ok, and stupid Joey says, “He is?” “Alright!” The she pounces on him and begs him to tell her where he is because it’s obvious he knows where he is. After giving him a puppy dog face Joey breaks down and gives up all the info.

Oh lord. Back at Port Hope Wheels is playing a bass guitar and is acting like he just play a stadium show. Something that Mike and his shitastic band will never ever do. All of a sudden this black dude walks in from a side door and starts yelling at Wheels asking him what the fuck he thinks he’s doing. Mike comes in and tells him to calm his ass down. The dude apologizes and tells Wheels not to touch other people’s shit. Wheels then tells him how he plays bass for over a year now.  The black dude of course is a real asshole and mocks him by saying, “You’re a real pro then.” Both he and Mike laugh their asses off. As they’re talking about Wheels he looks all sad. I gotta say,  Mike is getting close to thirty and he’s still playing shitty venue’s. I would say, give it up already. Your band blows goats for quarters and if you would have made it, it would have happened already. I would say that Jessie’s shitty band from Full House is better than Mike’s.

asshole

At Degrassi Fat Nancy announces that she and Tracy Morgan are going to the hospital to see Shane and if anyone would want to sign a get well soon card to please do it now. They had some chocolates but she ate them all of course. We then cut to the hospital and Shane’s dad Benjamin Franklin is just sitting next to Shane looking at him. Shane is completely fucked up just laying there in bed in a vegetative state. His dad then asks them if they’ll pray for Shane, because let’s face it. He needs all the help he can get.

shane

Back to Wheels he notices this pregnant chick walk in and she asks Mike why the fuck Wheels is still there for and she mentions how he’s a missing kid. Mike says that he’s a good kid. But he’s not. He’s a fucking selfish asshole. Mike then introduces her. He says her name is Maggie and that they’re getting married. Wheels points out how she’s very fucking pregnant and that Mike’s going to keep the baby and not throw the kid away like he did to him. Mike again goes on to say how they were too young and they couldn’t take care of him.

Finally Wheels Grandma arrives like a bat out of hell and she tells the clerk that she’s looking for Wheels. Back in the Caf Mike, Maggie and Wheels are still arguing about them not wanting Wheels around. His Grandma barges in and tells Wheels that it’s time to go home, but Wheels says that he doesn’t want to. Because he’ll end up in a group home. Wheels being a dick then says that he doesn’t want to stay with her and his ancient grandpa. He wants to stay with Mike, but then Mikes bride to be says that in no certain terms is Wheels going to stay with them.

mike gf

I love how Mikes girlfriend tells him that Wheels can’t stay because he’s a teenager and that they can barely take care of themselves and they have a baby on the way. Man what a bunch of losers. By that rational Mike should give up on this baby too. Mike then says, “Who says he’s staying?” Hearing this, Wheels is devastated. His grandma then threatens Mike. She tells him that Mike has no legal rights and that he could be sent to prison. Mike loses his shit and says that he didn’t ask Wheels to come to him. As they’re all arguing Wheels says, “What about me?!” “You all talk about what you want, what about what I want?!”

grandma

At last we come to the heart to heart moment of this episode. Wheels storms out and his grandma is giving chase. She begs him to come back with her but he yells at her, “I’m not going back!” Then she says how much she and her husband love him but Wheels spits back that no one wants him, while looking at Mike. Then says how no one cares about him. Her grandma then loses her shit and yells out, “You selfish, selfish little boy!!” This sure got his attention. And then says how they just want to help him. Wheels comes back looking all guilt ridden now and gives her a hug. She tells him that they love him and they know that they’re not his parents. Wheels finally fucking breaks down and starts crying. Saying how he wishes that his parents weren’t dead and that he wants them back.

wheels crying

Finally back at Degrassi Allison and Amy are talking about Shane. Allison theorizes that Shane is probably ok, that he’s just faking it just so he won’t get into trouble. Fat Nancy get’s pisses and tells her that they saw him completely fucked up. Snake and Joey notice that Wheels is finally back and he comes up all smiling now. Joey and Snake then admit that they told his grandma about everything, but Wheels says that he’s glad that they did. He said that he would give school another try. The episode ends with Wheels smiling with the dudes, glad to be back.

wheels end

Oh man! This was a really hard episode to watch. Wheels was so fucking annoying I wanted to pull his mullet off his head and shove it up his ass. But I guess he finally figured out what a piece of shit his dad really is and that no one really wants him around. Except for his two grandparents.


