Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.


Season 2, Episode 13, “One Last Dance”

Yes this is it Degrassi fiends. This is the very last episode of Degrassi High. It’s been a long road since I started this little blog, and I wouldn’t have done it any different. So set back and take a gander. Who knows, maybe you’ll get misty eyed. Or maybe you just won’t give a shit and rejoice that this little piece of madness is almost over. Anyways, let’s get this show on the road!

Pre-credit opener: We see some people measuring some windows for no apparent reason and this old guy is going over some plans. Right away we know something big is up, but we have no idea what it can be. Lucy and the twins come along and they’re trying to reassure her that she’s totally going to win Student Council President. Dwayne comes along and meets up with Caveboy and the black chick. And what do you know? He finally calls her by her name. Turns out her name is Tabby. Fucking a, I’ve seen this show a million times and this is the first time that I ever caught her name for some reason. Anyways, they both tell Dwayne that there’s a rumor going around that someone at Degrassi has Aids. Right away Dwayne get’s all nervous. Nick making shit worse by saying, “A guy like that can kill us all.” What a stupid asshole.

dwayne nervous

Class is dismissed and Lucy is shitting bricks because of the election. Just then Raditch comes on the PA and announces Lucy as the winner. Everyone comes by to congratulate her. Bronco tells the girls that he’s taking them to Uncle Moe’s Family Feedbag for lunch on him.

bronco lucy twins

In the cafeteria Caitlin comes by and starts to talk to Joey about how great it is that Lucy won. Joey sounds like a big lameo by saying that he voted for her too. As soon as she walks away Snake points out that Joey is lying his ass off and he didn’t even vote. Joey reasons that she doesn’t have to know that. Maya tells Caitlin that she can sense that she’s sort of into Joey again. I’m surprised that Caitlin didn’t tell her to mind her business and find her own boyfriend for once. Because seriously, she’s always up Caitlin’s ass about everything. Anyways Snake is doing the same thing asking him when he’s going to ask her to the dance too. But Joey just says, “Give me time.”

maya caitlin joey

Else where in the cafeteria Amy and Allison are talking about who they think has Aids around there. Dwayne once again get’s all nervous. Amy mentions how they hope they say who it is soon, because she doesn’t want to catch it. Allison points out that no one can keep a secret at that goddamn school. So of course he assumes that it was Joey that blabbed because after all, he is the only one that knows about his HIV status.

dwayne amy allison

In the boys restroom Dwayne decides to confront Joey. Dwayne starts to man handle Joey and asks him about hearing the rumor about some Aids guy. Joey of course says that it wasn’t him and Joey tries to reason with him that no one knows that it’s him so he’ll be ok. Dwayne says that all he has going for him is that people are still treating him normal. I don’t know how he can say that though, because this whole time I was assuming that everyone hated him for being such a fucking asshole.

joey dwayne

In the special ed room Angela Landsbury dismisses the class and of course Tabby and Nick start talking about wanting to kick the Aids guy’s ass or the fact that they should be kicked out. Joann get’s all pissed off and asks them how do they know if it’s a guy or not. Nick being a dickhead says, “Cause Joann, it is called the gay plague.” Joann then educates them about the nature of the virus. But not before Tabby uses the word prey tell. That right there should have gotten her to be made fun of because no one talks like that. They go on to get grossed out when she tells them that her mom works with Aids patients. Nick telling her, “I was going to kiss you Joann, but I guess you lose.” She burns him by saying, “No, I win!” After Nick says some more Anti Aids shit Dwayne finally get’s pissed off and says, ” How do you know it’s not one of us?” They start to laugh. But then Dwayne admits to them that he’s HIV positive and Nick is horrified to be next to him now.

nick joann dwayne nick tabby

Now the shit has hit the fan. Everyone is talking about and looking at Dwayne. He says hi to Tabby and she’s fucking terrified of him now. She says, “Don’t!” Dwayne tries to explain to her that you can’t get it by just simply touching. But she’s so freaked out by him that she can’t handle it. Dwayne of course get’s all pissed off and says, “I don’t need this crap!” And promptly leaves the school. Everyone is probably relieved that he left the building. Dicks.

tabby terrified

In Mr Websters Science class he comes in and hands everyone a letter they are to give to their parents. After pestering him what it says, you know instead of reading it for themselves, he tells the class that Degrassi is going to close down in June and through out the rest of the school year. He then tells them that everyone has to go to different high schools and they all start bitching about having to start over and going to another school for their Senior year. I just noticed that it seems like Fat Nancy has really slimmed down in this scree shot.


In Mr Raditch’s office he’s carefully explaining to Lucy and Bronco all about how messed up the school is. Raditch is all, “There’s serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it’s completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.” Plus the heater is a piece of shit and it’s hot as hell in the warms months too. They should just burn the son of a bitch down like they did to Degrassi Junior High and rebuild it. Lucy then starts bitching about why even bothering about having the stupid election but Raditch tells her that the decision was just made that same morning and he’s getting reassigned too. So basically it’s a huge shit sandwich and they’re all going to have to take a bite! I’m assuming Claude’s demonic spirit is going to have to be exorcised out of the building too.

lucy bronco mr raditch

In this weird lounge area Joey is going on to Wheels and Snake about liking Caitlin and wanting to ask her out to the dance. Caitlin of course is coming down the big ass ramp and he asks her if she has a date for the formal yet. After some bullshit he finally get’s the balls to ask her to the dance. Of course she has to be all difficult and tells him. “I, uh, I don’t really know.” Joey of course takes the hint and tells her no problem. But after all that she says, “I didn’t say no. Just that I don’t know.” Then all of a sudden she changes her mind and she says yes. Why couldn’t she have just have said that instead of going through the motions with Joey?! Man how annoying! Joey mentions how his car finally broke completely down and he wants to get a limo to pick her up. But she insists on them just meeting there. Hey at least he get’s to save even more money now.

caitlin joey

In the Special Ed class Tabby talks to Joann and asks her if she’s seen Dwayne. But she tells her that no one has seen him since that morning and she mentions that she heard about him. Which means that either her or that asshole Nick went around telling everyone. Tabby then goes on to ask her a bunch of stupid Aids questions, you know shit that even people back then should have known about. Tabby is deathly afraid about sitting on the same chair as him. Joann then goes off on her and says, “I know I sound like a pamphlet, it’s just that I get so mad at how people with Aids get treated by people like you.” She told that bitch off. This again would be another instance where if it was Good Times you’d hear, “Right on!” coming from the audience.


It’s finally the big night of the dance and everyone is coming dressed like they were fashion victims. Those are seriously some ugly ass formal wear they have on. On the dance floor we hear this really early 90’s hip hop grove coming on and everyone does the whitest dancing known to mankind.  Dwayne decides to come to the dance after all and everyone is giving him dirty looks and avoiding him. The last straw though is Allison telling Amy, “Showing up tonight? That is tacky!” Gotta leave it to them to show no social tact and be straight up stuck up bitches. After everyone decides to gawk at him he runs away into the boys rest room. Tessa being decent tells Yick, “Poor guy.”

amy allison dwayne

Nick and Tabby show up and Nick says, “Bye bye Degrassi High.” Which is similar to what Lucy said in the last episode of Degrassi Junior High. But who cares. Joey comes walking in looking sharp for once with Snake and Michelle. Michelle of course is looking hot as fuck, so Snake really lucked out there. Snake mentions to Joey how he doesn’t see Caitlin but Joey says that it’s fine since Caitlin is always late. Funny how he knows her after all these years. Wheels comes along and Joey asks him how his hair looks. Wheels tells him to relax and says, “Everyone will be fine.” “Trust me.” Joey get’s even more nervous and says, “Don’t say that! Every time we say that it’s a disaster man.” Which is true. Something always goes wrong when one of them says that.

michelle snake joey wheels joey

Back in the dance floor Tracy Morgan is wearing a tuxedo shirt and bow tie but with some blue jeans. What kind of stupid look is that? Anyways he tells Liz that he can’t believe that this is the last time they’re all going to be there. Some random white bread looking dude comes along and asks Spike to a dance.

Outside Joey is hella nervous about Caitlin. He tells Wheels that he’s going to the restroom to check his hair. Dwayne just happens to be in there and they have a heart to heart moment. Probably the last one in the series. Joey asks him where he’s been and he missed his finals. Dwayne says what’s the point since he’s going to die. Joey points out that everyone is going to die some day. But Dwayne says that some people are going to get there sooner than later. Dwayne then says that he told his parents and of course his dad was super pissed off. And if Dwayne used to be like his dad, then this mean that his dad is a fucking dick. He also mentions that his mom was decent, she actually cried and you know, gave a shit about her son.

dwayne joey

Outside Caitlin and Maya finally show up and Maya mentions how slow Caitlin was to get ready. Caitlin looks around and get’s instantly pissed off about not seeing Joey anywhere. Maya doesn’t help matters by saying that he probably got tired of waiting for her and went home. But Caitlin reasons that he knows that she’s always late for everything. She seems to be really nervous too because she asks Maya how she’s looking and all that. Of course she looks banging in that dress she has on. Maya on the other hand looks like Yetta from The Nanny with that God awful looking jacket she has on.

caitlin maya

Back in the wash room Joey asks Dwayne if he’s going to stay in there all night smelling all the urine and Dwayne mentions how everyone is looking at him and talking shit. Dwayne then says, “I used to like it when everyone was afraid of me. But this is different.” Joey says that Degrassi is his school too and he has every right to be there with the rest of them, so fuck all those assholes.


