So going by the episode title, I’m assuming this episode has to do with sex. We shall see.
Pre-credit opener: Oh hell naw! As soon as I pressed play I saw Arthur coming into his house and my heart dropped. Any episode featuring him is automatically horrible. But I’m still hoping beyond hope that this one surprises me. Anyways he walks in and his dad tells him that his mom wants him to call him back, something about Summer vacation. But Arthur says that he’ll call after a show called Space Cadets. Thus proving what a huge fucking nerd he is. Arthur mentions that Jerry will be coming along, but his dad doesn’t seem to give a shit. He’s in high spirits and now we find out why. His dad has a date with this chick named Carol. Arthur being a huge square says, “But Space Cadets is coming on.” “Don’t you wanna know what happens to Dr Bob?” His dad is all, “Fuck that nerd shit, I’m going to go and get some tonight.” See. I knew Arthur wasn’t going to be the one who get’s laid. Anyways his dad leaves and Arthur sits there alone, all disappointed.
The next day at School Yick shoots Arthur with a camera that’s really a squirt gun. I’m already annoyed by this. I swear they haven’t grown up at all since the year before. You never saw Joey and them acting like a couple of immature assholes like this. Moving on, Yick asks Arthur if they saw Space Cadets, but Arthur tells him that his dad missed the show because he was out with Carol. Then he wishes that they broke up, saying that they’re too old to be dating. Even though Carol is barely about 30 something.
Mercifully we see Luke sitting on the steps and as he decides to go inside the school Allison and Amy start judging him and rightly so. They mention how he and Shane got fucked up on acid and now Shane is completely messed up in the hospital. So this was basically a little recap for those that missed that two parter. Allison then spots Snake and she thinks that he’s the cat’s meow. She totally wants him to take her to the graduation dance. Since she really doesn’t know him, she has a scheme of him helping her out with her math. By the way, they both have horrible matching sweaters except in different colors.
Inside the school Melanie says hi to Kathleen and Kathleen acts like a weirdo, just looking at her and not saying nothing. Melanie tells Caitlin that she wishes that she never read her diary. But Caitlin reasons that she helped her out. Melanie points out how she never eats anything still. Snake comes around and he and Melanie have yet another awkward conversation. Basically just one word responses. But that’s when Allison pounces. She comes along asking Snake for help on her math, all the while touching his arm. This bitch knows how to talk to dudes. As she leaves all excitedly with Amy, Melanie is completely distraught. Because let’s face it, Allison is hot.
At the Degrassi Library Yick and Arthur are pulling a bunch of lame pranks with a bunch of novelty items they got from a place called Joe’s Joke Emporium. Arthur once again proves that he’s the lamest motherfucker on the planet because he has a sweater with the stores logo. Arthur says that he and his dad are going there that night and invites Yick along. Arthur then starts going off on Carol saying that he hates her and Yick suggests that they do something about it. Like playing a trick on Carol. They think that she’ll actually break up with his dad if they trick her with a whoopee cushion. Fucking morons.
After class is dismissed Allison and Snake agree to meet at a meeting for open house. Joey’s all, “Goddamn she is fine!” Apparently she invited him to a party she’s having. But Snake doesn’t even look that much into her. Joey asks him if he’s still into Melanie and it’s obvious that he is. Joey points out how every time they go out it never works out. Joey says, “Melanie is a baby, Allison is a babe.”
Luke comes up to Tracy Morgan and asks him if he saw Shane and asks how he’s doing. Tracy says that he’s still has his lights out. Luke then asks how bad he is and Tracy get’s annoyed and tells him that he should go and visit Shane and look for himself. Luke pulls a real asshole move and says that they weren’t really close and that he hates hospitals. Tracy tells him to fuck off and leaves all disgusted.
We finally come upon the open house meeting and Alex is debating to Fat Nancy about how he should say “Welcome to Degrassi!” Fat Nancy says that no one gives a motherfuck. Just say the greeting. Melanie walks in and sees Allison standing next to Snake. I guess she got nervous because she dropped all of her books. Allison starts laughing her ass off like it’s the funniest shit she’s ever seen. Snake should have told her that it wasn’t even remotely that funny. Anyways Melanie get’s her stuff and sits down all humiliated. Meanwhile Allison is showing what a bitch she really is by talking shit about everyone who walks in.
Oh lord. Back at Arthur’s, he and Yick are planning their stupid prank and they see Carol and his dad come down these steps so they hide the whoopee cushion under a little seat. But they’re the biggest pair of dip shits ever! They only just saw what they did because they could clearly be seen through the huge fucking windows they have in their living room and there’s no curtains so you can see everything clear as day. After his dad introduces her to Yick, Arthur offers her the seat but she declines. Arthur’s all disappointed that it didn’t work. He get’s even more disappointed when he asks his dad if Yick can come along with them to Joe’s. But his dad says that he’s going out to go bowling with Carol since they have a league going on. I don’t know why Arthur wants to hang out with his dad all the time for. When I was his age I didn’t want to be seen with my parents at all. But I guess that was just me. Arthur then tries one last lame attempt at getting his dad’s attention. He says that his mom told him that she’s taking him to France for two weeks during the Summer. His dad seems elated. Probably because Arthur isn’t going to be around and he and Carol can fuck their brains out without being interrupted. The salt on the wound being when they walk away to the kitchen his dad grabs Carol’s ass.
