Previously on School’s Out. The Degrassi kids have finally graduated, except for Joey and the rest of the underclassmen. He completely ambushes Caitlin by giving her an engagement ring but of course she turns him down because he’s a huge loser who’s still in high school. So Joey let’s his newly discovered sex drive get the better of him and decides to go and pork Tessa on the side, but uh oh. She get’s pregnant! Snake and Wheels meanwhile are having their own misadventure’s. Wheels with his piece of shit Family Truckster and Snake not being able to find any female willing to have sex with him.
And now, we continue with the shocking conclusion to School’s Out! The next day after her appointment Tessa’s at the pharmacy bitching out Joey because she can’t go to Bronco’s party with him. He tells her that it’s because it’s for graduate’s. But the real reason is because he would get caught red handed. After he tells her no again, she asks him if he still likes her and he lies and tells her of course he does. She’s starting to get all clingy and asks him if she can see him the next night, but he tells her that he can’t because he’s going out to dinner with his parents for his birthday. She get’s all pissed off at him and gives him his birthday present. A lousy t shirt that says, “Naughty and Nice.” He could give two fucks about it and just puts it on a grocery cart.
The next morning his hot mom wakes him up and tells him to get his ass up for work. I love how he has the nerve to be wearing the stupid shirt that Tessa got for him. Shit, Joey is 19 years old now and she continues with telling him how proud they are of him and that he doesn’t have to worry about his car payments anymore. She tells him Happy Birthday and that they’ll take care of his payments for now on. See? I told you he was spoiled as hell.
In Caitlin’s room, she’s getting ready for their date and she looks smoking hot. Especially with that choker she’s wearing. It seems like her mom is going to Montreal for the weekend or something. I could be wrong, but it seems like the dad has been given the old heave ho now. After her mom leaves Caitlin busts out a condom and puts it into her purse. So wow, she’s giving him her body for his birthday. Lucky fuck.
At some restaurant Joey is trying to act like he know’s his wine. But of course he has no idea what he’s doing. She mentions how she’s going to Bronco’s cottage the next day with Lucy and asks him if he wants to come along, but he says that he’s going up with Wheels and Snake. Ok am I the only one bothered by Caitlin and Lucy all of a sudden being best friends? Anyways, Caitlin shows how horny she is for him now and tells him about her mom going away for the weekend. She tells him, “You know how I hate to sleep all by myself in a big house.” She completely emphasizes the word Sleep, but Joey is so fucking stupid he doesn’t catch on to the hint. So she plays footsies with him and literally tells him how she’s all alone and puts a condom into his hand. You can tell he got instantly rock hard there.
Uh oh, we hear some heavy breathing and you can tell that Joey is pounding her as hard as he can. But no, I’m wrong. She’s actually crying because she’s so emotional about letting Joey pork her for the first time. Joey tells her that he has to go and holy shit, we get a shot of his bare ass. But Caitlin is amazed how calm he is about all this. If she only knew that Joey was having sex with Tessa all Summer long. So now that she slept with him, she’s completely in love with him now and she basically tells him that she wants to stay with him and not go to college with Lucy. As Joey is leaving she tells him how she’s glad that they both waited for their first time. Joey instantly feels like a guilty cheating sack of shit. After he leaves she puts the ring on the other hand now.
The next morning Joey is in high spirits because he finally got to do the nasty with Caitlin. Even his hot ass mom is noticing his good mood. She then tells him that Tessa called for him the other night. And what do you know, the phone rings and his mom tells her that Joey’s in, even though it’s obvious that he wants to avoid her now. Right out of the gate Tessa starts with, “Did you have a nice dinner, out with your parents?” And you can tell that she’s pissed off big time. Joey comes up with a bullshit excuse but she doesn’t believe him one bit. Joey then get’s pissed off and tells her, “Listen you little ho, I can go out with whoever I want! We’re not married you know.” As he said that you can tell her little heart got broken. Joey continues to bitch her out about calling his house and accuses her of checking up on him. But she lamely says, “I was going to sing happy birthday into the answering machine. It was supposed to be a surprise.” Joey instantly feels bad again and tries to apologize to her. But she’s had enough. She realizes how fucking stupid she was and she tells him in no certain words that she hates his guts now and she never wants to see him again.
At Lucy’s, Bronco and Caitlin are helping her out getting a bunch of crap into a van so that they can go to his cottage for the big party. And damn! Lucy looks good in that little outfit she has on. Caitlin continues to tell her that they finally had sex and that Joey was the perfect sensitive lover. Then she drops the bomb on her and tells Lucy that she’s staying to marry Joey. Lucy get’s all pissed off and tells her that she’s throwing her life away and basically calls Joey a fucking retard. But that’s not the only reason that she’s upset. Since they were going to be roommates Lucy is now completely fucked since the dorms are all full now. Caitlin tries to talk some sense into her, but Lucy’s too busy pouting in the van.
