Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.

Season 1, Episode 5, “Everybody Wants Something”

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Ok, this one is probably one of my favorite episodes of Degrassi Ever. Because that’s right! Joey and the Zits finally make their triumphant music video. It’s so lame and bad, I just love it!

Pre-credit opener: The Zits come along and they’re worried whether Lucy will like their new script or not. Joey says hi and right away she has a bad attitude, she’s all, “What?” They remind her of their music video but she tells them no. They immediately start to beg her which is really pathetic. They give her the script and they ask her to read it and see if she likes it. Right away things go to her head and she’s all, “So I would get script approval? Reluctantly they say yes. She says that she’ll read it, but no promises. The dudes get all happy and yell out, “YES!”

zits

The next day of school Joey is making grand plans of having a little party to celebrate making their video. Joey then spots Caitlin and asks her if she wants to be in it. Of course she says no, then he asks her out for the weekend and once again she says no. If Joey had half a brain he would see that something was up because here comes that douche Claude and she’s all smiles. Meanwhile we can hear Maya telling her, “You have to tell him.”  Snake asks him what’s going on with her and stupid Joey just says, “Oh she’s just being Moody.” Wheel’s is all, “Moody?” “She’s been like that all term!” Joey get’s all pissed off at them because he’s in loser denial.

joey claude

They go and talk with Lucy and she declines again. Saying that she likes the script but she absolutely hates the girls in the video fondling them. Man she’s such a fucking buzz kill, I swear. Wheels then tells her that they’ll change the script and they’ll give it to her at the end of the day. Lucy is being really annoying in this episode. She squeezes Joey’s face and says, “I’ll think about it.”  Joey wants to get someone else to shoot it, but Snake points out that they don’t know anyone else who has a video camera.

lucy

Lucy of course is being a real shit head. She’s telling the twins that she loves creative control and watching them squirm. She says that she’ll probably will shoot the video for them because it would be great practice for when she shoots her movie. Heather says that she wants to help Lucy shoot the video because she’s interested. Or so she says. As they go into the restroom Erica points out since when is she interested in video and Heather says, “Since Wheels is involved.” Erica goes on to say that Wheels isn’t their type but then she get’s stopped in her tracks. Someone wrote on the mirror, “Erica Farrell Murders Babies!!” Erica wonders who the fuck is the tormenting her.

erica

Back with the Zits, they’re going over rewriting the lyrics to their song. Of course they’re all untalented  musically and can’t come up with jack shit. Wheels comes up with the brilliant idea of using a car in their video. So they figure they’ll get that asshole Clutch to help them out. Joey brings up the time when Clutch took the six beers for himself. But once again, they have no one else to ask.

Oh lord, we go to Caitlin and Claude and I swear, every time they show them we hear their love theme. It’s so cheesy. Maya comes rolling on by and she says, “How’s your boyfriend?” Caitlin denies that he is and Maya says that she shouldn’t be stringing Joey along like that. And that she shouldn’t treat boys like that. Caitlin showing no tact and being a real asshole tells her, “How would you know how to treat boys” Maya get’s this really sad look on her face and peels out of there. Caitlin tells her that she’s sorry and says that she and Claude are just friends. They haven’t even kissed yet, Maya’s all, “But you want him to kiss you right?” Caitlin get’s this shit eating grin on her face. Maya mentions how heart broken Joey is going to be. Man what a hooch.

maya

They see Clutch hanging out in the quad and it looks like he has Michael Hutchence hair now. They tell him about their band and how they’ll be making a music video and Snake says, “We were wondering if you’d like to help.” Of course he has to be a dick about it and says, “Why would I want to help you guys?” They start kissing his ass and they ask him for his car. He tells them no, even at the offer of money. As soon as they mention Lucy though he changes his mind. Just as long as they know, he’s driving. They could give two fucks about that and they agree all happy.

clutch

Spike opens up her locker and apparently she is obsessed with Billy Idol. She has pic after pic of him in there. Liz see’s the twins coming up the ramp and Liz says, “There’s the murderer.” Yeah, it’s pretty clear that she’s the one who’s harassing Erica because she won’t shut the fuck up about it. Even Spike is getting tired of her shit. She says, “Liz, come on.” “Why are you being so boring?” “That’s all you ever talk about now.” Liz get’s on her case and Spike says that they should mind their own business and Liz is all, “This is my business.” Spike tells her to give it a rest already and what’s with her. Liz get’s all serious and tell’s Spike her story. Basically she tells Spike when her mom was pregnant with her, her dad wanted her mom to have an abortion, but her mom said no. Then one day her dad gave her mom a severe beating. She then says that she never went back with him, but if she did, she wouldn’t be alive right now. Spike says that she’s sorry and gives her a hug. Man that Liz is manipulative.

liz

Once again we see Lucy telling Joey and the dudes no. Joey asks her what’s the fucking problem this time. She says that she likes the script and she’ll even shoot the video, but she doesn’t want Clutch there. They ask her why not and she’s all, “None of your business.” Joey points out how it’s their fucking music video, but she just says, “Fine than make it yourselves.” What a bitch.

