Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.


2 Comments

Season 1, Episode 15, “Stressed Out”

Pre-credit opener: It’s time for final exams and everyone is worrying about them big time. Caitlin drops off a bunch of books to Ms Avery. Caitlin says that she’s sure it’s all of them that she’s checked out. Ms Avery is all, “Leave them on the counter.” Right away Caitlin picks up on her hostility when she asks her if something is wrong. All of a sudden Ms Avery goes off on her saying, “What are you staring at?” Caitlin says, “Nothing.” But Ms Avery definitely has a bug up her ass. She yells at her some more saying, “Well what are you standing there for?” “Get out of here, get out!!” Caitlin should have said, “Chill out butch.” Because it was still left a little open whether Ms Avery was a lesbian or not.

Ms Avery Caitlin
Seems like the 9th graders are taking their final exams in Mr Walfish’s class. Diana says that it was her last exam and she’s finally free. But I don’t know why she was stressing for. She is a brainiac.  They stop in front of the library and Caitlin apparently told them about Ms Avery’s little explosion. Caitlin says that she’s very worried about her since she’s never acted like that before. Maybe she should mind her own fucking business. But I forget this is Caitlin, the one who get’s involved in everyone’s shit. Diana then suggests that they clean out their lockers. She even brought garbage bags. Man what they do have in there that they need huge bags like those?

caitlin, maya, diana

We come upon Michelle taking something and getting a drink of water and man, she has no ass. BLT and some black dudes are rapping about not having any more tests to take. Way to stereotype them Degrassi writers. Anyways, BLT comes up to her and asks her what’s in the bag and she says nothing. He insists on seeing what it is and she says, “I said no!!” Man everyone is all grumpy in this episode. She says that she’s sorry and shows him what it was. Caffeine pills. Oh noes! They’re going to do a drug episode but with something lame like this. BLT says, “What are you taking drugs for?” She says that they’re not drugs and it’s no big deal. She leaves saying that she has to go to work and then study. BLT is very concerned. Just like AC Slater was.

BLT, Michelle

Snake is being a big hypochondriac. He’s telling Wheels all about feeling sick as hell. Just then Joey comes in and says that he hopes that he doesn’t flunk again. Wheels suggests that they relax for a bit and they agree to go play some video games. But Snake says that he can’t. His dad is taking him driving because his test is on Thursday, right after his last exam. The dudes of course encourage and make fun of him at the same time. Snake says that he can basically do everything that’s required to drive. Both Joey and Wheels say, “Except pass the stupid test.”

the zits

Caitlin takes out something out of her locker that looks fucking disgusting. Some long forgotten lunch. After they toss it around for a bit Maya says that they just have to come to her family’s cottage again for the Summer. Just then Caitlin finds another library book and is deathly afraid of bringing it back to Ms Avery. In the library we see her telling Dwayne and his two asshole friends that she wants all the library books back by Friday. But Dwayne just has to be a fucking asshole and says, “Relax, don’t have a bird.” She then says that she doesn’t like his tone and he says all sarcastically, “I’m sorry, please don’t suspend me.” You can just tell that she hates his guts. Probably because he’s a fat asshole. Caitlin then walks in all scared and returns the books. Ms Avery then apologizes for annihilating her ass earlier. Ms Avery then tells her how she’s not going to be back next year. She then starts going on how the school board is treating her like complete shit and she doesn’t appreciate it. Caitlin’s all, “They fired you?” But Ms Avery is still just going off on the school board. Oh no, we can see the wheels turning in Caitlin’s head. This is never a good thing.

caitlin

On the big ass ramp, Caitlin is now telling Maya and Diana all about Ms Avery being shit canned from the school. She’s all, “It’s so stupid, they fire her but they keep fogie Fogerty.” Man, poor old bastard, whoever that is. Diana and Maya then suggest getting her a present and throw her a surprise party. But of course Caitlin says that they should do more. Oh no, this is what I was afraid of. Activist Caitlin has rear her ugly head again. She tells the girls that they should fight and right a letter of protest. Maya says all annoyed, “Another petition?” See when people like Caitlin bitch about everything they have no credibility.

caitlin diana maya

It’s a new day and Caitlin is riling everyone up about Ms Avery being fired. Spike saying that if it wasn’t for her, she would have dropped out long ago because her hair was so huge it was crushing her brain. So we have Ms Avery to blame for Spike still being there. Joey is feeling Snake’s forehead and he insists that he’s really sick. Fat Nancy interrupts and tells the dudes that the year books are in. But they could give a shit, all they say is, “Great.” I just noticed they had to scoot their legs in to make room for her. Joey leaves in a panic for his math test. Wheels tells him that as soon he’s finished with his exams he’ll feel better.

zits

We come upon Michelle looking all frumpy. BLT invites her to dinner but she says that she doesn’t have time due to work and all her final exams. BLT tells her that she can’t stay up all night and she needs her sleep. He continues to blow smoke up her ass by saying that she doesn’t even need to study because she’s smart. She just says, “Passing isn’t enough!” BLT continues to say that he doesn’t like it that she’s taking those caffeine pills.

michelle

See? Look at that, no ass!
michelle no ass

In the lunch room Caitlin is still getting signatures. She comes upon Dwayne and his dick head friends and asks them if they would like to sign her stupid petition. Dwayne says, “Are you crazy?” “We need less teachers.” And they all start laughing their asses off. Caitlin says, “You moron.” “She’s a person, not just a teacher.” After she leaves Mr Raditch asks her about the petition he’s been hearing about. She get’s all pissed and says that it’s a letter of protest because of the unfair firing of Ms Avery. Just then Raditch schools her in the situation. He says that she wan’t fired and that the library job was only for one year and she knew that. Now the regular person is coming back. Caitlin’s all, “They should offer her another job.” He says that she was, but she turned it down. Caitlin get’s even more pissed off and says, “This is so typical.” “I try to help and I end up looking stupid.” She throws her stupid clip board in the trash and leaves all dejected. But she doesn’t realize that no one has ever asked for her help before ever.

Mr Raditch Caitlin

Class is dismissed and we see Snake holding his throat like he’s sick still.  BLT comes out following Michelle and she’s taking yet another caffeine pill. She tells him not to start his shit again and says that she only has two exams left. BLT just shakes his head and walks away. We see Scooter and Bart cleaning their lockers and Bart has a fucking toaster in there for some reason. But just then Caitlin come storming by. The girls tell her that the party is on. But Caitlin is throwing a tantrum like a big fucking baby. She says that she’s not going and that she hates this year.

In a lunch room Fat Nancy is being a know it all again and is telling Tracy Morgan all about Africa. They pass by Joey and he’s a nervous wreck. Snake is still insisting that he’s sick, but he’s clearly fine. He says that he’s going to miss his driving test because he’s a big pussy. Wheels tells him to relax and breath deeply to relax. Joey tells him that it really works and they all start doing it. Dwayne comes by and just laughs at them.

snake sick

zits dwayne

Caitlin is handing in her lock and Alex is being really fucking annoying. He won’t shut up about his stupid trip to Greece for the Summer. But Caitlin is not in the mood. He gives her a year book and she storms off, but Ms Avery stops her and says that she heard about the protest and really appreciates the gesture. Caitlin all surly says, “Yeah right!” Caitlin then starts to go off on Ms Avery. She accuses her of lying to her and tells her all about the job she declined. Ms Avery then fires back and says that she was basically just a sub job. She says that she doesn’t want such a shitty job. After Caitlin goes through her butt hurt speech, Ms Avery just tells her goodbye and walks away. The whole time this was happening Alex was just looking at them. After Ms Avery leaves Caitlin says, “What are you staring at?” Alex panics and says, “Nothing.” It’s funny though, she feels bad about going off on him and says, “I’ll see you in September.”

caitlin pissed alex

Michelle is still studying like crazy in the library and BLT tells her if she’s ready for her last test. She panics because it’s starting in five minutes. BLT tells her to calm down and she loses her shit. She starts yelling and crying throwing her books at him. BLT tells her to stop it and she starts screaming, “YOU STOP IT!” And then she just faints away. At least it was a much better melt down than what happened on Saved by the Bell.

michelle faint

We hear Ms Avery being called up to the office and that’s when everyone makes their move. They rush into the library with all sorts of party supplies. Michelle seems to be talking to the school nurse and she asks her how long she’s been taking the pills. Michelle says a week, but the nurse gives her a don’t bullshit me look. Then she admits that it was two weeks. The nurse then gives her all the facts of abusing caffeine pills and she was lucky nothing worse happened to her. She tells BLT that she’s fine and she’s going to make up the exam later. BLT tells her that this is a big moment for him and he wants to hear her say it good. She says, “Yes BLT stands for Black, Long and Thick.” No she says that he was right about everything.

