Yes, it’s time for another edition of Degrassi Talks. But this time it’s on Sex! So I’m guessing that it’s going to mostly be young people talking about boning and how horrible their first time was. But we shall see.
Pre-credit opener: Oh so we open upon that gay dude Bentley showing people how to properly put on a condom on a, holy shit. A black dildo. But he’s very clinical about it, so that makes it ok! We then cut to another girl who is basically having Spike’s life. Only had sex once, got pregnant. Another girl talks about the fact that she can’t have any kids either. That sucks for her. We then see a couple talking about practicing safe sex and the fact that they love to fuck.
Of course the host for this one is none other than Amanda Stepto, better known in the Degrassi universe as Spike. She reminds us all how her character got pregnant at 14 and mentions how she thought it was unrealistic.
Uh oh, here comes Spike, Yick and Caitlin intruding on people and asking them very personal sex questions. Let’s see what these kids say. So right off the bat Caitlin asks, “So when is someone ready to have sex?” Of course we always get a lameo that says that it’s never ok for teens to have sex. So going by that, you can tell he never got laid in high school. This other girl believes in sex after marriage. Her husband to be is going to have the worst blue balls ever!
Lucy is talking to this 16 year old chick named Vicky and basically she had the same story as Spike. Went up stairs with some guy and had unprotected sex with him. She claims that she was pressured into doing it. So basically she’s complaining about being stuck with a baby now, I love how we can hear a baby crying in the background to make the point even further. Wow, she was 13 years old when she had the kid.
Joey then asks a group of people if they’ve heard any myth’s about avoiding pregnancy. We hear the usual stupid shit like not being able to get pregnant in a swimming pool, if you jump up and down afterwards, or a cold shower. The biggest one being that you can’t get pregnant the first time you have it. That’s when they decide to cut back to Vicky and she’s totally bashing her baby daddy. I’m thinking, “Well bitch, hit him up with child support then.” Unless people don’t do that in Canada, they’re so polite!
We then get a scene from Degrassi High when Erica found out that she was pregnant and of course the subject of abortion comes up. People give their opinions whether it’s right or wrong. Way to stir the pot Degrassi cast members!
One of the twins Erica I’m assuming it is because she’s much looser than the other one starts talking to this girl named Alyssa and it seems like they’re on the roof of a house for some weird reason. Anyways, she talks about how she ended up getting pregnant and then decided to get an abortion. She mentions how she sort of wished that she had had the child but she also feels she doesn’t have to explain herself to others. Mainly the people at Degrassi Talks.
After some more people give their opinion on the subject we see Spike talking to this one chick that looks like Richard Pryor’s daughter Rain. Oh God! She’s trying to relate to her by talking about what the character of Spike went through. I don’t know why, but I always get embarrassed for them whenever they do that. But anyways, after she said that the chick named Shantih couldn’t be less interested in what happened to Spike.
She starts to say that she got pregnant when she was almost 19 years old. She mentions how she wanted an abortion but her mom pretty much talked her into adoption. Basically she says that she really wanted the baby, but knew deep down that she would have been a horrible mother and wouldn’t be able to take care of the kid.
We then cut back to Vicky and wah, wah! She’s just bitching about what a shitty life she has taking care of the kid instead of being able to go out and party. But that’s what happens when you have sex, pressured or not. She should have kept those legs shut like a well oiled bear trap. Now she’s bad mouthing the kid’s dad again and he pretty much never see’s him or gives any money to help out.
The next conversation is basically some more Male bashing by the girls. But there are some dudes that speak up about it. One saying that there are a lot of guys that stick around but no one acknowledge’s them.
So after Man-Stomp 92, we go to some town called Red Deer and there’s a guy named Don that is actually with the girl that he got pregnant. He’s talking to Joey and he mentions that they talked about all the options that was available to them.