Inside the dance Caitlin continues to overreact like she always does and she starts to go off on Joey and starts bitching to Maya about him standing her up and how she thought that maybe they could get back together again. After saying she’s never been more humiliated in her life she decides to go home and continues to rip Joey a new asshole. She’s all, “Forget it, I hate him!” But just then Joey walks in and she instantly get’s all happy after he tells her he just came back from combing his hair. I think she just showed how bat shit crazy she really is. Run away Joey!!

caitlin pissed joey caitlin

Bronco grabs the mike and he announces to everyone to find that special someone and have a very sensual dance. So of course they all start to dance to this really cheesy Canadian romantic song that no one has probably heard of.

degrassi students

Dwayne finally get’s the guts to come out of the restroom and goes into the dance. Joann tells him that she’s glad to see him there. As he walks in Nick shows his true colors and tells Tabby that they should leave. But Tabby actually having some compassion for her fat Aids riddled friend tells him no and that she’s staying. Captain Uni-brow tells her, “Fine! But it’s your funeral.” What a fucking cock that guy is. I guess those Aid’s speakers were right. You do find out who your real friends are pretty quickly. Anyways Tabby comes up and calls him Shorty and asks him to dance.

dwayne tabby

So for the second time ever the end credits play over a scene that’s still happening. Trish comes over and asks Mr Raditch to dance. Tessa and Yick seem to be together now and we seen Snake and Michelle start to make out. Snake probably playing grab ass too. Shit I know I would be if I were him. The last thing we see is Joey and Caitlin kissing too. And holy shit, you know what I just realized? I may be wrong about this, but I think this is the first and only time they’ve shown Joey and Caitlin actually kiss. What the hell is that all about?

snake michelle caitlin joey kissing end credits

So that’s it motherfuckers. That was the series finale right there. I would say it was alright. The focus shouldn’t have been on Dwayne though. They should have done that shit in the episode before it. But oh well. It also sort of pisses me off that they never got another season to play out their Senior year. But don’t fret. Things don’t end here. Things really come to a close in the Degrassi movie “Schools Out”. So much shit happens in that one that the Degrassi Universe will never be the same again. So stay tuned peeps!


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Season 2, Episode 12, “Three’s A Crowd”

Pre credit opener: Snake is flying Emma around like she was the Goodyear Blimp and I’m glad to see that he’s finally gotten rid of that awful looking Prince Valiant hair cut he was sporting for a while. Not a good look Archie! He puts Emma in her playpen and Spike tells him that they have to start on getting ready for their presentation. As they’re going through their books Snake get’s this seductive look on his face and says, “I can’t play these games anymore Christine.” All the while putting his hand on her face. Right now Spike is creaming her pants because he’s acting like fucking Lord Byron. He says that he’s crazy about her and then kisses her passionately. But then we hear Emma yelling, “MOM!” and it’s pretty clear that Spike was just day dreaming the whole thing. She says sorry and sigh’s.

spike snakespike

Class is dismissed and Allison and Amy are talking about the fact that they have no dates to go to the semi-formal. I was going to say that it’s bullshit that they don’t. But Allison tells her, “We have standards, we’re going with Seniors and that’s that!” So yeah, they’re dateless because they’re stuck up as hell. Moving on Spike tells Snake thanks for being her study partner and he says thanks and hangs out with Joey. Spike then starts going on about all the qualities she likes about Snake to Liz, even the fact that he’s an awkward clumsy giant. She then asks Liz what it must have been like for him finding Claude’s headless corpse. But all Liz says is, “I can’t think about it.” Spike then starts going on about how she would love to go to the formal with him.

spike in love

On the other side Michelle is basically telling Alexa the same shit Spike was just saying. Michelle admits that she likes Snake, but she’s afraid he’ll say no because she ruined their last date by being a huge crybaby. As they walk by him Alexa tells her that she’s sure that he likes her back. After they say hi Joey asks Snake why he doesn’t ask Michelle to the formal. But Snake still has PTSD about Claude and says he’s not ready for that yet. But he then quickly changes his mind about all that and says that he can’t ask her because their last date was completely shitty. Joey tells him that he knows that she likes him. As Snake turns around to look at her I can swear she looks all glamed up because someone runs by and her hair blows at the perfect moment that she smiles back at him.

joey snakemichelle blown hair

In the library Tessa seems to be tutoring Yick but he shuts her up by putting a finger to her mouth. She says what and he grabs her hands. And now he starts acting all romantic. He says, “You have a sexy mind.” He then begs her to go to the formal with him and then they also start to mack. But of course it was all bullshit because Alex comes along and ruins everything by bringing her back to reality. Alex then tells Yick how he was telling her that he doesn’t have a moment with her anymore. At that Tessa get’s all annoyed with him and Yick sensing some drama leaves. Now that they’re alone they have a fight over her tutoring him some more after school. After annoying her even more he tells her that it’s their three month anniversary and gives her a ring. You can tell that she’s totally over Alex now because he’s probably a huge fucking nerd bore and he senses that something is wrong too by the face he makes.

tessa kissing yick

In another section of the library Spike walks up to Snake and asks him to the formal. Upon hearing those words Snake starts to laugh his ass off while Spike is saying, “Sorry.” Then he announces to everyone that she just asked him out and everyone starts laughing. Including this guy that totally has a stoner laugh. Once again she was just hallucinating the whole thing. She finally get’s the guts to ask him out after Liz prods her some. She’s all, “Maybe we can go.” And makes a face because he made a face and quickly adds as friends. Snake says sure because he has nothing else better to do. Spike of course is really excited and says that she has to buy something fun to wear since she never get’s to do jack shit because she takes care of Emma all the time.

snake laughingspike made fun of

In some math room Tessa walks in and Alex asks her if she wants to have lunch together and she tells him that she can’t due to helping Yick study again. Turns out this is all Alex’s fault because he asked her to help Yick out. What a dumb fuck. As she sits down Dorthy starts giving her shit too for spending a lot of time with Yick. But Tessa just tells her to fuck off and that she’s just tutoring him. She goes on to say how Yick isn’t her type because he’s wild and unpredictable. Alex on the underhand is just boring as hell. As Yick passes by they both smile at each other and now Arthur is giving Yick shit about her being Alex’s girlfriend. Man Arthur I should point out has gotten even more heftier since the last episode he was in. How is that even possible?! I’m so glad that he only got one episode that was just about him during Degrassi High’s run. I guess even the writers figured out that he was a lame, boring uninteresting character.

yick arthur luke

In the hallway Allison and Amy play a quick game of Paper, Rock, Scissors and Allison wins. The winner I guess get’s to ask Nick out. Again with this ugly asshole? Anyways she tries to talk to him but he’s too busy rocking out on his tape player. He asks him out and the black chick tells her that he does have a date. Allison pussies out and tells her that she was just doing a poll.

allison amy

Else where Alexa is pressuring Michelle big time to ask out Snake finally. She pushes her out of a door way right in front of him and they get to talking. Snake of course acts all awkward again. She pulls him over to the side and asks him if he would like to go to the formal with her. He smiles all happy and says in disbelief, “You wanna go with me?” She shakes her head yes, but then his smile fades and he tells her how he already said yes to someone else. Michelle get’s all embarrassed and leaves. I’m surprised she didn’t cry. Alexa then asks her what happened and Michelle tells her that he already has a girlfriend. Ok where did she get girlfriend from already going with someone else? Snake of course is all disappointed because he really wants to be with Michelle.

alexa michelle snake

In the library Yu the Disorganized finally answers a question right and they hug it out in celebration. After he says that she’s the best they both start to kiss each other. Man what is this a fucking soap opera? So much drama going on in this one. In Spike’s bedroom She seems to have gotten a prom dress designed by fucking Tim Burton. It’s completely black and gray and has skulls on it too. She’s so excited to be going with Snake that she starts dancing around with Emma.

tessa yick kiss spike emma

The next day as they’re walking in Snake is telling Joey all about the two women that want to go with him. After Joey calls him a studly guy, he points out the obvious that he should just tell Spike that he can’t go with her. But Snake is too nice of a person he says that he can’t because she asked him first. Joey of course convinces him that he’s right and he says he’s going to break it off with her. He spots her at her locker and before he can get a word out, she tells him that her mom is actually going to baby sit Emma and then she make shit worse. She mentions how she’s so excited since she hasn’t gone to a dance since the Junior High days. He pussies out of course and doesn’t say shit.

spike happy

Oh noes. There seems to be an election going on for Student Council President and Lucy, Dale and Fat Nancy seem to be vying for the position. Allison and Amy start to argue over who get’s to ask out Dale to the formal. But before they can some girl comes along smooching him and they both do an about face.

allison amy dale

In the girls wash room it seems like Tessa has told Dorthy about kissing with Yick. Dorthy tells her that she should break up with Alex since she doesn’t even seem to like him anymore. But Tessa isn’t sure that Yick likes her and then Dorthy get’s all judgmental and says, “What? You only break up if you have a back up?” Instead of telling her to shut the fuck up she agrees to finally break up with Alex.