BLT Michelle

Mr Raditch and Ms Avery walk into the library and she’s bitching him out about having to sign some papers. But just then everyone jumps out and yell. “Surprise!” Ms Avery is so touched that it made her asshole clench. Diana busts out this huge cake for her while everyone is still screaming.

class surprise ms avery

Oh God, we hear Arthur telling Ms Avery all about going to Italy for the Summer. No one cares. Yick says that he’s just going to the mall. Lucy comes by with a year book and asks Ms Avery to sign it for LD. They ask her how she’s doing and apparently she beat the cancer. She’s at home and is in remission. Funny how she never showed up again. I guess the writers just said fuck it. Bart comes by and gives her his banged up toaster. You can tell she wants to throw it away.

LD year book

Wheels offers Joey some cake but he declines. Joey says that he’s worried about his marks and doesn’t want to repeat grade nine again. Wheels tells him that he thinks that he passed and there’s nothing he can do about it now and tells him to relax and just enjoy the upcoming Summer. As Wheels is breathing deeply Joey wipes some frosting on his nose. Just then Caitlin walks in looking all meek. Caitlin says that she’s sorry about being an asshole. Ms Avery tells her not to worry about it because it made her think. She says that she’s getting a job teaching up north, she mentions how they really need teachers up there. Man, she must be going up to the tundra. Ms Avery thanks her for helping her. Caitlin can’t believe it. She says, “I really helped?” Ms Avery assures her that she did. They hug each other as they say they’re going to miss one another. Caitlin’s probably going to miss those lesbianiac dreams. Snake interrupts and shows Ms Avery his drivers license. It’s about goddamn time that he passed. Caitlin tells the girls, “I can’t believe it, I finally did something right!” And the episode ends as she does a spin of joy.

snake caitlin end

Well that does it for this season of Degrassi High. Next episode is the beginning of the end. Because that’s right. It’s the final season of Degrassi.

Advertisements


Leave a comment

Season 1, Episode 14, “It Creeps!”

This episode is another favorite of mine. Because that’s right, Lucy finally makes her horrible movie! Plus I love the fact that this is being published in October.

Pre-credit opener: We see Lucy sporting her Skippy peanut butter shirt and she’s busy typing away on this ancient device called a Typewriter. Right off the bat she’s ripping off Psycho, but the roles are reversed. We see Simon taking a shower while some chick comes in with a knife. Already she’s congratulating herself on what a great movie it’s going to be. Simon get’s killed of course and Lucy is so unoriginal that she even has shot of bloody water going down the drain.

lucy simon

In Mr Walfish’s class, he’s going on about everyone writing a screen play. He says that their next assignment is a stage play. Tracy Morgan comes up to Lucy and asks her if she’s going to ask Mr Walfish something. She says since she got an A+, she’s definitely going to ask. Heather is excited about this idea too. He should have given her an F for plagiarizing Alfred Hitchcock. Walfish tells Lucy that he loved her idea of a feminist slasher film. At that, Lucy asks him if they can film it instead of doing the play, but Mr Walfish tells them no. Right away Heather says, “You said if we wanted to experiment to come to you to talk about it.” I think he meant doing drugs, but they insist that they really wanna do it and Lucy says since she has a camera, they can do it on the weekend. Mr Walfish says that if they can plan everything out, then he’ll consider it. Tracy says, “That’s fair.” And they all leave happy.

lucy, heather, tim

Walking down the big ass ramp, Lucy says that they need to start finding actors. She says that she’ll find Simon since he’s into that. They say that they’ll get Wheels, Joey and Snake to be in it too. Tracy says, “Blitz the Zits.” Lucy then says that she wants Caitlin to play the killer of the movie since she’s acted before and is a feminist. Tracy says that he can get some Ketchup from one of his uncles who conveniently owns a restaurant.

We come upon Spike, Liz and Patrick. He gives her a smooch goodbye and the girls start talking about what play they wanna write. But that’s as far as they get. Because guess who’s back? That’s right Shane! And goddamn, I know it’s not PC to say it like this, but he is completely retarded because of his accident. We see him yelling at Luke saying, “Dumb Jerk, you should get kicked in the head!” It’s obvious that he’s looking for Spike, but Spike makes a run for it before he spots her. Good move there. It’s clear he’s completely unstable.

shane

The Zits come out of the school and they’re wondering why he was shouting at Luke for. Wheels saying how weird he is now. Snake reminds everyone how he jumped off a bridge and ended up completely fucked up. Joey says, “The guy was stupid enough to take acid.” Another good point.

It’s another day at Degrassi High and Lucy is seen bothering Caitlin about being in her stupid movie. But Caitlin says that she can’t. Since she got into deep shit, she’s grounded and has to do community service. But Lucy says since it’s during the weekend and school related it shouldn’t be no problem. But Caitlin is still unsure. Until she see’s Claude. She asks with evil intentions, “All the guys get killed?” Then she says that she’ll do it.

caitlin lucy

We then see Lucy trying to talk the Zits into being in her movie. Wheels says, “A feminist horror movie?” Joey says, “Why?” Lucy comes up with this long winded explanation how she’s tired of seeing women being the victims all the time in horror movies. Then she throws in their faces how they owe her for doing their music video for free. Joey says, “We’re not going to look stupid are we?” Lucy says, “Not more than usual.” I’m telling you, always with a shitty remark. After she insults them, they agree to be in it.

the zits

Man Lucy is recruiting everyone to be in her little movie. Simon can’t believe that she’s asking him to be in it. He says that he’ll take it since he’s getting lines. Alexa wants to be in it too, but Lucy tells her that the only female role has been cast already. Alexa of course get’s all sad, but then get’s really fucking happy after Lucy offers her the job of script assistant. I’m pretty sure Alexa is bi polar. Her moods change at the drop of a hat. It’s hilarious to hear Simon say, “Finally a chance to finally act!”

alexa

We see Shane and Luke hanging out again and Luke tells him how it’s 9 AM and Shane should be getting his ass to his own school but he finally spots Spike.  He says hi and Spike is all awkward. Shane says that they’re finally letting him out by himself so he thinks he’s better. Spike then says that they have to go to class and just buzzes on by. Shane loses his shit and starts shouting at them saying, “Fine!” “Go ahead and walk away you dumb jerks.” “See if I care, you should be kicked in the head!” Spike repeats what he says and acts all shocked at his behavior. But she should realize that he’s completely insane and brain damaged at this point.

spike shane

Lucy hands in her script to Mr Walfish and it looks like a comic book. But I guess it was good enough for him. He ok’s it, but Lucy still has the nerve to ask him if he can come on Saturday to supervise them. Again, he agree’s to do it. Man, no teacher would be that cool. I call bullshit.

It’s finally Saturday and the day looks gloomy as hell. So it’s perfect for them to film their little horror movie. The whole gang is waiting outside with their props. Mr Walfish comes along and lets them in, saying he’ll be in the staff room. They get to filming and all of them look like complete dip shits. Joey is your stereotypical nerd. Snake looks like a gay motorcycle enthusiast. Simon is wearing his football gear and Wheels just looks like Wheels. The way Snake is talking. He sounds like one of those goombas from New York. Caitlin meanwhile is playing a character named Debby and she’s dressed like a 50’s teenager. As they’re saying their lines Joey fucks things up by calling her Caitlin instead. They all start laughing and Lucy gets all pissed off at them, telling them to take shit seriously. Wheels tells her that the whole setting isn’t very scary. She says that she knows what she’s doing since she got the A+.

caitlin it creeps lucy pissed

I just noticed this. We see a picture of this old looking dude and we hear some ghostly laughter. What was that all about? Anyways, they continue to film the next scene with Snake being the worlds worst actor.  In the back ground Joey, Tim, Simon and Wheels are laughing their asses off at his fake screaming. He can’t do it for shit. Lucy asks him if he can be more believable. They then start saying how the movie isn’t scary at all. Shit, if it was a real horror situation, Joey would be the biggest pussy there.

snake it creeps tim, simon, wheels, joey

Lucy is now filming the shower scene, but Simon ruins shit by trying to sound like he’s a real actor. He wants to know what his motivation is. What an asshole. Lucy knows that she can’t get through to him because he’s an idiot and she asks Alexa to talks to him. She says, “Simon, don’t think.” “Act.” Oddly enough it works.

simon shower

We come upon Wheels and Simon acting like they’re scared. Wheels says that he heard a noise coming from another room and he tells Simon that he’s going to check it out. Simon sounds like a big coward saying, “No Johnny don’t go.” All of a sudden Caitlin pulls Wheels inside presumably to murder him. While they can’t be seen by the camera Tracy is putting his fake blood all over Wheels in the class room. As they’re doing that, Lucy tells Simon to act like he’s really scared. Meanwhile while she’s filming Joey is saying, ‘This is so fake, guys don’t scare that easy.” Wouldn’t that be a ruined take? How is she going to edit that shit out, she only has an ancient video camera? She must be so rich that she has her own studio in her house. Oh yeah, so Wheels comes back out and does this really dramatic death scene. He takes forever to die. Joey just has to say loud as hell, “This is so fake!” The scene is over and they all congratulate him on a job well done. He then says that he’s going to go take a shower to get all that shit off of him.

