Pre-credit opener: Wheels says bye to his grandparents and his grandma starts giving him shit about taking his dishes to the sink. (I just noticed that she’s spoon feeding his grandpa.) But Wheels says that he’s in a rush. She tells him that it would only take two seconds to do it. So he does it all reluctantly, and going that they’re so old that they’re decomposing, it probably takes her 15 minutes to do that. But then she starts in on him about not doing the dishes the night before. He makes an excuse that he had homework, but she says that all his lazy ass did was watch TV all night. He has a point about her always nagging him. Her voice is annoying as hell. But Wheels seems to be reverting back to his asshole ways and his grandparents are older than Satan. He walks out saying, “You’re not my mother.”
In the hallway Snake is once again being a nervous wreck because report cards are coming out soon. Wheels says that he doesn’t give a motherfuck about his marks. Joey then comes running by all excited. He says that there’s going to be a Gormet Scum concert in some town called Hamilton. Wheels points out that Joey fucked up in getting the tickets in the first place, but Joey says that they’ve added a second show. Plus he’s getting his piece of shit car out of the garage that very day. Snake of course has to be a giant square and says that his parents would never let him go because it’s in the middle of the week. Joey says since Snake always does well in his report cards and his parents always take him out to dinner to reward him, maybe this time he can go to the concert instead. Snake get’s all excited and says that it could work.
As Joey is walking away he runs into Tessa. He says sorry and she’s all, “That’s ok Joey, how are you?” Joey makes a face and says, “Fine.” And just rushes to class. Since Joey bumped into her, Tessa assumes that Joey likes her. But Dorthy is skeptical. Always notice that all of these characters have nerdy side kicks?
In Mr Walfish’s class everyone is getting their report cards. Turns out that Wheels did horribly and got a lot of shit grades. Outside at the quad Maya is eating lunch while Caitlin is staring down. Pretty obvious that she feels like shit because of her cheating dad. Maya asks her if she’s going to eat, but Caitlin is too depressed. Maya mentions how she’s noticed that she hasn’t eaten a thing for days. Caitlin snaps at her, “Since when are you my mother?!” Maya apologizes, but so does Caitlin. She’s talking about how this is the worst time in her life. Basically she keeps picturing her dad porking the other woman. She mentions how she’s conflicted about telling her brother or mom about it.
In the cafeteria Arthur notices that Alex is infatuated with Tessa. Arthur says, “Tessa and Alexa, it has a nice ring to it.” Alex says that she would never go out with him because she thinks he’s a nerd. Arthur says that he doesn’t know that. But Alex says, “Everyone thinks I’m a nerd, I even think so sometimes.” At least he’s not delusional about himself. We cut to Tessa talking about some more hints about Joey liking her.
At another table Snake and Joey are telling Wheels all about how good they actually did on their report cards. Wheels meanwhile is forging his grandma’s signature on his so he won’t get into deep shit with her again. He basically says that she’s a dumb old fool and he’s not going to miss the concert for anything.
At Caitlin’s house her dad comes down and tells his wife and Caitlin that he won’t be in for dinner because he’ll be playing a game of Squash. That is the worst excuse ever made. Her mom then tells her how she won’t be home for dinner the next night. Caitlin’s all, “You mean me and dad alone?” Finally her mom asks her what her goddamn problem is with her dad lately. Her mom mentions how he’s had a lot of pressure and didn’t get a promotion at his work. Caitlin then spills the beans about her father. She tells her mom about the affair and how she saw her dad with another woman. Shockingly her mom says, “I was hoping you wouldn’t find out.” Then she goes into a really pathetic speech about loving her husband and she’s willing to put up with his shit because of said love. Caitlin hugs her mom and they both start crying. Caitlin’s probably crying because she just realized her mom is a complete idiot and has no dignity.
At Wheels house his grandpa seems to be watching some more wrestling. I forgot that he’s a big Hulkamaniac. His grandma asks him if she should be seeing his mid term report card soon. Wheels just says, “Oh they don’t have those anymore.” She get’s pissed and says, “Oh you do it so smoothly, are you ever telling the truth?” Wheels acts all shocked at this, and tells her that it is the truth. But she tells him that Mr Raditch called and she’s worried about his marks. She goes on to say how he’s becoming such a lazy, worthless asshole lately. He’s even skipping on seeing the social worker. He says, “My parents are dead and talking to a social worker is not going to bring them back!” If I were his grandma I would have said, “What the fuck does your parents being dead have to do with any of this?” But she says that she’s still hurting too since it was her daughter that died and he’s just an adopted asshole mooching off of her. Wheels insists since it happened two years ago that he’s fine and doesn’t need any help. At that she’s had enough and grounds his ass for two weeks. Wheels can’t believe that she would ground his ass. But what he really needs is a simple caning.
The next day at school Alex comes walking by with Arthur and see’s that someone’s left a note for him at his locker. Oh man, let me just say that Alex has finally debuted his stupid look for the rest of the series. It consists of cut off daisy duke shorts and an ugly corduroy jacket. This makes him look lame as fuck. Not hip or cool at all. Moving on, he reads the note and it says for him to meet someone at the front door at 4 o’clock. Alex right away wonders if it’s Tessa who left that for him. But why in the hell would she do that for? Tessa comes by her locker and see’s that someone has left a similar looking note for her. Of course she assumes that it’s Joey who left it for her.