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Season 3, Episode 11, “Taking Off, Part 1”

Ok I’ll just say right off the bat. This two part episode is one of my least favorite in the entire series. Why you might ask? Because Wheel’s acts like such a fucking prick in this one, it’s hard to sympathize with someone who’s a complete dick with everyone around them.

Pre-credit opener: Wheels walks in and announces that he’s home. His grandma asks him where he was and he says, “School of course.” But you can tell that she doesn’t believe him one bit. Then she says that he got some mail. It’s a post card from his real dad Mike. His grandma asks him how school went and he says fine. Then in a very whinny voice that is annoying as hell, she says, “Why do you lie to me?” Then she says how he keeps missing school, but shithead says that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore. She then mentions how his parents would want him to go to school still. He just can’t resist being a fucking asshole and says, “Why should they care?” “They’re dead.” See what I mean? I’m already annoyed and want to beat the shit out of him. He starts reading the post card from Mike and we hear Mikes voice in a voice over. He says he’s playing a gig in some shit hole place called Port Hope. Where ever the fuck that is.

wheels grandparents post card

In class Mr Garcia is boring everyone to death, as the bell rings he starts talking about how their photos from photo day have finally come in. Apparently the next day is the Gourmet Scum concert. Everyone is in high spirits for it. Especially Spike and Liz. Amy and Allison can’t contain their disgust because they’re a couple of stuck up bitches. Mr Garcia then asks Snake to hand Wheels his pictures and then asks him to tell Wheels to get his ass to school because he has to.

Melanie is showing Diane her picture with her mouth full of metal and is not too please with it. She says she wants to burn it, but of course that would mean her mom would have to pay for the pics and we all know how “Mega” poor they are. Tracy Morgan and Joey come by and Tracy is also not happy with his pictures and holy shit. He has the most effeminate voice ever! Joey then sees Luke and Shane and asks them since they’re all going to the concert that they should all sit together.

melanie

Caitlin comes by and drags Joey away. Luke and Shane start talking about taking acid. Apparently Luke is a big fucking druggy loser. He talks all about the ecstasy’s of getting fucked up on them. Shane can’t wait to try them. After school Joey’s still weaseling his way into getting Caitlin to help him with his school work. As Joey’s checking out Caitlin’s ass as she’s walking away, Snake points out that Joey’s all in love with her now. Snake and Joey then decide to head on over to Wheel’s to give him his shit.

Of course he’s at the arcade playing The Main Event. A classic wrestling arcade game. He loses and puts more money in to continue. Joey asks him where he has money to play the game all the time. Fucking Wheels informs them that he sold his bass. Joey can’t believe what he’s hearing. He says, “What about our band?” Wheels then says that the Zits are a fucking joke and that he doesn’t want to go to school anymore. Snake sensing that there’s a fight a brewing suggests that they get some fries after Wheels finishes his game.

arcade

As they’re eating fries Wheels is just destroying his annoying grandma. I guess she’s as much a pain in the ass as he is. He then mentions the fact that they’re older than the dirt that they sleep in. He says if they bug him one more time he’s leaving. Snake saying what we’re all thinking says, “Yeah right.” But Wheels says that he’s dead serious and going to Port Hope. I guess it had a birthday message on the back and Snake points out how his birthday isn’t for another month. Wheels defends his loser dad by saying, “He can’t remember everything.” Wheels then tells them his delusions of grandeur by saying how awesome it would be to travel the world and be able to play with his dad’s shitty band, rocking out every cafeteria they play. I love how Wheels has all these grand plans just from a simple post card from his hardly ever there dad.

