Pre-credit opener: We see the twins asleep. Heather is tossing and turning. Saying, “Stop it” “Don’t do it!” We can hear the protesters and finally we get a look at her dream. She’s dreaming all about what happened to Erica and the abortion she had. I love how she flashed back to other people’s memories though.
Back at school, Lucy, Alexa and Heather are studying for a test. Alexa spots some guy talking to Erica. Heather says his name is Blaine. I bet you the writers got that name from Pretty In Pink. Anyways, Heather goes on to say that he picked her up at a basketball game. Doesn’t surprise me one bit. Lucy totally wants to ride his dick because she says that he’s hot as fuck. As they’re all excited Heather is making a face like she doesn’t approve. What a prude.
That was fast, class is dismissed and Scooter and Bart seem to be talking about cookies. What a couple of dipshits. Tessa seems to have a thing for Scooter now. Dorthy tells her that she should ask her out to a dance since it’s happening the next day. Tessa says that Scooter should do the asking, but Dorothy says, “It’s the 90’s!” Yeah, right, like Dorothy would have the balls to ask a guy herself. Tessa comes up to them and she has Dorothy ask them if they’ll be going to the dance. Bart right here took the mantle of lamest motherfucker on the planet. He tells them that they’re not going because there’s a documentary on turtles that night. Even Dorothy think’s he’s a huge fucking nerd. Tessa leaves all disappointed and it’s funny how the camera totally checks out her little ass. Scooter points out how Tessa has changed physically this past year.
In the lunch room Heather is talking about God knows what to Erica. But Erica isn’t even paying attention to her, she’s too busy flirting with Blaine the entire time. Of course Heather just has to point out how much this new guy looks like the guy Jason, the one who got her pregnant. Erica says, “I know.”
In another table Allison and Amy are hanging out and Wheels says hi to them. As he’s walking away Allison says that Wheels is a 4 and then adds that his jeans are so tight, you can read the date on a dime. Amy seems to like his ass. Amy mentions that Snake is Allison’s ten, but Allison says that she doesn’t like him anymore. Amy says that they don’t have any dates for the dance and Allison declares that she’ll have a date by the end of the day and fucking sets her eyes on Dwayne’s lackey Nick. You know, the dude that looks like Captain Caveman’s long lost son. Seriously, she must be high on some coke, because he’s an ugly motherfucker. Amy thinks she’s insane, but vows to get a date too.
In the hall way Allison sees Nick and makes her move. As she’s doing that Snake actually get’s the nerve to talk to Amy and he nervously asks her if she wants to go with him. Of course she says sure and she gives him her address. I gotta say, Amy is wearing the worlds ugliest sweater.
After school Erica goes off with Blaine and Heather is acting like an old maid, asking her when she’s going to be home. It’s pretty obvious that she’s afraid that Erica is going to end up porking him too.
Amy and Allison tell each other that they now have dates. Allison is actually going with Nick’s uni-browed ass. After Allison asks Amy to borrow something Amy lets her know that she’s going to the dance with Snake. Allison get’s super pissed off at this news. Saying, “Thanks a lot how could you do this to me?!” “You know I like him.” Amy points out how she said that she didn’t anymore and of course Allison says, “Oh great and you believe me.” “Amy I thought you were my best friend, you’re such a traitor!” And she leaves huffing and puffing away.
Man what is this? The pungent smell of amore must be in the air. Tessa comes up to Scooter and has Dorothy ask him out to dance. Scooter says sure. Dorothy tells Tessa how easy that was. Bart says, “What are you doing?” “You’ll miss the documentary.” But Scooter says it’s his first date, so fuck those stupid ass turtles.
Erica seems to have come later than she was supposed to. Heather is asking her all sorts of questions about where she was and what they were doing. Erica says that they kissed and are going to the dance. Heather then needs to be a fucking buzz kill and asks her if he’s a better kisser than this Jason character. Heather then goes on to say that Blaine will think she’s easy for kissing on the first date. Erica points out how Wheels fingered her outside in the porch when they had their party. Erica asks her what her problem is, but Heather is all mum about it.