wheels

Finally the best scene of the movie. Joey get’s killed. Lucy is talking him through it and Caitlin pulls him into a class room and stabs the shit out of him. He leaves a bloody hand print on the door as Lucy says cut. During all this Wheels is taking his shower. Just then someone opens up the door and Wheels get’s all scared. We even hear the same creepy music that was played through out the episode. He keeps calling out, asking if it’s Joey but no one answers. It turns out it was the janitor doing his rounds, rocking his cassette player. But what was he doing there on a weekend? Plot hole I guess, but who cares.

joey dying
wheels scared

It’s finally Monday I guess and Shane tries to talk to Spike again. What a surprise, Liz is trying her hardest to get her to not speak to him. I swear, she’s always trying to get her to not do shit. Spike insists and says hi to him. He tells her that he goes to a special school. All of a sudden he asks her if she would like to go to a movie sometime. Spike for once showing some tact very gently tells him no. Of course he instantly get’s pissed and says, “Why not?!” She says that she just doesn’t think that they should. He goes with calling her a dumb jerk again. At that Liz tries to pull Spike away, but Spike says that she’s really sorry about what’s happened, but they should move on with their lives. She then says that maybe they can have some coffee some time and just talk as friends. Finally satisfied the maniac says, “That would be nice.” I bet she never called him up.

shane insane spike

In Mr Walfish’s class it’s finally time for a viewing of Lucy’s movie. Lucy get’s up to speak. She has Lucy Fernandez Productions written on her sweater. I couldn’t stop laughing at how it looks. She goes on to thank everyone who worked on it and hopes they really enjoy it.

lucy fernandez productions

As the movie starts Tracy looks super gay as a rip off of the MGM Lion. Right off the bat everyone starts laughing at that and the title. Lucy makes a face like she didn’t like that one bit. Fuck as soon as Snake starts talking everyone just starts laughing their asses off even harder. She instantly get’s disappointed because everyone is just laughing at everything being said and done. She walks outside looking all sad, the sound of laughter chasing her. But what did she expect? You can’t take people you know seriously in what looks like a terrible low budget movie.

tim class laughing

She sits by some lockers all sad and Mr Walfish asks her what’s going on. She says, “They hate it.” “They’re laughing at everything, they’re not even listening to the dialog.” She continues to say that it was supposed to be scary. Mr Walfish tells her that he’s very impressed and encourages her to keep trying until she perfects her shitty craft. He asks her to come back inside and reluctantly she does.

lucy mr walfish

She walks in right at the part where Wheels comes out dying a bloody death. Seems like it was effective. Joey says, “Ew.” But I’m surprised we didn’t hear Joey’s obnoxious ass talking in the back ground during that scene. How did she edit that out?! The last scene is Simon taking a shower and the killer comes along and stabs him a new asshole. Everyone sees to be all into it and finally Lucy cracks a smile. Caitlin takes a mask off and on the wall it says “The End” in blood. And that’s where everyone claps for Degrassi’s first snuff film. You gotta give it to her, she did a pretty good job for being a first movie. The episode ends with Lucy and a huge shit eating grin.

caitlin the end class clapping lucy end credits

Again, I love this episode for some reason. Mostly because I love horror films and this was the closest that Degrassi ever came to doing something like this. Plus it was funny to see them act even more horribly than usual.


Leave a comment

Season 1, Episode 13, “Testing 1…2…3…”

Pre-credit opener: We open with Joey writing a paper like a demon. Snake is telling Wheels all about feeling like shit because he’s so damn nervous about his drivers test. I knew Snake was one of those neurotic people like that. Joey finally finishes and he tells the dudes that his essay on The Diary of Anne Frank is a master piece. Mainly because he actually worked on an assignment this time around. Snake keeps bothering him about leaving to take their drivers test again, but Joey has to turn it in first. Saying, “An A, definitely an A!” You know, I haven’t pointed this out all season long, but Joey’s new look this year consists of his Frank Sinatra hat and a vest. I swear, go back to every scene he’s in and he has a different vest on for each scene.

Joey

In class Mr Walfish is blowing smoke up everyone’s asses for their improvements in writing an actual good paper. Everyone except for Joey that is. He reads his paper and it says, “D-, See me after class.” Joey for the life of him can’t understand why he did so awful on it. I know why, because he’s stupid! Class is dismissed and Bart and Scooter make plans to play cards. Tessa wonders how they could play cards when there’s a huge science test the next day. But I would say that they’re two smart egg heads and it’s nothing to them. It’s finally time for their talk and Mr Walfish basically tells Joey that the spelling was horrendous, and he can’t write an articulate paper. They’re going to meet with a psychologist so they can address the issue of Joey’s stupidity. But Joey is so pissed off at the thought that he insists that he doesn’t need to see one. But Walfish insists.

joey 2

We cut to Caitlin getting some shit out of her locker and look who it is. The brave revolutionary Claude. He asks her about her court date and she says it’s on Thursday morning at nine. He wonders what’s going to happen to her and she get’s all surly with him. “I don’t know what they do to people who spray paint buildings.” She has every right to be pissed at him, but it’s still her fault for being stupid and buying into his bullshit. Anyways, he tries to say he’s sorry and wants another chance. She tells him to fuck off and he’s all, “Do I get condemned forever for one dumb mistake?” Seriously, who talks like that? He says sorry again and Caitlin get’s suckered by him again. She says, “If you’re really sorry you’ll come to court with me.” Goddamn, will she ever learn? He says ok as their lame love theme comes on. But as she’s walking away he has this I’m so fucked look on his face.

claude

Mr Webster, the boring science teacher is going through a diagram of a microscope. Tessa and Scooter both say they have no idea what the fuck Mr Webster was talking about. As they leave the class we come upon Maya and Caitlin. Maya wonders why she’s even still talking to Claude. But Caitlin says, “If it wasn’t for him, none of this would be happening.” “It’s his responsibility to be there.” Again, her fault for being gullible. Maya apologizes for not being able to go and surprise, surprise. She can’t go because she has an appointment for a dr that apparently takes months in advance to book. Maya then asks her if she wants to get back with Cloud. She’s saying it like that again. You can tell that Caitlin does, but says that she doesn’t but wants someone there to be with her. Did that make sense?

maya

In the hall way Tessa asks Alex for help since he’s a smart science nerd. He says he can’t help her but after some begging from her, he changes his mind. But only if she helps him with geography. Alex then tells her, “You promise to never ever tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.” She says sure all confused like. Alex goes on to explain that he doesn’t get what Mr Webster is talking about either and goes on to say that he uses the same test year after year and Alex’s older brother had him and aced all of the tests. So yeah, Alex is a big cheater! They agree to meet up later and Alex leaves acting like he’s all suave.

alex

In the cafeteria, Joey runs into Caitlin. She says hi and Joey begins with, “So I heard you broke up with that other guy.” “Boy you just chew us up and spit us out don’t you?” She looks at him all pissed off but just leaves without saying a word. Stupid Joey makes a face like he regretted saying that to her. But she totally had that coming to her for being such a cheating cooze. He goes to find Wheels and Snake in the lunch line and we hear Wheels saying, “You went the wrong way in a one way street?” Snake is such an idiot when it comes to driving. Just then Joey busts out his drivers license and flaunts it in front of Snake. Snake keeps wondering what the fuck is wrong with him that he can’t pass the test. Wheels suggests taking him to a movie so that it can get him unstressed.  But Joey says he can’t go because of his meeting. Just then Dwayne’s fat ass comes along and cuts in front of them. Calling them cockroaches. But he shouldn’t be talking because he’s short and fat. Bad combo. And man, what is up with his stolen letterman’s jacket? It’s filthy as hell. They then start making fun of him by acting like he’s a big stupid ape. He turns around and they all pussy out.

caitlinjoey dwayne

In the library Alex is making a copy of his brothers test and makes her promise that she won’t tell another soul. But what is he thinking, this is a teenage girl. Of course she’s going to fucking blab about it. And of course as soon as she see’s Scooter she gives up all the beans. Is it me or does Tessa look like a Who from Dr Seuss?

tessa

On the large ramp Joey is still giving Snake shit about failing his test. But he get’s all serious as soon as Wheels spots his fine ass mom. Joey says that she’s there for the meeting too. Snake says, “Oh sounds serious!” Joey just says that they bring in parents for everything now a days.

