Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.

Season 1, Episode 13, “Testing 1…2…3…”

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Pre-credit opener: We open with Joey writing a paper like a demon. Snake is telling Wheels all about feeling like shit because he’s so damn nervous about his drivers test. I knew Snake was one of those neurotic people like that. Joey finally finishes and he tells the dudes that his essay on The Diary of Anne Frank is a master piece. Mainly because he actually worked on an assignment this time around. Snake keeps bothering him about leaving to take their drivers test again, but Joey has to turn it in first. Saying, “An A, definitely an A!” You know, I haven’t pointed this out all season long, but Joey’s new look this year consists of his Frank Sinatra hat and a vest. I swear, go back to every scene he’s in and he has a different vest on for each scene.

Joey

In class Mr Walfish is blowing smoke up everyone’s asses for their improvements in writing an actual good paper. Everyone except for Joey that is. He reads his paper and it says, “D-, See me after class.” Joey for the life of him can’t understand why he did so awful on it. I know why, because he’s stupid! Class is dismissed and Bart and Scooter make plans to play cards. Tessa wonders how they could play cards when there’s a huge science test the next day. But I would say that they’re two smart egg heads and it’s nothing to them. It’s finally time for their talk and Mr Walfish basically tells Joey that the spelling was horrendous, and he can’t write an articulate paper. They’re going to meet with a psychologist so they can address the issue of Joey’s stupidity. But Joey is so pissed off at the thought that he insists that he doesn’t need to see one. But Walfish insists.

joey 2

We cut to Caitlin getting some shit out of her locker and look who it is. The brave revolutionary Claude. He asks her about her court date and she says it’s on Thursday morning at nine. He wonders what’s going to happen to her and she get’s all surly with him. “I don’t know what they do to people who spray paint buildings.” She has every right to be pissed at him, but it’s still her fault for being stupid and buying into his bullshit. Anyways, he tries to say he’s sorry and wants another chance. She tells him to fuck off and he’s all, “Do I get condemned forever for one dumb mistake?” Seriously, who talks like that? He says sorry again and Caitlin get’s suckered by him again. She says, “If you’re really sorry you’ll come to court with me.” Goddamn, will she ever learn? He says ok as their lame love theme comes on. But as she’s walking away he has this I’m so fucked look on his face.

claude

Mr Webster, the boring science teacher is going through a diagram of a microscope. Tessa and Scooter both say they have no idea what the fuck Mr Webster was talking about. As they leave the class we come upon Maya and Caitlin. Maya wonders why she’s even still talking to Claude. But Caitlin says, “If it wasn’t for him, none of this would be happening.” “It’s his responsibility to be there.” Again, her fault for being gullible. Maya apologizes for not being able to go and surprise, surprise. She can’t go because she has an appointment for a dr that apparently takes months in advance to book. Maya then asks her if she wants to get back with Cloud. She’s saying it like that again. You can tell that Caitlin does, but says that she doesn’t but wants someone there to be with her. Did that make sense?

maya

In the hall way Tessa asks Alex for help since he’s a smart science nerd. He says he can’t help her but after some begging from her, he changes his mind. But only if she helps him with geography. Alex then tells her, “You promise to never ever tell anyone what I’m about to tell you.” She says sure all confused like. Alex goes on to explain that he doesn’t get what Mr Webster is talking about either and goes on to say that he uses the same test year after year and Alex’s older brother had him and aced all of the tests. So yeah, Alex is a big cheater! They agree to meet up later and Alex leaves acting like he’s all suave.

alex

In the cafeteria, Joey runs into Caitlin. She says hi and Joey begins with, “So I heard you broke up with that other guy.” “Boy you just chew us up and spit us out don’t you?” She looks at him all pissed off but just leaves without saying a word. Stupid Joey makes a face like he regretted saying that to her. But she totally had that coming to her for being such a cheating cooze. He goes to find Wheels and Snake in the lunch line and we hear Wheels saying, “You went the wrong way in a one way street?” Snake is such an idiot when it comes to driving. Just then Joey busts out his drivers license and flaunts it in front of Snake. Snake keeps wondering what the fuck is wrong with him that he can’t pass the test. Wheels suggests taking him to a movie so that it can get him unstressed.  But Joey says he can’t go because of his meeting. Just then Dwayne’s fat ass comes along and cuts in front of them. Calling them cockroaches. But he shouldn’t be talking because he’s short and fat. Bad combo. And man, what is up with his stolen letterman’s jacket? It’s filthy as hell. They then start making fun of him by acting like he’s a big stupid ape. He turns around and they all pussy out.