As they go into the girls locker room Heather says, “Erica, Wheels.” So Erica tries to work her magic on getting Lucy to change her mind. As this is going on the girls are getting undressed. Which really surprised me. Bra’s and all. I wonder how many teenage boys jerked off to this scene? A lot probably. Anyways, they talk her into it and she goes out to tell the Zits that she’ll shoot the goddamn video for them.

erica undressed heather

The next day we come upon Caitlin and Claude again. He gives her this little box and there’s this really stupid looking ear ring in there. He says that it’s never been worn and puts it on her. As he’s doing that, he goes in for a kiss. Caitlin doesn’t want to because she’s a cheating ho and says that there’s people around. Claude tells her that she’s not in junior high anymore and they start to make out. Maya witnesses this and wheels her machine forward all disgusted at Caitlin. She tells her, “Now are you going to tell Joey?”

caitlin claude

Oh shit, here we go. The rumble in the halls of Degrassi High. As Erica comes out of a class room she catches Liz putting a piece of paper that says, “Stop killing the unborn” on her locker. Erica get’s instantly pissed and throws the paper at Liz. Erica tells her how can she be such a horrible bitch. But Liz says, “You’re the one who’s horrible.” “You killed a baby.” Erica asks her how the hell does she know and what does she care for. Erica starts to man handle her, but Liz is still calling her a murderer and all this other shit. At that Erica loses it and starts to give Liz the smack down. Man with all that anger inside of her, Liz sure is getting her ass kicked. Mr Walfish and some other teacher breaks it up. Liz is still talking shit, yelling, “You should be ashamed of yourself you disgusting murderer.” Erica calls her a witch. I don’t know why they didn’t just let her say bitch.

fight liz ass kicked

Meanwhile with the Zits, they come along all excited singing their song. Just then Caitlin calls for Joey. He tells her that they’ll be shooting their video after school and asks if she wants to watch. Of course she says no. She then says that they have to talk. Uh oh, this is never good. They go into an empty class room and she says how they haven’t been getting along lately. Joey says that it’s because he’s been worried about the music video. Caitlin says that she still likes him but not like before. Then she says that it’s no one’s fault, they just went into other directions. She just makes up a bunch of excuses to point out how different they are. Then she drops the bomb and tells him that they should stop seeing each other. Joey’s all, “Is this because of that Claude guy?” She fucking corrects him by saying, “Cleood.” Right then and there I would have cussed her a new asshole and gone out to beat the hell out of the guy. But does Joey do anything? Of course not. He says, that it’s ok and no problem and just leaves. Man what a puss. I would have gone off on her ass. He goes outside of the school to cry I guess.

joey crying

It’s finally after school and everyone meets at Clutch’s car. They have all sorts of props and a cassette player. They’re all just standing there doing nothing because Joey is a no show. Lucy finally says, “So this is it, we stand around watching you guys look stupid?” She always has a shitty remark to make. Joey comes by with his keyboard looking all sad, but he puts on a mask and says, “Yes it’s Joey Jeremiah!” “Star of the stage, king of the keyboard.” “Master of Music.”

lucy annoying

This is probably my favorite part of the episode right here. They’re on clutch’s car playing along to the tape. Joey has his keyboard like it was a Keytar. Meanwhile they’re beating the shit out of Clutch’s roof. Dents and all. They get into a dumpster that says The Zits on it. I always laugh at how Wheels looks. He looks like a fucking beaver with his teeth. Oh man, this video is lame and cheesy as hell. But it seems like Clutch and Lucy seem to be getting along just fine. Another thing they’re shooting is Wheels falling outside of a window, the dummy looks hilarious as it falls, but then Wheels pops up out of nowhere showing that he’s fine.

wheels buck teeth

And oh shit. We hear this different version of the song that sounds like it was recorded in a studio. It sounds way better than the other version they’ve always sung. We get a montage of them finishing up their video. Plus we get more shots of Wheels looking like a bucked toothed Bon Jovi. I can’t stop laughing at how he looks like.

wheels

Here it is, the world premiere of their hit video:

 

As they finish everyone is all happy. Wheels tells Joey, “If this video doesn’t impress Caitlin nothing will.” That immediately ruins his mood and he get’s all sad again. They all decide to celebrate and they plan to go get some burgers. Joey gives him the money they have left over and Snake asks if he’s coming. Joey says that he’s tired and he wants to go home. Wheels says that it’s only because he’s hungry. But Joey insists that they go on without him. Clutch asks Lucy if he passed and she says yes. It seems like Clutch is back in with her now. As they’re leaving they’re wondering what the fuck is wrong with Joey. Snake says, “Joey Jeremiah, who can figure him?” The episode ends with them leaving Joey in the parking lot looking all sad, while Caitlin’s love theme is playing in the back ground.

zits video joey end

As I said before, this one is one of my favorite episodes. It had it all, a lame music video, heart break and a really short fight between Liz and Erica. But no worries kiddies. Caitlin will get her’s by the end of the season and she totally has it coming to her. I can’t wait!

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Author: Degrassi Guy

Hi there and welcome to my little corner of the Degrassi Universe in the far side of interwebs. For all ten of you who are reading this, welcome! Degrassi Junior High/High was a show produced in Canada that showed the trials and tribulations of every day students. This show tackled everything and I mean everything. From alcoholism, depression, pedophiles, bullies, eating disorders, hitchhiking, death of parents, adoption, teen pregnancy, hiding other products to get condoms so no one will notice. To pornography, suicide, getting the smack down from your mustached boyfriend and getting the guts to get away from him. If I missed anything, trust me. Degrassi didn't. Degrassi was pretty much as real as it got. Especially back when I first started seeing it. Saved by the Bell it was not. You never saw Zack Morris smoking weed, getting Kelly Kapowski pregnant or AC Slater giving Jessie a good beating when she sassed him. So sit back and get ready to reacquaint yourself with the beginning of the Degrassi Universe. For those of you who are new, you don't know what you're in for. But that's a good thing. This is Degrassi Junior High/High seen through my eyes. Basically what I loved and hated. Some of you may disagree with what I think, but that's ok. Mostly though, after all these years later. I still love this cheesy show.

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