So it’s finally time for the big meeting. Joey for some insane reason is hella embarrassed about being seen with his mom. But he should be proud. She’s seriously a milf. After she gives him a hug he starts to wonder what they think they’ll say. Mr Walfish comes along and calls them in. The psychologist says that they now know what’s wrong with Joey. Turns out he has a writing disability called Dysgraphia. She explains to him with the help of some puppets that it’s sort of a short circuit in his brain. He can speak well enough, but he just can’t get his thoughts written down. Joey rightly says that he’s stupid, but the psychologist says that he’s very bright. His mom asks what they can do about it and basically they say he should be in special ed for a period a day. Shit it’s about time. He should have been there long ago.

joeys mom

It’s a new day at Degrassi High and Maya comes rolling on by asking Caitlin if she studied for the Science test, but Caitlin is so nervous about her court case she didn’t do shit. Inside Yick and Luke are talking about how they’re going to flunk the science test. Stupid Scooter just happens to be right next to them and offers them Alex’s brother’s paper. And so begins a montage of the whole fucking class copying the test. Even Arthur and Melanie are going to cheat off of it.

In the hallway Joey is just a sitting heap in front of his locker all depressed. They ask him why he isn’t in class and he says, “I’m not going to class anymore.” Of course they ask what’s that supposed to mean. He then tells them how they wanna put him in special ed. Snake tries to joke about the fact that the special ed teacher is a hot piece of ass and wouldn’t mind being in the class. But Joey’s not in the joking mood. Joey then says that he’s going to drop out and get a job. He says he can deliver pizza’s for his uncle Tony. It’s hilarious, both Snake and Wheels say, “Yeah Joey, we believe you.” I wonder why they don’t? Up to this point he’s only been full of shit with everything he says. Oh yeah, that’s why!

joey depressed

It’s time for the science test and everyone has a shit eating grin. Luke worries about whether it’s going to be a different test. As soon as they get the test paper though everyone breathes a sigh of relief. It’s the same test so everyone is just going to put the same answers. Morons.

Meanwhile Joey’s out in the hallway clearing out his locker. Dwayne just has to come by and calls him a dumb little niner. After Joey ignores him, he starts acting like an ape for some damn reason. Joey tells him to fuck off. But of course he keeps taunting him. Joey shoves him away and calls him a stupid jerk. Dwayne replies with, “You ignorant cockroach.” At this Joey loses his shit and attacks him. Joey sounds hilarious as he says, “I’ve had enough of you!” As they’re fighting on the floor Mr Raditch and some other teacher break them up. Dwayne saying, “Little jerk called me a jerk.” Man what a jackass. Mr Raditch tells him to shut the fuck up and suspends him because he was already in another fight that same week. After that he hauls the both of their asses to the office.

joey dwayne depressed

After class Tessa thanks Alex for helping her cheat and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She leaves a lipstick kiss on it. He’s probably going to leave it there all day long, just so he can prove that a girl kissed him.

alex kissed

Caitlin comes out and runs into Claude. He says, “Hey listen.” “I’m really sorry, but I can’t come to the court on Thursday.” Caitlin asks him why not and he says, “I asked my parents and they said no way I could miss school.” She asks him why the fuck he asked his parents for and quickly puts together that he did it on purpose because he knew they’d say no. At that he starts to go off in a panic saying, “What if the security guard is there?” “What if he recognizes me?” “My parent’s aren’t liberal like yours, they’d probably throw me out!” She comes back saying how he didn’t even mention how it was his big idea to vandalize the place. He tells her to stop shouting because he doesn’t want anyone to know what a huge pussy he is. He grabs her arm, telling her to calm down and she bitch slaps him so hard that his glasses go flying off and he get’s a nose bleed. Goddamn! He’s a bigger puss than I realized. Mr Raditch then teleports out of nowhere and says, “Alright, that is quite enough!” He sends Claude to the nurse and takes Caitlin to the office. Ok, I don’t wanna be one of those guys, but holy moly! Caitlin’s got ass!!

claude puss 1
claude puss

So it’s after school and Joey is sitting in detention. Caitlin walks in too. Man, they gotta stay til five. The teacher tells Mr Raditch that she wants to talk to him and leaves Joey and Caitlin in the room. Joey looks at her with hatred in his eyes and says, “So what’s miss goodie two shoes doing in detention?”  She mentions how she kicked Claude’s ass. He taunts her some more and she goes off on his ass too. She says, “You’re really stupid you know that?” Which is probably the worst thing anyone could tell Joey at this moment. He says, “Thanks.” She continues to say, “You are.” “In fact I don’t think I’ve met anyone as dumb or ignorant as you!” Joey in turn get’s pissed off and says, “You know what?” “You’re right!” “Joey Jeremiah, Mr Learning disabled.” He goes on to tell her how he’s going to be in special ed, but he’s going to drop out. She feels sorry for him and says, that just because he has a disability he shouldn’t quit. Oh wow, she mentions the fact that she has epilepsy, we haven’t heard a thing about that since maybe the 3rd season. Anyways, she goes on to say that he’d be really dumb if he dropped out and says, “You know, when we were going together, you had a lot more guts!” I guess this got to Joey because he just sits there thinking. I would have told her to go fuck herself, but that’s me.

joey detention caitlin pissed

The next day at school. Maya comes by reaching the top speed of 3 on her little wheel chair. She tells Caitlin how she’s going to go with her to her court hearing. She mentions how they canceled the Dr’s appointment. She then says, “Someone has to be there with you, now that weasel face backed out.” She has a point, Claude totally looks like a weasel.

caitlin maya

Snake and Wheels come upon Joey and say that they knew that his parents would never allow him to just quit. Joey says that it had nothing to do with that. He says that he’s not stupid and Snake says, but you are. Snake is such an asshole, but he’s right! Joey says, “Then how come I got my license before yours?” Burn Snake! Wheels goes on to say that they knew that he wasn’t serious, but Joey insists that he was. He just simply changed his mind.

Joey walks into the science room and Mr Webster comes in. He says that he noticed how well the whole class did on his test and he figured that the test was too easy for their sharp little minds. At hearing this Alex looks at Tessa and she mouths, “I’m sorry.” Webster says that he’s come up with an even harder test that they’ll now take. So the whole class is fucked here. As the papers are being handed out, Caitlin hands one back to Joey and they just smile at each other.

tessa sorry joey end credits

I rather enjoyed this one. It was about time that Joey stood up for himself with Dwayne and Caitlin. And at least we all know why he’s such a horrible student now.


Leave a comment

Season 1, Episode 12, “Natural Attraction”

Pre-credit opener: We see the twins asleep. Heather is tossing and turning. Saying, “Stop it” “Don’t do it!” We can hear the protesters and finally we get a look at her dream. She’s dreaming all about what happened to Erica and the abortion she had. I love how she flashed back to other people’s memories though.

Heather

Back at school, Lucy, Alexa and Heather are studying for a test. Alexa spots some guy talking to Erica. Heather says his name is Blaine. I bet you the writers got that name from Pretty In Pink. Anyways, Heather goes on to say that he picked her up at a basketball game. Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Lucy totally wants to ride his dick because she says that he’s hot as fuck. As they’re all excited Heather is making a face like she doesn’t approve. What a prude.

lucy alexa

That was fast, class is dismissed and Scooter and Bart seem to be talking about cookies. What a couple of dipshits. Tessa seems to have a thing for Scooter now. Dorthy tells her that she should ask her out to a dance since it’s happening the next day. Tessa says that Scooter should do the asking, but Dorothy says, “It’s the 90’s!” Yeah, right, like Dorothy would have the balls to ask a guy herself. Tessa comes up to them and she has Dorothy ask them if they’ll be going to the dance. Bart right here took the mantle of lamest motherfucker on the planet. He tells them that they’re not going because there’s a documentary on turtles that night. Even Dorothy think’s he’s a huge fucking nerd. Tessa leaves all disappointed and it’s funny how the camera totally checks out her little ass. Scooter points out how Tessa has changed physically this past year.

tessa dorthy bart scooter tessa rear

In the lunch room Heather is talking about God knows what to Erica. But Erica isn’t even paying attention to her, she’s too busy flirting with Blaine the entire time. Of course Heather just has to point out how much this new guy looks like the guy Jason, the one who got her pregnant. Erica says, “I know.”

In another table Allison and Amy are hanging out and Wheels says hi to them. As he’s walking away Allison says that Wheels is a 4 and then adds that his jeans are so tight, you can read the date on a dime. Amy seems to like his ass. Amy mentions that Snake is Allison’s ten, but Allison says that she doesn’t like him anymore. Amy says that they don’t have any dates for the dance and Allison declares that she’ll have a date by the end of the day and fucking sets her eyes on Dwayne’s lackey Nick. You know, the dude that looks like Captain Caveman’s long lost son. Seriously, she must be high on some coke, because he’s an ugly motherfucker.  Amy thinks she’s insane, but vows to get a date too.

allison amy

In the hall way Allison sees Nick and makes her move. As she’s doing that Snake actually get’s the nerve to talk to Amy and he nervously asks her if she wants to go with him. Of course she says sure and she gives him her address. I gotta say, Amy is wearing the worlds ugliest sweater.

amy

After school Erica goes off with Blaine and Heather is acting like an old maid, asking her when she’s going to be home. It’s pretty obvious that she’s afraid that Erica is going to end up porking him too.