wheels fries

It’s finally the night of the concert and it seems like all the Degrassi kids are there. Now that I see the picture of the band, they seem more like a punk band than anything. Anyways, Luke meanwhile is buying some acid from some scumbag.  Shane asks Luke how one should take acid and Luke tells him that you eat the piece of paper. Shane finds this hilarious and Luke get’s all pissed off and says, “If you can’t eat paper, maybe you’re not ready for acid.” I gotta say, what a horrible line that was. Anyways Tracy Morgan starts sounding like a fucking PSA and tells them the dangers of getting fucked up on it. Luke says that he’s done it before and he and Shane take the acid. All the dudes come and off they go to see the Gourmet Scum.

gourmet scum shane tim luke shane

At Wheels place he and his Mummy of a grandpa are watching some wrestling on TV. I guess his Grandpa is a Hulkamaniac. His grandma walks in and says that she got some KFC for dinner, but Wheels says that he had fries already. She comes back from the kitchen bitching to him about not doing the dishes. Once again he acts like a dick and she mentions how everyone is concerned with him. She tells him that if he doesn’t start going to school he’ll end up in a group home. Of course being an asshole he takes it as a threat and says that that’s what they want, to get rid of his annoying ass. His Grandma denies it but he goes into his room pissed off.  He calls her an old bag and starts packing his back pack and he decides to run away.

wheels grandparents 2

The next morning Wheels calls up Joey waking him up from the mother of all concerts the night before. He says that he needs to borrow some money and he needs it that day. At the arcade Snake and Joey are talking about how awesome the show was. Wheels tells them that he’s running away and he makes them promise not to tell anyone. They give him some money and Wheels very greedily takes it. Wheels then says that his grandparents want to put him in a group home. He says that Port Hope is only a few miles away and he’s going to hitchhike to get there. Snake tells him what a stupid idea that is, but Wheels doesn’t give a shit.

wheels

Wheels is acting like he’s going on a merry adventure to fucking Mount Doom. He get’s picked up by some dude and off he goes to Port Hope. At Joey’s house Joeys hot mom is talking to Shane’s mom. Apparently Shane never made it home from the concert. Joey tells Shane’s mom Thelma Harper that he was at the concert, but then left with Luke.

joey mom

Oh man, we then get a very cheesy montage in tune with Everybody Wants Something. Wheels is hitchhiking like a mother fucker and  walking to Port Hope too. At one point he starts playing an air bass guitar and he looks like the biggest fucking idiot ever! He get’s out of a car and it seems like Port Hope is only 28 miles away. Or is it kilometers? We then hear his dad Mike reading the message he wrote to Wheels telling him how he’s going to be at Port Hope for only two weeks. This older guy picks him up in what looks like the Truckster from Vacation.

air guitar solo

We then cut to the fuzz coming up to Luke’s house and they ask him if he was at the concert with Shane. He shakes his head yes. The Mountie then asks him if he’s seen him and he says after they left the concert they split up. The Mountie then asks him if they did any drugs and right away he says, “He doesn’t do that stuff, I don’t know anyone who does that stuff.” But you can tell that Luke is full of shit. The officer knows he’s lying his ass off and Luke looks nervous as hell.

luke

Back to Wheels the dude that picked him up is asking him all sorts of questions. Wheels tells him that he’s old enough to take care of himself and that he’s been around. The dude says, “That so?” And get’s a creepy look on his face. He then asks him if he has a girlfriend and Wheels tells him no. You can tell this guy is probing Wheels for some info. Continuing with his twenty questions the guy says, “Not interested in girls eh.” Wheels doesn’t help matters by saying that girls are ok. He basically just made himself sound gay.

