Welcome to another era in the Degrassi universe. That’s right motherfuckers! It’s Degrassi High!! We get a new school finally and some new faces. Other old faces return as well and they’re not welcomed in the least.
Pre-credit opener: We see Joey with an early 90’s hair cut but he’s still dressing like Boy George for some reason. He looks into the mirror and says, “You are gonna be the coolest guy at Degrassi High.” Then he tries on his Frank Sinatra hat. We see the twins getting ready and Heather has another horrible striped outfit on. She tells Erica to hurry the fuck up since she wouldn’t want to be late on her first day of high school. Even though technically this would be their 2nd year. Erica holds her stomach and it seems like she’s going to be sick and yup. She goes into their shitter to throw up. Oh shit. We see Arthur and he’s fatter than ever, but now he’s sporting a mullet and a goofy looking Beret. First day of high school and he’s already looking like the class dip shit. Back with the twins Heather asks Erica if she’s sick again, so I guess this has been going on. Erica says she’s fine, but she has a very worried look on her face. Uh oh.
Right off the bat we get a new theme song that sounds ten times better than the old one and new images with the opening credits. Including some new characters that we’ll meet later on. They always show this one image of Arthur with what looks like either peanut butter or shit all over his bike. I’m guessing shit. But they never showed that in a single episode. The same with Clutch hitting the bike rack with his stupid ugly car or Allison asking whomever whatever the fuck she wanted to ask them. There’s also a shot of LD kicking the winning goal of a Soccer game that we never saw too.
We finally arrive at Degrassi High and everyone is all happy to see each other ever since Degrassi Junior High burned to the ground. Spike finally brought Emma along so she can stay at the day care while she goes to school. Erica is just staring at the baby so yeah, it’s pretty clear that she thinks that she’s pregnant. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out.
Inside we see Scooter, Tessa and Bart looking around in wonder. Oh great. Wait this makes no sense! Aren’t Bart and Tessa supposed to be in the 8th grade? They have no business being in high school. But I think this is an instance where the writers just said fuck it! We see that fat asshole Dwayne inside with two thugs. One that looks like a caveboy. I love how Dwayne has a letterman’s jacket on. You know that fat turd is in zero sports so I’m guessing that he stole it from another fatso who actually plays something. He says that he can’t believe that they let little kids inside. Joey’s talking to Caitlin but they get interrupted by Snake and Wheels. Wheels sporting a pony tail now.
Maya comes along and starts talking about some bullshit bbq she had during Labor day weekend. At registration I’m guessing it is. Alex is being a cheap bastard and doesn’t want to pay some money that goes towards the school. Alex says, “I won’t read the newspaper or join any clubs so I’ll just keep the 20 dollars. But the dude tells him that everyone has to pay. Right away there’s an attraction between Caitlin and this goth proto nerd. She can’t take her eyes off of him.
Dwayne being a big fat asshole says that they should bring initiation back. LD, Lucy and the twins mention that Clutch is going to Degrassi too, so it seems like he got kicked out of Borden. Heather starts talking about her boring Summer Camp trip. Lucy starts going on about wanting to make a movie because her dad got her a camcorder. She even has a script. Or so she says. Heather tells everyone about Erica’s romance. Since she’s the ugly one I guess she has to live vicariously through her. Erica get’s all surly and says, “Well he turned out to be a jerk.” And just walks away. Heather being a gossip tells them that they broke up because of a big fight. But then she tells them that Erica fucked the Summer camp guy.
Back to the Zit Remedy Joey says that they’re going to make it this year for sure, but Snake points out how stupid Wheels sold his bass, but Wheels says that he’ll just borrow it from Simon. They run into Ms Avery and she tells them that she’s running the Resource Center now. How convenient. Joey says, “At least it’s not Raditch.” Joey then starts going on about how they need a name change for the band, but he get’s interrupted by none other than Dwayne. Apparently he’s still holding a grudge from something that happened two seasons ago. This black chick says that Degrassi used to be a real high school before the little kids showed up. Dwayne get’s into Joey’s face and tells them that they’re going to initiate them. Snake being a big lameo says that the hand book says that they’re not allowed to. What a wienie.
Yick finally catches up with Arthur and asks him what’s up with the stupid beret. Pointing out how it makes him look like a huge fucking nerd. Arthur get’s offended and says that everyone in France wears one. Yeah, I don’t think so. Remember how Rusty was completely humiliated sporting one in European Vacation? But oh man, he busts one out and says that it’s for Yick. He’s all, “Thanks I guess.” Arthur asks him about his Summer and Yick says that he made a bunch of new stoner friends and hung out at the mall. Yick asks him if he likes his new ear ring but all Arthur can talk about is his boring ass trip to France.
