Pre-credit opener: We see Yick standing in front of the girls restroom looking nervous as hell. Kathleen tries to go in, but Yick tells her to wait a second, but she says that she doesn’t want to wait because she really has to take a big smelly shit. Right as she shoves her through Luke comes out of the restroom. She asks him what he was doing in there and Luke just says nothing and drags Yick away. As she walks in she says, “Pervert.” As they’re walking away Yick asks, “Did you really have to hide it in there?” Luke says that it was the safest place. In doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he was hiding some narcotics in there. Kathleen must have a really steady flow going because she’s desperately banging on the tampon machine. But nothing comes out except two joints. Kathleen just shows how lame she is by saying with wonder, “Drugs.” And then takes them for herself.
Apparently it’s Diana’s birthday and it seems like the girls are going to throw her a surprise birthday slumber party. Maya wonders if Diana really doesn’t know that they’re throwing her the surprise party and they’re pretty confident that she doesn’t. She probably figures that her friends don’t give a shit. Kathleen then cryptically says, “I’ve got a surprise of my own.” Diana walks in and right away they all act weird. Maya randomly asking if she saw The Kids in the Hall the other night. Diana’s all, what the fuck and then asks Melanie if they’re good to go to the movies that night. Melanie says, “Fur sure!”
Mr Walfish comes in telling Alex that he doesn’t give any extensions. Because if he did, he’d have to break his fingers. Seems like Alex has had a month to write his paper but he hasn’t done a goddamn thing to write it yet. He tells Luke and Yick about the fact that he can’t believe that he forgot about needing to write and essay. Luke says that he has all weekend to do it, but Alex says that he’s going on a fishing trip with his dad. After they make fun of him he tells them that he can’t play at their poker game that night. Which is really fucking nerdy for all of them to participate in. Anyways Joey over hears them and invites himself over to play. Luke mentions how his parents are going away so it’s party time. Alex mutters to himself, “I thought he thought we were nerds.”
As the bell rings Arthur asks Yick if he wants to do something that night, but Yick says that he’s playing poker with Luke. Arthur get’s disappointed and Yick asks him to come along to play. But Arthur says that Luke doesn’t like him very much. I know I don’t like Arthur very much. Shit, this scene is going long. As Mr Walfish is talking about his assignment for the class, Mr Raditch comes in with a Mountie and says that they are doing some random locker checks. Kathleen get’s all nervous and checks her pocket while Luke get’s a sly look to his face.
In the hall way Luke tells Yick how he got away scott free. Yick then asks him if Arthur could come over to play poker with them since they do need another player. Luke says, “No we don’t.” But Yick insists that it’s always much funner when there’s more players. That’s when Luke calls Arthur a nerd and Yick get’s all offended and wishes that they would get along. I say he’s being easy on him. Arthur is only the lamest motherfucker on the planet. Luke tells him sure since Arthur probably sucks donkey dicks at poker and he is rich after all. Easy money he thinks.
At Kathleen’s locker she fucking pulls out the joints in plain sight and puts them in her purse. What an idiot. She tells Melanie that she can’t help her get the party ready because she has a counseling session. I wonder if it’s for her eating disorder or because her ex boyfriend Scott would give her his brand of medicine. Melanie asks her how it’s going all loud and Kathleen shushes her saying that she doesn’t want people to think she’s crazy.
So finally it’s after school and Yick arrives at Luke’s house. He mentions how someone stole his weed and he can’t believe that someone would want to take it. He then starts to say that his parents gave him a big lecture and they said no booze or smoking in the house. Seems like it’s going to be one boring evening with these guys. At least the girls can get blazed with the weed Kathleen stole.
At Melanie’s the girls are busy decorating the place for Diana. Melanie asks Caitlin how it is living at her brother’s house. She mentions how it’s nice to have her own room. So there goes that little plot point. We then see Alex getting ready to write his paper on this really ancient looking type writer and his dad says that he’s going to wake his ass up at six, so he better get plenty of sleep. Alex is so boned here.
