Holy shit. We’ve finally made it peeps. The episode that’s been mentioned here and there around Degrassi circles for a while now. The one I’ve been waiting to see since I started writing this crazy little blog. That’s right motherfuckers, it’s the infamous two parter suicide episode.
Pre-credit opener: So I’m guessing that this DVD is the U.S. version of this episode because Caitlin and Joey are themselves talking to the audience again about how fucking serious this episode is because of the subject matter. They start talking about how there are always signs when someone is suicidal, then they give a national hotline for people to call.
But enough with that shit. Let’s go on with the episode. Oh my God! Claude is wearing the world’s worst outfit. He looks like he’s dressed as a fucking pirate. And the sad thing is that I’ve heard that this is how he really dressed too. Caitlin and Maya come down the big ass ramp and Caitlin is looking mighty fine in her dance clothes. They’re both going on about being nervous because they’re going to be trying out for the talent show. Just then Claude ambushes them and asks Caitlin the obvious if she’s trying out. She wishes him luck and their lame love theme song comes back on and he says, “What if we tried again?” She looks at him with disgust and says, “Please!” She starts bitching to Maya about him bugging her still and says, “I wish he would just go away.” Meanwhile Claude is just standing there looking like a huge stalker.
Arthur and Dorothy are showing everyone in the school that they are the squarest white people ever to attend Degrassi High with their nerdy tap dancing routine. After Caitlin and Maya sign in they go past Joey and Caitlin says hi to him. While he says hi back Snake is drawing a pair of eyes on his stomach. But as soon as she leaves Joey mutters, “Ice Maiden.” Snake asks him when he’s going to get over her, but Joey insists that he is. Mercifully their stupid routine is over and we get another one. “The Dancing Jockettes.” Which consists of Simon, Luke and Dale dancing around in tutu’s while a selection from The Nut Cracker is playing. Everyone seems to be laughing their asses off. Meanwhile Claude walks in looking all dramatic and signs in. The routine is cut short though because Alex some how managed to fuck up the tape they were using. But Bronco says that it’s ok and they’re in the show.
Claude is then called up and he get’s the slightest of smiles on his face and he tells Bronco and Lucy that his performance is something he wrote himself. So this is either the worst poem ever recited or it’s the biggest cry for help ever and it goes a little something like this. “Autumn Leaves, dying leaves. Season of death! When winds blow cold thoughts of death creep in as I sleep. I dream I’m in a coffin safe from the life I don’t want to lead I’m not afraid soothing, black and warm soothing, black and warm safe from the pain and safe from the fools safe, soothing, black.” And blah, blah, he basically talks about being dead and that he wants to dwell in the abyss, because he thrives being in there. Bronco interrupts his dark poem and tells him that his stupid poem isn’t right for the show because it’s depressing as hell. Of course Claude get’s pissed off and says, “I do my monologue or nothing!” Bronco just says, “Bye Felicia.” Claude storms off yelling at everyone, “Typical, this place is so stupid. You’re all a bunch of sheep!” Joey starts to laugh and makes a sheep sound and calls him a fucking loser. Just then Joey and Snake are called up and they go to the stage with two huge hats. After realizing that no one gives a fuck about his little outburst Claude yells again, “You don’t care! Nobody cares! But you’ll see.” Bronco should have said, “You still here? Bye!”
Joann it turns out is one of his closest friends. Even though it’s never been mentioned before. She starts to go on about how they never see him anymore and she invites him out to go see a movie with a bunch of friends. She then mentions how sorry she is that his parents got a divorce. Turns out that he doesn’t get a long at all with his dad and he says that he can’t stay with his mom because her new boyfriend can’t stand his ass. Which is pretty hilarious that the mom would chose the boyfriend over her own son. She starts to pester him some more and says that she’s his friend and she’ll listen if he wants to talk. But he can’t help being all emo and says like he wants to cry, “Joann, you don’t know what it’s like when everything….” “You don’t know what it’s like to be me. So don’t bother.” Still she persists and says, “Try me.” Sounding like Carlton Banks when he was upset with Will in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Claude says with a crying voice, “No.”
