Pre-credit opener: We see Joey showing off on his skateboard doing a couple of shitty tricks. We’re then introduced to Dwayne. Another character who I hate. For no reason whatsoever he comes along and pushes Joey hard to the ground. Telling his meat head friends, “Watch this.” Joey says, “You did that on purpose you big dumb jerk.” Dwayne then makes it clear that he’ll beat the shit out of Joey if he says something else. How do I describe this fat asshole. Well for starters he’s short and fat. Already a bad combo. Plus he’s sporting a head band and an Asia band t shirt. So already you know he’s bad to the bone.
We then see Scooter struggling to open his locker. Dwayne comes along and with his brute strength get’s the lock off. Not really. Melanie being a bag of bones could have opened that thing. Scooter’s just that big of a wimp. Moving on, Scooter rewards Dwayne with some Cheezies, the Canadian knock off of Cheetos. Meanwhile Yick calls Arthur over and starts beating the shit out of the air in front of him. Arthur panics and tells him to be careful. Yick says that he’s in total control but then kicks something that Louella was carrying, pissing her off. They laugh their asses off at that. Yick once accused Mr Raditch of stereotyping, but he should have accused the writers of the show.
Stephanie is still all about Simon and is telling her latest stupid scheme to the twins. Her big idea? To fall down in front of Simon because her heel just happened to break. They like the rest of us are tired of this story line and tell her that she’s trying too hard. But she doesn’t want to listen. Saying, “I don’t want any other fish in the sea.” “I want Simon.”
Joey then walks into the boys rest room and is checking out his ripped Hawaiian shirt. The Zits are excited at the thought of Wheels being back in the band due to better grades. Wheels then asks him what happened to his shirt and Joey starts talking all sorts of shit about Dwayne. With classic put downs like, “He’s so stupid it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.” Or that, “He’s in 8D, which stands for dumb.” He then calls him a dozer. Whatever the hell that is. After taking a massive smelly shit. Dwayne comes out of the stall super pissed, he heard everything.
In class Joey tries to get Liz’s attention but she still hates his guts. As class is dismissed Joey says that he’s sorry and then says, “I thought you wanted me to come on to you.” What a dumb fuck. Then he says that it’s because he doesn’t think when he talks. To win her over he does a lame magic trick with flowers appearing out of a Harry Potter wand or some shit. She finds it enduring and smiles. But then leaves disgusted at him.
Dwayne confronts Joey in the stair way and repeats what Joey said in the rest room. It’s pretty obvious that Joey’s going to get his ass kicked. So he gives Dwayne the flowers and runs away like the weasel that he is. Dwayne yelling, “I’ll get you Jeremiah.” Yeah, pretty lame Degrassi writers.
Stephanie is then acting like a stuck up bitch. Saying that she doesn’t know what Simon see’s in Alexa and that she’s so, “Ordinary.” The twins are getting real tired of her shit. With Erica saying that she thinks that they’re a good couple.
Turns out some bad seed threw Scooters Cheezies on top of his locker. I swear it seems like that’s all this kid ever eats. He goes on to say that people pick on him just because he’s little. Dwayne then man handles him and picks him up so he can get his goddamn chips. Joey then comes along still talking shit and he says that he’s not afraid of Dwayne. But then he witnesses Scooter feeding him and shows that he’s 100% pussy, saying, “Let’s go outside for lunch.”
It’s time for Stephanie to implement her stupid plan. But Arthur comes along and shows Stephanie the Karate moves that Yick taught him. He punches the wall and hurts himself. He wants to talk to her about their parents but along comes Simon again. She then tells him to fuck off and she falls down, pretending to be hurt. Arthur tells everyone to move back and starts checking her leg saying that he took first aid in a Summer camp for nerds. Simon leaves and so does Stephanie all pissed off at Arthur. Didn’t Stephanie and Alex do this routine already a few episodes back?
It’s after school and Dwayne is outside waiting to give Joey his medicine. Snake tells Joey all this so they decide to go out the other way. As they’re leaving Joey starts laughing at the fact that Dwayne is a total idiot but then his friends ambush him. Some meat head and a kid that looks like John Cusack. They tell Joey that Dwayne’s going to fight him tomorrow at a park and that he wants Joey to be afraid all night long. Snake and Wheels show what cowards they are by saying that they’re not going to have his back, Snake saying, “We can’t handle this.”
Arthur comes along still wanting to talk to Stephanie about their parents. Apparently his dad wants custody of the both of them. Steph getting pissed because their parents fight all the time.
At the Jeremiah residence, Joey’s hot MILF of a mom is beating some meat with a mallet or something. This is so obviously symbolic that even a moron like Joey picks up on it. His mom asks him what’s wrong because he’s been quiet since he’s been there. He’s scared to death. He even has a dream of Dwayne squeezing his face. Oh the horror!