Back at Melanie’s Diana finally rings the bell and she tells Melanie that she doesn’t want to come in because she doesn’t want to miss the start of the movie. But Melanie insists. As she’s walking in she mentions how she wished that Keanu Reeves would take her out on a date for the occasion. Just then Maya rolls her machine out and screams, “SURPRISE!” Diana is genuinely surprised and they give her her footie pj’s that her mom provided for her.
The party is getting underway and they’re just annihilating the cake that Melanie made. They then start talking about boys and Diana mentions how she thinks that Joey is good looking. Caitlin says, “Gross Diane get some taste lessons.” Funny coming from her since she’s the one who cheated on him. Kathleen just has to be a bitch and says, “We’re all not as experienced as you Caitlin.” Caitlin just smiles like she’s thinking, “What was that all about?” Maya goes on to say how hot she thinks Yick is. Melanie then decides to ask Maya if she’s able to have sex and Maya says sure. But she won’t be able to feel it as good. Shit, I guess she’ll never have an orgasm in her life then.
At the dudes poker game, they seem to be playing for nickels. Cheap bastards. But they’re also talking about which girls they think is hot. Luke seems to have a thing for Lucy, but Joey says that she’s just alright. But he thinks that Allison is a hot piece of ass. Arthur just says, “Caitlin.” Joey says, “Ice Princess.” Arthur mentions how he thinks that she’s nice and Joey says, “And you know a lot about chicks. Just bet alright.” If I were Arthur I would have said, “Bitch you’ve only had one girlfriend so I know as much as you do.” Yick folds and says that it’s too bad that Maya is in a wheel chair because she has really nice eyes. As Luke wins the hand he says that they should make it an all nighter. Yick says, “Cool we can watch the sun come up.” What the fuck, are they going to cuddle at the same time too? Joey says he’s cool with it because he won’t have to listen to Wheels snore. Seems like Joey is getting tired of him living with them now.
At the girls slumber party Melanie and Caitlin have to help Maya get on the couch because she can’t do anything on her own. A little later the girls change into their sleep clothes and it’s nothing hot like you would think, just t shirts and pj bottoms. They decide to play truth or dare and Kathleen asks Maya if she’s ever tried drugs. Maya’s all, “No!” That’s when Kathleen busts out the two joints and says all full of herself, “Would anyone here like to?” They all act shocked. Kathleen tells Melanie that she has connections. No she doesn’t.
We get an interlude with Alex typing away still. He has a bunch of rolled up papers, a box of Dipps and soda cans all over the floor. We hear her mom banging on the door and tells him something in Greek. I think it translated to, shut the fuck up!! Alex says sorry, then under his breath says, “Put a pillow over your head!”
Back at the poker game Arthur is feeling confident and says they should play for dimes. Yick decides to order a pizza. It looks like the game is getting really intense between Arthur and Luke. Arthur wins the hand with a full house. Arthur acts all surprised because he has no idea what he’s doing.
Melanie comes down stairs and tells the girls that her mom is asleep. Ah Caitlin looks so hot! Anyways, it seems like Diana and Maya are afraid to try it. Kathleen says that she blazed up a lot when she was with Scott. So I guess he gave her some weed after he smacked her around for a bit. Kathleen lights up the joint, takes a puff and gives it to Diana. She asks if you just smoke it like a cigarette and proceeds to do just that. Caitlin of course refuses because she’s a goodie two shoes. After some peer pressure Maya takes a hit too because she wants to know what it’s like. After coughing a bunch she says that she’s done for the night. Melanie then tries it, Kathleen acts like she’s a big pot head smoking up. She’s all, “There’s a lot that people don’t know about me.” I’m pretty sure we all know she’s Degrassi’s biggest bitch.
Oh this back and forth is driving me crazy. We go back to the dudes poker game and once again it’s all tense between Luke and Arthur. Arthur bets a dollar and since Luke is the lost Marx Brother Cheapo, he folds. After Arthur goes to get the pizza from the delivery guy Luke checks his cards and see’s that Arthur was bluffing. Luke says, “I got took by a nerd!” Yick and Joey are just laughing their asses off. Arthur admits that he knew what he was doing the whole time.