caitlinjoey dwayne

In the library Alex is making a copy of his brothers test and makes her promise that she won’t tell another soul. But what is he thinking, this is a teenage girl. Of course she’s going to fucking blab about it. And of course as soon as she see’s Scooter she gives up all the beans. Is it me or does Tessa look like a Who from Dr Seuss?

tessa

On the large ramp Joey is still giving Snake shit about failing his test. But he get’s all serious as soon as Wheels spots his fine ass mom. Joey says that she’s there for the meeting too. Snake says, “Oh sounds serious!” Joey just says that they bring in parents for everything now a days.

So it’s finally time for the big meeting. Joey for some insane reason is hella embarrassed about being seen with his mom. But he should be proud. She’s seriously a milf. After she gives him a hug he starts to wonder what they think they’ll say. Mr Walfish comes along and calls them in. The psychologist says that they now know what’s wrong with Joey. Turns out he has a writing disability called Dysgraphia. She explains to him with the help of some puppets that it’s sort of a short circuit in his brain. He can speak well enough, but he just can’t get his thoughts written down. Joey rightly says that he’s stupid, but the psychologist says that he’s very bright. His mom asks what they can do about it and basically they say he should be in special ed for a period a day. Shit it’s about time. He should have been there long ago.

joeys mom

It’s a new day at Degrassi High and Maya comes rolling on by asking Caitlin if she studied for the Science test, but Caitlin is so nervous about her court case she didn’t do shit. Inside Yick and Luke are talking about how they’re going to flunk the science test. Stupid Scooter just happens to be right next to them and offers them Alex’s brother’s paper. And so begins a montage of the whole fucking class copying the test. Even Arthur and Melanie are going to cheat off of it.

In the hallway Joey is just a sitting heap in front of his locker all depressed. They ask him why he isn’t in class and he says, “I’m not going to class anymore.” Of course they ask what’s that supposed to mean. He then tells them how they wanna put him in special ed. Snake tries to joke about the fact that the special ed teacher is a hot piece of ass and wouldn’t mind being in the class. But Joey’s not in the joking mood. Joey then says that he’s going to drop out and get a job. He says he can deliver pizza’s for his uncle Tony. It’s hilarious, both Snake and Wheels say, “Yeah Joey, we believe you.” I wonder why they don’t? Up to this point he’s only been full of shit with everything he says. Oh yeah, that’s why!

joey depressed

It’s time for the science test and everyone has a shit eating grin. Luke worries about whether it’s going to be a different test. As soon as they get the test paper though everyone breathes a sigh of relief. It’s the same test so everyone is just going to put the same answers. Morons.

Meanwhile Joey’s out in the hallway clearing out his locker. Dwayne just has to come by and calls him a dumb little niner. After Joey ignores him, he starts acting like an ape for some damn reason. Joey tells him to fuck off. But of course he keeps taunting him. Joey shoves him away and calls him a stupid jerk. Dwayne replies with, “You ignorant cockroach.” At this Joey loses his shit and attacks him. Joey sounds hilarious as he says, “I’ve had enough of you!” As they’re fighting on the floor Mr Raditch and some other teacher break them up. Dwayne saying, “Little jerk called me a jerk.” Man what a jackass. Mr Raditch tells him to shut the fuck up and suspends him because he was already in another fight that same week. After that he hauls the both of their asses to the office.

joey dwayne depressed

After class Tessa thanks Alex for helping her cheat and gives him a kiss on the cheek. She leaves a lipstick kiss on it. He’s probably going to leave it there all day long, just so he can prove that a girl kissed him.

