Pre-credit opener: Uh oh. Right off the bat we see Diana smoking a cigarette. She’s such a bad seed now. Not really because she’s blowing the smoke out the open window. Oh man, we hear someone knocking on the door and it’s her brother George. He looks like that guy Snyder from the classic sitcom One Day At A Time. (Trust me, Google him and you’ll see.) He tells her that she’s going to be late for Greek school. I never knew there was such a thing, but I know now. And these people are hard core Greeks too. Her brother asks her if he smelled smoke. Diana says, “I think someone was burning something outside.” Yeah, you can tell he doesn’t buy it and he makes a sour face as she walks out the door.
In class Mr Walfish is telling everyone that S.E. Hinton wrote The Outsiders when she was just 16. He’s basically telling everyone the back story about the author. As class is dismissed both Luke and Yick are talking about how stupid the book is. Diana meanwhile loves it and wishes that she was a greaser I guess. And no wonder. Melanie once again comes dressed like it’s 1959 and tells the girls that she’s having a party. Diana tells them that she lied to her brother by saying that she’s staying over at her cousin’s house. Apparently her brother is a real pain in the ass and won’t let her do shit.
Joey comes running by and tells Snake and Wheels that some public access station is going to show their video next Monday. Snake points out that no one watches that bullshit channel. Joey says that they should celebrate the occasion and he shoots down their suggestions of a movie and pizza for going to a strip club. Saying that they’ll only have to pay five dollars because of the stupid flyer he got. They decide to go the following night.
In the library Diana is going over how fine Yick is. Oh lord, she calls him a rebel. Like Pony Boy or Soda Pop in the Outsiders. What a wienie. Melanie points out how obsessed Diana seems to be with that book. You’d think she’d want to see the movie version. But I guess it hasn’t gotten to Canada yet. Melanie says hi to Luke and he just says, hey and goes to hang out with Yick. Melanie makes a sour face as he blows her off. They both hope that they’ll be at the party. As they’re walking out Diana invites herself along to smoke with them in the back of the school. Ms Avery meanwhile notices that she walks away with them.
Outside all the other burn outs are smoking out back too. She immediately makes herself look like a huge geek by saying that she finished her science assignment weeks in advance. They both laugh at her lameness. Just as she’s asking them about Melanie’s party Ms Avery busts them and says how disappointed she is in them. And off they go to see Mr Raditch.
After class Diana is telling Melanie that they’re going to be calling her brother. She’s not worried though because her brother is working days that week and her mom doesn’t speak a word of English. She’s such a rebel.
Uh oh. Diana walks in and her over bearing brother is waiting for her. He tells her what the mother fuck did she think she was doing. He starts to go on about all the dangers of smoking. Then he grounds her ass, she get’s all sad and says that he already said that she could spend the night at her cousins. I don’t know why she’s listening to his ass. She should have told him to go fuck himself and point out that he’s just her brother and doesn’t get to say jack shit about what she can and can’t do. But not in that house I guess. She goes upstairs ready to cry and calls Melanie up. She tells her that her asshole brother grounded her and that there’s no use trying to talk to him. She looks at the book of The Outsiders and get’s inspired. She declares that she’s still going to that goddamn party.
I guess it’s finally Friday and after school and the Zits are all excited about seeing a naked woman for the first time. Meanwhile Diana is telling Melanie about her grand plan on sneaking out. I guess she’s just going to do the old thing of putting some pillow’s under her blanket and make it seem like she’s asleep. She mentions how her brother is going to be working that night too. She says that it’s worth getting into trouble so that she can hang out with Yick.
Man this fucking guy treats her like a little girl. Telling her to be a good girl with their mother. She implements her plan and tells her brother and mom that she’s feeling very tired and she’s going up to bed. I think she did that way too soon. But what do you expect a dork like her to know.
Joey and his crew finally get to the strip joint and gives Snake his fake ID. Snake points out that it also says Joey Jeremiah on it. Stupid Joey tells him to just show it to the bouncer real quick. Snake of course has to be a big pussy and says that he doesn’t want to get in trouble. Joey says, “You’re not going to get in trouble.” Snake is all, “We always get into trouble.” He does have a point there. Joey is always getting them into stupid shit.
They walk in and they start staring at this chick walking by with a sweet little ass. Joey looks like he’s going to cream his pants already. The bouncer asks them for their ID’s and actually accepts them. He tells him that it’s ten dollars and Joey’s all, “But the flyer says five dollars.” The bouncer tells him that that’s only during the week and that it’s the weekend. What a rip off. But Joey is determined to look at some tits. They try to pool their money together and it seems like they only have enough for just two of them. They see another young hussy and they do paper rock scissors and Joey ends up losing.
