Pre-credit opener: We see Snake just staring at Michelle, slowly undressing her with his eyes. What a creep. He’s not even listening to a word she’s saying. She says that she hates presentations because she gets really fucking nervous. They start going on a long bit about being homeless if they fail their presentation. As Michelle goes back to work, Snake continues to stare at her tits.
In whatever class they’re in Snake and Michelle are going through their boring presentation. I seriously have no idea what they’re talking about. Oh Acid rain I guess it was. The teacher tells them that they did a good job. They walk out all relieved and Michelle thanks Snake for being her partner. As she walks away Snake is staring at her no ass and Wheels says, “So he likes Michelle.” Snake of course denies it at first and then he starts going on about how fine she is. Wheels encourages him to ask her ass out already, but Snake says that he ruins everything all the time. Which is true. Joey comes by and swings his car keys and ask them if they want a ride. As They’re walking away Wheels tells Joey about Snake liking her.
In the library I’m assuming it is, Caitlin is telling the girls all about her parents wedding anniversary. Kathleen asks her how long they’ve been married and Caitlin says, 20 years. The girls can’t believe it’s been that long. Kathleen says that she can’t imagine being married to someone that long. Melanie says, “Are you kidding me?” “I can’t even get a date!” They all laugh and call her a loser. That was mean! Moving on Caitlin wants to take them to a fancy restaurant. Maya invites herself along to go with Caitlin to check out the prices of the place.
Michelle is just staring at BLT through a window, acting like a stalker. Alexa says that she’s sorry that they broke up. But Michelle is putting on a brave face and says that she isn’t. Michelle then says, “What’s her name again, Bambi?” After she goes off on Cindy some more, stupid Alexa says, “Cindy’s ok.” At that Michelle get’s all pissed off and asks her if she talks to her. But Alexa says that it’s hard not to since BLT and Simon are best friends. Michelle asks her if they want to hang out after school but Alexa tells her that she’s going to the movies with Simon. But Alexa feeling bad for her invites her along to see Return to Sender. Michelle sure doesn’t seem to mind being a fucking third wheel.
After Michelle stalks BLT some more we come upon Simon and he’s really pissed off that Michelle is coming along and who can blame him? She’s such a downer. Alexa of course is the one who runs that relationship and he has no choice. Just then BLT and Cindy come by and they invite Simon and Alexa to see a group called The Savages in concert that night. They get all excited but Alexa realizes that they’ll have to dump Michelle. Simon just tells her to make something up. But you know she’s going to come up with something stupid.
It seems like Joey has bought a fucking lemon. Damn car won’t start. As he’s struggling Wheels and Snake are talking about his love life. Wheels tells him that she seems to like him. Joey comes up with the idea of Snake borrowing his mom’s car so that he can pick up Michelle on the way to school. Stupid Snake doesn’t get it and says that she lives the other direction and that his grandma lives in Montreal so he can’t use that excuse either. Wheels all frustrated says, “Snake do we have to draw it out for you?” Joey finally starts his car and it’s blowing a shit load of smoke from the tail pipe.
Caitlin and Maya are at the bistro and walk in to make a reservation. Right out of the gate Maya spots Caitlin’s dad having lunch with another woman. They notice that they’re holding hands and oh shit. They lean in and kiss. Caitlin is immediately devastated and says, “I gotta get out of here!”
In Michelle’s little room, Alexa calls her from outside of where the concert is going to be and gives her a lame excuse. She’s all, “See the problem here is that… my little brother, this morning got his arm caught in the microwave, and uh… my grandmother dropped acid and she freaked out, and hijacked a school bus full of… penguins, so it’s kind of a family crisis.” Michelle totally buys it and they agree to go see the movie the next day.
At Caitlin’s house her dad walks in announcing how he’s home. He talks to Caitlin and she’s all cold with him. Her mom tells him how she called for him that afternoon and he says, “They should have paged me, I was in the resource center all afternoon. Caitlin gets all pissed off because she knows that he’s full of shit. We cut to Snake in his room and he’s practicing in the mirror asking Michelle out. But he just sounds like a huge jackass. Even begging her in one take.
It’s the next morning and he’s still fucking practicing. Man he was waiting outside of her house like a stalker and comes cruising by as she’s walking out. He asks her for a ride and of course she says sure. As she puts her seat belt on Snake can’t help gawking at her again. She notices this time and says, “Something in my hair?” Snake of course acts all nervous and off they drive off to school. She should pray for her life because Snake is obviously a horrible driver.