Wheels is in the hallway with a pissed off look on his face. Just then Joey and Snake come by and tells him how Snake’s parents are actually letting him go to the concert. Wheels says, “You’re so lucky for having real parents and not a stupid grandmother.” Then he mentions to them how he’s grounded for two weeks. Wheel’s get’s this sinister looking grin and says, “But I’m still going to the concert.” Snake being lame says that he can’t because he’s grounded. Wheels tells Snake that he’s coming over to his house so that he can tutor him, but Snake can be so thick some times it goes right over his and says, “Oh!!” Joey asks them if they’re sure they wanna do that and Wheels says, “Joey I don’t care about her, I’m tired of her telling me what to do.” “I do what I want.”
In the big ramp Alex is wondering if the note is really from Tessa. Caitlin is telling Maya all about her mom knowing about her father’s affair. But you would have thought that she’d be embarrassed as hell to tell anyone about it. Ha. Outside of the school we see Claude with a basketball. That guy is as athletic as a jock strap. Alex stops and asks Arthur for some more advice. But Arthur doesn’t know anything about women. Tessa comes out and starts waiting for Joey. Stupid Alex asks her if she’s waiting for someone. After she says yeah, he says, me too. She’s all, “Great.” And Alex get’s all disappointed.
At Wheel’s house he tries to sneak out but his grandma immediately spots him and says, “No young man, you are grounded.” Wheels makes up a bullshit excuse about needing Snake’s help and how he has to go over to Snake’s because his parents won’t let him out on a week night. His grandma says that she’ll take his word this one time. He says that he’ll be home by midnight, but she says, “By 11 you little asshole.”
Joey is telling Snake all about taking a bunch of side roads to get to the concert. Wheels says that he was late because his grandma was nagging him again. Snake says that he isn’t sure about the short cuts and should just stick to the main roads. But Joey says, “Trust me.” Anytime anyone says that in this show everything always goes to hell. They should know that already.
Outside Degrassi Tessa and Alex are still waiting there like fools. Alex asks her, “Are you sure the person you’re waiting for isn’t here yet?” Tessa tells him all annoyed, “What does it look like Alex?!” Then she asks him if he’s the one who put the note on his locker. At that they compare notes and notice that it’s the same damn thing. Tessa get’s pissed off because she thinks it’s someone fucking with them. After all that Alex get’s the balls to actually offer to walk her home.
What did I tell you, Joey and the dudes are stranded in the middle of no where because his piece of shit car broke down again. Snake starts bitching about getting to go out for once and then that had to happen. Joey tells him to shut the fuck up. The car starts up, but quickly shuts itself down again. Joey kicks the tire in frustration and hurts himself. Snake says, “I’ve seen this in a horror movie once.”
Caitlin’s arrives home and her dad is working on their ancient Mac computer. He asks her where she was and she tells him she was at Maya’s avoiding him. He tells her how he made dinner and starts bitching her out because she didn’t bother to call him up. At that Caitlin get’s all surly, but then loses her fucking mind when he says, “Believe me, there were a lot of other things I could have been doing.” At that she says, “Oh yeah like what dad, like going to work, like playing squash, or eating dinner at a fancy restaurant with a friend.” She then goes off on him saying how she knows that he’s fucking around. Of course he denies it. She calls him a liar and slams the door to her room and the huge fucking cowbell that she has on her bedroom door just keeps ringing and ringing.
Back to Joey and the Zits. It’s full on dark now with an eerie full moon. It looks like they’re about to get slaughtered by an American Werewolf. Joey for some strange reason seems to have made a miniature Indian burial ground. Snake is still bitching about waiting for a toll truck to get there since some dude said they would call one for them, but that was hours ago. Wheels suggests that they start walking, but Joey says that he’s not leaving his car. Wheels says, “Why not, it’s a piece of junk.” Joey get’s instantly annoyed and they start arguing. Wheels goes on to blame Joey for them now being late and getting in trouble with his grandmother. Joey tells him to fuck off and he’s in trouble with her because he’s a lying sack of shit and always makes excuses for everything. He get’s all pissed off at being called out on his bullshit and says, “I don’t need this.” and says he’s walking. Joey tells Snake that he’s sick and tired of Wheels and his constant lying. Finally the tow truck comes along and Wheels comes back.
Wheels walks into his house and you can tell that it’s hella late. As soon as he shuts the door his grandma turns on the light and asks him about the concert. She then tells him how she called Snake’s house and they gave up all the beans. He starts to go off again on how he can take care of himself and acts like an asshole with her again. She says very annoyingly. “You just take and you take and you take.” She basically calls him a selfish prick. She mentions how she’s too old to be dealing with anymore of his bullshit and she kicks his ass out. Wheels for once has nothing to say because he knows he’s pretty fucked here. But if you ask me it was about damn time.
The next day Alex is telling Arthur all about how good it went with Tessa. He mentions how he wants to ask her out to the formal. Arthur tells him to go for it. It’s pretty obvious that it was Arthur who set them up. Inside Caitlin is telling Maya all about the blow up that she had with her dad. She mentions how her brother is going to take her in because she can’t stand being at home anymore.
Wheels comes up to Joey and says that he’s sorry about the car. Joey says it’s ok. After some small talk Wheels mentions how his grandma kicked his obnoxious ass out. He then asks Joey if he can stay with him for just a couple of days since he has no where else to go. Joey asks,”So this is why you’re apologizing for?” Of course Wheels denies that’s the case. Joey says that he doesn’t know if he can stay with them since they live in a small house, but he says that he’ll talk to his parents if he can stay with them for a bit. Ok, hasn’t Wheel’s this whole time been telling everyone that he could take care of himself? Turns out he couldn’t take care of a wet dream. As Joey goes to class, Wheels starts to go off on his grandma again and Joey just shakes his head and walks away. Fucking asshole is always blaming others for his shitty attitude.
Yeah, this marks the return of Wheels being a selfish asshole again. I call this, Wheels: Age of Asshole. It was pretty good episode. But I could careless about Alex’s relationship with Tessa though.