Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.

Season 3, Episode 3, “A Big Girl Now”

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Pre-credit opener: We see Lucy writing “Lucy loves Paul” while Mr Garcia is going over some really boring math problems. She’s rocking her Lost Boys drummer boy jacket again. This must be a favorite of hers this season. Class is dismissed and LD comes along with that lisp of hers and begs Lucy to come to her soccer game the next day. Lucy promises to come by. Man, LD also wants to invite Spike, but Spike says she can’t because Emma seems to be sick a lot so Spike can’t do shit after school. Lucy wonders out loud what it’s like to get porked like Spike was. LD says, “Come on you’re only 14!” Lucy responds with, “14 isn’t so young you know.” “I’m a big girl now.” LD is terrified of the thought of being pregnant. Lucy says, “Don’t worry, you’ll never be pregnant.” No not really, she just says don’t worry about it. I think this is the first time that LD is actually dressed like a female.

LD lucy

The twins are seen outside the school reading a magazine, getting pissed off at the women who would sleep with a guy just because she wants him to love her. LD reminds them of the stupid game after school. Clutch then arrives and drops off Lucy. Paul says, “I really like you.” Then he  engulf’s her with his giant forehead. LD says, “YUCK!” Erica says that she wishes she would be kissed like that. Because you know, she’s a big slut. Lucy comes gushing to the girls. Wheels comes along and ruins the mood. Man what a downer that guy is lately.

LD twins
paul

He runs into Joey and Joey basically acts like Caitlin wants him. Just because she said hi. Wheels just shakes his head and doesn’t say a word. Joey says that he’s been trying to call him and he hasn’t seen him around. Wheels says that he doesn’t feel like coming to school. Then he goes on to say that when he get’s home, he expects to see his parents. But then he get’s reminded that they’re now a couple of corpses in the local Degrassi grave yard. Joey asks him to rehearse with the band just to have fun. But Wheels doesn’t want to do shit now, including being in the band. Snake walks by and Wheels says hi but Snake being weird just ignores him. Even a dick head like Joey thinks it’s lousy of Snake to be acting like that.

snake wheels

In Raditch’s class Kathleen is being all glum about the election. Saying that she knows that she’s going to lose to Fat Nancy. Melanie once again points out that she’ll still be vice president. Kathleen still wants it all to herself. Kathleen begs Melanie to help her out, but when Melanie doesn’t say anything Kathleen says, “Honestly, you’re so over sensitive.” What an asshole. Mr Lawrence comes on the PA and announces that Fat Nancy has won the election. Of course this means by default that Kathleen is now VP. Melanie seems to be laughing her ass off in the back ground.

melanie kathleen

Back at Borden High Clutch is asking Paul if he’s finger banged Lucy yet, but Paul tells him that it’s none of his business. Meaning he hasn’t even gotten some nice heavy petting yet. Lucy and the girls come out and some assholes start talking shit over the fact that they’re just in the 9th grade. Apparently Paul is in the 11th grade and they all think that’s why Lucy get’s treated nicely. Erica then mentions that she loves Clutch’s body and totally wants to fuck him. As soon as she see’s Paul, she ditches them to go off with him. She even breaks her promise to LD to see her play. Then very annoyingly she says, “I can’t say no to Paul.” All three girls are disgusted at her. Lucy promises to have a girls only sleep over. She leaves LD fuming.

clutch paul
twins LD

Apparently Alex won school treasurer and is seriously kissing Nancy’s huge ass. Seems like that burn out Luke won Sports Rep. Melanie is going over grand plans with Kathleen, but she only wants to help her out to meet boys, because she thinks she should be in a relationship already. Kathleen blows her off though and goes to sit with Nancy eating this huge gourmet victory lunch feast. I just noticed how much of a bitch Kathleen is, Alexa is congratulating Fat Nancy on her crushing victory and Kathleen basically shoves her way to her table. Moving Alexa out of the way. Meanwhile Melanie again get’s super pissed over Kathleen treating her like shit. But what else is new there.

melanie

So Lucy, Paul and Clutch decide to ditch school and what do they do with their time? Go to the mall, or a movie or something cool like that? Nope! They decide to go to a park and hang out in a playground. Paul and Lucy are just making out while Clutch is just gawking at them jerking off on a tire swing. I love how it says Clutch on the back of his sweater. Lucy makes the mistake of telling Paul that her parents aren’t going to be there for the weekend so right away that asshole Clutch wants to have a party. Since Lucy has no back bone and can’t say no to either of these fuck heads, she says ok. Clutch even says that she can’t invite her friends. So long Slumber party and dignity.

clutch

The next day at school Snake and Joey are discussing getting a new female member for the group. Joey wants her to wear a bikini on stage because he’s a huge walking hard on. Snake see’s Wheels coming along and just leaves because he just can’t find the words. I love how Snake makes it about him instead of being there for his friend. What a self absorbed asshole. Speaking of assholes, we see Kathleen talking to Mr Raditch about school bullshit. Melanie comes along and invites her to a very boring evening of the ballet. But Kathleen thinking that she’s actually someone important says that she can’t because she has a big meeting with Fat Nancy at the local all you can eat joint. Melanie disappointed just reminds her of putting her on the dance committee.

kathleen melanie

Shane comes into Mr Garcia’s class wearing what looks like a t shirt of Jean Claude Van Damme sitting in prison. He hands Spike about five dollars for Emma. Spike once again is bitching about Emma not letting her sleep. Lucy comes in and LD shouts into her face the fact that they kicked the other school’s asses. BLT saying that LD was like a beast out on the soccer field. Lucy’s like, “Nice.” Then she tells LD that they can’t sleep over, LD immediately says, “Paul right?” Lucy not thinking on her feet at all, comes with the lame excuse of her mother being sick.