The old guy then asks Wheels if he’s ever missed around with a girl and Wheels sounding like a shy kid laughs and says, “NO!” After some small talk the guy says that he has to make a short detour and goes off the main road into this small dirt road. It seems like he’s taking Wheel’s to Leatherface’s lair. He then says that it sounds like the car is messed up and he pulls over, stopping it.

wheels perv

Ok, here’s another one of the most creepiest moments in Degrassi history!! So brace yourself bitches. Wheels asks him if he’s going to go out to check on the car, but then the old perv says, “You know Wheels you’re a good looking young man.” He unbuckles his seat belt and slides on over to Wheels seat, feeling up his leg. Probably Wheel’s junk too I wouldn’t doubt. Wheel’s is all, “What are you doing?!” The guy sounding like Mr Colby tells him to relax. This guy is probably related to Colby in some way. Wheels get’s out of the car, grabs a rock and tells the old perv to get the fuck away from him. The guy throws Wheel’s shit out and peels out. That was pretty convenient of him to do that. But Wheels is now stranded in the middle of nowhere.

wheels molested
truckster to be continued

Of course it says To Be Continued and the episode ends with Mike’s voice telling Wheels about his stupid lousy gig at Port Hope. Will he make it there? Because it seems like Wheels is walking towards Leatherface’s house. But I guess we’ll find out in the next episode.


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Season 3, Episode 10, “Twenty Bucks”

Pre-credit opener: Melanie comes into the local Degrassi pizzaria and very excited says that she no longer has her mouth full of metal. She says, “Melanie Brody is ready for action.” That is the most sexual thing ever, I mean come on! No more braces, we all know what that means. Joey comes by and says hi to Caitlin but apparently she’s still holding a grudge and ignores him. Snake just gives Melanie the creepiest of smiles. Melanie decides to celebrate by having a little pizza party for all of her cheap friends.

snake creep
melanie cheap friends

Mr Raditch dismisses the class and Caitlin is thanking Melanie for all the free pizza. Melanie says that her mom was hella pissed at her for wasting twenty dollars. Melanie reason’s since it’s her money her mom should mind her own fucking business. Diane then pops by and asks them if they’re going to go to the Gourmet Scum concert. Caitlin and Melanie apparently aren’t fans of theirs. I wouldn’t guess that a nerd like Diane is a fan of what sounds is a metal band. Melanie then tries to say hi to Kathleen and of course she’s her usual pleasant self, she tells Melanie to fuck off.

melanie caitlin diane

Joey comes up to Alison and Amy and tries to hit on them. Alison says, “We don’t talk to 8th graders.” Burn. You know, because he’s a complete idiot and he failed. After he get’s shot down BLT points out that Joey has never had a date ever. BLT then bets him twenty bucks that he can’t get a date by Friday. They do a gangsta hand shake and agree to the bet.

blt joey

Joey then tells Snake all about the bet with BLT but Snake reminds him that he’s supposed to line up with the dudes on Friday night to get tickets for the concert. Joey then asks Snake if he can get the ticket for him if he gives him the money. Snake then says that they only let people get two tickets each. Joey’s like, “Then what’s the big fucking deal then?” Snake then drops the bomb that he wants to ask Melanie to go with him on yet another date. He tells Joey to get the fuck out of there and then acts all nervous and awkward with Melanie again. Trying to act cool he asks her out and she says, “Sure!” Snake being a cheap bastard asks her for twenty bucks so she can buy her own ticket. Way to go Snake! But of course Melanie says no problem. Saying that she can have the money the next day.

melanie caitlin

Liz and Spike are talking about the concert and Spike is telling Liz all about how Shane has been giving her money all this time and she’s been saving it to buy a ticket. I can’t help but think. Bitch that money is for the baby, not so that your ass can go to a metal concert. Joey interrupts and tells Liz, “How would you like to go out with the coolest dude at Degrassi?” Liz points out how much she hates everyone there and everyone are fucking dweebs compared to her and Spike. She then says that she can’t because she’ll be waiting for the concert tickets too. Then she totally banishes him to the friend zone saying, “I thought we were just friends.” Joey for once takes the hint and leaves.