In the school parking lot Joey and Wheels are pushing Joey’s lemon of a car. Snake passes by and parks. Michelle thanks him for the ride and she goes off with the twins. It’s pretty obvious that Snake didn’t ask her jack shit. Both Joey and Wheels says, “Snake!” But Snake says that he’ll ask her, saying that he can do it. Eventually.
In the hallway Michelle walks into Simon and Alexa and asks them if they want to go to the movie still. But stupid Simon says, “I don’t know, I’m kind of broke after last night.” Michelle puts two and two together and tells them, “Look if you don’t want to go out with me just tell me.” Alexa says that it’s not like that at all. But Simon opens his big mouth again and mentions how they got to go to the concert thanks to Cindy getting the tickets for them. At that Michelle get’s super pissed off and hurt. Alexa mentions that she didn’t want to hurt her because Michelle just about cries about everything. Michelle storms off saying, “I don’t care what you do, go ahead and play with Bambi or whatever her name is.” Alexa points out how she’s not the only person in the world and has a life too. But Michelle counters with saying, “Do you?’ “You never do anything without Simon.” Checkmate! Because that is so fucking true. Talk about a clingy person. Anyways they get all pissed off and Michelle says that she doesn’t need any traitors in her life.
Caitlin is seen filling in Maya about her dad being a cheating sack of shit. Even lying about not being with his mistress while they were having lunch. Stupid Maya says, “You don’t know if he’s having an affair.” Are you fucking kidding me? It was obvious. Maya then suggests that she should talk to him because he is his dad. In the library the girls are talking about Caitlin’s parents anniversary because they have no lives of their own. Melanie wonders out loud if Caitlin’s parents are still having sex after all these years. Caitlin of course get’s pissed off and says, “What kind of dumb question is that?!” And just storms off leaving Melanie to think what the fuck was that all about.
In a class room Michelle is obvious pissed off still because of her big fight with Alexa. Snake walks in and just starts staring at her again. He abruptly just asks her if she would like to go out for a pizza or a movie that night. She looks at him all pissed off and she says, “Sure why not?” Snake being stupid doesn’t notice that she’s upset. They make a date for that night and she says fine.
It’s finally after school and Joey and Wheels are congratulating Snake on a job well done. Snake tells them, “Good luck getting home guys.” Because you know, Joey’s car which he made a big deal about getting is a huge piece of shit.
Caitlin walks into her house and her mom is busy making dinner. She tells Caitlin that her dad called and he said he had to work late. Right away you can tell that Caitlin is thinking that he’s fucking that ladies brain’s out. And he probably is. Her mom apologizes for her not being there for her dad. But just then her dad walks in and gives her mom some flowers for their anniversary. He says that he wants to take them all out to dinner and Caitlin all cunning says, “How about Le Bistro?” Her dad winces and says that it’s gone down hill. He lies by saying that friends have told him about it. Caitlin tells them to go alone because she’s disgusted with her asshole cheating dad. She goes up to her room and cries while looking at a family portrait.
It’s finally time for Snake and Michelle’s big date. Snake is noticing how down Michelle is. He asks her if he’s done something wrong. She ask him why he would ask that for. She then starts to say, “I shouldn’t be here.” “No I don’t mean you, I just mean, I’ve got a lot on my mind.” Snake says, “Like BLT right?” At the near mention of his name she starts to go off on him and Alexa and generally starts to bitch about how shitty her life is. Snake tells her, “It’s not that bad.” At that she starts to fucking cry yet again. She says that she’s fine but then runs away crying, ditching Snake at the movies.
Out in the school parking lot Joey is working on his shitty car again. Snake is telling them how they were just into their date for ten minutes before she started crying. Snake says, “When I mess up I do it fast.” Then he says that he’s done with dating and is going to become a Monk basically. Wheels then tells Snake that Michelle is coming over to talk to him.
It’s funny they have their little talk through a chain link fence. Snake starts to say that he’s sorry for upsetting her. But she says that she’s the one who’s sorry for wreaking his evening. Basically she tells him that it’s too soon for her to start dating again. Snake get’s all disappointed but she says that when she is ready that maybe they can go out and try again. Snake says, “So I didn’t mess up?” She says not at all you giant dork. After she leaves Snake says, “I didn’t mess up” As soon as he said that Joey’s piece of shit car starts up.
This was another one that was just Meh. Could have been better. I found myself not giving two shits about Caitlin’s domestic problems.