shane spike

In the cafeteria Lucy comes up to Spike and starts asking her about what it’s like to have sex. Because everyone knows that Spike is the resident sexpert on all things sexual. Spike then says that it was over pretty fast because Shane is a minute man and that it also hurt. Spike then adds that she only let him bang her because she wanted him to like her and she didn’t know how to say stop. Lucy says that sometimes Paul and her go pretty far and some times she wants to jump down that cliff and get into some hard core fucking. Spike says, “Sounds like Shane and me.”

lucy spike

We then see Kathleen bothering Fat Nancy and her mountain of food about the dress code. Apparently since Kathleen is such a huge fucking prude she wants it to be changed but Fat Nancy says that it’s not a good idea. Then Kathleen then starts talking about the dance committee and then says that a lot of people that want to join are way too immature. Melanie hears what she says and get’s super pissed off for about the fifth time this episode it seems like. She hulks out when she hears Kathleen say that the committee should be restricted to 9th graders only, knowing that Melanie wanted to join up. So Melanie comes over and says, “I’d just like to tell you that I think you’re right.” “I’m way too immature to be on the dance committee.” Then she pours what looks like a milk shake all over Kathleen’s head. Everyone starts laughing about it. Even Fat Nancy. But I think Fat Nancy just wanted to lick what was left of her drink.

melanie drink

After school the twins and LD are telling Lucy how bad they feel about her mom being sick. Lucy feeling guilty as hell says thanks. Clutch’s ugly ass car then comes along, honking his stupid sounding horn. They then hear Clutch says, “Alright, let’s party!” The girls are all, “Party?!” Lucy tries to convince them that they’re going to go party later on, but they don’t believe her for a minute.

lucy busted

Back in the school Wheels opens his locker and it says in there “Remedy lives forever!” But he killed that band when his parents were killed. Snake finally decides to stop being such a fucking pussy and starts talking to Wheels again. Very awkwardly. He apologies for being jerk and then says that he can’t deal with what happened. Then adds that he’s sorry about everything that happened. Wheels says thanks and it seems like he actually means it.

Wheels

We then see a very lame high school party. Clutch asks Paul if this is the night that he’s finally going to pork Lucy. Paul tries to talk a big game, but he has no chance. Clutch starts bitching about the music being turned down and Lucy tells them that they neighbors already complained, but Clutch being an asshole says who cares. Then Paul and Lucy kiss and they go inside to Lucy’s room. Paul totally thinks that he’s going to have sex with her. We then see Clutch and some other loser talking about how long Paul’s been gone with Lucy. This random girls points out how big they all talk. She says, “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, or else there’d be something wrong with you right?” Oh burn motherfucker!

clutch virgin

Seems like Paul only managed to get Lucy to take her socks off. Lucy tells him to stop, but he says that he has protection and he can’t stop now. It’s pretty clear that Lucy doesn’t want to bone yet. Paul tries the, prove it if you really like me line. Then he says, “But I want to.” Lucy get’s pissed at this and says, “Just because you’re a guy I have to do everything that you want?” She get’s even more pissed off and tells him that she said no and that he should stick it in a knot hole in a fence. Paul leaves all pissed off saying, “Forget it!” But he’s totally going to have sex with that knot hole. Paul comes out and sort of makes it sound like he had sex with Lucy. Meanwhile Lucy’s rolled herself into a ball in her room while we hear police sirens coming.

paul begging
lucy

The next day at school the twins and LD are discussing all the instances where Lucy has lied to them. The twins saying that she’s changed because of her two headed boy friend and they leave all disgusted once Lucy comes around again. LD tells her, “Enjoy the party?” Lucy tries to act dumb but LD says that everyone knows already. Lucy sounding very lame says, “I tried to get them to invite you.” LD says, “Yeah, it was only your hoose.”  Lucy begs her not to be pissed at her and promises to make it up to her. Apparently the cops broke up the party and Lucy’s absentee parents are pissed off at her too. Then she goes on to mention that she and Paul are over. LD says, “Sure, you both got what you wanted.” Then she says, “Everyone knows you and Paul did it.” The episode ends with Lucy looking stunned.

lucy end

So yeah, this episode was alright. Lucy showed how she needs to get a back bone transplant because she totally lets other people tell her what to do. At least she denied Paul some sex. She should have told him to go pump the neighbors dog if he’s so hard up.

 

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Author: Degrassi Guy

Hi there and welcome to my little corner of the Degrassi Universe in the far side of interwebs. For all ten of you who are reading this, welcome! Degrassi Junior High/High was a show produced in Canada that showed the trials and tribulations of every day students. This show tackled everything and I mean everything. From alcoholism, depression, pedophiles, bullies, eating disorders, hitchhiking, death of parents, adoption, teen pregnancy, hiding other products to get condoms so no one will notice. To pornography, suicide, getting the smack down from your mustached boyfriend and getting the guts to get away from him. If I missed anything, trust me. Degrassi didn't. Degrassi was pretty much as real as it got. Especially back when I first started seeing it. Saved by the Bell it was not. You never saw Zack Morris smoking weed, getting Kelly Kapowski pregnant or AC Slater giving Jessie a good beating when she sassed him. So sit back and get ready to reacquaint yourself with the beginning of the Degrassi Universe. For those of you who are new, you don't know what you're in for. But that's a good thing. This is Degrassi Junior High/High seen through my eyes. Basically what I loved and hated. Some of you may disagree with what I think, but that's ok. Mostly though, after all these years later. I still love this cheesy show.

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