Whoa look at Diana. She comes down the stairs and doesn’t look half bad. She’s totally slutting it up for Yick’s stoner ass. We finally get to Melanie’s party and it seems to be jumping. But oh noes. Alex is the fucking DJ. Who put him in charge? Diana comes in with a bottle of wine and says that she feels like one of the Outsiders. What a dork. Maya points out how nice her boobs look in her top. I can’t believe that Arthur was invited, but he was. Diana asks him when Yick is going to come and he tells them that Yick’s not coming. Apparently he and Luke decided to play some video games. What a couple of fucking nerds. Of course Diana and Melanie are upset thinking that they’re nerds, but in reality those two dip shits are the geeks.
Back at the strip club Snake and Wheels are sitting down waiting for the show to begin. Joey is outside waiting for them all pissed off. Just then some prostitute spots him and makes her move. She tells him that she knows where there’s a great party. Joey tells her no thank you and she starts putting her hands all over him and of course he panics. He’s totally not used to a woman coming on to him and he just leaves and says that he has homework to do. The hoe just stands there laughing at him.
Finally the big show starts and she seems to be wearing a Madonna like bra. Just then this old bag starts asking them if they want some more drinks. They tell her no thanks and she informs them that if they want to watch the show, they gotta keep drinking. If they were smart they would have taken their sweet time with their drinks instead of gulping them down. They tell her that they’re out of money and the bouncer comes along and kicks their asses out. Too bad, they didn’t get to see any naked women. What a rip off and waste of time that whole thing was.
We go back to Melanie’s party for square’s and we see Melanie and Diana getting more and more drunk. Diane decides to smoke some more. Arthur of course declines to drink because he’s the lamest motherfucker on the planet. Diana meanwhile is telling him all about her many woes with her pain in the ass brother. Even bringing up having to go to Greek school. Arthur asks her why she even listens to him. Good point. She says that her mom is the boss, but so is he. Yeah, that makes no sense. But you can tell that they’re still very much from the old country where the male is the dominate person in the household. Even if he is the son. She mentions how her dad died 12 years ago.
The bell rings and Alex answers it and comes back with her brother George. He’s rocking the Member’s Only jacket. He’s pissed off and says that her mom was hysterical when she called him up. He then goes on to blame Melanie for everything saying she’s a bad influence. It’s hilarious to think of Melanie of being a bad influence. She goes on to tell him how he doesn’t let her do shit and always says no. Even pointing out how he humiliated her in front of everyone. At that she storms out crying, saying that she hates him.
Back in her room she’s sulking in the dark while George brings her a glass of water. I guess this is the heart to heart moment of the episode. He says that he’s sorry for being embarrassed, but goes on to say that she shouldn’t have done everything that she did. He then says that if she wants things to change she has to change. She should tell him to fuck off with that shit. But they go on to talk about the fact that he never listens to her and never lets her do anything that she wants. She’s basically a prisoner at home and only get’s to get out for Greek School. She tells him that she doesn’t give a shit about her Greek background and only cares about the here and now.
The following Monday Snake and Wheels are bullshitting Joey about the stripper. Saying how fucking hot it was and that she even danced at her table. Joey of course falls for it. He then tries to lie to them too. He says that this hot piece of ass tried to pick him up. But of course they don’t believe him for a minute. Wheel’s just says, “Right Joey.” And lightly slaps his face.
Diana comes walking by with Melanie. Diana says that her cousin Irene gave her up. Melanie then tells her that she’s grounded for a month for getting drunk off her ass with the cheap Greek wine that she drank. They both say that they felt horrible the next day. Melanie says, “Thanks to your brother, my party is famous.” That’s both hilarious and sad. Diana goes on to say that she and George had a talk and she agreed to quit smoking and continue to go to Greek school. In exchange for that George agreed to give her more freedom. Melanie asks her if she thinks that he’ll keep up his part of the bargain. Diana says, “He better, we made a deal.” Melanie then asks her if she’s really going to quit smoking and Diana makes a face like she’s saying, “Oh I was just bullshitting there.”
So I gotta say, I enjoyed this episode. It showed how far we’ve come from Degrassi Junior High. We got to see sluts, strippers and a drunken Diana. It was hilarious how much she was into the book version of The Outsiders though.