I can’t believe that we’ve actually made it to the final episode of Degrassi Junior High. Boy am I glad that I did this bi weekly instead of once a week. Or else I’d end up doing this shit for a year or two probably. Fuck that.
Pre-credit opener: We see Joey begging Caitlin to go to the graduation dance. I swear he’s always begging her to do everything. She tells him no because he stood her up at Lucy’s party. He explains how the cops busted him with the beer and she retorts, “You shouldn’t have bought beer.” Joey’s like whatever and says it was a mistake. She keeps telling him no due to him being a huge fucking loser and always letting her down. We hear this really old fashioned fire alarm go off and Arthur says, “This is the 6th time this week!” And the other kids start complaining too. Are you fucking kidding me? Any excuse to get out of a class is always a good one, what’s wrong with these people?! Anyways, Raditch tells them to shut the fuck up and leave the class room quietly. As they’re walking out Joey starts sweet talking Caitlin and of course he manages to weasel is way into her heart again and she starts smiling, then says ok. Will she ever learn her lesson?
In Mr Garcia’s class everyone is taking their final exams. Wheels is seen shaking his head. It’s clear that he’s fucking up big time and probably failed because he wasn’t going to school ever since those two nerds he called mom and dad died. In Raditch’s class Melanie notices that she and Joey seemed to have made up. Caitlin then says that she likes him, even though she knows that she shouldn’t. See, deep down she knows that Joey is completely wrong for her due to him being a big fuck up.
Spike and her mom come in their K Car and Spike is hella nervous about her exams because her marks have gone way down because of having to take care of Emma. Her mom mentions how their dreams are for her to go to a university, but now Spike just shakes her head like she’s completely given up now. I just noticed that Spike has a Degrassi Junior High jacket on, but it looks more like a production jacket they made than a school jacket.
So apparently the school is going to get a shit load of renovations done because it looks like it was built in the 1920’s. We see two smelly looking workers bring in two paint containers that says Flammable on it. Yeah, that’s right, take that right along a corridor full of Junior High students. See look at this shit. This is one of the things that I didn’t like about this show. The juvenile bullshit that goes on. Scooter and Tessa get into an intense game of tag. They run into LD, the twins and Lucy and they say that they can’t wait to leave that crummy school. Lucy says, “Finally a real high school, bye-bye junior high!”
Ms Avery is waiting for Spike to come in, I guess she’s going to take her tests separate like last season. As she walks in Spike tells her that Emma is sick once again. Spike is making a face like she knows that she’s going to fail miserably.
At Joey’s place, Joey’s hot mom tells him about a deal they made. Apparently if he get’s anything under a B, he doesn’t get to go to the dance. I don’t know how Joey made that deal knowing that he’s a complete idiot. That’s aiming way too high for him. Joey just says, “Trust me mom.” Joey then tells her that he likes Caitlin alot and asks her if it’s ok to bring Caitlin some flowers to the dance. She says, “Of course stupid.”
Oh God! Scooter and Tessa are still playing tag in the hallway, running into people and just being annoying as hell. Where’s a teacher when you need one? Caitlin is telling Melanie about a dress she got for Joey. Apparently she wants to look hot as hell. Joey walks in and tells her that he has a surprise for her at the dance. She’s so excited she demands to know what it is, but Joey is mum about it. Raditch walks in and announces that it’s the last day of grade 8. Everyone cheers in excitement.
In Mr Garcia’s class, he’s about to shut the door and Wheels and Snake come in just in the nick of time. Repeating everything that happened in the first episode of the season. Even Mr Garcia saying, “It’s alright motherfuckers.” “Just don’t let it happen for the rest of the year.” Just as they’re about to sit down, he tells Wheels that he wants him to stay after class because he wants to talk to him. Uh oh. That’s never a good thing and Wheels is now convinced that he’s going to flunk. But then the fire alarm goes off again, but before they could leave Principle Lawrence comes on the PA and says it’s a false alarm.
Back to Raditch’s class the bell rings and he says, “That’s it for this year.” And everyone cheers yet again. Caitlin pounces on Joey again, but is interrupted by Raditch telling Joey to stay behind. As they’re leaving Kathleen is bitching about not having a date. Oh that’s surprising. Degrassi’s biggest bitch is dateless. But even she has her high standards and refuses to go out with Luke because he’s a big acid using loser.
Raditch comes to the business at hand and gives Joey his report card and says that he’s proud of him. Unbelievably Joey get’s two A’s, four B’s and a C. Joey’s day is dashed with the fucking C. Raditch can’t figure out why Joey is looking all sad for. Caitlin meanwhile is stalking Joey outside the class and he tells her that he can’t go to the dance with her because of the stupid ass deal that he made with his parents. Of course she goes ballistic and says that she should have known and he always lets her down. He tries to explain everything to her but being over dramatic she says, “Forget it Joey!” “I never ever want to see you again!”
Meanwhile Wheels is shitting bricks thinking that he’s flunked. Mr Garcia gives him his report card and Wheels says, “I passed!” Mr Garcia tells him that he’s scrapped by and just barely. Then he goes on to say that most of those barely passed grades were because of pity. If they only knew what kind of shit head he turned out to be. Wheel’s is only concerned about passing and Mr Garcia says that it would be a better idea if he repeated grade 9 again. But then he says that since everyone knows that he had a shit year, they’re letting him pass so he can stay with his friends. Why he had to tell him that is beyond me. There was no point to this conversation at all. Wheels in joy get’s on Mr Garcia and starts to hump him.