Amy and Allison tell each other that they now have dates. Allison is actually going with Nick’s uni-browed ass. After Allison asks Amy to borrow something Amy lets her know that she’s going to the dance with Snake. Allison get’s super pissed off at this news. Saying, “Thanks a lot how could you do this to me?!” “You know I like him.” Amy points out how she said that she didn’t anymore and of course Allison says, “Oh great and you believe me.” “Amy I thought you were my best friend, you’re such a traitor!” And she leaves huffing and puffing away.

allison

Man what is this? The pungent smell of amore must be in the air. Tessa comes up to Scooter and has Dorothy ask him out to dance. Scooter says sure. Dorothy tells Tessa how easy that was. Bart says, “What are you doing?” “You’ll miss the documentary.” But Scooter says it’s his first date, so fuck those stupid ass turtles.

tessa scooter

Erica seems to have come later than she was supposed to. Heather is asking her all sorts of questions about where she was and what they were doing. Erica says that they kissed and are going to the dance. Heather then needs to be a fucking buzz kill and asks her if he’s a better kisser than this Jason character. Heather then goes on to say that Blaine will think she’s easy for kissing on the first date. Erica points out how Wheels fingered her outside in the porch when they had their party. Erica asks her what her problem is, but Heather is all mum about it.

heather pissed

Later on she has another nightmare about the abortion. Even the crazy fetus lady returns. Erica wakes her up and comforts her. As she’s going back to sleep Heather mentions how it’s now nine months since all that shit happened and that the baby would have been born by now. Erica tells her that she wishes that she never gotten pregnant, but she’s not sorry she had the abortion. She mentions that her counselor told her that she has to move on with her life. Maybe Heather should take this advice too.

crazy fetus lady

The next day at school, Erica is going on and on about how much of a beef cake Blaine is. She tells Alexa and Lucy all about her hot date the night before. Heather is still being a prude.

Apparently Space Cadets is still on the air because Bart is asking Scooter if he saw it. Scooter was all,”Oh hell naw!” Then mentions how he has a problem. I thought he was going to say that he was jacking it to Tessa, but instead he tells Bart that he can’t slow dance for shit. (I was going to make a joke about him being black and not believing that he has no rhythm, but I couldn’t think of a way where I wouldn’t sound extremely racist.) Anyways Bart offers to show him how to do it. Saying how it’s all in counting.

In the science room Amy and Allison are still not talking to each other. They then start arguing again though. Amy telling Allison that she can’t hog all the guys to herself. Just then Snake comes up and talks to Amy about going to he dance. Allison storms out of the room all pissed off.

snake amy allison

Bart and Scooter go into an empty class room and Bart starts to show him how to slow dance. Scooter says that he feels like a broomhead. Man we haven’t heard that in a long ass time. But there it was. They start dancing like a couple of dorks. Luke meanwhile spots them through the door window and Clutch comes along and they start laughing their asses off.

bart scooter dancing clutch luke

Erica finally get’s picked up for the dance and Heather tells her to be careful. We all know that she means not to fuck the guy.

It’s time for the school dance and there’s a huge fucking crowd outside of the school. Amy and Snake walk in holding hands and Amy is wearing that God awful sweater again. Amy says hi to Allison, but she just ignores her and says Hi to Snake. Snake then says hi to Nick for some reason and Nick just says, “Yo dude.” Snake lies his ass off by saying what a nice sweater she has on.

amy snake

Everyone is slow dancing inside. Erica getting more and more closer with Blaine. They then walk out to do God knows what. Scooter asks Tessa to dance and he’s making a huge ass of himself. Counting out loud and just going all over the place on the dance floor with everyone laughing at them. I love how these characters always take advice from someone who knows nothing about the opposite sex. And those people would be Arthur, Dorthy and Bart.

scooter tessa

In the girls laboratory, Allison sees Amy walking into a stall and says, “That’s my sweater!” Allison says that she wants it back because they’re not friends anymore. Amy takes it off, but tells Allison that she wants her scarf back. So they start to disrobe, Amy even wanting her shoes back. Amy points out how Snake wasn’t even interested in her. They’re ending up more and more naked but they stop when these two black chicks walk in and are all, what the fuck? They both get embarrassed of course and laugh about it.

amy allison disropingallison crazy face

Back at the dance, Heather is asking everyone if they’ve seen Erica. Alexa tells her that she went down some corridor with that “hunk” Blaine. Even Lucy and Alexa are starting to nice her behavior now. Lucy saying, “What was that all about?” Of course, we cut to Erica making out like crazy with this guy. Heather catches them and goes ballistic! She starts judging Erica right away saying,”This is how it began with Jason.” “You’re going to do it again aren’t you?!” She starts to cry saying how Erica doesn’t care about what happened and how she feels. She then starts running away like a maniac. Man Heather is such a boner killer.

erica boy friend

Back at their home, Heather is just laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Erica now knows how the whole abortion thing is still bothering her. Heather says that she’s sorry that she’s not like her, not having any feelings and all. Erica just points out how they were just kissing and no one even mentioned sex. Then getting angry she tells Heather, “Did you think I didn’t learn anything?” “You really think I wanna go through that again, don’t forget, I’m the one who lived it.” Heather then says how she was there too. Heather starts to cry and says that she helped to kill a person. Erica says that it wasn’t a person, but Heather says that it was to her. Erica says that she should start talking to a counselor.  Mostly so she can finally get her prudish sister off her case already. Even I’m getting tired of this shit. The episode abruptly ends with Heather saying, “I’m so confused!”

heather end

I really didn’t enjoy this episode too much. Heather was being annoying as hell. Bart and Scooter didn’t add much to it either. I did like the parts with Amy and Allison’s silly fight. Even though it was over a dork like Snake.


1 Comment

Season 1, Episode 11, “All In A Good Cause”

Ok, I’ve been waiting for this episode. This is the one where Caitlin finally get’s hers. And it’s been a long time coming too.

Pre-credit opener: We open up with Caitlin giving out flyers for a rally to support People For Peace. She’s now sporting a leather jacket like Claude and has a bunch of political buttons on it too. Claude comes up with a paper and tells her how a factory there is going to be making electrical systems for nuclear missiles. Yeah, pretty hard to believe I know. But damn it, this is the plot device that the writers came up with for this episode. So yeah Claude wants to do something radical about these latest developments.

claude caitlin

Claude is seen giving out more fliers for his bullshit rally. He hands it to this girl and she reads it out loud, “No nukes is good nukes?” Claude is congratulating himself over thinking of it. She tells him how they’re supposed to meet up for an art project, but he says that he’s busy with People For Peace. I love how she says, “Oh right, your new cause.” Turns out Claude is one of those people who changes causes every week. She mentions how last year it was all about saving the whales. She then tells him how he needs to get their stupid art project done and she hands him some spray paint so that he’ll do his part. Caitlin comes around and he tells her how he’s going to get People For Peace to protest the Nuclear plant. She says how brilliant he is and gives him a kiss. At this point she’s totally buying his bullshit image.

claude bullshit

In a science class Mr Raditch is giving out homework and Luke points out how their teacher never gives them that much home work. Raditch is all, “Well I do!” Raditch then takes away his bag of chips. Behind them Arthur is looking beefier than ever. Seems like he’s jealous of Luke and Yick’s relationship. Alex then starts to talk about some fund raiser and I guess another part of their class is kicking their asses by getting more money than them. If they lose, they have to become their slaves for a week. Seems like Alex’s big idea is to have a car wash. As class is dismissed Arthur tries to talk to Yick, but he either doesn’t hear him or just flat out ignores him.

Alex Yankou

Scott never giving up comes up to Kathleen and asks her if he could give her a ride home. Kathleen tells him no and moves away quickly. He continues to say how he misses her and promises to never kick her ass again. She tells him no again and for him to to leave her alone. He takes off all pissed off.