In the math room Yick is telling the dudes about making out with Tessa. Luke is all into it while Arthur get’s all pissed off. I love how these two dateless related nerds are the ones getting all butt hurt over it. Yick mentions that he can’t help it that she likes him and besides she kissed him. Tessa comes along and Luke takes Arthur for a view outside the windows. Yick says sorry and she mentions how she wanted to break up with Alex’s dorky ass anyways. He walks in and they’re all looking at each other and he knows that something is up. And goddamn it! I feel like a fucking 14 year old girl talking about everyone’s relationship drama. This one is thick with it!

arthur luke tessa yick

As they’re taking the test Tessa tells Alex that they need to talk and she tells him how it’s not working and they need to split up. Alex acts all cheerful and tells her that he was thinking the same thing and they should just be friends. So obviously she’s just day dreaming all this bullshit. Especially when he says that she and Yick should go together. She comes back from the Matrix and tries to talk to him but she chickens out and thanks him for the cheap ring he got her.

alex yick tessa

In gym class all the dudes seemed to be decked out in Stormtrooper armor. What the fuck is going on here? Because they don’t look like Football pads either. Anyways Arthur is acting like a big bitch again telling Yick that he shouldn’t be doing all this to Alex because they’re friends. Luke wonders what he’s going to tell Alex, but Yick says he has nothing to say to him. As they go out Alex asks him how the tutoring sessions are going. Stupid Yick assumes that Tessa broke up with him already and spills the beans about Tessa kissing him. Alex of course get’s all pissed off and starts pushing him. Yick tells him to watch it, but all Alex says is, “No you watch it! I thought we were friends.” Yick very lamely says, “We are.” Then apologizes. See I knew that Alex wouldn’t try to beat his ass. He just backs off before they start their weirdo game they’re about to play. Because he’s a huge pussy.

alex yick armor

In the library Joey tells Snake to have a talk to Michelle and after being pushed towards her he starts another awkward talk with her. She tells him how she understands that he couldn’t wait all year long for her fickle ass to make up her mind about him. But he interrupts her and basically says that he does wants to go to the formal with her, but Spike asked her first and then he makes it out to sound like it’s a fucking pity date since Spike never ever get’s to go out. He goes on to mention how he likes Spike but only as a friend and not like he likes her. So with that he finally admits that he likes her and really wants to go with her. Meanwhile Spike and Liz are on the other side of the book case listening in and she get’s all heart broken.

michelle hot spike heartbroken

In her room she’s holding her dress all sad and Emma asks her wants the matter and Emma just comes over and gives her a hug.

The next day of school Allison and Amy talk about not having any dates. But Amy tells her that she actually got someone to go with her. Enough with that shit. Alex comes along and has it out with Tessa. She says sorry for cheating on him. He starts to sound all pathetic and he asks her, “Why don’t you like me?” She says that she does and he’s a great guy. But he points out how she had to break up with his spaz looking ass. She gives him back the stupid ring he gave her and has the nerve to ask him if they could still be friends. I’m surprised he had the back bone to tell her, “I don’t think so.” He just walks away all sad and Tessa feels bad. I bet it only lasted for five minutes though.

alex tessa

On the big ass ramp Michelle and Snake seem to be talking and Spike comes along. Michelle says that she better go but Spike says that she’ll just be a second. She tells Snake thanks, but she can’t go to the dance with him because she has a family thing they have to go to. Snake is clearly happier than a pig in shit, he can’t contain how delighted he is to hear that. He tells her that it was nice of her to ask her and she says, “It was nice of you to say yes.”

spike michelle snake spike end credits

So holy shit. This was a good episode, but goddamn, there was so much drama in it. I feel like I’m ovulating now. But I gotta say, I totally would have picked Michelle over Spike too. Michelle is good looking and pretty out going. Spike is pretty too, but she’s such a pain in the ass! As for the whole Alex thing. Come on, I think everyone knew he wouldn’t be able to hold on to her. He only is Degrassi’s biggest fucking dweeb there.

But yes, the next episode is the final episode of Degrassi. At least this version of Degrassi. It’s been a long time coming, but all good things must come to an end. Be sure to check out the series finale!

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Season 2, Episode 11, “Showtime, Part 2”

Things start off with the usual recap of the previous episode and it just shows Claude bothering Caitlin, her telling him to go fuck off, Joann bugging him about wanting to be a friend, Snake finding his corpse and everyone reacting to his senseless death.

We continue this two parter with everyone that’s going to be in the talent show showing up for a big meeting. Mr Raditch walks in with Fat Nancy and Bronco calls everyone’s attention. He asks them if they should have a talent show for this year. Joann goes first and says that they shouldn’t have it go on because her stupid asshole friend Claude killed himself. Lucy argues that not everything has to stop just because he’s gone. Of course Joann get’s all upset and says that they should be respectful. Lucy says that life has to go on. After they argue some more Joann says, “I’m sorry but I don’t feel like laughing. I knew him and he was my friend.” And just storms off. After all that Spike suggests that the money they make should go to a fund of some kind in Claude’s memory and everyone agrees that the show is still on. Suck it Claude and Joann!

joann annoying

After the meeting Caitlin tells Maya that she’s glad that the show is still on and that they’re not letting “that creep ruin everything.” Maya then says that his parents have decided on a closed funeral. (Probably because Claude doesn’t have a head anymore.) Caitlin says all angry that she would never have gone anyways. Who can blame her after that lousy fucking manipulative note he left for her blaming her for all of his misery. Caitlin then says that he deserves it and that he’s not going to let his death affect her. But who is she kidding?

caitlin pissed

In the science lab Mr Webster is explaining something to Joey but it went right over his head. Mr Webster vows to help him. Caitlin meanwhile is getting something inside of a glass case and holy shit. She see’s Claude reflected in it and he says in a disembodied voice, “Caitlin.” She turns around and no one is there. So great, he’s become Freddy Kruger then. As class is dismissed Mr Webster tells Joey and Caitlin that he wants to talk to them. Predictably he tells her that he wants her to tutor Joey since Joey can’t comprehend a goddamn thing. After not wanting to, she finally agrees to it.

claude ghost

As they walk out Wheels is waiting for Joey and he calls him over. He takes out an envelope and Joey asks him what it is. Wheels being all embarrassed says, “It’s the money that I stole.” It was probably just two dollars in change. After some awkwardness Wheels tells Joey that he better leave or he’s going to be late for work. Joey asks him how it’s going, Wheels says that it’s ok and it’s nice making some money. Wheels then asks him how Snake is since no one has seen him lately. He then asks if it’s true that he found Claude. Joey says yes. So I guess Snake finding Claude like that really backed up his urine and is now forced to use a catheter. Wheels asks him if it’s ok if he called him up some time. After all that it seems like Wheels and Joey have finally repaired their friendship slightly.

wheels joey

We go to Snake who’s still sporting that horrible Prince Valiant haircut and he’s working on a bike. Joey tells him that people miss him around school and asks him when he’s coming back. Snake says probably next week since he’s so goddamn traumatized. So this is pretty much the heart to heart scene of this episode. Snake starts to talk about seeing all the pools of blood and mentions how half of his face was a mass of jelly now. He then goes on about what if’s and get’s pissed off about the fact that he just had to be the one to find him, saying that he didn’t even do anything to him. Joey says that he’s sorry and has his hand on his shoulder. Snake mock punches him and they start playing around laughing.

Joey Snake

Uh oh. Caitlin is dreaming and it’s pretty obvious who’s it about. We hear Claude and his lame ass poem again. Once again she looks hot as hell in a white dance outfit. She starts to run away but she can’t since fucking Claude is tormenting her while he’s moving about in a wholly inhuman manner, holding a white rose out to her. She wakes up saying, “NO!”

claude caitlin claude gliding

The next day of school Mr Webster the giant bore is talking about some science shit that no one knows what the fuck he’s talking about. As class is dismissed Joey finally makes plans with Caitlin about getting some tutoring. After being difficult she invites him over to her place to study and mentions that her mom actually liked Joey. Joey get’s all happy and says, “Really?” But of course Caitlin isn’t in the mood since she’s now being tormented by a demon that was once Claude.

She goes to her locker and pulls some stuff out and she finds the stupid peace symbol ear ring that he got for her last season. We then get a flashback to when Claude didn’t have facial hair, except for his stupid scraggly soul patch and he gave her the ear ring. Of course she get’s pissed off at the memory and throws the now cursed ear ring to the ground.

caitlin ear ring

At her place Joey walks in and she says, “It’s just Joey mom.” Joey comments about how shitty that sounded and she get’s all pissed off and pretty much let’s him know that she doesn’t even want to tutor him. Man what a bitch. Joey just tells her to lighten up and that he was just joking. We then see that some time has passed and she’s explaining to him how to build a warp drive or some shit like that. I mean why would Joey bring up Star Trek then? It’s pretty obvious that he doesn’t get what the fuck she’s talking about, so she goes off on him and calls him a Numb Brain. Joey get’s pissed of course, but they’re interrupted by her mom. She goes to pick up her shitty husband. As soon as she leaves Joey is obviously upset over being called an idiot and says that he’ll get a job as a speed bump. She apologizes to him and says that she’ll try to explain things slower for him. She needs visual aids, like puppets.

caitlin joeyjoey pissed

But first Caitlin wants a drink first and she offers him something. Joey jokes about wanting a beer and she gets all pissed off again. Joey asks why she’s so serious for and the fact that she used to have a sense of humor. In the kitchen Joey asks her what she thinks about the talent show still going on and she’s glad that it is. Claude then comes up. Stupid Joey says, “Can you imagine putting a gun to your head and pulling the trigger?” For the fucking 10th time in this episode she get’s pissed and says, “Do we have to talk about this?” Caitlin asks about Snake and Joey starts to go off about Claude and the fact that he fucked him up due to Snake finding his bloody, headless corpse. Caitlin yet again says, “Can we please talk about something else?!” Joey says sorry, but then Caitlin starts talking about Claude again and how messed up he was. After they talk about him some more Caitlin again says that she doesn’t want to talk about that asshole but Joey brings up the fact that she keeps bringing him up.