Melanie comes out of the school and Caitlin is dying to know what Snake wanted. Melanie tells them that they’ll be going to the stupid concert. Diane points out how Melanie doesn’t even like them. Then she mentions what a cheapo Snake is and Diane asks her where she’s going to get the money. She replies with, “From my mom.” “I have this mega baby sitting job on Saturday, so I can pay her back.”

melanie

At the Brody residence the first words out of Melanie’s mom is, “Oh hell no!” Then she says that any treats she pays with baby sitting money and that’s the time when she tries to teach Melanie the lesson of having some financial responsibility. Great timing. Melanie says that she has a mega baby sitting job on Saturday and can pay her back, but no dice. Apparently they’re hella poor and her dad hasn’t given them any child support. So they’re dead fucking broke.

The next day Joey actually tries to ask out Lucy and she doesn’t even say a word. She just laughs and walks away. BLT being a dick says, “Nice try.” Shane and Luke come by and Shane tells him that he can’t go to the concert, but Luke is insisting, especially since this is the Gourmet Scum’s farewell tour. Luke then says, “Just once, don’t pay her.”

lucy

Joey showing how desperate he is asks the twins if one of them wants to go out with him on Friday night. They both laugh their asses off and Erica says, “Is he serious?!” Joey walks off dejected. You know it’s bad when they laugh at the thought of going out with him. Shane get’s some balls and decides to tell Spike that he won’t be able to give her any child support for the month. Spike says “Great!” Shane then says that he’ll give her the money next month.

twins joey

Melanie’s telling Caitlin about her mom not giving her money and says, “She acts like we’re mega poor!” I think Melanie is trying to start something with using the word mega. She’s used it about three times already. But you can tell she’s getting desperate because she actually asks Caitlin for some money, but Caitlin is broke like a joke and even adds that her parents won’t let her baby sit. Probably because she’d find something wrong and call child services on the parents. Melanie then tries to get some money from Trish and Diane. Trish says that she’s broke too and Diane points out that Melanie took forever to pay her back. Seems like Melanie is pretty much mega fucked here.

After school Spike is telling Liz about her not being able to go to the concert. Liz calls Shane a pig. I swear, this chick always has to hate every guy, Shane being her main target it seems like. Spike leaves all sad saying how depressed she is. Melanie decides to tell Snake that she can’t go to the concert. Just as she’s about to tell him she chickens out due to the look of disappointment he was getting on his giant ginger face. And says that she’ll give him the money the next day.

liz spike

Back at Melanie’s place her mom is gabbing to her friend on the phone and she asks Melanie to get some cash for some milk that they need. Hey! I just noticed some American dollars. Guess this is another case of Degrassi trying to hide how Canadian it is. Melanie says fuck it and takes a twenty as she heads out to the market.

money

After school Snake is asking Joey if they should invite Wheels to come along but Joey points out what a basket case Wheels is now and never wants to do jack shit. BLT comes by and reminds him of their bet. BLT tells him to bring new bills because he hates dirty money. Snake asks him who he has a date with and of course Joey has struck out with everyone. Snake convinces him to ask Caitlin out already. Joey finally get’s her to say hi and he asks her out. You can tell that she’s real happy about going out on a date with Joey and she says, “Ok great.”

caitlin

As they’re walking into Raditch’s class Caitlin tells Melanie about Joey asking her out on a date. She says that she loves how vulnerable he was. If she only knew that he was only sweating because he was desperate for a date. Melanie says, “Will your mom let you go?” She said go real funny. Then she tells Caitlin about the money she stole but Melanie says that she only “borrowed” it. Caitlin of course judges her and Melanie is all explaining herself to Caitlin for some reason.

Liz is walking up the stair well and Luke and Tracy Morgan are talking about who’s going to the concert. Luke says, “You, Snake, Shane.” Liz turns around and looks at Shane with hate filled eyes. Of course she has to be a fucking trouble maker and immediately reports to Spike that Shane’s going to the concert.