The next morning Arthur wakes up and goddamn! Look at how immature this fucking guy is. He has a pink dinosaur sign on his door that says, “Arthur’s Room”. He goes to wake his dad up and he’s completely shocked by the sight he see’s. It seems like his dad and Carol did the nasty the night before. They’re both obviously naked underneath the covers. His dad tries to talk to him during breakfast time, but Arthur doesn’t want to say a thing to him. Then he just asks if he and Carol are going to get married. His dad fumbles for an answer and Arthur leaves all pissed off, His dad telling him that he’ll see him at the open house.
Joey walks in with Caitlin telling her about a stupid plan he has. He doesn’t want her to take his hot milf of a mom to Raditch’s room. I can’t believe he still wants to pull that. He suggests that she tells her that there’s no more home rooms. Yick walks in with another stupid novelty joke can and Arthur tells him how his dad and Carol boned. Yick wants to know all the horny details, but Arthur’s all surly. Arthur is now afraid that Carol and his dad are going to get married. Man what a fucking cock blocker I swear.
In the hallway Luke comes to Tracy Morgan and tries to give him a get well card so he can give it to Shane. But Tracy’s having none of it. He goes off on Luke and tells him that he went to the concert with him, took the acid. Luke being a dickhead says that he didn’t need to take the acid. Tracy points out that he should have stayed with him or else Shane wouldn’t be a fucking drooling vegetable in the hospital because it was his first time taking it. At that Luke grabs him and shoves him against a locker. I thought there was going to be another lame fight, but Tracy doesn’t do shit. Luke says, “Don’t you think I know that?” “Don’t you think I feel bad?” Then he just walks away. Everyone’s looking at Tracy Morgan and probably saying what a big puss he is.
In the girls restroom Melanie has a shit load of make up on and is practicing talking to Snake in the mirror. She get’s humiliated as Kathleen finishes taking a huge smelly shit and comes out smiling. No words are said, Melanie just leaves. The open house is finally in effect and it seems like Alex has Welcome to Degrassi down pat. Allison and Melanie then start giving Snake complements. Even saying how his ugly orange country shirt is nice. They both volunteer to go with Snake but then Kathleen says that Snake is paired with Melanie. Allison is super pissed but Kathleen shuts her up.
Joey and his hot mom come up and she finally meets Caitlin. His mom humiliates him by saying, “So this is the young lady you can’t stop talking about?” I guess Caitlin is going to give Joey’s mom a personal tour. His mom then says, “She’s just as pretty as you say she is.” Joey’s all, “Mom!”
After the parents go into Raditch’s class room Snake and Melaine start talking a little. Melanie finally get’s the guts and asks Snake out to a movie the next night. He get’s all happy and says yes. Melanie’s all, “Really?!” But Snake then says that Allison invited him to a party that night and he already said yes. But then says that maybe she can come along, but she says that she wouldn’t want to go somewhere where she wasn’t invited. Snake then points out that Melanie has a bunch of lipstick on her teeth and she runs away completely humiliated.
Meanwhile Arthur and Yick are talking about the Carol dilemma. Yick suggests just telling his dad how he feels, but stupid Arthur says that he can’t. As Alex is welcoming the parents, Arthur’s pappy comes in. Alex says, “Welcome to Degrassi Mr Kobalewsky.” But then Alex makes the mistake of saying, “And this must be Mrs Kobalewsky.” Arthur can’t stands no more of this shit and he get’s pissed and says, “She’s not my mother!” Carol looks like she’s going to burst into tears and says, “I knew I shouldn’t have come here.” Arthur’s dad get’s pissed and tells him to apologize to her. Arthur says that this night is supposed to be for parents and that he does mind that he brought Carol along. Carol says, “I can’t cope with this, I think I should leave.” Arthur being a little prick tells her that they were doing just fine without her. She goes off crying with his dad following her.
Meanwhile in the stair well Allison and Amy are talking mad shit about Melanie. Saying how they feel sorry for Snake being stuck with a nobody like her and laugh at her make up. Kathleen comes up behind and them and tells them to shut the fuck up. Then says, “At least Melanie is nice, which is more I can say for either of you.” As Allison and Amy leave both Melanie and Kathleen just smile at each other. So I guess they’re friends again.
HAHA! We then cut back to Arthur sitting all alone in their shitty apartment brooding with his arms crossed waiting for his dad to come back home. His dad finally comes home and tells him that he and Carol are now broken up because of Arthur and his cock blocking ways. Arthur get’s all happy and says, “Really?” “You made the right decision dad.” His dad is completely depressed because he got dumped. Arthur then says, “You don’t need Carol.” But his dad says, “Some times us old guys get lonely.” Translation being, we get horny as hell. Arthur then tells him, “You’re not alone, you’ve got me.” I expected his dad to say, “Oh fuck no!!” And start crying his eyes out.
The next day at school Melanie thanks Kathleen for sticking up for her. Melanie asks her over that night but Kathleen says that she has a counseling session. Snake then interrupts and he asks her out to the graduation dance. Of course she says yes. In your face Allison.
As we get to the end of this episode Yick asks Arthur how things went with his dad and Carol. Arthur tells him how they broke up and Yick says alright! But Arthur now feels like a complete piece of shit because he knows he’s the reason that she broke up with his dad.
Oh man, this one was a doozy to write. There was a lot going on and a lot of humiliations galore in it too. All in all, if we cut the Arthur bullshit out, it was a good episode. I hate you Arthur! Burn in hell!