Joey gun to head

Oh wow, so this is a 2nd heart to heart scene. She tells Joey all about him saying goodbye to her and the flowers with the accusing note he sent her. She starts to say that he loved her. Joey get’s all pissed off because he quickly figured out that Claude did all that on purpose and he tells her that he wanted to hurt her and everyone and wanted the whole school to be crying over him. He then calls him a pig and tells her that he wanted to make her feel guilty about it. She denies it and repeats that he loved her. At that she starts to cry and Joey basically calls him a selfish prick and hugs her.

caitlin crying caitlin joey hugging

It’s finally time for the talent show and it seems like it’s a full house. Bronco comes out and he seems to be wearing a suit that MC Hammer probably wore back in the day. He introduces Joann and she gives this rambling speech on behalf of Claude’s family. After all that everyone just claps like they don’t want to and Bronco says, “Now that we have that shit out of the way, here are the Dancing Jockettes.” And they come out and do their stupid unfunny routine.

lucy crowd joann speech bronco

Backstage Caitlin and Joey start to talk about how fucking nervous they are. Once again Caitlin looks finer than a motherfucker. She asks him if Snake is finally back but it seems like Wheels has taken his place. Some one should just tell Snake, “Be brave Snake goddamn it!” Anyways before Joey get’s ready with his offensive Mexican dance she thanks him for everything and gives him a smooch on the cheek. Caitlin then turns around laughing at Luke and them making asses of themselves, while Joey looks at her getting his hopes up again. But that little laugh right there tells me that she’s already over Claude killing himself, that goes for the rest of the school too.

caitlin joey kiss caitlin end credits

Once again Stacie Mistysyn and Pat Mastroianni come on talking about how dramatic this story was. I love how she mentions how the actor David Armin Parcells who played Claude didn’t really kill himself. I bet they added that real quick before some idiot some where thought it was for real. They then go on about how Suicide is never the answer and if you’re feeling like that, get help, talk to someone. They then give the Boys Town National Hotline and Joey says, “Don’t wait!”

boys town national hotline

So yeah, goddamn that was a pretty good two part episode, intense as hell too. I think they handled the subject matter pretty well with everyone having a lot of different reactions. But I just love how the school got over Claude’s death in a matter of three days. So I guess he didn’t accomplish what he wanted to do.


Season 2, Episode 10, “Showtime, Part 1”

Holy shit. We’ve finally made it peeps. The episode that’s been mentioned here and there around Degrassi circles for a while now. The one I’ve been waiting to see since I started writing this crazy little blog. That’s right motherfuckers, it’s the infamous two parter suicide episode.

Pre-credit opener: So I’m guessing that this DVD is the U.S. version of this episode because Caitlin and Joey are themselves talking to the audience again about how fucking serious this episode is because of the subject matter. They start talking about how there are always signs when someone is suicidal, then they give a national hotline for people to call.

caitlin joey

But enough with that shit. Let’s go on with the episode. Oh my God! Claude is wearing the world’s worst outfit. He looks like he’s dressed as a fucking pirate. And the sad thing is that I’ve heard that this is how he really dressed too. Caitlin and Maya come down the big ass ramp and Caitlin is looking mighty fine in her dance clothes. They’re both going on about being nervous because they’re going to be trying out for the talent show. Just then Claude ambushes them and asks Caitlin the obvious if she’s trying out. She wishes him luck and their lame love theme song comes back on and he says, “What if we tried again?” She looks at him with disgust and says, “Please!” She starts bitching to Maya about him bugging her still and says, “I wish he would just go away.” Meanwhile Claude is just standing there looking like a huge stalker.

caitlin claude

Arthur and Dorothy are showing everyone in the school that they are the squarest white people ever to attend Degrassi High with their nerdy tap dancing routine. After Caitlin and Maya sign in they go past Joey and Caitlin says hi to him. While he says hi back Snake is drawing a pair of eyes on his stomach. But as soon as she leaves Joey mutters, “Ice Maiden.” Snake asks him when he’s going to get over her, but Joey insists that he is. Mercifully their stupid routine is over and we get another one. “The Dancing Jockettes.” Which consists of Simon, Luke and Dale dancing around in tutu’s while a selection from The Nut Cracker is playing. Everyone seems to be laughing their asses off. Meanwhile Claude walks in looking all dramatic and signs in. The routine is cut short though because Alex some how managed to fuck up the tape they were using. But Bronco says that it’s ok and they’re in the show.

claude dramatic simon alex

Claude is then called up and he get’s the slightest of smiles on his face and he tells Bronco and Lucy that his performance is something he wrote himself. So this is either the worst poem ever recited or it’s the biggest cry for help ever and it goes a little something like this. “Autumn Leaves, dying leaves. Season of death! When winds blow cold thoughts of death creep in as I sleep. I dream I’m in a coffin safe from the life I don’t want to lead I’m not afraid soothing, black and warm soothing, black and warm safe from the pain and safe from the fools safe, soothing, black.” And blah, blah, he basically talks about being dead and that he wants to dwell in the abyss, because he thrives being in there. Bronco interrupts his dark poem and tells him that his stupid poem isn’t right for the show because it’s depressing as hell. Of course Claude get’s pissed off and says, “I do my monologue or nothing!” Bronco just says, “Bye Felicia.” Claude storms off yelling at everyone, “Typical, this place is so stupid. You’re all a bunch of sheep!” Joey starts to laugh and makes a sheep sound and calls him a fucking loser. Just then Joey and Snake are called up and they go to the stage with two huge hats. After realizing that no one gives a fuck about his little outburst Claude yells again, “You don’t care! Nobody cares! But you’ll see.” Bronco should have said, “You still here? Bye!”

joey snake claude asshole

Joann it turns out is one of his closest friends. Even though it’s never been mentioned before. She starts to go on about how they never see him anymore and she invites him out to go see a movie with a bunch of friends. She then mentions how sorry she is that his parents got a divorce. Turns out that he doesn’t get a long at all with his dad and he says that he can’t stay with his mom because her new boyfriend can’t stand his ass. Which is pretty hilarious that the mom would chose the boyfriend over her own son. She starts to pester him some more and says that she’s his friend and she’ll listen if he wants to talk. But he can’t help being all emo and says like he wants to cry, “Joann, you don’t know what it’s like when everything….” “You don’t know what it’s like to be me. So don’t bother.” Still she persists and says, “Try me.” Sounding like Carlton Banks when he was upset with Will in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Claude says with a crying voice, “No.”

claude upset

Back to the talent show Joey and Snake are doing a really offensive Mexican dance with the hats and face they painted on their bellies. Of course they’re dancing to Everybody Wants Something. Which is probably the last time we’re going to hear it played in this show.

snake joey

The next day of school Claude comes walking by in an even worse looking outfit. He looks like a poker dealer from the late eighteen hundreds. Joey and Snake are talking about Joey not understanding something in science class again, so Snake tells Joey to get some help. Trust me, all this boring bullshit is heading somewhere.

claude poker dealer

In the hallway Maya and Caitlin are still going on about being hella nervous for the talent show audition. But I don’t see why they are. Everyone seems to have gotten in. Except for stupid Claude. Apparently Caitlin has moved back home and is telling Maya about their parents giving their marriage another go. But we all knew this already. Claude meanwhile is waiting for her with a white rose. He stands next to her locker with his hand behind his back and just stands there like a maniac. She tells him to move his ass and he just moves and stares at her some more. As she’s getting her shit out of her locker he takes the rose out and Maya is all delighted by it for some reason. Probably because no one has never done something like that for her. Caitlin get’s instantly annoyed and says, “Will you please leave me alone, I’m really tired of being harassed by you all the time.” “We’re not seeing each anymore it’s over.” Claude says, “Don’t worry, I won’t bother you anymore.” Then says that he just came to say good bye. She asks him all irritated where he’s going to, but he just smiles holding the rose up and just backs away. What an asshole.

claude rose

In the science class room Joey is talking to Canadian Mr Feeny again Mr Webster about getting help. But he says that he’s too busy to help him himself, but he’s going to get someone. Back out in the hallway girlfriend beater Scott tells Claude to hurry up before he get’s into trouble. But Claude says that he’s not going to anymore classes then goes on with, “What has this place ever done for me?” Scott just says, “You’re gonna get in trouble.” Claude says that he won’t and waits until the hallway clears. He takes out a dish towel and unwraps a 45 pistol. As he’s looking at it, he get’s this smile on his face and I bet you anything he’s thinking, “Yeah this will show em!” He just walks off with gun in hand and the last we see of him is his ghostly image reflected on some glass.

claude claude ghost

In Mr Walfish’s class they’re having a debate on Macbeth. Of course they’re getting all heated about it. That Mr Walfish is always starting shit between students. Ok, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I can swear I can hear a muffed gun shot going off after Alexa says her nonsense. But I can be wrong. Anyways, Snake raises his hand and he tells him that he has to take a piss because he had way too much tea for breakfast. Wait what? Who the fuck drinks tea in the morning? I guess it’s just another wacky thing that Canadians do. Anyways he goes off while everyone is laughing at him.