Oh shit, Spike then brings up a girl named Angie who is 17 and basically is a big ol ho! She says that she’s sexually active and never wears a condom. That’s pretty fucking gross. So she starts talking about the fact that she’s had many STD’s. That’s even more nasty. On that note the Degrassi crew goes around asking people if they know what an STD is and some of these people are pretty fucking stupid. One even asked if Gingivitis is one.
Angie starts to say that she can’t have babies due to all the STD’s that she’s gotten over the years and she really regrets not having the guy wrap it up. Or I should say guy’s.
The use of condoms comes up and this geek says that one should always use a condom or else you’ll regret it. Then he says, “Trust me I know.” But he’s lying his ass off, please! He couldn’t get laid if he walked into a women’s prison with a handful of pardons. This other dweeb girl basically says that if you don’t have a condom than you can’t bang her. We see the punk rock chick that was in another one of these and she mentions how a lot of women don’t like the use of condoms either because it’s not pleasant or spontaneous.
Uh oh, Aids comes up and we cut back to Bentley again. Bentley is totally wise in the world of using condom’s. So pay attention to him motherfuckers. He says that using Vaseline destroy’s latex so you should never put some on a condom. He then starts to talk about how he contracted Aids and what do you know. He’s talking to Dwayne. I had no idea that he was involved with this shit too. But he has a leather Fonzie jacket on that just doesn’t work with him.
We then get another Degrassi High clip and it’s the one where Dwayne was getting tested for Aids/HIV. He then asks Bentley what he felt like when he found out that he was HIV Positive. Bentley says that he just said, “Oh, you’re sure?” And the doctor tells him that they did two sets of tests on him to make sure. He says that he was kind of surprised for some reason, just because it was free to do the tests. I don’t know why he thought that though.
See, I kind of had a feeling that this was going to turn all educational on us and go in the direction of safe sex. But I was still waiting for a good embarrassing first time sex story. But I guess we’re not getting any of that. The use of condoms comes up yet again and people say that they either use them or they don’t. And holy shit, what is up with Spike’s hair? It looks like she has a metal mullet thing going on.
Bentley goes on to say that one starts to think that you’re going to beat the disease or be able to help yourself to live healthier but then he mentions that every time a friend dies from it, that confidence goes right out the fucking window.
Haha, we then get the clip from Degrassi Junior High where Joey wanted to buy a box of condoms but was totally humiliated by that asshole cashier. Holy shit, this girl with really fucked up hair starts talking about needing condom machine’s in school. But she has no need for them. What cartoon did she crawl out of?
We go back to Joey and the young couple that have a new born baby. The guy asks Joey if he wants to help feed the kid, but of course Joey pussies out and says, “Nah, I don’t think so.” But then says ok. As soon as he takes her the baby starts to cry. The guy mentions how people are telling him to get off of welfare and get a fucking job already. But he feels he’s not going to be able to make enough, or something like that. I don’t know.
Vicky once again is bitching about how hard it is to have a 2 year old baby. Spike then talks to Rain Pryor again and she mentions how she actually met the parents who adopted the baby that she gave up. It was awkward. Spike or Amanda if you will mentions that she herself is adopted. Wow. I had no idea. Rain then asks her if she would like to meet her biological parents. Amanda says that she would be up for it actually. But says, that they would have to want to meet her too.
We then go to this couple that enjoys to have sex, clean and safe sex. He looks like he has Wolfman Jack hair. I just noticed that both Spike and Joey are sporting shirts that says, “B.Y.O.C. Bring your Own Condoms.” If it was today it would have said, “Yo.”
Well that’s about it for this edition of Degrassi Talks. Too bad we didn’t get any good sex stories with all the horny details. But this is Degrassi and goddamn it, this is what we got. Something educational.
Some in blog news. Yes, I will be making a review of the very cheesy Degrassi movie School’s Out, but I wanna get Degrassi talks out of the way first. The School’s Out review will come out around the week of Christmas.