Pre-credit Opener. We see Liz and Spike gabbing and it seems like Liz needs to get her hair trimmed because she starting to get a Q-Tip head thing going on there. Caitlin comes around and asks Spike how the baby is doing, Spike says fine. Spike then compliments Caitlin’s hair. It appears that it’s red, but then she says that it’s just spray. Her mom would kill her if she found out, kind of like the whole thing with Stephanie Kaye. That’s pretty lame. Spike suggests doing her hair like Liz and her but they both look demented, so fuck that. Caitlin then comes to Doris’s office and she over hears some parents talking about Spike and her pregnancy. Seems like Spike is a horrible influence on all the Degrassi women. Oh no. This sets crusader Caitlin in motion.
Ms Avery dismisses the class and Susie and Caitlin start talking about Spike because Caitlin can’t mind her own fucking business and has to get into everyone else’s. Fat Nancy interrupts, turns out she’s the editor of the cheaply produced Degrassi Digest. She just came around to remind Caitlin that an article is due that day and she doesn’t give a fuck what it’s about, as long as it’s 200 words. They overhear Melanie and Kathleen arguing about Spike and of course Kathleen agrees with the parents that Spike’s ass should be booted from the school. Kathleen needs a good boot to the face.
Jesus! Caitlin is overhearing everything. She goes into the girls wash room to rinse her hair out and she hears Spike talking to the twins about all the trouble that’s a brewing. Spike saying that she doesn’t want to leave because she just loves it there. They should kick out Shane, he’s the real bad seed. Anyways, Caitlin hears this and this set’s her agenda way into motion.
We cut to the Zits and Joey’s going on about a bunch of ladies in bikini’s that he has up in his locker. LD and Alexa come along. They hear Joey saying that all the girls there are minus zeros. LD says in her best lisp, “You’re dthgusting!” “Rating girls is Sexth.” She also brings up that they’re making women into sex objects. The boys saying, “I love to be a sex object.” Alexa loves that so much that she laughs at their joke. Then she says, “They’re so big, they have to be fake.” LD get’s pissed, drags her away and calls them Chauvinists. Alexa points out that they’re only pictures but LD says that they need to battle sexism and is going to rat Joey out to Mr Lawrence.
We cut to he Degrassi Digest and surprise, surprise, Fat Nancy is eating again. Trish says that for the next issue she wants to do an article on the cutest boys in Degrassi. Fat Nancy saying, “Going to be a pretty short article.” She suggests making one on how she once ate her own weight at the Hungry Heifer. Her favorite eatery. Caitlin comes in and says that she wants to do her article on Spike. She starts going on and on about the subject and Nancy’s all, “Fine!” “Fuck, just make it 200 words.”
Meanwhile LD and Alexa are waiting to talk to Mr Lawrence but Doris tells them that he’s running late and probably won’t get to see them that day, LD says, “We’ll wait!” But Doris wants none of this because she’s putting on some lipstick and wants Mr Lawrence all to herself. LD tells Doris that Joey has all these obscene pictures in his locker. Doris is like yeah yeah and pretty much blows them off. LD’s pissed now and Joey and the Zits rate them. Saying, ” 3? 3.5?” Alexa says, “Who me or LD?” LD get’s more pissed and once again drags her off and calls them pigs. LD says that it’s time to fight fire with fire. Uh oh.
Caitlin comes to her house in a fighting mood and gets into an argument with her mom over Spike. Her mom saying that what’s more important is what’s best for Spike. Caitlin arguing that everyone is just embarrassed about her. She storms off saying that she’s going to stand up for her. Oh and that she hates Liver.
Oh man, look at that old ass Macintosh. Her fingers are flying like she’s fucking Mavis Beacon. I noticed that she already has a typo in there. She better edit that shit. But this is purely an opinion piece. After writing a very short paragraph Caitlin’s smiling like, “Yeah motherfuckers! Take that!”
The next day LD and Alexa have a bunch of cut out pics and for some reason Alexa is smelling them. Guess she wants to know what dick smells like. LD starts putting them up and she says that they’re gross. She calls Joey over and starts going on about the gay dudes she has in her locker. Alexa wonders what rate Joey is and LD says that she can’t count that low. But Joey and the dudes don’t give a fuck, they go to his locker to look at the Sunshine Girls as they’re called. Alexa can’t hold out and opens LD’s locker again to gawk at the guys. But LD being a real buzz kill in this episode and drags her off for the third time.
Caitlin comes in and hands her article in, saying how she worked on it for hours but it looks short as hell. Mr Raditch being the faculty adviser says that they can’t include her article because it’s biased as hell and it only represents her opinions. She of course get’s pissed off when told that the stupid newspaper isn’t meant for opinion pieces. She says, “What about Freedom of the Press and this is censorship!” She grabs her article and storms off. Raditch saying, “Lord, lord. What is wrong with her?”