snake pee

So this is the scene where the shit hits the fan. Snake walks in to take his giant piss and he notices these really fucking pointy shoes that look like they belong to the Wicked Witch of the East coming out of a stall. I’m surprised they didn’t shrivel up and curl themselves up when Snake see’s them. It seems to be a pretty gory sight because there’s blood all over the place. Snake asks if whoever is in there is alright and he opens up the stall door. Immediately he wants to throw up over the fact that Claude most likely blew his fucking head off. Now, if he had used a 22 caliber pistol, the bullets are pretty small and they don’t come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there’s a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you’re dead. So he went in a very gory manner.

claude corpse

He goes running out of the bath room and heads straight to the office. Mr Raditch is going over some staff meeting he’s planning but they’re interrupted by Snake that looks like he’s either crying or wants to cry. He says, “Mr Raditch, Mr Raditch, you’ve gotta come quick.” Raditch tells him to get a hold of himself but Snake blurts out, “No, no, no. He’s um, dead.” That sure got Raditch’s attention. He asks who, but Snake just says that there’s a gun and blood everyone in the boys wash room.  Raditch tells the secretary to call the police and goes running off like a duck with Snake.

snake crying

Class is dismissed and Tracy and Bart are going through their very lame magic routine, Bart being the lovely assistant again. Meanwhile in the background everyone can hear all these sirens coming closer. But who cares?! It’s finally Caitlin’s dance routine and she looks fucking hot as hell! I’m telling you, she has booty!

caitlin dancing

We then cut to Luke asking one of the Mounties what’s going on in the restroom. But they tell him to just move along, he probably wants to smoke some weed in there. We hear an announcement about a staff meeting going on immediately. Mark and Wheels come by and Mark asks Wheels if he saw a stretcher out front. Wheels saying that it must be serious.

We come to a few scenes of the teachers telling everyone that they have some bad news to tell them. In Mr Walfish’s class everyone is acting rowdy as hell. As soon as Mr Walfish walks in they all settle down and Alex being a lame, nerd kiss ass says, “I tried sir.” But Mr Walfish doesn’t give a shit. He comes in looking all glum and says, “I’m afraid I have some very upsetting news. A student has died and it looks like he killed himself.” At that everyone just get’s fucking quiet until Tessa asks him who it was. Of course he says it was Claude and everyone looks at Caitlin.

caitlin news

In the special ed class Joann is telling the class about how angry Claude was and how his home life was complete shit too. Nick the caveboy of course has to be a dick and says, “Yeah lots of people have problems but they don’t kill themselves.” As soon as he says that Joey and Dwayne exchange a look. Joann then starts to cry over the fact that he wouldn’t talk to her. Everyone tells her that there was nothing she could have done about it. At that Mr Raditch states the obvious by saying, “Many people think about suicide. The difference is that we don’t do it, because once you do, everything is over.” Well no shit Raditch.

dwayne joey joann crying mr raditch

In the other class room everyone is talking about why he had to do it at the school. Lucy says, that he probably did it just so everyone could feel bad. Which I think is very spot on. But of course everyone get’s pissed off at her for having no tact and saying it the way she did. Spike on the other hand agrees with her and says, “No she’s right! He had too many problems so he runs away and kills himself? He doesn’t have to worry anymore, it’s us that has to feel bad. Talk about selfish.” As people get pissed off at Spike that black chick Joy says, “He’s going to hell too, suicide is a sin.” So by that I’m guessing she’s a Catholic. As the teacher goes on about people’s reactions being different and ok, Joy cries herself into a stupor. Even though she probably had no idea who he was.

joy crying

On the big ramp Dale and some stoner looking guy are talking about where he got the gun from, Dale thinking that he must have gotten it from his dad. Caitlin now feels guilty about telling Claude to fuck off, but Maya tells her that it’s not her fault and that he was obviously a very fucked up person.

In the hallway Joey asks Tracy and Mark if they’ve seen Snake. But Mark says that he hasn’t been seen all afternoon. In the auditorium Bronco is blaming himself about not letting him do his stupid monologue, but Lucy tells him that it wasn’t his fault because Claude was already all messed up. She then asks what they’re going to do about the talent show and he says, “Cancel it of course.” But Lucy says that it’s not for another two weeks, but Bronco says that it would be something really fucked up to do. Pretty safe to say that Lucy doesn’t give a shit about Claude killing himself.

joey mark tim

lucy bronco

At Caitlin’s house her mom tells her that someone sent her some flowers. Caitlin wonders who it can be from. The fact that they’re white roses should have told her who they’re from almost immediately. She reads the note and basically this motherfucker is blaming her for his death from beyond the grave. He even says, “I forgive you for how you treated me.” What an asshole. It says to be continued but the episode doesn’t end until Caitlin get’s all disgusted and just throws the flowers in a fit of rage.

Caitlin end credits

So yeah, what a hardcore episode this was huh. But it’s not over yet. The school is still dealing with his death in the next episode. Which was probably what he wanted to begin with.


Season 2, Episode 9, “Extracurricular Activities”

Going by the title I’m just totally assuming that this has to be with some sex thing. Maybe, we shall see.

Pre-credit Opener: Oh no. NO!!! Lucy is making yet another boring video tape for LD. She’s talking about God knows what. Oh she shows a picture of herself and Bronco. She mentions how things are going great between them and she thinks that things are going to work out this time. LD probably said with that lisp, “Whoth cares?!”

lucy videotape

At the school Fat Nancy seems to be in charge of the recycling program. She probably gave herself the lunch time shift so she could eat any extra food people didn’t eat. Anyways, Bronco walks out of Mr Raditch’s office and Raditch is telling him to keep quiet about something and that some people asked whatever the fuck they’re talking to be kept a huge secret. Bronco promises Raditch that he’s responsible and he won’t let him down. Lucy of course is nosy as hell and wants to know what the big secret is. Bronco just says, “Nothing, mind yo business!”

raditch bronco lucy

In Mr Walfish’s class the twins are talking about a rumor that’s going around school. And that rumor is that The Savages are coming to Degrassi for some reason. The girls then start dancing and singing this really lame song. Until Walfish walks in and Heather get’s completely embarrassed. By I don’t know why, she was just dancing in front of the entire class.

Walfish class

Oh lord Mr Webster is going through some lecture in the science labs and I’m as bored as the students seem to be. Wow, Bart actually cut his fro down. It’s obvious that no one has any idea what the fuck Mr Webster is talking about because everyone is quiet. He then drops the bomb that they’re going to have a review test because no one seemed to be into his class. I love how he doesn’t realize that he’s a giant bore. Joey meanwhile get’s pissed and says, “Come on! This ruins everything.” I guess we’ll find out what he’s talking about in the next scene.

Webster class

In the hallway Maya and Caitlin make plans to meet at Maya’s to study for the test. Caitlin mentions how she has to call her brother first to let him know. Maya asks her how long she’s planning on staying there and Caitlin says until her mom and dad get a divorce. Maya of course makes this ugly judgmental badger face and just has to give her two cents. But Caitlin doesn’t give a shit. She hates her dad apparently.


Back to Lucy and the Twins, they’re still talking about the Savages coming to the school and one of them mentions how a member of the band once took a shit in the Degrassi boys restroom because he used to be a student there. The twins badger Lucy to ask Bronco whether they’re really coming to the school or not. Lucy just asks him and Bronco is such a terrible liar and shows his emotions on his face. Because as soon as she asks him he makes a serious face and says, “No, it’s a crazy rumor sorry.” After some more Badgering stupid Bronco tells her that he’s not supposed to talk about it and Lucy goes crazy with excitement. He finally admits that they’re going to be there the next day to shoot a new music video. But asks her not to tell anyone because they don’t want a lot of fans around. But you know she’s going to open her big mouth to the twins. He makes another stupid mistake by mentioning how he actually get’s to meet them. Lucy says, “You have to get us in too.” Bronco tells her sorry but that he can’t because it’s a closed set. After he leaves the twins ask her if it’s true, but Lucy tells them that it’s just a rumor. The twins however don’t believe her.

lucy twins

On the big ass ramp, Snake is bitching out Joey about not being able to go camping because he has to study for the stupid science test. Joey tells him to go with Wheels. But Snake says that they’re not talking and that he doesn’t have a car and has no way to get up there. For once Joey is showing some responsibility and actually wants to study for the test. Long story short, Joey agrees to go up camping and reasons he can study in the peace and quiet. Plus Snake can help him out too.

The Twins meanwhile are still pestering Lucy about the fucking Savages coming over to the school. And of course Lucy just can’t keep her big mouth shut and tells them that they’re coming the next day for the music video. Then she mentions the fact that he get’s to meet them. At that Erica repeats what Lucy said about him getting them in. But Lucy mentions that he can’t since it’s a closed set. That’s when they decide that they’re going to sneak in and Erica says that she has a plan. Uh oh.


Outside the school Caitlin’s stupid, pathetic mom is waiting for her. She offers her a lift but Caitlin says that they’re going to Maya’s. They go to talk and her mom mentions how her dad wants to see her and invites her over for dinner so that they could all talk. Probably about his mistress moving in. As her mom leaves Caitlin tells Maya that they probably want to tell her that they’re splitting up and it’s for the best.

maya caitlin mom

Oh hey look, it’s the janitor who got a peek at Wheel’s junk when he was talking a shower and he’s putting this recycling bin inside this storage room and it looks like it weighs a ton. And no wonder, Lucy’s in there and climbs out of it. She goes to a window and opens it so that they can sneak in the next day. That Erica is so devious.