In some random class we see BLT and Tracy Morgan hanging out. Michelle walks in with Heather and gives BLT a smooch. So I guess they’ve become a couple now. Take that racist parents! Simon seems to have done an underwear gig or something because he’s in the back of a magazine. I just noticed that Spike changed her hair style, so she shouldn’t be called Spike anymore. BLT calls Simon The Dude. Alexa asks everyone if they’ve seen the commercial that he did. For once LD is looking like an actual female. But everyone get’s interrupted by Mr Walfish. He’s basically a goofy looking Patrick Dempsey. Heather meanwhile is starting to notice that Erica has a stick up her ass.
We cut to the twins bed room and Erica is all crying. Heather demands to know what the fuck is going on with her lately. She’s all mum about it but then says, “Promise you won’t tell anyone.” And of course she does. Erica then tells her that she thinks that she’s pregnant. Saying she has all the classic symptoms. Heather starts asking if she used a condom. Erica then says, ‘Mostly.” She doesn’t want to go to the Dr’s because her parents would slaughter her skanky ass. So Heather suggests they do like Spike and get a home pregnancy test. Oh lord they buy one and the test takes about 2 hours to show the results. Man what agony people had to put up with back in the day.
Back at Degrassi Dwayne and his cronies back Snake into a corner and gang up on him. Dwayne tells him, “We can get you now or later.” “Trust, me, it get’s worse later.” Snake should have beat the shit out of the little runt and Captain Caveman’s long lost son. But of course he’s a big puss and they have their way with him. Dragging him off like a rag doll.
Wheels and Joey come along and Wheels points out how the voice on the PA sounds a lot like Raditch. Joey says, “Raditch teaches Junior High!” But Wheels is insisting that it’s him. They start talking about new band names again and Joey comes up with, “The Barf Bags.” Wheels of course veto’s it because it’s a stupid ass band name. Snake then comes out of the corridor and it seems like they threw flour all over him. Saying, “They got me.” He then starts chasing them looking like a giant white ghost.
It’s finally after school and Arthur is showing Yick photo after boring photo of his trip to France. Yick couldn’t care less. Arthur has a brand new bike and Yick invites Arthur to come to the mall to meet his friends. But Arthur says that his mom wants to take him shopping. You can tell that Yick can’t stand Arthur’s ass anymore.
Back with the twins, they’re just sitting around waiting for the results of the test. In the mean time Erica is wearing some sexy lingerie. No wonder she think she’s pregnant. Even at home she dresses slutty. She then mentions if she is pregnant that she’s going to have an abortion, reasoning that she doesn’t want to become a mother at such a young age. Heather is completely horrified telling her that abortion is wrong and saying that she’ll be damned to hell because of the church they go to. The test is finally done and Heather says that she’s not pregnant. They both hug in relief and Heather tells her to have the guy wear a fucking condom next time she decides to bone someone.
At Degrassi Mr Walfish dismisses his class and BLT and Tracy make fun of Simon calling him The Dude. Alexa tells them that it’s getting old fast. Michelle comes by and says that she swears that it’s Raditch on the PA. Just then, they’re interrupted by a couple of girls wanting Simon’s autograph. Of course Alexa get’s jealous as hell because she’s insecure. She even makes an ugly pouty face at Simon being surrounded by all that poontang.
Lucy and LD come along and Lucy asks her if she wants to eat in the quad outside. LD says,” It’s mostly older kids.” Lucy’s all, “Fuck that, let’s go outside.” They see Kathleen and Melanie tied up to a pole. For some reason they’re wearing a bra and underwear outside of their clothes. They beg them for some help. But as soon as Lucy makes a move these three dudes get up and they pussy out and leave them behind to be humiliated some more.
Heather asks Erica for a tampon since her period has started. But Erica says that she’s all out. Then she says that she still hasn’t had one yet. Then she starts to panic and wonders if the test was wrong. Wheels and Caitlin come along and they get Wheels in a corner now. I wish Wheels would have used that anger he has inside him, but no. Dwayne just puts him over his beefy shoulders and carries him away. In the lunch room Joey’s still going over band names. His latest one is “3”. He says, “Like U2, UB-40.” Just then Wheels walks in and it looks like they tied him up and put shaving cream all over him. Snake says, “I wonder who’s next?” And Joey has a look of terror on his face because he knows his ass is grass.
Back once again with the twins Erica goes into the bathroom to take another pregnancy test. Heather prays to God that she not be pregnant. The bell rings after an eon and Erica says, “Oh no.” So yup, she’s preggers and that’s where this episode ends.
Already I like Degrassi High much better than Degrassi Junior High. Even with Yick and Arthur in this episode they didn’t have their silly bullshit anymore. Glad the writers finally had them grow up. In this upcoming season you an look forward to some Abortion, bullying, domestic violence with boy friends, cancer, cheating, vandalism and The Zit Remedy finally make a rock video. It’s lame as hell and I love it!!