Ok I just gotta say, this is one of the most cheapest episodes of Degrassi Junior High to date. It’s all set in the cafeteria, but not only that. It’s a goddamn clip show! But it’s not any other clip show, it’s a clip show on most of the Arthur and Yick episodes. NO!!!!!! This isn’t a Christmas gift Degrassi writers!!
Pre-credit opener: Well anyone can guess by the title that it’s Christmas time here at Degrassi Junior High and spirits are high. Melanie and Caitlin are talking about how glad they are that exams are over with. Caitlin gushing about how much she loves Christmas. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop the clock. So they just totally skipped over Fall, didn’t school just start like three episodes ago? Anyways Yick comes by and gives Arthur a present. Arthur giving him the same. It’s a huge present crudely wrapped. Arthur says, “It’s exactly what you need.” But Yick being stupid is making a big deal about the size of the present, so therefore he assumes it’s expensive as hell. Arthur says, “Come on Yick, Christmas has nothing to do with money.” Yick replies with, “Easy for you to say bitch, you’re rich.” So yeah, they get into a stupid fight about Arthur sort of having a bit of extra cash. They end up taking their presents back and sit in separate tables. Dorthy being a huge bore is hugely concerned.
Trish is seen helping Doris decorate the Christmas tree. Joey and Snake are talking about how hot the school is. Let me just say. One thing I hate about Christmas time are people who wear Santa hats and leave it to Joey to be annoying enough to sport one. Anyways, Louella everyone’s favorite lesbian janitor comes by and bugs Doris about the part she ordered for the school furnace. Joey and Snake come by and ask her when that hot ass furnace is going to be fixed. She’s all, “Not my fault that the part I ordered a year ago hasn’t come in yet.” Joey says, “So it’s going to stay hot like this?” She’s all, “Good guess goofball.” She basically called him a fucking idiot. Joey says after she leaves, “Chill out butch, and get a shave.”
Meanwhile Arthur and Yick are still acting like a couple of girls and Dorthy tries to mediate the matter. Arthur all surly says, “He called me rich.” Dorthy points out that he is rich. Arthur then says that he hates being reminded all the time and that Yick started it. Yick tells Dorthy to fuck off when she tries talking to him. She says, “Remember how you two met?” But how would she know? She wasn’t there. But it makes the perfect segway and we see the flash back when Joey locked the both of them in the broom closet and they bonded over being two huge fucking dweebs. Then we get another flash back about the whole Swamp Sex Robot’s incident. Then they go into the water gun thing. But all these scenes just reminded me how awful those episodes were.
I’ve never been so glad to see Kathleen coming along. She asks Maya what she does for Christmas and Maya says that Jews don’t celebrate Christmas, they celebrate Hanukkah. Man Kathleen doesn’t know shit. She asks her what happens during Hanukkah. We then cut to Spike bitching about her math grades to the girls. She blames her lowered marks on Emma. Even calling her a little monster what a bitch I swear. Then we hear her name on the PA being called up to Mr Lawrence’s office.
Shane asks her how Emma’s doing and she says, “Fine!” Before I used to like Spike, but now that I’m reviewing these episodes one right after the other, she’s quickly becoming one of my least favorites. She’s another one who blames everyone else for her shitty life choices. Maybe if she hadn’t spread her legs for Shane she wouldn’t be in this mess. Shane tells BLT that she doesn’t even let him see the baby. BLT saying, “Forget about the baby.” Shane points out that he gives her money and she’s half his, but BLT doesn’t give a shit.
Ugh, Dorthy comes up to Yick again and says, “What about all the times he helped you?” She brings up the time where he copied Stephanie’s paper and we get another flashback to when he got caught and was in deep shit with Mr Raditch. I have no idea how Dorthy has all of this info unless Arthur told her everything. Arthur says, “Thanks to me, you got the first great mark you’ve ever had.”
The girls are wondering what’s going on with Spike, even speculating if she’s flunked or not. But then she comes with baby Emma. Everyone get’s all excited. Spike explains that the girl who takes care of her during the day had to leave because her dad got in an accident. But who cares? Emma’s here! The whole school goes on over to Spike’s table to gawk at the baby. Even Joey. He can’t help making stupid faces at her. Everyone except for Shane. Alexa points out that this is Emma’s first Christmas ever. Spike see’s Shane just looking at them at a distance.
