Pre-credit opener: At Borden High, Wheels seems to be stressing a major math exam. Snake being a big brainiac is explaining to him a problem he got wrong or some shit like that. We then come to Clutch talking to Lucy. Once again she’s sporting her Lost Boys drummer boy jacket. This seemed to have been a big favorite of hers this season. Apparently Alexa is having a huge party but Clutch doesn’t want to hang out with a bunch of 9th graders. Seems like Clutch can’t handle his shit because Lucy points out how he was drunk the other time. They make a date to see each other that night and he says that he’ll be bringing the drinks along again. Lucy tells him, “No beer please.” But you can tell he wasn’t even paying attention to her.
Class is dismissed and Fat Nancy is asking Liz where Spike is. I guess Emma is a sickly baby, because Liz says that Emma is sick yet again. So Spike couldn’t make it. The twins are once again dressed like referees and are bitching about going back to Degrassi. Everyone seems to be looking forward to Alexa’s party. Everyone thinks her parents are cool for having one close to exams. Lucy comes by and tells the girls that she won’t be coming because she’ll be spending time with Clutch at her place. Then she mentions whenever he comes around, he get’s drunk as shit. Saying how he acts stupid and he can’t handle it.
Back at Degrassi Kathleen is bitching to Melanie about it not being fair that they can’t go to Alexa’s party. Melanie tells her that it’s only for grade 9’s. But Kathleen points out that she get’s to go. Melanie tells her only because Snake invited her. Which automatically makes her cooler by default? I don’t know. But Kathleen won’t let it go. She goes on to say how she helped hook them up and that she owes her. I hate people that count the cost to everything. Big surprise that Kathleen is someone like that.
Joey shows Snake and Wheels a fake ID he got for 5 dollars and it looks it. Snake points out how no one would believe that Joey is 21. Especially that he’s a little pipsqueak.
In the Degrassi library. Alexa comes from the dentist and she tells the girls that her parents changed their mind and they canceled her party due to it being exam time. The girls of course complain that that’s the exact reason why they need a party. Lucy get’s the bright idea of having the party at her house. Her parents are gone once again. I guess Lucy’s parent’s are like the ones in the Charlie Brown cartoons. We never see them and it seems like she just lives alone. Anyways, they all get excited and LD asks about Clutch. Lucy says that she’ll tell him that her parents changed their minds, she adds that she didn’t want to be alone with him too. That says a lot right there. She tells them that she wants a small party, close friends only because she doesn’t want to get into deep shit again. Then she adds that no one touch her parents booze. They all giggle over that for some reason.
In the stairwell Kathleen is still bugging Melanie about going to the stupid party. Melanie needs to put her foot down already. Snake comes by and tells her that it’s now at Lucy’s and asks if she still wants to go. She says sure. Then Melanie reluctantly asks Snake if Kathleen could come too. It’s hilarious. Snake looks at Wheels and Wheels is mouthing, “Fuck no.” But of course Snake being a big puss says, “Sure why not.”
After school Clutch comes by to pick up Lucy in his horrible paint ball shot up car. Lucy feels guilty about telling him that their little drunken date is off now. She finally tells him and he asks her if she wants to go to Alexa’s party but she gives him the lame excuse of having to study. No one ever believes that. Clutch isn’t that stupid.
Joey makes a date with Caitlin and tells her to meet him at Lucy’s. The twins come by and ask the Zits if they’re going to the party. Joey says, “Of course, with a case of beer.” Erica asks him how he’s going to pull that off. He busts out the fake ID and says, “Ladies, tonight, we get fucked up!” Snake and Wheels look at him and they have no faith in him getting the beer. Joey get’s the bright idea of Snake’s giant ass getting the beer for them. He does look like he’s fucking 40 after all.
Man, how generic can you get. The sign in front of the store says, “The Beer Store.” They dressed up Snake to look like fucking Eliot Ness from the Untouchables. Joey tells him to act 21 and says that everything will be ok. Snake walks in and of course acts completely awkward and nervous. The guy asks him for his ID and of course it looks fake as fuck so he tells Snake to get lost. Snake just smiles and walks out the door.
He tells them that it didn’t work because of his lousy fake ID. Wheels says to just forget about it and go to Lucy’s party. But Joey says that they said they would bring beer. Snake tells him that he’s the one that said that. But of course Joey can always persuade these two to always do his bidding. Joey then resorts to getting someone to buy it for him. He goes to the worst person ever. An old man. Of course the old drunk tells him no.
At Lucy’s, she’s getting everything ready, including hiding her parents booze. The gang comes in all quiet with a shit load of chips and snacks. Mostly chips. Erica of course comes dressed like a skank. She is the slutty twin after all. Simon says that he can’t wait for the beer to arrive and Lucy’s all, “What the motherfuck?!” Heather tells her that Joey’s going to bring it.