Outside of Snake’s house Joey’s waiting outside all bored and Snake comes out with a ton of camping equipment. What a giant lameo he is. Oh so I guess it’s the next morning because Joey mentions how he needs to get some notes out of his locker. Snake says that the school is closed but Joey says that there’s always someone there on Saturdays. Man it sucks for them to be stuck there.

snake joey

Lucy meanwhile is outside a gate in plain view recording everything for LD. Just then the twins come along and what a surprise. Erica is dressed like a complete slut. Probably wants the Savages to do a train on her. Yeah that’s right! I went there goddamn it!

twins lucy slutty erica

Joey then pulls up in his car and they see this huge crew with a lot of equipment moving around. Bronco comes out and tells them that they have to leave because it’s a big secret. A big secret that Snake quickly realizes what it is and says, “The Savages?!” They quickly figure out that they’re going to shoot a video there and they beg Bronco to just let them watch. After they hassle him to let them stay this big rough looking brother comes out in a peach Savages shirt and asks Bronco, “Are these guys giving you grief?” At that Snake and Joey puss out and leave. Bronco stands right next to the dude and stands there all full of himself, with that huge goofy grin of his. As they walk back inside. Joey tells Snake that he needs to see the Savages because he’s never been that close to a rock star before.

joey snake rough brother
bronco rough brother

The girls finally break into the school. Erica needs some help getting in because of her skirt so Heather pushes her up by grabbing her ass and shoving. They come out of the storage room trying to be all sneaky. We hear the lame song that they’ve been singing the entire episode. But it’s obvious it’s just a recording. Lucy says, “Eat your heart out Rambo.” and they sneak away to a better location. Ah these hi-jinx.

twins erica ass

Caitlin finally arrives at her parents house and it’s awkward as hell. And that’s about it for that scene. Geesh. Meanwhile back at the school Joey and Snake find the window where Lucy and the Twins snuck in because they left a crate out there in plain view. Mr Raditch arrives and asks Bronco if everything is ok.

joey snake sneaking in

Back to Caitlin’s boring parents sub plot. Her parents let her know that they’re going to be staying together because Caitlin’s mom is an idiot. Her parents tell her that they want her back home. But Caitlin doesn’t want any of it. She get’s all upset and says that she hates him and can’t stand the sight of him. Then she says exactly what I’ve been thinking the entire time and calls the both of them stupid. But the mom is the real moron for putting up with her husbands bullshit.


Back at Degrassi, both groups of Joey, Snake, the Twins and Lucy run into each other. As they yell out Bronco runs to where they are, but as he’s running away Raditch see’s him. Bronco quickly figures out that Lucy told them about the motherfucking Savages being there. Lucy just stammers, “I couldn’t help it.” Erica has the audacity to ask Bronco, “Are the Savages here yet?” Bronco’s all, “No they’re not fucking hear yet and you’re not going to see them either so get out.” Everyone says, “Oh come on Bronco!” Just then Raditch is coming up the big ramp and sees Snake’s giant head and he starts running after them. Stupid Bronco for some reason was trying to open a door for them so they could hide. As they try to sneak away Raditch says, “Stop right there!”  Then asks Bronco all pissed off what the fuck they’re all doing there. Raditch then says the typical adult thing of, “Mr Davis I trusted you and this is what happens.” Lucy tries to say it wasn’t his fault but Raditch tells her to shut the fuck up and kicks them all out. Joey passes by Mr Raditch with hatred in his eyes.

erica snake joey mr raditch

Oh God!! In Maya’s room she seems to be feeding her unholy army of rats. While she’s doing that Caitlin is just bitching about her parents and her problems. Since I don’t really care about this bullshit I’m done with this sub plot for this episode. Seriously, who cares?

caitlin maya

Outside of the school Lucy is waiting for Bronco and he finally comes along. He tells her how Raditch doesn’t believe him and says that he’ll never trust him again. Shit if I was Bronco I would blackmail Raditch into letting him stay there. Because I don’t think Raditch should be letting any bands play at the school either way, because it is Degrassi property there and I doubt Raditch has the authority to do that. Isn’t he just the Vice Principle? Anyways, he asks her why the fuck she told everyone for. She gives this really lame excuse about how it was dumb and that she didn’t think he would get in trouble. She offers to talk to Raditch but he tells her that it’s going to do no good and besides he knew that he shouldn’t have told her. I mean after all, she is a teenage girl and everyone knew she was going to fucking blab in the next scene anyways. As the episode ends this huge prom limo arrives and it’s obvious that it’s The Savages. They stand outside of the gate and Lucy says, “There they are.” Bronco all pissed off replies, “Here we are.”

the savages bronco lucy bronco lucy end credits

As you all know I could careless about the Caitlin parents sub plot. But this one was pretty good. Another thing I would have done to stick it to Raditch was that I would have called up everyone that I knew that went to the school and told them about Canada’s lamest super group being there.


Season 2, Episode 8, “Home Sweet Home”

The Wheels: Age of Asshole story line comes to a head in this one. Wheels totally deserves everything that happens to him.

Pre-credit opener: We see Wheels in Joey’s kitchen being a big fucking moocher. Joey says that he’s going to go outside so he can make sure that his car actually starts up. As soon as he leaves Wheels tells Joey’s milf of a mom bye and then he goes through her purse and takes her loose change. What a fucking prick this guy is.

wheels stealing

In the Degrassi High hallways Wheels actually has the nerve to ask Joey if he wants to go play video games with the money that he stole from Joey’s mom. Joey says that he can’t though because he has to study for an exam. Wheels just says, “Boring.” Joey then notices that Wheels has his watch on. Wheels tells him that he’s just borrowing it since his is broken. I love how he just took it and didn’t even bother to ask. Joey of course says all pissed off, “Then get it fixed.” Holy shit! Snake comes along and he totally has a Prince Valiant haircut going on. Wheels then asks Snake if he wants to go play some Street Fighter II but Snake says that he also has to study. Wheels says, “You guys amaze me, I’ll see you at home.” As soon as he leaves Joey says, “Home. He takes my things without asking me, he snores. He’s driving me crazy.” Snake points out the obvious and tells Joey to tell Wheels to leave. But Joey says he can’t since he’s his friend. What a fool.

joey snake

In the Library Alexa and Michelle are studying for God knows what. (I just gotta say, Michelle sure has gotten better looking as the show has progressed.) The librarian tells them that the library is closing at four and Michelle goes on this long rant about it not staying open later. Michelle admits to Alexa that the house she’s living in is the worst. Basically the people like to party a lot and she can’t study at all. So I guess the people that live there have no jobs and just stay up all night watching infomercials, except loudly.


At the Jeremiah household Joey’s hot mom seems to be going through her books and she looks very distressed. Just then Joey walks in and she tells him that she needs to talk to him. She asks him how much longer Wheels is going to be staying with them. Turns out he’s an even bigger moocher than I thought. He’s draining everything there. Financially and emotionally. She then mentions that she talked to his grandma and it turns out that the old nag wants to talk to him. After Joey defends Wheels for a bit she drops the bomb on him that money has been disappearing from her purse. Stupid Joey get’s all pissed off and says, “Wheels doesn’t steal.” She puts two and two together and says that her money hasn’t started disappearing until Wheels came into their lives. Joey says that he’ll talk to him but after his big exam or essay. But she says that no matter what, she wants Wheel’s David Koresh looking ass out of their house.

joeys hot mom

The next day at school Joey and Wheels come driving in and Joey seems to be listening to this really lame song. I’m like come on! This almost has to be around the time that Grunge started coming out back in the early 90’s. But I guess things come in later in Canada. Anyways, Joey tells Wheels to hold on for a bit and he ask him point blank if he stole the money from his mom’s purse. Wheels of course is a big fucking liar and flat out denies it. He mentions how he loves living at his house and that it’s the first time he’s been happy since his parents were killed. So not only is he a fucking liar, he’s manipulative too by bringing up his dead parents. Joey tries to say that if he was borrowing it, but Wheels cuts him off and says, “Maybe she spent it and forgot.” Joey looks at him as he walks off and you can tell he doesn’t believe him for one second.

wheels lying

Back in the library we see Simon studying with Alexa and Michelle and I’m already bored to tears with Michelle’s B plot. But surprisingly Simon answered this really complicated law question correctly. I guess he’s not as brain dead as I thought he was. Michelle continues to bitch about her home life. Simon comes up with going to study at her dad’s house. Michelle tells Simon that he’s brilliant and both he and Alexa can’t believe she said that. Michelle mentions that her dad goes to a cooking class so that way she can break in and study and then leave before he get’s home.

michelle happy

It’s after school and Joey is totally going off about Wheels to Snake. Joey mentions how he always has money to go play video games. Wheels is all waiting on top of Joey’s hood, as they get in the car Joey asks him how he has money to play video games all the time. Wheels lies some more and says he has some money saved. Then he adds, “You still think I took the money don’t you?” Wheels has the fucking audacity to get pissed off and tells Joey, “Thanks a lot! Jerk!” Upon hearing this Joey loses his shit and says, “Jerk? You’re calling me a jerk?!” Then he asks him how much longer he’s going to stay at his house. Wheels replies with, “Until I find a place.” Joey mentions how he’s not even bothering to look. Wheels then says, “I don’t have any money.” As they drive away Joey tells him that maybe he could go find a job and live on his own. Wheels says, “Joey, I’ve got enough problems already!”