Outside of Snake’s house, both Joey and Wheels are waiting on him to come out so they can leave already, but of course his mom is making a big deal about it. While they’re waiting Joey is telling Wheels why Tessa is all pissed off at him and Wheels points out how Joey lied to her. But he reasons since she flipped out, Joey can get rid of her.
Now that they’re on the road Wheels is going on and on about having some freedom and not being with his nag of a grandma anymore. Joey feels bad about everyone leaving, but Snake tells him that he won’t be alone since he has Tessa. Wheels informs him that she dumped his ass and Snake just has to be a shit head about it and is rejoicing in the fact. But it’s short lived because Joey then tells him about banging Caitlin silly the night before. Man Snake is being a judgmental fucking prick in this movie, He tells him, “Into one bed and into another. Real classy Jeremiah.”
It’s finally time for the big party and the entire Degrassi cast seems to be there. The Zits arrive and Wheels all happy tells them, “I told you my car would get us here!” Seems like everyone is getting boozed up. Just then Caitlin comes out and tells him all sternly, “Joey! We have to talk. Inside, it’s very serious.” You can tell that Joey’s heart is filled with terror right now. As they go inside Bronco mutters, “Well I figure someone’s going to get lucky.” Wheels finds that to be so fucking funny that he spits up his beer.
Inside she tries to talk to him but Lucy comes in looking at her with thunderbolts in her eyes and she pulls him inside of an empty room. So as soon as they shut the door, she says, “See which hand it’s on?” After a few seconds Joey finally figures it out and says, “We’re engaged?” She tells him that she’s decided to stay and go to college there. He tells her that he thought she was pissed off at him and she says, “Why Joey, guilty conscience?”
We cut to Tessa in the health clinic and she’s there for her abortion. And I believe that’s the end of Tessa for the series.
Back at the party everyone is having a good time. Joey and Caitlin come out of the room and Joey announces that Caitlin is now his fiance. Both Snake and Lucy can’t hide their disgust upon hearing this, with Lucy saying, “Mrs Jeremiah.” What assholes. Snake shakes her hand and tells her congratulations. Just then Wheels comes in and you can tell that he’s getting drunk. Joey of course can’t help being obnoxious and starts to make fun of Snake for being a big zero with women. Snake get’s all pissed off and does a real dick move. He says, “You shut up Joey! If you’re not quiet there’s a thing or two that I can say about you that some people would find pretty interesting.” He says this while looking at Caitlin. Wheels comes in and says, “Whoa, whoa.” Joey takes Caitlin outside before Snake can open his big mouth.
As they leave Wheels tells Snake, “That was stupid, he was just kidding.” Snake starts to bitch about having the worst Summer ever. This brings about some ridicule from Wheels, but he ruins it when he mentions how Snake still has his parents and how he’s going to college. Wheels heads back outside, but before he does that he tells him to grow up and shoves him a little with his knee. Snake get’s really angry and starts to go off on Wheels now. He says, “Oh you’re so mature Wheels. The guys spends his whole Summer drinking beer and playing with his car.” Wheels tells him to watch his fucking mouth about the car and Snake says and this is completely repeated word for word, “I don’t know why you’re so proud of it Wheels. I’d put a bag over my head if I was driving that piece of shit.” The first time I saw this I said to myself, “Did he really just say that?” But oh it goes on. Wheels shoves him and says, “You know you can be a real asshole sometimes. Yeah, you’ve got a really big mouth!” Again I was all, “Oh shit, Wheels just called Snake an asshole!” Before they can start fighting Lucy and Bronco break it up. She tells him, “Why don’t you take me in that great car of yours so we can get some chips.” Fuck what a huge mistake that suggestion was! You’ll see.
Outside Wheels is finishing off his drink and Lucy asks him what all that was about. Wheels says, “The guy is an immature idiot, he’s been bitching all Summer.” The language!! Haha. Anyways, they pull out to get some chips and she’s saying how Summer is almost over and that they’re all nervous to move on.
There seems to be a drunken volleyball game going on and Simon and Alexa start to argue about wedding showers. He’s going on about being sick and tired of being around people he doesn’t know and not really wanting the presents they’re getting. Just as he’s yelling at her Tracy throws the ball and it hits him on the backside of his head. Else where Allison and Amy decide to take a canoe out onto the lake. But the both of them are drunk as shit!