We then come upon a real boring class room scene where Raditch is asking people how to use an Apostrophe correctly. Radtich calls on him but Joey’s asleep because of his nightmares. Afterwards, Joey showing what a huge coward he is talks to Raditch about needing help with his punctuation. Joey asks if he can get some after school so he can avoid the fight. Meanwhile Snake and Wheels are talking about the fact that Joey’s totally going to lose the fight and what they should do if Dwayne get’s the upper hand. Wheels saying, “We go in.”
Stephanie dressed like Ronald McDonald’s skanky sister asks Simon if he would like to help out with a dance committee. She wants to meet after school but he says not that day because of the fight. But that they can talk on the way to the park. Steph is excited and tells the twins that she has a date with Simon. She doesn’t and even the twins think that she’s delusional.
Yick then splits this skinny piece of board with a Karate chop and offers to show Joey some moves. But Joey being a dickhead just blows him off. Yick rightly saying, “He deserves to get beat up.” To get contrast we hear Spike saying that Joey doesn’t deserve to get beat up. Liz randomly says, “He’s ok.” Confusing Spike and the audience. Spike then remarks that Joey will probably find a way to weasel out of it. BLT and Shane come up to Joey offering some fighting advice. BLT thinking that he’s Muhammad Ali tells him to use his speed and stay out of his reach. After he leaves they both agree that Joey doesn’t have a chance in hell of winning.
Snake and Wheels ask Joey if he’s ready to go to his death and he says that he can’t go. That Raditch is making him stay. Wheels says that it won’t be that bad, but Joey is afraid of getting some teeth knocked out, or a broken arm. Wheels informs him that if he doesn’t show up that people are going to rightly say that he’s the biggest coward ever. Snake then asks Joey if he asked Raditch if he could stay. Joey says, “No way.” But they both leave all disgusted. Snake saying, “Joey P Jeremiah.” “The P is for pussy.”
In a boring scene we see Scooter telling Dwayne that Dwayne should pick on a fatso his own size. Dwayne manages to sound like baby Huey here and says, “He insulted 8D and my friends.” Scooter being lame says, “What’s beating him up going to prove?” Dwayne replying with, “It’ll feel good.” Then leaves for the park. Joey’s about to go into Raditch’s class and over hears BLT saying that Joey won’t show up because he’s the biggest pussy on the planet. He puts his hand on the door knob. What’s he going to do?
To keep us in suspense we cut to Stephanie talking to Simon out side of the school. She can’t stand it anymore and asks why he doesn’t like her and why don’t they go out on a date. Simon says that he’s with Alexa. Steph get’s all down and Alexa comes along making it worse because she’s just so damn cheery. As they go to the park Stephanie stays behind, depressed as hell now.
We then cut to the park and there’s a huge fucking crowd there. There’s even an ice cream man/woman that looks a hell of a lot like Arthur, it’s disturbing. Snake and Wheels are defending Joey, saying that he’s not a coward and that he’ll show up. Snake then yells, “There he is.” Joey’s on top of a hill trying to look heroic, but the sprinklers are ruining the effect.
It’s now time for the bout to knock the other guy out. Things go well for Joey for at least 30 seconds after he catches Dwayne’s leg and throws him to the ground. Flattening whatever was there. After running around in a circle Dwayne’s cronies shove Joey and down he goes. That’s pretty much it for the fight because Dwayne then get’s on top of him and starts beating the bejesus out of Joey. Really nailing him on his face. Snake and Wheels true to their word get Dwayne’s fat ass off of him and tell Dwayne that he’s had enough. They then drag Joey’s beaten ass to his house. I laughed when someone said, “Well you showed up anyways.” What assholes, but still hilarious.
His hot mom starts treating his wounds and starts saying that she’s going to tell the principle everything that happened. Breaking every code of the school yard. And when parents did that shit, they always seem to make it worse. Joey pleads that she doesn’t say anything, that he had it coming to him.
The next day of School the twins ask a plain Jane looking Stephanie how it went and being over dramatic says that her whole life is falling apart. I guess she’s finally giving up on Simon, thank the lord. This plot was going nowhere fast.
The dudes then crowd around Joey, looking at his broken face. Joey thanks them for having his back. Dwayne then wants to talk to Scooter but Scooter declares him a bully and comes up to Joey and offers him a goddamn Cheezie. Joey says thanks and freeze frame. Joey’s enjoying the Cheezie while Dwayne is looking at him, wishing that he was eating the Cheezie instead.
All in all, this was another good episode. It had it all, shit talking, cowardice, suspense, fighting and the beginning of Stephanie’s annoying depression. Just because she didn’t get Simon.