Back to the talent show Joey and Snake are doing a really offensive Mexican dance with the hats and face they painted on their bellies. Of course they’re dancing to Everybody Wants Something. Which is probably the last time we’re going to hear it played in this show.
The next day of school Claude comes walking by in an even worse looking outfit. He looks like a poker dealer from the late eighteen hundreds. Joey and Snake are talking about Joey not understanding something in science class again, so Snake tells Joey to get some help. Trust me, all this boring bullshit is heading somewhere.
In the hallway Maya and Caitlin are still going on about being hella nervous for the talent show audition. But I don’t see why they are. Everyone seems to have gotten in. Except for stupid Claude. Apparently Caitlin has moved back home and is telling Maya about their parents giving their marriage another go. But we all knew this already. Claude meanwhile is waiting for her with a white rose. He stands next to her locker with his hand behind his back and just stands there like a maniac. She tells him to move his ass and he just moves and stares at her some more. As she’s getting her shit out of her locker he takes the rose out and Maya is all delighted by it for some reason. Probably because no one has never done something like that for her. Caitlin get’s instantly annoyed and says, “Will you please leave me alone, I’m really tired of being harassed by you all the time.” “We’re not seeing each anymore it’s over.” Claude says, “Don’t worry, I won’t bother you anymore.” Then says that he just came to say good bye. She asks him all irritated where he’s going to, but he just smiles holding the rose up and just backs away. What an asshole.
In the science class room Joey is talking to Canadian Mr Feeny again Mr Webster about getting help. But he says that he’s too busy to help him himself, but he’s going to get someone. Back out in the hallway girlfriend beater Scott tells Claude to hurry up before he get’s into trouble. But Claude says that he’s not going to anymore classes then goes on with, “What has this place ever done for me?” Scott just says, “You’re gonna get in trouble.” Claude says that he won’t and waits until the hallway clears. He takes out a dish towel and unwraps a 45 pistol. As he’s looking at it, he get’s this smile on his face and I bet you anything he’s thinking, “Yeah this will show em!” He just walks off with gun in hand and the last we see of him is his ghostly image reflected on some glass.
In Mr Walfish’s class they’re having a debate on Macbeth. Of course they’re getting all heated about it. That Mr Walfish is always starting shit between students. Ok, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I can swear I can hear a muffed gun shot going off after Alexa says her nonsense. But I can be wrong. Anyways, Snake raises his hand and he tells him that he has to take a piss because he had way too much tea for breakfast. Wait what? Who the fuck drinks tea in the morning? I guess it’s just another wacky thing that Canadians do. Anyways he goes off while everyone is laughing at him.
So this is the scene where the shit hits the fan. Snake walks in to take his giant piss and he notices these really fucking pointy shoes that look like they belong to the Wicked Witch of the East coming out of a stall. I’m surprised they didn’t shrivel up and curl themselves up when Snake see’s them. It seems to be a pretty gory sight because there’s blood all over the place. Snake asks if whoever is in there is alright and he opens up the stall door. Immediately he wants to throw up over the fact that Claude most likely blew his fucking head off. Now, if he had used a 22 caliber pistol, the bullets are pretty small and they don’t come out the other end like a 45, see, a 45 will blow a barn door out the back of your head and there’s a lot of dry cleaning involved, but a 22 will just rattle around like Pac-Man until you’re dead. So he went in a very gory manner.
He goes running out of the bath room and heads straight to the office. Mr Raditch is going over some staff meeting he’s planning but they’re interrupted by Snake that looks like he’s either crying or wants to cry. He says, “Mr Raditch, Mr Raditch, you’ve gotta come quick.” Raditch tells him to get a hold of himself but Snake blurts out, “No, no, no. He’s um, dead.” That sure got Raditch’s attention. He asks who, but Snake just says that there’s a gun and blood everyone in the boys wash room. Raditch tells the secretary to call the police and goes running off like a duck with Snake.