Caitlin’s still going on and on about Spike to Susie. Susie tells her about a pirate nerd underground newspaper that some high school friends did once. She says that they got into deep shit for getting caught, but Caitlin says that she doesn’t give a shit and is going to publish her stupid article anyways. Saying, “Someone’s gotta stand up for Spike.” Not realizing that no one told her to take up the job herself.
Raditch is going on about a question that some old dead person once said but is interrupted by Doris. Raditch calls Joey up and to leave with Doris. She tells him that she wants him to open up his locker because she got a report about pornography being in his locker. She’s shocked at the bikini clad women in his locker. Big fucking deal, if he had the internet she would have a heart attack of all the fucked up shit that Joey would have ended up printing up and posting in there. Going on with the story, Joey throws LD under the bus by saying that she has dirty pics in her locker too.
Mr Raditch is once again going on about the question, but is once again interrupted by Doris asking for LD now. Raditch says as she leaves, “Let’s skip the question.” LD opens up the locker and Doris get’s instantly turned on. So much so that she has to put her glasses on to get a better look at the studs LD hung up. I’m surprised she could see them with how she fogged up her glasses like that. LD get’s into deep shit as she too has to take them down and go to Mr Lawrence’s office. Doris probably keeping one for future use.
Caitlin proudly comes up to Susie and shows her this one page article printed on a red piece of paper. Doesn’t she know that that’s going to be hell on the eyes of anyone who reads it? The Degrassi Digest is selling for 15 cents, but Caitlin’s article is free and she’s giving it out to everyone she see’s. We then hear a voice over. Basically she saying how unfair it is that Spike is getting kicked out because she’s with child. Then she drags Shane into it too. I’d get pissed off for getting my name thrown in there. The whole school is reading this, Including Spike, Shane and Mr Raditch thanks to BLT giving him a copy. Raditch comes into Doris’s office and says that he needs to see Mr Lawrence right away. Pissing off Joey and LD because they’ve been waiting there forever.
In Ms Avery’s class Mr Lawrence calls for Caitlin on the intercom. Some people going, Ohh. But everyone did that when someone was called up, no matter what. Doris tells her to sit her ass down. Caitlin tells them what she did and basically Joey and LD say what everyone else is thinking. Mainly what about privacy. LD and Joey then get pissed off because Lawrence calls her in before them.
Caitlin got a shit load of detention and a good paddling. Saying that next time she pulls another suck head stunt like this she’s going to get suspended. Spike meanwhile is reading the article and getting pissed. Class is dismissed and everyone is praising Caitlin. You can tell that she loves it. Acting like a big hero. Fat Nancy comes along and says that she loved the article too. But not to tell Mr Raditch that she said so. What a weanie. Meanwhile Kathleen is making an ugly angry face behind Nancy and it makes me want to punch her in the face because of it.
Caitlin’s shit eating grin is then wiped off of her face when Spike confronts her and calls her out on her bullshit. Saying that she should have talked to her first and mainly she should have minded her own business because now the whole fucking school knows about her problems with the parents. Spike really lets her have it. She says, “I don’t need little Miss Perfect to make me her cause of the week.” No truer words were ever spoken. Caitlin looks like she wants to cry and says, “But it’s the truth.” Spike comes back with, “I’m a person, not public property.” Basically Caitlin made everything about ten times worse.
In detention Dwayne is tracing his hand like a big dumb dope. Yick is reading a comic book pretending to be doing homework. Dwayne hears Joey fucking with LD and makes an annoyed face. The Teacher tells Joey to knock his shit off. Caitlin meanwhile is looking all sad with tears in her eyes and looks out of the window thinking about the big fuck up that she did.
The next day Joey has his pics now in his Trapper Keeper and Wheels says that they’re “dynamite.” Joey decides to annoy LD once again and she calls him a child. Then he spots Alexa to go bother her.
Susie and Caitlin come around. She’s feeling sorry for herself and says that she feels like a perfect asshole. That she can’t do anything right. Fat Nancy comes along and says that she still wants Caitlin to do another article. Caitlin says that she’ll do it on Sexism. Fat Nancy says that she doesn’t care, as long as it’s 200 words. Or else she’ll literally eat her. Caitlin plans on getting both sides of the story. Interviewing both LD and Joey about the Sunshine Girls meanwhile in the background we hear Alexa telling Joey to fuck off.
Caitlin wonders what’s going to happen to Spike that very night because that’s when the big PTA meeting is supposed to happen. Spike psychically hears this and looks at Caitlin with hatred in her eyes. Probably because the damage that Caitlin has done is major and there’s nothing she can do about it now.
All in all, this was a pretty good episode. But it once again proved what a terrible person Caitlin is when she wants to help people. She some how always manages to fuck it all up. Let this be a life long lesson for all of you out there. When in doubt, just mind your own fucking business.