Later on she has another nightmare about the abortion. Even the crazy fetus lady returns. Erica wakes her up and comforts her. As she’s going back to sleep Heather mentions how it’s now nine months since all that shit happened and that the baby would have been born by now. Erica tells her that she wishes that she never gotten pregnant, but she’s not sorry she had the abortion. She mentions that her counselor told her that she has to move on with her life. Maybe Heather should take this advice too.
The next day at school, Erica is going on and on about how much of a beef cake Blaine is. She tells Alexa and Lucy all about her hot date the night before. Heather is still being a prude.
Apparently Space Cadets is still on the air because Bart is asking Scooter if he saw it. Scooter was all,”Oh hell naw!” Then mentions how he has a problem. I thought he was going to say that he was jacking it to Tessa, but instead he tells Bart that he can’t slow dance for shit. (I was going to make a joke about him being black and not believing that he has no rhythm, but I couldn’t think of a way where I wouldn’t sound extremely racist.) Anyways Bart offers to show him how to do it. Saying how it’s all in counting.
In the science room Amy and Allison are still not talking to each other. They then start arguing again though. Amy telling Allison that she can’t hog all the guys to herself. Just then Snake comes up and talks to Amy about going to he dance. Allison storms out of the room all pissed off.
Bart and Scooter go into an empty class room and Bart starts to show him how to slow dance. Scooter says that he feels like a broomhead. Man we haven’t heard that in a long ass time. But there it was. They start dancing like a couple of dorks. Luke meanwhile spots them through the door window and Clutch comes along and they start laughing their asses off.
Erica finally get’s picked up for the dance and Heather tells her to be careful. We all know that she means not to fuck the guy.
It’s time for the school dance and there’s a huge fucking crowd outside of the school. Amy and Snake walk in holding hands and Amy is wearing that God awful sweater again. Amy says hi to Allison, but she just ignores her and says Hi to Snake. Snake then says hi to Nick for some reason and Nick just says, “Yo dude.” Snake lies his ass off by saying what a nice sweater she has on.
Everyone is slow dancing inside. Erica getting more and more closer with Blaine. They then walk out to do God knows what. Scooter asks Tessa to dance and he’s making a huge ass of himself. Counting out loud and just going all over the place on the dance floor with everyone laughing at them. I love how these characters always take advice from someone who knows nothing about the opposite sex. And those people would be Arthur, Dorthy and Bart.
In the girls laboratory, Allison sees Amy walking into a stall and says, “That’s my sweater!” Allison says that she wants it back because they’re not friends anymore. Amy takes it off, but tells Allison that she wants her scarf back. So they start to disrobe, Amy even wanting her shoes back. Amy points out how Snake wasn’t even interested in her. They’re ending up more and more naked but they stop when these two black chicks walk in and are all, what the fuck? They both get embarrassed of course and laugh about it.
Back at the dance, Heather is asking everyone if they’ve seen Erica. Alexa tells her that she went down some corridor with that “hunk” Blaine. Even Lucy and Alexa are starting to nice her behavior now. Lucy saying, “What was that all about?” Of course, we cut to Erica making out like crazy with this guy. Heather catches them and goes ballistic! She starts judging Erica right away saying,”This is how it began with Jason.” “You’re going to do it again aren’t you?!” She starts to cry saying how Erica doesn’t care about what happened and how she feels. She then starts running away like a maniac. Man Heather is such a boner killer.
Back at their home, Heather is just laying in bed staring at the ceiling. Erica now knows how the whole abortion thing is still bothering her. Heather says that she’s sorry that she’s not like her, not having any feelings and all. Erica just points out how they were just kissing and no one even mentioned sex. Then getting angry she tells Heather, “Did you think I didn’t learn anything?” “You really think I wanna go through that again, don’t forget, I’m the one who lived it.” Heather then says how she was there too. Heather starts to cry and says that she helped to kill a person. Erica says that it wasn’t a person, but Heather says that it was to her. Erica says that she should start talking to a counselor. Mostly so she can finally get her prudish sister off her case already. Even I’m getting tired of this shit. The episode abruptly ends with Heather saying, “I’m so confused!”
I really didn’t enjoy this episode too much. Heather was being annoying as hell. Bart and Scooter didn’t add much to it either. I did like the parts with Amy and Allison’s silly fight. Even though it was over a dork like Snake.