Bronco and this other black dude are doing a rap for UNICEF. How fucking lame is that. Anyways, Maya asks Caitlin if she’s coming to the car wash. She tells her no because she and Claude are helping out at People For Peace. Maya says, “So People For Peace is more important than UNICEF.” Caitlin responds with, “Well Maya, what’s the point of saving a bunch of kids if the whole world’s going to blow up?” Maya says something really sarcastic and Caitlin asks her what her problems is. Maya actually says Claude instead of Cloode. Caitlin of course corrects her. Maya goes on to say that Caitlin has been blowing her off to do everything that Claude wants to do. I hate people that do that shit. She denies it of course and Maya just rolls away all disgusted at her.

maya caitlin

It’s time for the car wash and it looks cold as fuck. What a terrible time to have it. Arthur comes in a huge jump suit and just ends up looking like a bloated Michael Myers. He also brought a shammy along. He says that it provides a superior finish once the car is waxed. Luke rightly laughs at him and calls him a fucking nerd. The funny thing is, Yick is laughing at him too. Arthur get’s pissed and says, “Why do you always call me a nerd?” Luke says because he does everything by the rules and never takes chances. What? That’s a dumb reason. I would have said, because you’re into Space Cadets, stupid joke shops and the way you dress speaks for itself. A car comes beeping and it’s Raditch. Everyone goes all crazy washing the car.

arthur

At People For Peace Claude is telling the dude in charge that they need to do something about the nuke place. He just tells him how they already sent letters out. But that’s not good enough for Claude. He wants to do something now! The guy goes on to say that if they protested every little thing, they’d have no credibility. But of course this douche canoe is adamant. Claude suggests throwing bricks through their windows. He tells him that breaking the law will turn people against them. He turns around pouting like a little bitch and the dude tells him to help with their mail. But what do you expect from a guy who wears a neckerchief.

claude people for peace claude pouting

The car wash turns out to be a huge fucking bust. They only made 20 dollars. It would have helped to have had some girls in bikini’s. But Alex is so lame, it probably didn’t occur to him. Arthur and his huge curly mullet come up with the idea of throwing toilet paper on a teachers tree and then take bets to make the money. They want to get Mr Raditch. Right away Alex pussies out and says he hurt his leg. Arthur volunteers and no one can believe it.

Meanwhile, Claude is still fuming about People For Peace being completely useless. He says that he wants to do something meaningful and brings up all the great revolutionaries. His big idea is to paint anti nuclear slogans on the walls of the factory. Caitlin sounds so lame by saying, “It’s not nice.” Claude says, “Are nuclear missiles nice?” She points out how it’s vandalism, but Claude doesn’t give a motherfuck.

claude caitlin 2

They go to Caitlin’s house and her mom starts talking about the time that she was a hippie and chained herself to a fence and was arrested for it. That right there inspires Claude and says that sometimes you have to take things into your own hands. You can tell that Caitlin doesn’t want to go that route, but Claude says that he’s going to do it with or without her help because he’s not afraid for standing up for the thing he believes in. Yeah right!

The next day at school Alex is telling everyone about the bet he made. Stupid Dorthy wants proof and wants a picture. Scott is being a stalker again and just says hi. Kathleen just ignores him and walks on by. Leaving Scott fuming.

scott

Back in their science room Alex comes in and says that they need to have picture as proof. Tessa says that she has a camera and will come along with Arthur. But Arthur for some insane reason wants Yick to come with him. What a dumbass. Yick goes due to being afraid that people will think he’s a chicken. Who does he think he is? Marty McFly?

Maya is telling Caitlin all about what Arthur is going to do to Mr Raditch’s tree. But as soon as she see’s Claude, she says that she’ll talk to her later. Maya instantly get’s sad. As she’s rolling away she says, “Right, for another nuclear free day.” Caitlin asks him if he’s serious about spray painting the factory, he says that he is and isn’t afraid of getting caught. He then starts talking about Martin Luther the King, Che Guevara, and the Chicago Seven. She asks him who they are and you can tell he has no idea. That should have told her right then and there that he’s full of shit. He talks about how they did a lot of radical things and stupid Caitlin falls for his bullshit and agrees to go with him that night.

claude full of shit

Yick asks Arthur what time he wants to hit Raditch’s place and Arthur says midnight. Yick says that his parents won’t let him out that late. Arthur points out that the people who did that shit last year got caught because the teacher was still awake when they went all early.

Kathleen seems to be walking in a deserted looking alley and Scott comes up and says that he has a present for her. He grabs her and she pulls away saying, “Let go of me!” Scott finally loses his shit and says, “Look I’m getting really sick and tired of how you’re acting ok?” She says that she doesn’t want anything from him. At that he grabs her and slams her against a wall. He says, “I got this for you!” “Is this the thanks I get?”  She says how he’s hurting her again and then he slaps the shit out of her. We hear her crying as she hit’s the ground.

kathleen scott

It’s finally midnight and Arthur is sneaking out of his house. We see Caitlin doing the same thing. Arthur and Yick come by with a shit load of toilet paper and they’re dismayed to see that Raditch doesn’t have a fucking tree. So they decide to just get the bushes and the rest of the house.

yick arthur

Caitlin meanwhile is waiting for Claude and he finally shows up. He asks her if she really wants to go through with it and stupid Caitlin says that someone has to stand up for their belief’s. They then hide from a night watchman. As soon as he leaves their view they start climbing the fence. As she’s climbing up, she get’s stuck due to all the fucking buttons she has on her leather jacket. Of course she panics until Claude comes up to free her.

caitlin caught

Seems like Arthur and Yick got Raditch’s house pretty good. They then start taking picture after picture of Arthur posing like a fool. The light suddenly turns on and they take off running. Radich starts yelling at them and it’s pretty clear who they are.

mr raditch

Back at the factory Claude is finished spray painting his stupid No Nukes is good Nuke’s slogan. Caitlin meanwhile is taking forever spraying hers. All of a sudden the night watchman catches them and they take off. Claude climbs over the fence but Caitlin get’s caught by her tits again and tells him that she’s stuck. She beg’s for his help and here’s where he shows his true colors. Fucking coward ditches her and takes off running for his motherfucking life! Caitlin get’s caught and can’t believe that he left her behind like that. Claude totally has an every man for himself mentality.

caitlin claude claude coward

Seems like it’s a new day at school and Kathleen is all fucked up, arm in a sling, bruises. Scott comes running up to her and says, “Why did you call the police, I was at the station all night.” “How could you do this to me?” She tells him, “How could you do this to me?!” He apologies to her and begs her to drop the charges. She tells him. “Don’t ever talk to me again, don’t even come near me, you’re not allowed!” She says that if he does, she’ll call the police and have them charge his ass again.

kathleen beat up

In the science room it seems like Alex won the bet. Everyone is gawking at the picture and Luke gives Arthur a fist bump. Raditch comes in and Alex tells them how they beat 9B. Raditch then tells Yick and Arthur that he expects them at his house after school to help him clean up the paper. See, I told you he spotted them. Pretty hard to miss Arthur’s huge ass running away.

yick arthur raditch

Caitlin is at her locker dressed normal again, tearing down all her People For Peace posters. Claude has the nerve to come up to her and he says that he went by the factory and they already cleaned up all the stupid bullshit that they wrote. Caitlin says, “Oh great so I get a record for nothing.” She tells him how the police charged her with trespassing and has to go to court in two weeks. She then points out how he’s a giant pussy by running away. Claude looks all sad and says, “There wasn’t any point to both of us getting caught.” “My parents aren’t cool like yours, they wouldn’t have understood.” She gets really pissed at this and says, “You think mine liked it?” After she points out once again what a complete coward he is, he says, “You won’t tell anybody?” She’s all, “What that you ran away?” He repeats what he said and Caitlin turns around all disgusted at him.

caitlin claude end

Finally Caitlin got what she deserved. She never would have gotten into so much deep shit if she would have been with Joey’s corny ass. But hey, life’s a bitch and she’s back in heat.


Leave a comment

Season 1, Episode 10, “Sixteen, Part 2”

Previously on Degrassi High, we see Michelle getting an ancient dust covered ring for her birthday that belonged to her grandmother. Then we see her pissed off at her dad for not letting her do jack shit. Then she calls him a racist and moves out on her own and hocks her grandma’s ring to get money to rent out a room. Saying that she’ll get a job to buy it back. It’ll only take her about 10 years.

Michelle decides to apply at a donut shop and the lady working there is giving her the third degree. Saying that she’s hired high school students before and she hasn’t been impressed. But Michelle insists that she can do it. So apparently she got the job because it’s suddenly time for school and Michelle is telling Alexa all about getting the job and the hours she has to work. Seems she get’s off at midnight but she thinks she’ll be able to get her homework done too. Yeah right. Alexa then mentions how she’s really excited about her 16th birthday party. Because this is info we’ll need for later damn it!

Michelle donut job

Oh boy. We see Lucy with her old ass video camera and she’s shooting a bunch of bits around the school for LD. Allison and Amy come along and ask Heather if it’s true that LD has Leukemia. For some reason she denies it and just tells them that they don’t know what’s wrong with her. So they start a little rap with Scooter and two other black dudes. But why is Kathleen there for? She gives the world’s worst rap, even more than Caitlin’s. As they’re watching this Allison and Amy ask if they can be a part of this madness too. To finish this scene Scooter does this really spastic dance routine. I have no idea what the fuck he was doing here. But he looked like a fool.

video rap
allison amy

Back with the Zits, Snake and Joey are still making fun of each other over how much they suck at driving. Wheels reminds them that it’s not a competition  and that they both equally have no driving skills.