Joey tells Caitlin that he’s going inside for a beer and goddamn it. This is it. This is the scene where the shit completely hits the fan. Ready? Joey see’s Snake sulking in a chair and he tells him that he really did a huge fuckhead move and that he’ll kill him if he does it again. Instead of just leaving it right there Joey continues while laughing with, “When are you just going to take a joke?” Snake being a bitch says, “It’s not a joke to me Joey!” And starts to go off on a rant, basically he’s being a huge hater because Joey got to have sex with two different women while Snake only fucked himself. Joey tells him that he doesn’t have to stand there and listen to this bullshit. But Snake isn’t done yet. Just as Caitlin comes in and this is word for word again. He says, “No you’re going to listen to me. Joey Jeremiah spends his Summer dating Caitlin and fucking Tessa!” And at that exact moment, the entire Degrassi universe comes crashing down.
Snake just leaves with out saying a word and Caitlin is completely furious and heartbroken at the same time. Joey tries to bullshit his way out of it but she says, “Tessa Campenelli? You were fucking Tessa Campenelli?” Wow so Snake and Caitlin just said fuck. I couldn’t help but think, “How did they get away with saying that on Canadian TV?” Anyways, Joey of course tries to lie his ass off but she totally doesn’t believe him. Snake meanwhile goes out onto the lake front feeling sorry for himself. Back inside Joey finally admits that he did indeed bang her but it didn’t mean anything. Of course she starts to lose it after realizing that he wasn’t even a virgin when she let him bang her. Joey giving a really pathetic excuse says that since she was always busy, Tessa was there and besides she came on to him. She then asks him how long it was going on and he says for most of the Summer. At that she starts to cry and tells him how she was going to stay there to be with him. She throws the ring at him and says, “You’re such a bastard!” Shit, I could have told her that since Degrassi Junior High.
This dramatic rock song comes on and Joey is banging on the door that she locked herself in. Begging to let him explain himself. Outside, sure enough the canoe with Allison and Amy tips over and it seems like Allison can’t swim. Amy starts to yell and she sounds awful! Kind of like Spike with Joan Rivers voice. Snake immediately jumps into the lake followed by Luke and Yick. He finally get’s there and dives underwater in some really nasty looking water. After some suspense he comes back up with Allison and he takes her back to shore. Back inside Joey is crying now, saying how he didn’t mean to hurt her. They finally get to shore and now Snake starts to cry like a little bitch. He probably knows that he fucked up and is now completely overwhelmed with emotion.
But it’s not over yet! We hear Bronco asking someone where Lucy is at and she should have been back already. We cut to Wheels looking completely fucked up with his glasses broken and blood all over his shirt. Shit we see the jaws of life being used to get someone out and wow! Lucy is even more messed up. She’s getting carried away in a stretcher and we can see a huge fucking hole in the wind shield where you can tell her face went through. The other car is all flipped over and the paramedic is carrying the dead body of some little boy. Oh Wheels, you are so boned here because the other paramedic found the beer bottle in his car. He just tells Wheels that he has to come with him and off he goes to jail.
We see Joey coming into the Degrassi Jail and Wheels comes in to talk on the phone with him behind some glass. Joey being stupid of course doesn’t get why he still has to talk to Wheels on the phone still. Wheels tells him, “This isn’t a funny place Joey, I hate it!” Joey tells him that he doesn’t get why he’s there and Wheels explains how he’s no longer a minor because he’s 19. Then he goes on to say that he’s been charged. He’s all, “Criminal negligence causing death, criminal negligence causing injury times two and drunk driving.” Joey makes a face because he realized how fucked Wheels is now. And of course true to Wheels fashion, he starts to go off on the situation and says, “It wasn’t my fault that kid wasn’t wearing a seat belt! It wasn’t my fault Lucy wanted chips!” What an asshole. So he completely maimed Lucy and killed some poor kid but it wasn’t his fault, even though he was drinking and took her for a spin in his goddamn death mobile. He goes on to mention that Snake isn’t taking his calls. Man Snake in this movie has been a complete self righteous sack of shit. Joey goes on to mention that they aren’t talking either. Wheels Starts to cry and says, “Best friends are supposed to stick together!”
In the hospital Caitlin comes to visit Lucy and Bronco tells her that they don’t know if she’ll ever see or walk again. Now he’s crying and he’s blaming himself saying that he shouldn’t have let her go with him. Caitlin walks into the room and Lucy is all fucked up. By why tape pot pies to her eyes like that? She tells her how she’s now blind and doesn’t want to be. Caitlin starts to cry and tells her how they should be going to college together and gives her a kiss on the forehead.
