This is a Degrassi Junior High special moment for me. This is the first episode that I ever saw of the series. Needless to say it hooked my young teenage self. Probably because I have a thing for nerdy girls and I got an instant crush on Voula. So I had to keep watching.
Pre credit opener: Lucy’s in a department store shopping. We pretty much know what’s going to happen in this episode because we see a huge sign that says, “Shoplifters will be prosecuted.” And sure enough, Lucy looking suspicious as hell looks around a few times and then puts an ugly ass scarf into her huge bag and just walks away. For shame! For shame I tells ya!
In class Raditch is boring everyone to death and the bell rings and Stephanie Kaye is ready to change her tampon but Raditch tells her to sit her ass down. Reminds me of an asshole teacher in high school who would tell us that he dismisses us, not the bell. Fuck you Mr Sears!! Anyways Raditch goes on about something and then dismisses the class but asks Lucy to stay behind. Probably to talk to her about her horrible oufit. But no he tells her that she’s doing badly in most of her classes and if she wants to talk, that that’s what he’s there for. She has a real shitty attitude and says that everything is fine.
Meanwhile Stephanie Kaye is going on about watching some soap opera because she’s in lust with a soap star named Damon King. They watch the show in the library while the librarian is taking a shit. All the girls are watching dreamily, but why is Wai Li? Maybe he got into the story. Joey and Wheels are acting like couple of immature assholes making fun of the stupid soap while Stephanie and the twins tell them to shut the fuck up.
Steph then comes up with a scheme of meeting Damon King at a bookstore signing the next day and asks the twins if they wanna come along and see her use her skank skills in action. They agree to go. I gotta say, her missing fang is so prominent here.
Voula being nosy as hell wants to know what Raditch wanted and asks Lucy what’s up. Lucy informs her of her horrible marks and Voula offers to help her out, but Lucy blows her off saying saying that she’s going to become a dancer so who cares. Voula sensing that Lucy is delusional insists on helping her out.
Back at Lucy’s we see the girls practicing their spelling. Lucy getting the word “corroborate” wrong. Lucy get’s a phone call and it’s pretty clear that her parents are never around. She get’s sad and instead of studying she just wants to fuck around and play dress up with Voula. She dresses her up in leopard tights and a tank top. I gotta say, it’s a vast improvement over her usual wardrobe, which is horrendous. I love how Voula says that her parents won’t let her dress sophisticated. Lucy mentions how her parents are always working and they buy her whatever she wants.
Lucy shows what a lonely clinger she is because Voula makes several attempts to leave but Lucy keeps asking her to stay for dinner. Finally Voula get’s away, but not before Lucy let’s Voula borrow the scarf that she stole from the store. Her mom then calls her back and says that both she and her dad won’t be home for supper again. Lucy has a lone tear on her cheek due to extreme boredom.
The next day they’re taking their spelling test and oh boy it brought up bad memories of when I needed to do this shit. Lucy thinks she did well thanks to that nerd Voula. School is finally out and Stephanie is a horny nervous wreak and can’t wait to meet Damon King. We then cut to a cheap looking poster for Damon King’s confessional, “King of Hearts” What a cheesy title.
There’s a long line of horny bored house wives and what the fuck. I swear I just saw a lady with an eye patch. Anyways, Stephanie finally meets him and catches the eye of this pervy star. You can tell he’s picturing her naked. She asks him for an autograph. He actually asks for her age and she tells him that she’s 16. That lying little hussy! He then tells her about his policy about everyone getting a kiss. Then she see’s that he actually wrote down his phone number and gives her the creepiest wink in the history of ever!
In class Raditch is giving out the grades for the spelling test and humiliates Joey Jeremiah by pointing out what a dumb fuck he is. It turns out that Lucy did really well thanks to Voula. Class is dismissed and Raditch hauls ass out of there. Probably wants to bang Ms Avery in a bad way. The girls all make their plans. Lucy plans on taking Voula “shopping” and Stephanie Kaye decides to call Damon King for a “date”. Heather the prude is still arguing that Steph is a fool for wanting to go. Erica is just imagining Steph going down on the guy.
Lucy and Voula seem to be shopping at the same place where Lucy was stealing from earlier. Voula’s going on about an Erasure cassette tape and while she’s doing that Lucy is stealing like crazy. Including stuffing some cheap looking beads in her purse. Why she would want that, I have no idea.
It’s pretty obvious that they’re being tailed while they’re looking at sweaters. Voula takes a liking to an ugly Cosby like sweater so Lucy finds one in her size and steals it too. They argue about putting it back and as they’re walking away the lady that was following them busts out this ancient looking walkie talkie. Even extending the antenna. It’s hilarious how huge it is.
Lucy’s basically the world’s worst shoplifter. As they try to leave there’s a security guard waiting for them at the top of the escalator. They turn around to run back the other way, but look who it is! The east Indian nerdy looking chick from back in the hospital is blocking the exit. Looking all defiant like, “try it you shoplifting bitches.” So they have no choice but to surrender. If I was in that situation I would have ran over that nerd and take off running out of the store. Just saying.
Meanwhile Stephanie is waiting for Damon King and holy shit. She totally looks like an 80’s era prostitute. Finally Damon King comes in a rented Corvette I’m guessing and picks her up for a night of “fun”.
Back at the store, the nerdy security guard is lecturing the girls about shop lifting and how it drives up the prices in the store. Lucy not giving a fuck rolls her eyes and the nerd tells her that she won’t be acting like an asshole once the police arrive. Voula pisses herself at the thought. Just seconds after telling Voula that she’s never been caught before, an officer who looks like he’s from the Salvation Army arrives and recognizes Lucy. Proving what a lying, shoplifting sack of shit Lucy is. So off to the station they go.
Surprise, surprise. Damon King takes Stephanie to a cheap motel because he probably wants to fuck her brains out. Stupid Stephanie actually thought that he was going to take her to a studio to see Alf filming. She get’s all scared and Damon King says, “Come on Steph.” “You know what this is all about.” She panics and runs out of the car. Damon comes out and acting like a date rapist insists that she comes with him. She blurts out that she lied about her age and how she’s really 14. He get’s into his car and peels the fuck out of there.
Steph then calls her mom. She’s all, “mommy” Then crying all her make up off explains what a stupid fucking thing she did and that she’s at motel. How her mom didn’t kick her ass after that is beyond me.
Back at the station Voula is super pissed at Lucy for getting her into deep shit. Then we see the fucking Count arrive with Voula’s mom and holy shit. Voula is so dead. There are thunderclouds in both their eyes. The officer tells Lucy that they can’t find her absentee parents and that this time they’re going to have to charge her sticky finger ass. So they’re both fucked here.
The next day Steph is telling the twins all about her magical night with Damon King. She’s basically blaming him for her being a liar and dressing like a hoe. Even though the motherfucker was really aggressive. Turns out for once that Stephanie actually learned a lesson.
Lucy talks to Voula and Voula says that she’s not allowed to talk to Lucy anymore and Lucy tells her how she has to go to court and that her parents told her what a rotten spoiled child she is for doing that. Voula not giving a fuck about what her parents told her asks Lucy if she wants any help with her school work and Lucy flashes a smile filled with a bunch of metal in her mouth.
Degrassi Junior High Reviewed 