BLT is walking Michelle to the donut place for her first day on the job. He wishes her luck and off she goes. Her first menial job is to wipe the counters. That was fast, back in her room, her dad knocks on her door and asks if he can come in. She tells him that she was at work and he get’s super pissed off, but she tells him that she has responsibilities now. After he calms down he asks her how she’s doing and basically he cuts to the point and says that he wants the pawn ticket so he can buy his mom’s ring back. Of course she get’s pissed off and says that she’s going to get it on her own. But he tells her the truth, that she’s going to take a fucking eon just to save enough money with her shitty job. He then says, “Don’t talk like an ass.” She tells him not to talk to her like that, it’s her house, or room. But finally she gives in and gives him the ticket. She knows deep down that she never would have gotten that dusty old ring back.

michelle pissed

Back with Lucy and her ridiculous tape. It seems like the twins are acting as masters of ceremonies, because they’re introducing each person or people who are giving her get well messages. Allison and Amy are up next and they start talking about how hot, awesome and cool they are at the school. Just then Clutch and some black dude smash some pies into their faces. They all have a good laugh and they say, “Happy birthday LD, hope to see you back here soon!”

allison amy pie

We then see BLT telling Alexa that he won’t be able to make it to her stupid party because he has a soccer tournament and he won’t be back until Sunday. As he’s telling her this, she get’s this really sad face and says how terrible that news is. She comes pouting and they come upon Michelle. Who is sleeping it off because of her late nights now. Alexa then tells her about BLT not being able to come to her party on Friday. Just then Michelle also tells her that she can’t go because she has to work. Alexa of course over reacts because she’s spoiled as hell and she says, “I can’t believe it, my 16th birthday.” “Which I’ve only been planning since I was 13, and two of my best friends won’t be there!” She storms off and looks at them like she wants to cry. What a baby. Michelle then tells BLT that she’s late for work and he reminds her how she’s worked four nights in a row now, but she says she needs the bread. BLT said, “Then get a job at the bakery!” No, actually he says that she’s doing horrible in school and she’s late every day too. She doesn’t want to admit that her stupid job is running everything.

alexa pouting

Back to Drivers ED, Joey is now behind the wheel.  As the instructor is trying to teach him, Joey just keeps saying, “Yeah, ok, I got it.” And it’s pretty clear he’s not even paying attention. He starts to go pretty decent, but then he reverses the car and he almost runs into some people and doesn’t stop the goddamn car until he hits a fence.

joey

We see Michelle struggling with getting out late and not getting enough sleep. She get’s a phone call and the lady that rented the room out to her is having trouble waking her ass up. It turns out that it’s her manager and she wants her to come in during the day, which means she would miss school. Michelle tells her that and the lady says, “You can miss it just once can’t you?” “Come on, I really need you!” Which I’m pretty sure that it’s illegal to make her come into work while she has school. Unless things are different in Canada. Michelle of course can’t tell her no and she says that she’ll be in.

Joey and Snake are still talking about drivers ed and we hear Joey already talking about his parents getting him a car. Snake says that he hasn’t read the hand book. And Joey shows how much of an idiot he is because he said he didn’t read it, but looked at the pictures. I can’t believe he would admit something like that. But he did. Wheel’s wishes them luck because they’ll be taking the test that night.

zits

We then continue with Alexa and her party drama. Seems like Joann can’t make it to her party either. That’s when Simon breaks the news to her that he won’t be able to come too because he got a commercial gig and they’ll be filming the night of the party. She get’s all pissed off and hurt and says, “Forget it, no one wants to come to my party?” “Fine!” “I’ll cancel it, in fact let’s cancel my whole birthday!” “I’ll be 15 for the rest of my life.” And of course she starts crying and runs away. Simon says that he’s sorry and she says, “Stay away from me, you actor!” Simon has a really confused look on his face and he mouths, “actor?”

alexa simon

We come back to Lucy and the Twins introduce Tracy Morgan’s terrible magic act. Bart seems to be his lovely assistant. He then makes the corniest magic trick in the history of ever. He just pretended to move one finger from one hand to another. After that waste of time, they both wish LD a happy birthday. Thank God Lucy says that it was the last bit of the video. Alexa then comes around yelling at everyone how her birthday party is now ruined due to no one wanting to go to it. As she’s ranting she see’s the camera and smiles. She then says, “Is that a camera?” Lucy makes a what the fuck face and they cut.

tracy bart alexa insane

In class we hear BLT getting called up to the office. Turns out it’s Michelle’s dad that wants to talk to him. BLT immediately backs away as soon as he see’s him. They start talking all tensely. He starts to tell BLT about her attendance problems and he asks him if he knows where she is. After BLT gives him some more attitude. He basically begs BLT for some help because he doesn’t want to lose his daughter too. BLT finally tells him, not because of his racist ass, but because he’s worried about her too.

blt

Back to Joey and Snake, it’s time for their drivers test and man. Their instructor is all fucked up. He has a neck brace on. Snake wishes Joey luck and he tells the hot chick doing the actual test that he’s one Joey Jeremiah. He just guns the fucking car and they take off. Moments later we hear a loud crash. Pretty clear dumbass failed instantly.

joey instructor

We come upon the hospital and it seems like Lucy, the twins and Alexa have a big birthday blow out planned for LD. Lucy knocks on her door and LD tells her to wait so she can put her wig on. They come into the room making a huge fucking racket. Lucy tells her about the video and LD is all, “Thanks.” Lucy then starts giving her shit about not being happy about it. She should have told her, “I’m dying you fool!” But instead she just smiles and just then Alexa comes with her birthday cake. I love how she scratched her name off and put LD instead on it. Alexa wishes her a very happy sweet 16 and LD wishes her the same. Then they give each other a peck on the cheek. Finally Lucy puts on her terrible video. I wonder how she was able to edit all this down?

ld party
LD cake
LD Alexa

Finally her dad finds Michelle working at the donut place during school hours. Just then her boss comes by and ask what the problem is. Her dad tells her who he is and that he wants to talk to her. The lady says sure, but then tells Michelle, “Michelle don’t be too long, this is a business.” What fucking nerve she has. Anyways, she asks her dad how he found her and he says that BLT told him where she was. She can’t believe her fucking ears. He goes on to tell her how they’re both really worried about her. But she insists that she’s fine. He then tells her that he got the ring back and if she wants it still, it’s hers. He tries to appeal to her about not working at that terrible place and about the fact that she doesn’t have to live somewhere else. She says that she doesn’t want to go back to his dictatorship with all his goddamn rules. Apparently he told his wife what to do all the time. He tells her that he’s trying to change for the better.

michelle donut lady

Back at school it seems like both Snake and Joey failed due to being fucking idiots. Just then we hear a car honking and it’s Fat Nancy. Seems like she got a license and a new car from her parents. After she’s done bragging, Snake and Joey just say their signature line of, “Dynamite.” That’s another reason why people hate Fat Nancy. Her smugness.  They should have asked her if someone greased her up so she can fit in that tiny car.

fat nancy

We come back to BLT and Michelle and he’s repeating everything that she told him I guess. Seems like her dad agreed to her living in her room and he’s even paying half of the rent so that she wont’ have to work so hard and miss school. Michelle says that she’s going to dinner on Sunday and she invites BLT. But BLT says that her dad is a honky racist still and he’s not ready for his shit yet. She says ok and they smooch.

michelle blt end

I’m so glad I got through this two parter. For some reason I can’t stand these episodes. Probably because I don’t care for Michelle’s bullshit drama. Or Snake and Joey’s quest to get a drivers license. But it was still better than a juvenile Arthur and Yick story.


3 Comments

Season 1, Episode 9, “Sixteen, Part 1”

Ok, let me just say. I fucking hate this two parter. It’s so boring and I could careless about Michelle’s problems with her over bearing asshole of a dad. But goddamn it, the show must go on.

Pre-credit opener: Well it’s Michelle’s birthday and her dad gives her this really old dusty ring that belonged to her grandmother. Apparently she’s 16 and her dad thought it was time for her to have it. I love how he has to mention that it’s valuable. Michelle then asks her dad if she can go with her friends to celebrate her birthday. But of course her dad has to be a complete dick and tells her, “You know the rules, no socializing on weeknights.” Michelle just stares at her ring, pissed off! I’m sorry I gotta point out, Michelle has gotten busty as hell!!

michelle

So we get to Degrassi and Fat Nancy and Tracy Morgan wish her a happy birthday. Michelle mentions she’ll be going out to celebrate on the weekend. She doesn’t say why though.