We see Joey pulling up to Snake’s house and it seems like he’s getting ready to leave for college. Joey tries to talk to him and of course he acts like a dick. Joey goes on to tell him how Wheels is upset about Snake ignoring him, but Snake points out how his parents were killed by a drunk driver and now he killed a kid. Which is true, but Snake can’t help being a fucking asshole and is just all pissed off at Wheels for killing the kid and basically ruining Lucy’s live. Joey tells him that not talking to him isn’t going to change anything. At that Joey leaves all disgusted at him but just then Snake sort of apologize’s about ruining Joey’s shit. Snake get’s into the car and Joey one last time begs Snake to talk to Wheels and mentions how they’ve been friends since the 8th grade. But Snake doesn’t want to hear it, he tells Joey, “See you Jeremiah.” And his mom drives off, leaving Joey just standing there. What a fucking dick.
So finally it’s Alexa and Simon’s wedding. The entire Degrassi cast seems to be there for the event. But Simon just couldn’t help doing one more jackass thing. He got a fucking perm! In what world would that look good to anyone?! At the reception we hear the same lame theme song that we heard when the movie’s title came on screen. Ok, I understand why Cindy is there, but why is Joann and Tabby there acting like they’re her best friends? Where the fuck is Michelle? Tracy asks Simon if he’s ready to do the nasty with Alexa. You can tell that he’s going to be the power bottom in that relationship too.
We start to get some news on what some of the people are up to now since it’s now Fall. Caitlin is asking Heather where Erica is and it seems like she’s in the Dominican Republic banging some guy named Carlos now. Spike and Caitlin start to talk and it turns out that she’s in college now too. We then see Snake talking to this cute nerdy girl and it seems like he finally has a girlfriend.
Snake see’s Joey getting some booze and he tries to make conversation with him. He tells him that his new girlfriend is named Pam. He finally asks about Wheels and Joey mentions that his trial is in November and that Wheels has decided to plead guilty. Joey then asks Snake if he’s ever going to write him and Snake just says, “Maybe.” After that, he introduces Pam to Joey, telling her that Joey is an old friend.
Joey spies Caitlin, but before he goes to talk to her, he makes plans to play some pool with Snake before he goes back to school. Finally Joey asks Caitlin if he can sit down and she says sure. He asks her how school is going and she just has to mention how much she loves it. Joey goes on to say how some day she’s going to be famous and he’s going to be telling everyone that he used to know her. After Spike leaves, Joey tells her that he’s sorry for hurting her again, but Caitlin tells him that he did her a favor and that she’s glad she went away. They then ask each other if they’re seeing anybody and they both say no. She then asks him if he’s still seeing Tessa but he says that they don’t talk at all due to her hating his fucking guts.
BLT then introduces Alexa and Simon and they start to dance. Joey goes on to ask Caitlin if she thinks they’re going to make it. She says they just might. Shit, Simon isn’t going anywhere! Alexa has had him pussy whipped since day one! Caitlin then asks Joey if he wants to dance and says, “As old friends?” Joey get’s this big smile and says that he’d like that. As they start to dance he asks her if she thinks that they would have lasted, but she only says, “We’ll never know will we? We can’t go back.” Joey goes on to say, “We’ve had some good times right?” The movie ends with her replying with, “We had some great times.”
This ballad then comes on and we get scenes from the movie being played in the back ground of the credits. We see that this band named Harem Scarem contributed 8 songs to the soundtrack. This guy named Gowan had a few songs in there too. All those songs combined has possibly made this to be the cheesiest soundtrack known to mankind! Worse than the animated Transformer’s movie.
So yeah, the movie ends on a big down ending. Joey and Caitlin are no more, Lucy is completely maimed. Wheels is going to be in prison for a long time and Snake is still a fucking dick and a life ruining idiot. I still say that Snake should be murdered for what he did.
So that’s it with Degrassi and this blog peeps. Maybe I’ll post a top ten most fucked up moments in Degrassi history. This movie alone had about four of them. Or maybe I’ll do a Zit Remedy retrospective in the future. I’ve been asked if I’m going to review Degrassi: The Next Generation and the answer to that is, fuck no! And besides it’s been done before in a very hilarious manner. You should check out these reviews, here: http://dumbbaby.net/btc.shtml And this guy named AJ has one of the most hilarious Degrassi fan sites ever! http://www.fu-manchu.com/degrassi/
But let me just say that I’ve loved writing these reviews for you all. The feed back that I’ve gotten has been reward enough. Who would have thought that going through a bad break up and just a spur of the moment thought would lead me to write this? So with that goodbye Degrassi!