At Spike’s mom beauty parlor Ms Avery comes by to see Spike. She gives her her report card and says that her grades were complete shit. Ms Avery suggests that Spike make it up in correspondence courses so that she can go to a good college. But Spike says, “What’s the point?” Then says that she’s worn out from school and the baby. She’s all, “I don’t wanna go to school.” Ms Avery tells her not to give up, but Spike is acting like a shithead. She goes on to blame Emma for all of her woes. What an asshole. She says, “I wish I never had her.” “If it wasn’t for her none of this would be happening.” At this Ms Avery loses her shit and says, “You count your blessings young lady!” “At least you can have a baby, not all of us are that lucky you know.” Yeah, I think Ms Avery just announced that she’s barren.
At the Jeremiah residence Joey gives his milf of a mom his report card. She’s thrilled that her son isn’t a complete fucking idiot, but then get’s confused as to why he’s looking all blue. Then she remembers their deal with the C grade. He tells her how Caitlin told him to go fuck himself. His mom of course is a big softie and says that they’ll have a talk with his dad so he can go to the dance. Joey all excited goes and calls Caitlin.
It’s finally the big dance and everyone is in high spirits. Wheels seems to have gotten a date with LD. Snake is there with Melanie and Snake says, “I didn’t know you two were an item.” LD says, “We’rth just friends.” Joey for once comes dressed normal and doesn’t have his stupid tuxedo shirt on. Caitlin isn’t there yet and Joey is nervous if she’ll come or not. Mr Raditch busted out this break dancing type song and we see some of the whitest dancing seen yet. Because the writers of this show want to torture me, we see Scooter and Tessa playing tag again. Running around and just plain acting like a couple of immature assholes. They even step on Erica’s shoes. The girls can’t wait to get away from all this bullshit and Lucy says, “Bye-bye Degrassi Junior High.” And they do a high five.
Raditch comes on as DJ Rompin Rockin Raditch again and urges everyone to dance and not to let anyone be a wall flower. He dedicates a song to Mr Garcia. Of course it’s grove-a-licous. I guess Kathleen was so desperate she asked Arthur to ask her to the dance. Then he asks her if the reason she wanted to go with him is because he was rich. Man what a stupid turd. I think he’s the one that started the rumor of him being rich. But not even having money could help this guy get laid.
Meanwhile Tessa and Scooter take their stupid game of tag into the stair well and run past Joey. But just as they leave the door Caitlin comes in looking hot as fuck. Joey hides his big surprise, which is a bouquet of flowers and a rock hard boner he got from seeing her. Joey being slick puts his arm around her and asks her to go dance. Raditch actually puts a song on that sounds decent this time. But I still have no idea who the fuck is singing it. Some Canadian guy I guess. The twins are dancing around with Lucy having a great time. But it seems like the three of them couldn’t get a date. Spike walks in with Liz and tells Ms Avery that she wants to get some correspondence forms. Ms Avery tells her that it’ll be hard but she knows that she can do it.
DJ Rompin Rockin Raditch interrupts the song and puts on the tired old jam that we’ve heard in every party episode since the beginning of the series. He dedicates it to all the recent graduates. All the couples start slow dancing and playing a game of grab ass. BLT notices that Shane has come back and holy macaroni! He is completely fucked up. He looks like he’s completely out of it because he’s all brain damaged like Rocky was in Rocky V. He’s so messed up that he even has to use a walker. I’m surprised that dickhead Luke is helping him out. Doris puts a boutonniere on him and says how happy she is that he made it. He probably doesn’t even know what she just said. I’m also pretty surprised that Spike didn’t get in his face demanding more money.
Scooter and Tess are still acting like a couple of buffoons and the fire alarms goes off again. They run down to what looks is the boiler room. Tessa says that she smells smoke and Scooter notices a red light coming from under a door. They open it up to reveal a hideous raging inferno. So of course them being stupid, they panic and run yelling, “Fire!” Meanwhile those two dipshits left the fucking door wide open and all those containers that said Flammable are right outside of said door. As soon as he showed up last season, I knew that Scooter would be the demise of this school.
They go around telling everyone about the fire but no one believes them. Wheels even tells them to fuck off and go dance. How about you tell a teacher first idiots? Finally they tell Raditch and Ms Avery. Mr Raditch turns off the music and now they hear it too. He tells everyone to leave calmly and we hear Joey telling Caitlin that he’s going to go get her jacket. Just as he goes to get it we hear this huge fucking explosion and everyone panics. I was hoping that either Scooter, Tessa or Arthur were going to get trampled to death, but no luck there.
Outside the school everyone is just standing by holding their dicks while the school is burning to the ground. Wheels is telling everyone the obvious which is to stay away from the fire. We then see this cheap fire effect, because let’s face it, I don’t think they would burn the real building down for a little low budget show like this one. Caitlin starts to panic and starts yelling, “Where’s Joey?” “Where’s Joey?!” Just then Joey bursts out of the side of the school, completely engulfed in flames, screaming in agony. Greasy hair all gone and then he promptly drops dead in front of Caitlin’s horrified face. But no. That was just my little fantasy there. Joey comes out of nowhere and gives Caitlin a hug. She falls into his arms relieved.
All the girls are asking where the fire trucks are at and why aren’t they doing something. I gotta say, everyone seems to be all sad that the school is on fire. Me, I hated my junior high and I would be rejoicing in the fact. But oh well. The end credits come on with the music while the scene is still playing. Which is a first. We hear someone saying that they’re going to miss the school and everyone is just gawking looking sad. Finally the picture freezes and we hear a fire truck pull up with some lame dialog of the firemen.
Well that’s that, we made it peeps. That was the final episode of Degrassi Junior High. For the most part it’s been a good show. But anything Arthur showed up in, he just killed everything. He’s a fun time killer, the AT&T of people if you will. But anyways, don’t despair. Degrassi’s going to rise like a phoenix out of the ashes and become Degrassi High. So stay tuned.