alex kissed

Caitlin comes out and runs into Claude. He says, “Hey listen.” “I’m really sorry, but I can’t come to the court on Thursday.” Caitlin asks him why not and he says, “I asked my parents and they said no way I could miss school.” She asks him why the fuck he asked his parents for and quickly puts together that he did it on purpose because he knew they’d say no. At that he starts to go off in a panic saying, “What if the security guard is there?” “What if he recognizes me?” “My parent’s aren’t liberal like yours, they’d probably throw me out!” She comes back saying how he didn’t even mention how it was his big idea to vandalize the place. He tells her to stop shouting because he doesn’t want anyone to know what a huge pussy he is. He grabs her arm, telling her to calm down and she bitch slaps him so hard that his glasses go flying off and he get’s a nose bleed. Goddamn! He’s a bigger puss than I realized. Mr Raditch then teleports out of nowhere and says, “Alright, that is quite enough!” He sends Claude to the nurse and takes Caitlin to the office. Ok, I don’t wanna be one of those guys, but holy moly! Caitlin’s got ass!!

claude puss 1
claude puss

So it’s after school and Joey is sitting in detention. Caitlin walks in too. Man, they gotta stay til five. The teacher tells Mr Raditch that she wants to talk to him and leaves Joey and Caitlin in the room. Joey looks at her with hatred in his eyes and says, “So what’s miss goodie two shoes doing in detention?”  She mentions how she kicked Claude’s ass. He taunts her some more and she goes off on his ass too. She says, “You’re really stupid you know that?” Which is probably the worst thing anyone could tell Joey at this moment. He says, “Thanks.” She continues to say, “You are.” “In fact I don’t think I’ve met anyone as dumb or ignorant as you!” Joey in turn get’s pissed off and says, “You know what?” “You’re right!” “Joey Jeremiah, Mr Learning disabled.” He goes on to tell her how he’s going to be in special ed, but he’s going to drop out. She feels sorry for him and says, that just because he has a disability he shouldn’t quit. Oh wow, she mentions the fact that she has epilepsy, we haven’t heard a thing about that since maybe the 3rd season. Anyways, she goes on to say that he’d be really dumb if he dropped out and says, “You know, when we were going together, you had a lot more guts!” I guess this got to Joey because he just sits there thinking. I would have told her to go fuck herself, but that’s me.

joey detention caitlin pissed

The next day at school. Maya comes by reaching the top speed of 3 on her little wheel chair. She tells Caitlin how she’s going to go with her to her court hearing. She mentions how they canceled the Dr’s appointment. She then says, “Someone has to be there with you, now that weasel face backed out.” She has a point, Claude totally looks like a weasel.

caitlin maya

Snake and Wheels come upon Joey and say that they knew that his parents would never allow him to just quit. Joey says that it had nothing to do with that. He says that he’s not stupid and Snake says, but you are. Snake is such an asshole, but he’s right! Joey says, “Then how come I got my license before yours?” Burn Snake! Wheels goes on to say that they knew that he wasn’t serious, but Joey insists that he was. He just simply changed his mind.

Joey walks into the science room and Mr Webster comes in. He says that he noticed how well the whole class did on his test and he figured that the test was too easy for their sharp little minds. At hearing this Alex looks at Tessa and she mouths, “I’m sorry.” Webster says that he’s come up with an even harder test that they’ll now take. So the whole class is fucked here. As the papers are being handed out, Caitlin hands one back to Joey and they just smile at each other.

tessa sorry joey end credits

I rather enjoyed this one. It was about time that Joey stood up for himself with Dwayne and Caitlin. And at least we all know why he’s such a horrible student now.

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Author: Degrassi Guy

Hi there and welcome to my little corner of the Degrassi Universe in the far side of interwebs. For all ten of you who are reading this, welcome! Degrassi Junior High/High was a show produced in Canada that showed the trials and tribulations of every day students. This show tackled everything and I mean everything. From alcoholism, depression, pedophiles, bullies, eating disorders, hitchhiking, death of parents, adoption, teen pregnancy, hiding other products to get condoms so no one will notice. To pornography, suicide, getting the smack down from your mustached boyfriend and getting the guts to get away from him. If I missed anything, trust me. Degrassi didn't. Degrassi was pretty much as real as it got. Especially back when I first started seeing it. Saved by the Bell it was not. You never saw Zack Morris smoking weed, getting Kelly Kapowski pregnant or AC Slater giving Jessie a good beating when she sassed him. So sit back and get ready to reacquaint yourself with the beginning of the Degrassi Universe. For those of you who are new, you don't know what you're in for. But that's a good thing. This is Degrassi Junior High/High seen through my eyes. Basically what I loved and hated. Some of you may disagree with what I think, but that's ok. Mostly though, after all these years later. I still love this cheesy show.

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