Uh oh. Get ready motherfuckers! Shane and Spike are about to have a big fucking fight, so hit the deck!! Spike goes charging out there and calls Shane a liar and how could he be so broke and still get concert tickets. Shane responds with, “Well why shouldn’t I?” I’m entitled to a life.” Spike sounding real childish says, “I was going to go to the concert.” He then says how is it fair that she goes instead of himself, then says that it’s his money. Spike then starts bitching about how he get’s to go out and party all the time. I’m sure it’s not even like that. I love how Shane points out that the money he gives her is not to be used for going to concerts! Check mate Spike! But of course she continues bitching at him. Shane brings up another good point of saying that most guys wouldn’t give her a goddamn thing. Spike just repeats what that asshole Liz said and calls Shane a pig too. I would have told Spike, “Fuck you, at least I’ll be enjoying the concert.” “Have fun wiping Emma’s ass, bitch!” Can you tell this riled me up? It did!

shane fight
spike fight

Back at Melanie’s house her mom is going crazy looking for the twenty that Melanie stole. She keeps going on and on about how she needed the money for groceries. Melanie meanwhile looks guilty as hell. The phone rings and Melanie picks it up. Apparently she got some bad news. She tells her mom that she just lost the baby sitting job. So now she feels like an even bigger shit head for ripping her mom off.

melanie's mom

It’s finally date night and Joey and Caitlin come into the pizza joint again and Joey decides to join BLT and Michelle. Even pointing out that they’re out on a date. Joey being smug says, “When Joey Jeremiah says that he’ll deliver, he delivers.” BLT decides to pay up right then and there. Joey see’s Caitlin coming over and tells BLT to pay him later but BLT insists on paying him. But he just has to keep talking and says, “You said you’d get a date for tonight and you got a date.” “You win.” Then hands him the money. Caitlin of course hears everything and says, “You asked me out on a bet?” Then she pours her soda all over Joey’s greasy hair and storms out.

joey soda

Out in the rain Joey says that he really did want to go out with her. She doesn’t believe him and then to make a point Joey rips up the money that BLT paid him. Then he adds that the reason he asked her out is because he wanted to. I guess Caitlin feels sorry for the schmuck because she says, “You can at least walk me home.”  Joey turns around face full of hope and they head on over to her house.

joey caitlin

Back at Melanie’s  her mom asks her how she feels about having chili all week. Melanie says that she doesn’t mind and her mom says, “Good, it’s all we can afford.” Once again she’s going on about the fucking money still. Melanie then asks her why her dad doesn’t give them any money. Her mom says that he’s probably a dirt dick loser and can’t give them shit. And oh lord! She’s going on about the “lost” twenty again. Give it a rest already lady! Geesh! Melanie then can’t stand the guilt and tells her mom everything. They seem to have a little stare down there, what the hell.

melanie stare down

The next day at school Melanie is telling Caitlin about being grounded and not being able to go to the stupid ass concert that she didn’t want to go to begin with. She then asks her about her date with Joey, Caitlin acts like she got laid. Melanie has to bite the fucking bullet and she tells Snake that she can’t go because she’s grounded. His jolly green giant ass is disappointed and asks what she’s going to do with the ticket. She says that she’s going to sell it. She says, “Maybe we can go out after I’m grounded.” But Snake just says, “Maybe.” I swear these two can never get it together.

Spike comes along sounding like Melanie’s mom and is telling Liz how her mom gave her the money for the ticket but now the concert is sold out. Perfect timing, Melanie over hears them and offers Spike her ticket for twenty bucks.  Once again she says the line funny for some reason. Anyways it all worked out for Melanie in the end. Except for the date part. DOH!

melanie ending

I gotta say, I liked this episode. Melanie for some reason is one of my favorite characters. She never annoys me like Kathleen or Arthur. I guess I like how goofy and awkward she can be. Spike of course was just an atrocious piece of shit again, the same with Liz.