joey annoyed

Back at the Jeremiah compound Joey and Wheels are still arguing. Wheels brings out the fact that his parents were killed and he doesn’t have it easy like Joey does. Joey get’s so annoyed he actually calls out Wheels on his bullshit and says, “Why do you always bring that up, that was over two years ago.” Wheels says all irritated that one doesn’t get over something like that. But whoa, whoa, stop the clock! Hasn’t this dick head been saying since the 3rd season of Degrassi Junior High that he’s over his nerdy parents getting annihilated by a drunk driver? Anyways, Wheels gets a fucking soda and takes the last of the Dipps. Joey points out that he took the last one and Wheels tells Joey, “So, first come first served. Anyways, I don’t need to hear a lecture from a jerk like you!” Joey can’t stands no more! He tells Wheels that he needs to get his ass out of his house. Joey mentions that his parents want him out. Wheels then busts out the victim card and says, “I’m out of here.” Joey makes him give him the watch back and the fucking prick says, “Some friend you are!”

wheels asshole

Outside of Snake’s house we hear them telling something to him and Snake is all, “I’ll tell him!” Wheels is waiting on the back porch which looks like the same porch where he made out and fingered Heather last season. Wheel’s asks him, “Well?” Snake tells him fuck no. Wheel’s then asks him if he told him that it’s only for one night. But Snake tells him how Wheels never wanted to leave Joey’s place. Wheels then acts like an asshole and shouts out, “Your parents are jerks!” Snake very lamely just says, “They are not!” You know, instead of fucking him up right then and there for talking shit about his parents. Snake then mentions how Wheels has a reputation. Snake for some insane reason apologizes to him as Wheels is walking away talking shit about having lousy friends.

snake wheels

At Michelle’s dad’s place she walks in all happy at having a quiet place to study but her dad is there. Turns out he was taking a shower and blah, blah. He offers her a place to study so she goes to her room. Who gives a mother fuck about this?

In the mean streets of Toronto, it’s started to rain and Wheels is really boned now. He’s freezing his ass off and looks at a homeless person hiding from the rain with disgust. What a dick.

At Michelle’s dad’s she’s studying and they’re talking about whatever. But I can’t concentrate because her boobs are so huge! Haha. I know I’m awful, but goddamn it, they’re out there. Anyways, they start to argue and all this good shit and her dad apologizes and says that he doesn’t want to fight with her.

michelle boobs

We go back to Wheels inside of a phone booth calling someone and it’s his grandma. I love how she says, “What do you want Derek?” He mentions how he needs a place to stay since Joey’s parents threw him out. She says all matter of factly, “I know, you were stealing.” Of course he denies it, but she knows how his crooked ass his already. She says all annoyingly, “You lie and you lie.” Wheels begs her and she tells him that if she does he has to go by her rules and wants him to go to counseling. Wheels says that he doesn’t need it and she get’s pissed and says, “Yes you do!” Wheels basically tells her what she wants to hear and says that he’ll do whatever she wants. But she doesn’t believe him at all. She tells him to go to a shelter. After he puts down the people there she hangs up on his ass. After that he calls up Mark making some small talk trying to invite himself over eventually. What an asshole.

wheels phone booth wheels grandma

Michelle and her boobs come bouncing down the stairs and her dad offers for her to study there whenever she wants to. She tells her dad that she would like to move back in, but wants to pay rent. She wants to make a contract with him because basically she doesn’t want to listen to him. Especially a curfew. They make all these bullshit conditions and they agree that she’s going to live with him again.

michelle dad

At Snakes house Wheels calls him up because he has nowhere to go. I love how no one wants to take his ass in. Snake acts like a telemarketer is talking to him because his parents are in the living room with him. Wheels tells him that he needs a place to stay because it’s pouring. Stupid Snake tells him to meet him out back in a few minutes. But he mentions to Wheels not to knock or make a big racket.

Ok, this is the scene where it all comes to a head for Wheels. Snake makes a really lame excuse and leaves. He goes out back and Wheels comes running by soaking wet. Snake tells him to not be all loud and tells him that his parents heard about the money he stole and they don’t want him talking to him anymore. But for the 20th time Wheels lies his ass off and says, “I didn’t take anything. Why does everybody think I did?” Wheels begs Snake to let him stay there and mentions how his grandma won’t even take him in. After Snake tells him that he can’t he finally admits that he’s desperate and has no where else to go. Snake being stupid tells Wheels that he can stay on the porch. Wheels can’t believe his ears and says, “Outside?!” Wheels all pissed off says thanks and Snake says that it’s the best he can do for him. I swear this motherfucker is incorrigible. He starts to blame Joey for all of his woes, even saying, “I thought he was a friend, the guy is a total loser.” Hearing this Snake finally get’s some balls and actually get’s pissed at Wheels. He points out how Joey let him stay at his place for weeks and tells Wheels that he’s so self centered. Wheels of course brings up his parents tragic death and says that Snake has it easy. Snake says, “So!”  And continues to say that he can’t hide behind that bullshit for the rest of his life and needs to start taking some responsibility. Wheels says that it’s not his fault they were killed. But Snake mentions how him being out on the streets is his fault and everyone tried to help him, but all Wheels does is take advantage of people. I guess his grandma was right about Wheels taking and taking from people. If this was Good Times we would have heard someone in the audience say, “Right on!” Snake goes back inside all pissed off and tells Wheels to be gone by the morning. Wheels then just sits there taking the typical Steve Urkel route and feels sorry for himself after being called out on his shitty behavior.

snake pissed wheels selfpity

The next day at school Wheels looks like complete shit because it’s obvious he didn’t sleep at all. He talks to Joey and mentions how he called his grandma and he’s going to talk to her later on in the day. Wheels then apologizes for being a fucking prick and says that things will be different from now on. Then he admits to Joey that he ripped off his hot ass mom. But promises to some how pay her back every single cent he stole. Joey all pissed off says, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Wheels just says to himself, You’ll see it.”

joey wheels end credits

Holy shit, this episode was pretty good but so fucking annoying at the same time. Wheels should have gotten his ass kicked about three times in it for being such a dick. But at least everyone finally told him that they’re tired of his shit. As for Michelle going back to her dad’s, I could have cared less. But I guess they had to resolve all that before the series ends.


Season 2, Episode 7, “The All-Nighter”

Pre-credit opener: We see Yick standing in front of the girls restroom looking nervous as hell. Kathleen tries to go in, but Yick tells her to wait a second, but she says that she doesn’t want to wait because she really has to take a big smelly shit. Right as she shoves her through Luke comes out of the restroom. She asks him what he was doing in there and Luke just says nothing and drags Yick away. As she walks in she says, “Pervert.” As they’re walking away Yick asks, “Did you really have to hide it in there?” Luke says that it was the safest place. In doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he was hiding some narcotics in there. Kathleen must have a really steady flow going because she’s desperately banging on the tampon machine. But nothing comes out except two joints. Kathleen just shows how lame she is by saying with wonder, “Drugs.” And then takes them for herself.

kathleen weed

Apparently it’s Diana’s birthday and it seems like the girls are going to throw her a surprise birthday slumber party. Maya wonders if Diana really doesn’t know that they’re throwing her the surprise party and they’re pretty confident that she doesn’t. She probably figures that her friends don’t give a shit. Kathleen then cryptically says, “I’ve got a surprise of my own.” Diana walks in and right away they all act weird. Maya randomly asking if she saw The Kids in the Hall the other night. Diana’s all, what the fuck and then asks Melanie if they’re good to go to the movies that night. Melanie says, “Fur sure!”

diana melanie

Mr Walfish comes in telling Alex that he doesn’t give any extensions. Because if he did, he’d have to break his fingers. Seems like Alex has had a month to write his paper but he hasn’t done a goddamn thing to write it yet. He tells Luke and Yick about the fact that he can’t believe that he forgot about needing to write and essay. Luke says that he has all weekend to do it, but Alex says that he’s going on a fishing trip with his dad. After they make fun of him he tells them that he can’t play at their poker game that night. Which is really fucking nerdy for all of them to participate in. Anyways Joey over hears them and invites himself over to play. Luke mentions how his parents are going away so it’s party time. Alex mutters to himself, “I thought he thought we were nerds.”

alex luke joey yick

As the bell rings Arthur asks Yick if he wants to do something that night, but Yick says that he’s playing poker with Luke. Arthur get’s disappointed and Yick asks him to come along to play. But Arthur says that Luke doesn’t like him very much. I know I don’t like Arthur very much. Shit, this scene is going long. As Mr Walfish is talking about his assignment for the class, Mr Raditch comes in with a Mountie and says that they are doing some random locker checks. Kathleen get’s all nervous and checks her pocket while Luke get’s a sly look to his face.


In the hall way Luke tells Yick how he got away scott free. Yick then asks him if Arthur could come over to play poker with them since they do need another player. Luke says, “No we don’t.” But Yick insists that it’s always much funner when there’s more players. That’s when Luke calls Arthur a nerd and Yick get’s all offended and wishes that they would get along. I say he’s being easy on him. Arthur is only the lamest motherfucker on the planet. Luke tells him sure since Arthur probably sucks donkey dicks at poker and he is rich after all. Easy money he thinks.