It’s night time now and Joey’s still bothering people to buy them a beer. This one guy tells him to fuck off. Wheels wants to go because he doesn’t want to miss the party. Mr Wonderful Clutch pulls in and Joey goes to ask Clutch if he can get them some beer. How he’s able to is beyond me. Clutch says sure and goes and get’s them a case of beer. Inside the car Paul looks nervous as hell. Clutch comes out and opens the case and takes about 6 beers saying that it’s his commission. Of course they get pissed at him and Snake tells him that the beers weren’t just for them, it was for Lucy’s party. Clutch can’t believe his ears. Clutch tells Paul that Lucy is having a party and asks him if he wants to go. Paul says that they shouldn’t because they weren’t invited. Clutch says, “Let’s go find our own action.” I guess this means they’ll both get drunk and jerk each other off.
Lucy seems to be having the lamest party ever. Melanie, Caitlin and Kathleen arrive. Lucy’s wondering why they’re there and they say that they were invited by Joey and his crew. She tells them that they’re not there yet because they’re getting beers. Kathleen says, “This is not like one of our parties.” See, she’s already bitching and she wasn’t even invited! The topic of Shane comes up and Fat Nancy tells Heather that it seems like he’s regained consciousness.
The Zits are on their way to the party and Wheels tells them that the fucking case is getting heavy as hell. Joey decides that they should take a break. You know, instead of one of them carrying it besides Wheels. They start talking shit about Clutch being such an asshole by taking six beers. Joey get’s the brilliant idea of drinking some of the beers. He and Snake open up a bottle each and Joey keeps insisting that Wheels should have a drink too. Wheels finally tells him that he doesn’t want to because his parents were killed by a drunk driver. Like we didn’t know that already. Joey asks him how he’s doing with that and he says that Christmas was rough. Behind them we see these two huge shadows coming at them. Uh oh. It’s the fucking cops and they’ve just been busted. Thanks to Joey again.
Back at Lucy’s Caitlin and the girls are bored to death because no one’s talking to them. Kathleen tells Melanie, “Thanks a lot!” Melanie should have told her, “No one invited your prude ass to begin with, so do shut up.” Lucy’s phone starts ringing and everyone get’s quiet. Apparently her parents flight was canceled and they’re coming home in half an hour. She tells them to start cleaning up. Allison meanwhile says that she’s not going to clean shit. So she and Amy ditch them. Amy drags that guy Mark along too. The rest of them are just seen throwing a bunch of unopened chip bags into the trash.
Meanwhile with Clutch and Paul, Clutch is drinking bottle after bottle of beer. Paul sounding like a woman says, “Clutch man, you know I don’t like it.” Clutch starts talking about wanting to fuck Lucy and Paul doesn’t do a goddamn thing. You know like kicking his ass for being with his ex. Clutch says that they should crash the party. But Paul says since Clutch is all fucked up, he shouldn’t drive. Clutch says he’s fine, but he clearly isn’t. Paul being stupid says that if Clutch gives him the keys, then he’ll drive him to Lucy’s.
Just about then all of her guests are almost all gone. LD says something in her lispy voice and then takes off at the side of the house and finally Lucy is alone. Or so we think. Clutch comes up banging on the fucking door like he’s the police. Lucy opens up and see’s that he’s clearly drunk off his ass. Clutch just walks in and refuses to leave. He offers her a beer and a kiss. Then he starts forcing himself on her. Paul of course just proves that he’s the biggest pussy ever! He’s just standing there while Clutch is having his way with her. Finally he tells him to leave her alone, but Clutch just easily throws him on the couch. Paul just lays there like a slug. I swear to God he’s completely useless. Lucy’s finally had enough and annihilates his balls by kneeing him. That’s always the great equalizer. Clutch goes down in a heap and she tells Paul to drag his drunk ass out of there. Paul tells her, “He doesn’t mean it, he just get’s like that some times.” I can’t believe he’s actually defending him, but he is. He sounds like a battered woman. They leave in the nick of time. As they walk out the back door Lucy’s absentee parents are walking in.
The following Monday at Borden Snake and Wheels are talking about how they got into deep shit because of Joey again. Snake says that his parents were super pissed but they said that he could still go to the graduation dance. Wheels mention how Joey’s parents grounded him. Joey must have been really surprised since he’s a spoiled entitled piece of shit. Snake asks him how nothing happened to him and Wheels says that he wasn’t drinking and his annoying grandma actually believed him for once.
Lucy and the twins come along and I guess she told them everything about what Clutch did. Clutch then comes and asks if they could talk alone. He tells her how Paul told him that he was acting like a giant shit head and says that he made a mistake and it won’t happen again. Lucy doesn’t give a shit and starts walking away. He says that he’s sorry and she says, “Sorry isn’t good enough anymore.” The episode ends with Clutch looking at Lucy with a face full of regret. Good, what a stupid asshole. He deserves it.
This episode was another one that was just alright. I guess they were trying to tackle the subject of underage drinking. But what they showed me was that most teenagers can’t handle their shit and they just act like the world’s biggest assholes when they’re drunk. But there’s only one more episode to go peeps and we say good bye to Degrassi Junior High in the series finale. But don’t fret. Degrassi will return with Degrassi High: Electric Boogaloo.