Yick brings up the fact that he helped Arthur with playing basketball, even though he didn’t make the team. Then he brings up Arthur’s nasty wet dreams. Dorthy’s all, “What dreams?” Yick says, “If it wasn’t for me, you’d have a complex.” Then it’s flashback time number 3. Dorthy still wants to know about the dreams but Arthur blows her off by bring up about the time he was trying to help Yick get a date with Melanie. Yick’s all, “You didn’t help at all you fat asshole, I got a date when I stopped listening to your terrible advice.” Meanwhile everyone is still going crazy about Spike bringing Emma to school. Bart and Scooter are talking about God knows what. Bart then says that there’s more to Christmas than just presents. Scooter tells him to shut the fuck up and they both look at Emma too. I guess everyone is powerless before her presence.
Everyone except for Wheels, he looks for a second and goes to sit by himself. Joey and Snake decide to go hang out with him. Joey says that he talked to his mom and says that he’s invited over for Christmas dinner. Since you know, his parents are dead. Wheels says that he’s having dinner with his grandparents, but Joey says that they’re invited too. Wheels then mentions how his grandpa is so ancient that he’s basically a drooling vegetable. But Joey actually being decent says that it’s ok and since it’s Christmas he can drool if he wants to. Then he adds the incentive that they’ll be having an Italian meal. Wheels says he’ll ask his grandma but you know he’s not going. Then the subject of Shane not being with Emma comes up.
Shane finally decides to grow some balls and heads on over to Spike’s table. He says hi to Emma and asks Spike if he can hold her. But of course, she’s being a real shit head and tells him no. Shane mentions how he’s been giving her money for four months now. Everyone tells her to let him because it is Christmas and all. She finally says yes and Shane for the first time holds his daughter. He says, “It’s daddy.” Everyone gives Spike a medal for actually being decent to him for once.
Oh lord! Yick is now bring up the time when Arthur broke his cheap five dollar vase that he tried to pass off as a priceless family heirloom. Of course after the flash back they start fighting again over the fact that they both never help each other and they actually make things worse. Yick calls him a broomhead and Arthur calls him a liar. Dorthy then starts yelling at them and says that they’re acting like a couple of Scrooges. She then makes this boring speech about them being best friends and then calls them broomheads.
Louella comes in looking more dirtier than ever. Joey asks her if she’s fixed the furnace yet and she says, “It’s fixed, for the time being.” Joey says, “Hey guys, Louella fixed the furnace.” And the whole room erupts in cheers with Louella holding up her arms in triumph. Joey then adds, “Not bad for a woman.” The girls all get pissed and start throwing food at him. Louella also get’s pissed and calls him a goofball again.
Yick and Arthur both start looking at the sign on the wall that says, Peace on Earth and they get the Christmas spirit again. Yick hands him his present and says that Dorthy’s right about everything. Arthur agrees and gives Yick his present back too. They decide to open it and Yick starts going on how he couldn’t really get him anything nice because he’s poor as hell. So Yick gave Arthur a calculator, Yick saying, “For counting your money.” Yick opens his up and it looks like a piece of string. Arthur says that it’s a strap for holding up his glasses. What a cheap ass gift and Yick points it out. But they both gave each other really shitty presents so I say they’re even. The episode ends with Yick saying, “Merry Christmas Arthur”. Arthur replying with, “Happy Holiday’s broomhead.” and they do a hand shake. Dorthy looks like such a huge fucking dork looking at them in the back. I laugh every time it freezes like that.
I remember seeing a different ending to this when I saw it on tv. It had the entire cast together and Joey spoke Italian, Caitlin said something in French and I think Maya said something in Hebrew. Basically they wished everyone Happy Holidays. But there you have it. Degrassi’s one and only Christmas episode. It was alright, but only because I’m a sucker for Christmas episodes. But the thing that almost ruined it though was Arthur and Yick’s dumbass fight. The flash backs just made it even worse. But at least we finally got to see Spike being decent to Shane for once.