At Kathleen’s locker she fucking pulls out the joints in plain sight and puts them in her purse. What an idiot. She tells Melanie that she can’t help her get the party ready because she has a counseling session. I wonder if it’s for her eating disorder or because her ex boyfriend Scott would give her his brand of medicine. Melanie asks her how it’s going all loud and Kathleen shushes her saying that she doesn’t want people to think she’s crazy.

kathleen joints

So finally it’s after school and Yick arrives at Luke’s house. He mentions how someone stole his weed and he can’t believe that someone would want to take it. He then starts to say that his parents gave him a big lecture and they said no booze or smoking in the house. Seems like it’s going to be one boring evening with these guys. At least the girls can get blazed with the weed Kathleen stole.


At Melanie’s the girls are busy decorating the place for Diana. Melanie asks Caitlin how it is living at her brother’s house. She mentions how it’s nice to have her own room. So there goes that little plot point. We then see Alex getting ready to write his paper on this really ancient looking type writer and his dad says that he’s going to wake his ass up at six, so he better get plenty of sleep. Alex is so boned here.

Back at Melanie’s Diana finally rings the bell and she tells Melanie that she doesn’t want to come in because she doesn’t want to miss the start of the movie. But Melanie insists. As she’s walking in she mentions how she wished that Keanu Reeves would take her out on a date for the occasion. Just then Maya rolls her machine out and screams, “SURPRISE!” Diana is genuinely surprised and they give her her footie pj’s that her mom provided for her.
melanie diana

The party is getting underway and they’re just annihilating the cake that Melanie made. They then start talking about boys and Diana mentions how she thinks that Joey is good looking. Caitlin says, “Gross Diane get some taste lessons.” Funny coming from her since she’s the one who cheated on him. Kathleen just has to be a bitch and says, “We’re all not as experienced as you Caitlin.” Caitlin just smiles like she’s thinking, “What was that all about?” Maya goes on to say how hot she thinks Yick is. Melanie then decides to ask Maya if she’s able to have sex and Maya says sure. But she won’t be able to feel it as good. Shit, I guess she’ll never have an orgasm in her life then.


At the dudes poker game, they seem to be playing for nickels. Cheap bastards. But they’re also talking about which girls they think is hot. Luke seems to have a thing for Lucy, but Joey says that she’s just alright. But he thinks that Allison is a hot piece of ass. Arthur just says, “Caitlin.” Joey says, “Ice Princess.” Arthur mentions how he thinks that she’s nice and Joey says, “And you know a lot about chicks. Just bet alright.” If I were Arthur I would have said, “Bitch you’ve only had one girlfriend so I know as much as you do.” Yick folds and says that it’s too bad that Maya is in a wheel chair because she has really nice eyes. As Luke wins the hand he says that they should make it an all nighter. Yick says, “Cool we can watch the sun come up.” What the fuck, are they going to cuddle at the same time too? Joey says he’s cool with it because he won’t have to listen to Wheels snore. Seems like Joey is getting tired of him living with them now.

luke joey arthur yick poker game

At the girls slumber party Melanie and Caitlin have to help Maya get on the couch because she can’t do anything on her own. A little later the girls change into their sleep clothes and it’s nothing hot like you would think, just t shirts and pj bottoms. They decide to play truth or dare and Kathleen asks Maya if she’s ever tried drugs. Maya’s all, “No!” That’s when Kathleen busts out the two joints and says all full of herself, “Would anyone here like to?” They all act shocked. Kathleen tells Melanie that she has connections. No she doesn’t.

kathleen joints 2 diana melanie

We get an interlude with Alex typing away still. He has a bunch of rolled up papers, a box of Dipps and soda cans all over the floor. We hear her mom banging on the door and tells him something in Greek. I think it translated to, shut the fuck up!! Alex says sorry, then under his breath says, “Put a pillow over your head!”

alex typewriter

Back at the poker game Arthur is feeling confident and says they should play for dimes. Yick decides to order a pizza. It looks like the game is getting really intense between Arthur and Luke. Arthur wins the hand with a full house. Arthur acts all surprised because he has no idea what he’s doing.


Melanie comes down stairs and tells the girls that her mom is asleep. Ah Caitlin looks so hot! Anyways, it seems like Diana and Maya are afraid to try it. Kathleen says that she blazed up a lot when she was with Scott. So I guess he gave her some weed after he smacked her around for a bit. Kathleen lights up the joint, takes a puff and gives it to Diana. She asks if you just smoke it like a cigarette and proceeds to do just that. Caitlin of course refuses because she’s a goodie two shoes. After some peer pressure Maya takes a hit too because she wants to know what it’s like. After coughing a bunch she says that she’s done for the night. Melanie then tries it, Kathleen acts like she’s a big pot head smoking up. She’s all, “There’s a lot that people don’t know about me.” I’m pretty sure we all know she’s Degrassi’s biggest bitch.

degrassi girls slumber party

Oh this back and forth is driving me crazy. We go back to the dudes poker game and once again it’s all tense between Luke and Arthur. Arthur bets a dollar and since Luke is the lost Marx Brother Cheapo, he folds. After Arthur goes to get the pizza from the delivery guy Luke checks his cards and see’s that Arthur was bluffing. Luke says, “I got took by a nerd!” Yick and Joey are just laughing their asses off. Arthur admits that he knew what he was doing the whole time.

arthur yick joey

Melanie, Diana and Kathleen are still getting stoned and Maya tells them to be quiet since they’re going to wake up her mom. But Melanie tells her to relax since her mom is a vampire. Meanwhile Caitlin is spraying the room with an air freshener. Caitlin notices that Kathleen is all quiet all of a sudden and asks her if she’s ok. Kathleen’s all, “I’m fine.” She must be one of those people that get paranoid when they get high on weed.

diana blazed

We get another Alex interlude and he’s doing jumping jacks like an idiot. He goes back to the type writer and he put a pillow on top of it. How the hell is he going to type a paper like that?

alex jumping jacks

The dudes poker party has now turned into a girls slumber party. Arthur is telling a spooky story and scares the shit out of them. Joey over doing it says that he almost choked on his pizza. He then starts to tell his own not so scary story.

joey scary story

Diana is telling the girls that she still doesn’t feel anything, even though she’s laughing about everything being said. Melanie all of a sudden get’s the munchies but doesn’t know why. They decide to play some more truth or dare because they’re all really lame and have nothing better to do. Diana asks Melanie if she’s ever read anyone’s diary before. Kathleen makes an ol shit face and of course Melanie says yes. Diana demands to know who and Melanie says, “Kathleen’s of course.” She then starts to blurt out how she had Anorexia and got counseling. Diana makes a shocked face and Kathleen immediately get’s upset. She’s all, “Melanie!” But Melanie is on a roll. She continues with, “Kathleen I don’t see what the big deal is. You had Anorexia, your mom is an alcoholic and your boyfriend beat you up!” Diana laughs her ass off. Kathleen then starts crying and says, “It’s not your secret to tell!” Then she storms off crying even more. Melanie and Diana meanwhile start to laugh their asses off even harder now.

kathleen pissed diana shocked melanie stoned

Outside Kathleen is crying her eyes out. Caitlin comes out to comfort her, but I don’t know why. Especially since the beginning of the show Kathleen has just been a hateful bitch towards her. Any who, Caitlin mentions how Melanie didn’t mean it and she only said it because she was higher than a motherfucker. But Kathleen says through her tears, “I don’t care! I didn’t want anyone to know!” Caitlin says that they knew about all her bullshit anyways. But Kathleen says that she doesn’t care and it wasn’t Melanie’s place to tell anyone. Kathleen then ends up literally crying on Caitlin’s shoulder.

caitlin kathleen

It seems like it’s now 5:54 in the AM and Alex is dead asleep on his typewriter. You know he didn’t write jack shit. We get this montage of everyone sleeping while this Canadian song I’ve never heard before is playing in the back ground. Well everyone is sleeping except for Melanie. You can tell she feels bad about humiliating Kathleen. But I say Kathleen had it coming for being such a horrible bitch all these years.

alex sleeping melanie 2

I guess it’s the following Monday and Snake asks Joey, “How was night of the living nerds?” But he shouldn’t be talking, especially with the outfit he’s sporting. Anyways, Joey says that it wasn’t that bad. Joey mentions how Arthur is a great poker player. I can imagine that’s how he spends his time now a days, playing video poker online. Alex comes along and tells the dudes how he never went fishing and just worked on his paper all weekend long. So he stayed up all night for nothing, what a tool. Luke invites him over to play cards on the following weekend and mentions how his dad was proud of him not fucking up the house while they were gone. So he can have them all over again.

yick luke arthur alex

Diana thanks Maya and Caitlin for the birthday slumber party. Maya being lame says that it was good until the weed came out. Diana still insists that she didn’t feel anything. In the hall way Melanie comes up to Kathleen at her locker and apologizes for humiliating her in front of everyone and mentions how it wasn’t really her. Melanie then says, “I’m really, really sorry.” Of course Kathleen is full of hate and tells her, “So am I!” and just walks away. Once again the episode just abruptly ends. So I guess this is the end of their relationship then. But I don’t know why Kathleen is pissed at her, she has no one to blame but herself, she’s the one who brought the weed to the party trying to act like a big shot. And didn’t she say once that she hated druggies?

kathleen melanie end credits

I would say that this was a pretty good episode. I enjoyed Kathleen being humiliated like she was. Too bad that this was the only Melanie episode we got in this season. She was woefully under used in high school.