Class is dismissed and Tracy and Bart are going through their very lame magic routine, Bart being the lovely assistant again. Meanwhile in the background everyone can hear all these sirens coming closer. But who cares?! It’s finally Caitlin’s dance routine and she looks fucking hot as hell! I’m telling you, she has booty!
We then cut to Luke asking one of the Mounties what’s going on in the restroom. But they tell him to just move along, he probably wants to smoke some weed in there. We hear an announcement about a staff meeting going on immediately. Mark and Wheels come by and Mark asks Wheels if he saw a stretcher out front. Wheels saying that it must be serious.
We come to a few scenes of the teachers telling everyone that they have some bad news to tell them. In Mr Walfish’s class everyone is acting rowdy as hell. As soon as Mr Walfish walks in they all settle down and Alex being a lame, nerd kiss ass says, “I tried sir.” But Mr Walfish doesn’t give a shit. He comes in looking all glum and says, “I’m afraid I have some very upsetting news. A student has died and it looks like he killed himself.” At that everyone just get’s fucking quiet until Tessa asks him who it was. Of course he says it was Claude and everyone looks at Caitlin.
In the special ed class Joann is telling the class about how angry Claude was and how his home life was complete shit too. Nick the caveboy of course has to be a dick and says, “Yeah lots of people have problems but they don’t kill themselves.” As soon as he says that Joey and Dwayne exchange a look. Joann then starts to cry over the fact that he wouldn’t talk to her. Everyone tells her that there was nothing she could have done about it. At that Mr Raditch states the obvious by saying, “Many people think about suicide. The difference is that we don’t do it, because once you do, everything is over.” Well no shit Raditch.
In the other class room everyone is talking about why he had to do it at the school. Lucy says, that he probably did it just so everyone could feel bad. Which I think is very spot on. But of course everyone get’s pissed off at her for having no tact and saying it the way she did. Spike on the other hand agrees with her and says, “No she’s right! He had too many problems so he runs away and kills himself? He doesn’t have to worry anymore, it’s us that has to feel bad. Talk about selfish.” As people get pissed off at Spike that black chick Joy says, “He’s going to hell too, suicide is a sin.” So by that I’m guessing she’s a Catholic. As the teacher goes on about people’s reactions being different and ok, Joy cries herself into a stupor. Even though she probably had no idea who he was.
On the big ramp Dale and some stoner looking guy are talking about where he got the gun from, Dale thinking that he must have gotten it from his dad. Caitlin now feels guilty about telling Claude to fuck off, but Maya tells her that it’s not her fault and that he was obviously a very fucked up person.
In the hallway Joey asks Tracy and Mark if they’ve seen Snake. But Mark says that he hasn’t been seen all afternoon. In the auditorium Bronco is blaming himself about not letting him do his stupid monologue, but Lucy tells him that it wasn’t his fault because Claude was already all messed up. She then asks what they’re going to do about the talent show and he says, “Cancel it of course.” But Lucy says that it’s not for another two weeks, but Bronco says that it would be something really fucked up to do. Pretty safe to say that Lucy doesn’t give a shit about Claude killing himself.
At Caitlin’s house her mom tells her that someone sent her some flowers. Caitlin wonders who it can be from. The fact that they’re white roses should have told her who they’re from almost immediately. She reads the note and basically this motherfucker is blaming her for his death from beyond the grave. He even says, “I forgive you for how you treated me.” What an asshole. It says to be continued but the episode doesn’t end until Caitlin get’s all disgusted and just throws the flowers in a fit of rage.
So yeah, what a hardcore episode this was huh. But it’s not over yet. The school is still dealing with his death in the next episode. Which was probably what he wanted to begin with.