Melanie, Diana and Kathleen are still getting stoned and Maya tells them to be quiet since they’re going to wake up her mom. But Melanie tells her to relax since her mom is a vampire. Meanwhile Caitlin is spraying the room with an air freshener. Caitlin notices that Kathleen is all quiet all of a sudden and asks her if she’s ok. Kathleen’s all, “I’m fine.” She must be one of those people that get paranoid when they get high on weed.
We get another Alex interlude and he’s doing jumping jacks like an idiot. He goes back to the type writer and he put a pillow on top of it. How the hell is he going to type a paper like that?
The dudes poker party has now turned into a girls slumber party. Arthur is telling a spooky story and scares the shit out of them. Joey over doing it says that he almost choked on his pizza. He then starts to tell his own not so scary story.
Diana is telling the girls that she still doesn’t feel anything, even though she’s laughing about everything being said. Melanie all of a sudden get’s the munchies but doesn’t know why. They decide to play some more truth or dare because they’re all really lame and have nothing better to do. Diana asks Melanie if she’s ever read anyone’s diary before. Kathleen makes an ol shit face and of course Melanie says yes. Diana demands to know who and Melanie says, “Kathleen’s of course.” She then starts to blurt out how she had Anorexia and got counseling. Diana makes a shocked face and Kathleen immediately get’s upset. She’s all, “Melanie!” But Melanie is on a roll. She continues with, “Kathleen I don’t see what the big deal is. You had Anorexia, your mom is an alcoholic and your boyfriend beat you up!” Diana laughs her ass off. Kathleen then starts crying and says, “It’s not your secret to tell!” Then she storms off crying even more. Melanie and Diana meanwhile start to laugh their asses off even harder now.
Outside Kathleen is crying her eyes out. Caitlin comes out to comfort her, but I don’t know why. Especially since the beginning of the show Kathleen has just been a hateful bitch towards her. Any who, Caitlin mentions how Melanie didn’t mean it and she only said it because she was higher than a motherfucker. But Kathleen says through her tears, “I don’t care! I didn’t want anyone to know!” Caitlin says that they knew about all her bullshit anyways. But Kathleen says that she doesn’t care and it wasn’t Melanie’s place to tell anyone. Kathleen then ends up literally crying on Caitlin’s shoulder.
It seems like it’s now 5:54 in the AM and Alex is dead asleep on his typewriter. You know he didn’t write jack shit. We get this montage of everyone sleeping while this Canadian song I’ve never heard before is playing in the back ground. Well everyone is sleeping except for Melanie. You can tell she feels bad about humiliating Kathleen. But I say Kathleen had it coming for being such a horrible bitch all these years.
I guess it’s the following Monday and Snake asks Joey, “How was night of the living nerds?” But he shouldn’t be talking, especially with the outfit he’s sporting. Anyways, Joey says that it wasn’t that bad. Joey mentions how Arthur is a great poker player. I can imagine that’s how he spends his time now a days, playing video poker online. Alex comes along and tells the dudes how he never went fishing and just worked on his paper all weekend long. So he stayed up all night for nothing, what a tool. Luke invites him over to play cards on the following weekend and mentions how his dad was proud of him not fucking up the house while they were gone. So he can have them all over again.
Diana thanks Maya and Caitlin for the birthday slumber party. Maya being lame says that it was good until the weed came out. Diana still insists that she didn’t feel anything. In the hall way Melanie comes up to Kathleen at her locker and apologizes for humiliating her in front of everyone and mentions how it wasn’t really her. Melanie then says, “I’m really, really sorry.” Of course Kathleen is full of hate and tells her, “So am I!” and just walks away. Once again the episode just abruptly ends. So I guess this is the end of their relationship then. But I don’t know why Kathleen is pissed at her, she has no one to blame but herself, she’s the one who brought the weed to the party trying to act like a big shot. And didn’t she say once that she hated druggies?
I would say that this was a pretty good episode. I enjoyed Kathleen being humiliated like she was. Too bad that this was the only Melanie episode we got in this season. She was woefully under used in high school.