We cut to Patrick, Spike and Liz. Patrick mentions that Spike is her musical muse. I can’t believe she didn’t get pissed at that. But she loved it. Oh God no, he says that he’s written a song just for her. Michelle comes to her locker and Simon and Alexa have decorated the hell out of it. She asks her with crazy bug eyes if she feels any different and of course she doesn’t. Alexa then gives her a present, It looks like a terrible Hawaiian shirt. She mentions that her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. Michelle then shows off her ring and then starts to go off on her dad. Everyone points out that it’s her birthday, but she’s confined to being home.

alexa

Uh oh, Snake and Joey are signing up for Drivers ED. So you know already that there’s going to be some hi jinx involved. Especially if Joey’s corny ass is taking the class. Wheels mentions that he wishes that he could take the class with them, but he doesn’t turn 16 for another month.

HAHA! Patrick is singing this God awful song to spike. Singing about being a poor and lonely boy. He mentions her name Christine a couple of times too.  It’s funny Liz seems to just love the song while Spike is all, “I like it.” Patrick leaves and Spike is acting really weird. I guess she’s not into him anymore. That or she got disgusted by his lousy song.

patrick

In case we didn’t know what his name was, BLT has a sweater that has BLT stenciled on it. He gives her a necklace for her birthday and gives her a smooch. Alexa comes along and just goes into ecstasy’s about it. They then start talking about how over bearing her dad is and they all suggest that she moves out. I guess 16 years old is legal in Canada. But everything get’s ruined by Ms Avery. She tells them sternly, “I think a little studying is in order, don’t you?” The fuck is her problem? Anyways, they ignore her and start talking about having parties every night.

michelle blt

Class is dismissed and the twins invite Lucy along to the mall, but she tells them that she’s going to go visit LD. They ask if they can come along to see her and Lucy tells them that she doesn’t want a lot of people to come and visit her. Which actually makes her sound like a shithead. They point out how she doesn’t want anyone there except for her.

Liz and Spike are talking and Patrick comes along and asks her if she wants to go out and have some pizza. But Spike moves his hand off of her shoulder and tells him that she can’t. He mentions how it’s his only free night from band practice and of course she just has to get all pissed off at him saying, “I can’t build my entire life around your schedule.” Patrick tells her, “I didn’t say you should.” Patrick asks Liz what the fuck that was all about, but Liz is as clueless as he is. Could it be that Spike is just an asshole? I think so.

spike

In Drivers Ed class Joey is being his typical tactless self and is telling Snake that he’s wasting his time because he’s not going to pass the class. Snake says, “If I don’t pass, there’s no way you’ll pass.”  Joey insists that he can drive because his dad has let him steer the wheel around the parking lot once. Fat Nancy tells them hi and points out the obvious that they’re taking the class too. The instructor Henry walks in and tells them that they basically don’t know shit about driving.  He asks them the question of what they’re supposed to do first before driving somewhere. Joey of course has to act like an idiot and says, “Start the engine?” Everyone laughs of course and he tells him that he’s wrong. Fat Nancy raises her hand and she sounds like a handbook. Saying that you should check the tires and to make sure there’s nothing behind them. Joey puts his hand on her desk and she just moves it. See it’s little things like that that makes people hate Fat Nancy. Seriously, a lot of people hate her character so much!

fat nancy

Back at the hospital Lucy knocks on the door and gives LD enough time to put on a wig as she is now completely bald due to the chemo. She looks like Wheels now with that hair. Anyways, Lucy comes in all cheerful and tells her that everyone is asking about her and she doesn’t know what to say. LD just says, “Then tell them.” Pretty clear she’s miserable and doesn’t give a fuck now. Stupid Lucy asks her, “LD what’s wrong?” LD sarcastically says, “Oh nothing Lucy, I’ve got Luekemia, I’ve lost all my hair.” “I feel awful.” “We rented this stupid hair.” (She didn’t really say that) “But apart from that everything is peachy keen.” She tells her how she has to be there for another month and even has to be there for her 16th birthday. Man, so man different characters are turning 16 in just a matter of weeks.

LD

BLT is walking Michelle home and he keeps insisting that she tell her dad how she should be able to go out because she’s 16 now. But Michelle doesn’t want to rock the boat. Meanwhile her dad is acting like a huge creep. He’s looking out at them while they kiss. Michelle walks in and tells him that they need to talk. Her dad is all, “I guess we do.” “I saw what happened out there, you and that boy.” You can tell he was being racist with the way he said boy. It seems like he’s humiliated at the fact that she has a black boy friend and everyone could see them kissing outside. He then says that he’s told her that he doesn’t want  her seeing him and he won’t be disobeyed. Michelle finally get’s fed up and basically accuses him of being a racist prick and even calls him one. He get’s pissed and he says that she’s now grounded. Michelle tells him that she’s not going to follow his stupid ass rules anymore and he’s all, “If you don’t like, it, you can leave.” Michelle calls his bluff and she says that she’s leaving. So she goes inside her room and packs all her shit up. Including some stuffed animals.

michelle moving out

Of course she has no where to go and she goes to Alexa’s. Alexa opens the door with huge bug eyes once again and asks all excited if her dad changed his mind. But Michelle tells her how they got into a huge fucking fight and she left home.

The next day at school Patrick comes yelling for Spike and Spike just looks at him and walks away. Liz finally asks her what’s up with her treating him like shit. But Spike just says that she doesn’t want to talk about it and tells Liz to mind her own fucking business. Liz get’s super pissed and is about to storm off but Spike stops her and begins to say what’s bothering her. She tells Liz that she likes him and that the whole situation is just too perfect. She’s just scared that she’s going to lose him because in her mind, who would want her because she’s short as fuck and is a mother.

spike stupid

The twins run into Lucy and ask her how she’s doing. Lucy finally tells them that LD has Leukemia. Lucy goes on to tell them that LD is really depressed, especially about being stuck there for her birthday. Lucy then tells them that she wants to make a video for her and the twins agree to help. Yeah, I can already tell that this is going to suck ass and be hilarious at the same time.

In the library BLT is laughing his ass off at the news of Michelle leaving her dad. He’s all, “Man I would give my left nut to see the look on your dad’s face when you walked out the door.” Simon asks her if he even tried to stop her, but she says that all he said was, “You’ll be back, mark my words!” Michelle tells them that she doesn’t want to stay at Alexa’s forever and wants to get her own place, starting after school.

michelle apartments

Wow, so it’s after school and they’re already on the hunt for apartments. Basically every place is way too expensive for Michelle to get. At one place Alexa being Greek comes in handy and she talks to this old lady and in they go. Then out again, because she can’t afford shit.

Uh oh. Snake and Joey are inside the driver’s ed car with Fat Nancy and Snake of course is a nervous wreck. He doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. He finally starts the car and he guns the fucking gas. They stop and off he goes again, meanwhile Joey just has to be a dick. What happens next is a fucking massacre in the drivers ed course. Snake manages to hit every obstacle that’s in front of him. Cones, card board people, dogs. He finally stops the car and Joey is laughing so hard I think he died of a heart attack.

joey snake

Back with Michelle’s apartment search. They knock on this door and Michelle tells the lady that she’s there to look at the apartment. She says, ‘Hi sure.” But then get’s one look at BLT and and makes this sour face and says, “I’m sorry it’s already taken.” BLT of course get’s pissed and says, “What the mother fuck?!” Michelle just tells him to go. He should have thrown a trash can through her window.

blt

They come upon a house and it seems like she would only be renting a room. It turns out she can actually get it if she hocks her grandma’s ugly ring. Michelle says that she’s not going to let her dad win. The lady insists that she shouldn’t wait too long because other girls are interested in the room too. But she’s full of shit. She just wants to sucker Michelle into renting it.

The next day at school Joey is telling Wheels all about Snake’s misadventure and just won’t shut the fuck up about it. Wheels actually tells them enough because he’s getting tired of hearing about it. Snake of course calls him a jerk.

Else where Patrick comes along yelling, “Christine, Christine!” Spike is about to make another run for it, but Liz tells her to just fucking talk to him already. Who knew that Liz would be the voice of reason? He tells her that they have to talk and he says that she can’t close herself off for the rest of her life. He goes on to say that he’s pretty nervous about losing her too and that they have to take a chance and not be a couple of pussies about it. Spike of course calms the fuck down and gives him a kiss on the cheek.

patrick spike

Finally Michelle is moving into her new place. BLT and Simon are taking her urine stained mattress up to her room. BLT dad’s seems to be from Africa or some shit like that, he definitely has an accent. He’s telling them to hurry the fuck up because he has to get to work.

blt dad

Inside Michelle is telling Alexa about her dad being really pissed off about her pawning off her grandmother’s ring. But Michelle says that she doesn’t give a fuck and that it’s hers. She insists that she’s going to get a job and get it back. Yeah right. Michelle thanks them for helping out and Simon says that he has to leave because he has an audition. Alexa having no life of her own goes with him. You can tell BLT wants to totally bang Michelle in her room now that he’s alone, but his dad is honking the horn, telling them to move their asses. As she’s left alone she smiles and makes this spin of joy as she’s enjoying her new found freedom.

michelle end

So glad I finally got through this one. But I forgot, I have part two to review next. Lord help me.