Ha. By this point when I was a young lad I couldn’t wait for the next episode and I remember seeing what Sunday’s episode was about in the TV Guide. It said, “A new wave girl arrives at Degrassi.” or something like that. This was back in 93, or 94 and I said to myself, “New wave?” “Isn’t that something from the 80’s?” Apparently my young dumb ass self didn’t notice how 80’s this show was.
Pre-credit opener: There’s a new girl in school. Her name is Liz and she seems to be sporting a friar’s monk hair do. That or she’s half way to being a skin head. This chick is no where near being new wave, with her ripped jeans, tank top and bra straps being exposed. What the fuck were the people at TV Guide talking about? She’s more a of a punk girl. Anyways Stephanie Kaye walks in dressed like big hoe again and see’s Liz with a look of disgust. Liz seems to be one of those angry girls, saying that her last school was good and that everyone at Degrassi is a preppy. Joey yet again comes out of Mr Lawrence’s office and we hear Mr Lawrence telling Joey not to be a fuck up. In one ear, out the other. Doris Bell asks Joey to take Liz to Mr Raditch’s since they’re in the same class. He can’t resist being a cornball and right away Joey says, “So. Wanna go out?” Gotta hand it to him, he sure has some balls to be asking her out after meeting her 20 seconds before.
We see the dudes walking to school and Snake mentions how Simon has ditched the band to play soccer and then he calls him a “Narbo.” The 2nd time that stupid word has appeared. But certainly not the last. Joey then asks them what they think about Liz. They think she’s a quiet awkward loner. Joey on the other hand thinks that she’s highly fuckable, just because of the way she dresses. He says, “You think she does it?” “She looks like she does.” Thus again proving what a complete fucking idiot Joey really is. I know when I see a smelly looking girl with ripped jeans and a almost bald head I automatically think, yeah, she’s a skanky slut. Joey still on the subject of sex asks them if they have ever thought about having some. Wheels and Snake say, “Yeah a bit.” Joey then admits that it’s on his brain all the time and Snake says that he’s “sex crazed.” What guy isn’t though?
Liz is then walking the hallowed halls of Degrassi junior High and everyone is gawking at her. Even the new wheel chair girl Maya. So you know it’s bad.
Yick walks into the library and finds Arthur reading an anatomy book. Arthur hides it right away and Yick points out that Arthur has been acting like a big fat weirdo lately. So them being best friends, Arthur tells him what’s going on. Apparently Arthur has been having wet dreams once a week. And with that Arthur thinks he’s turning into a sex maniac. Yick seems to be fascinated by all this since he hasn’t had one yet.
Alex is then bothering Steph with the student council money woes, but she doesn’t give a shit. She’s in a rush to change her clothes again in the girls rest room and leaves him hanging. Spike’s in there and is complaining about getting fat and being pregnant. We’ll hear something about how being pregnant sucks in every episode. Anyways, Steph drops her ugly skirt and begins her transformation into Degrassi Junior High’s resident slut. Liz then comes out of the stall and Spike and Steph can’t help but just stare at her. Liz says, “What the fuck are you looking at?” Steph then starts making fun of her hair. Liz then points out how lame it is that Stephanie changes in the restroom. After she leaves Steph says, “What a skeeze.” “I bet she does it.” Spike get’s upset and says, “How come people who look different always have stories made up about them?” Steph replies, “She dresses very provocative.”
Mr Raditch is giving out an assignment where everyone has to work in pairs so Joey and Liz team up together. For some reason Joey is the only one that Liz seems to like. If she only knew that Joey only wants to, “Do it.”
Steph is telling the twins that she wants to get Simon’s attention. Alex yet again comes around bothering Stephanie about the stupid student council. Steph tells him to fuck off. Her big idea was to drop her books so Simon would pick them up. But since Alex won’t shut the fuck up and buzz off he picks them up for her. I just noticed that BLT has a Max Headroom shirt. Cool. Anyways, Stephanie grabs her books and leaves in a huff. Alex is still going on about his dumb ass idea, obviously completely clueless.
During lunch Arthur and Yick are still discussing Arthur’s nasty wet dreams. Yick saying loud as hell, “Maybe it’s normal to have a lot of wet dreams.” Arthur says that he wishes that there was someone he could talk about all this to. Yick suggests his dad, but Arthur says, “He’ll think I’m a pervert.” But you are a big fat pervert, you Swamp Sex Robot fiend!
Spike attempts to make friends with Liz since they both have fucked up hair do’s. Liz starts going on how everyone in her old school was cool and didn’t give a shit about people’s appearances. Spike says that Degrassi isn’t that bad. Liz being a hateful bitch says, “doubtful.” Spike then tries to talk about her pregnancy yet again and Liz says that she’s never going to have a baby. NEVER! Spikes like, “ok” and quietly continues eating her Chinese food.
Playing catch, Joey starts bragging about how he’s going to give Liz a deep dicking. And let’s be honest, she can use it. Joey then says, “Girls are like aspirin, you take two and go to bed.” Snake points out how Joey strikes out all the time and makes fun of the fact that he’s a virgin. Even saying that Joey will scream out, “No!” “No!” “I’m a virgin.” Snake shouldn’t be talking either.
Melanie is then seen giving period advice to this Asian grandma looking chick. Kathleen asks Melanie where she get’s all this shit from and Melanie informs her that she got it from a radio show, Talking Sex with Sally. Kathleen says that it sounds disgusting and once again Melanie says, “Kathleen, you’re such a prude.” Yick then asks when it comes on and if anyone can call. Melanie says, “What’s wrong Yick, can’t get your dick hard?”
Joey and Liz are doing research on the War of 1812. Joey very awkwardly lies his ass off and says that he likes her hair. Even Liz doesn’t believe him. Since they didn’t get a lot done, Liz invites Joey over to her house after school. Even adding that her mom is going to be working so they’ll be alone. Joey busts a nut right there just thinking about it. He then brags to the guys that he’s totally going to bang her and those two idiots Snake and Wheels believe him.
Steph is then seen talking to the Twins. She says that she’s had enough of their stupid advice and is just going to ask out Simon. She finally get’s him alone and is about to ask him out to a date, but that’s when Alex barge’s in. He says that they have a soccer game and Simon has to change right away, so Simon leaves Stephanie talking to herself. She looks at Alex with hatred in her eyes and leaves all pissed off. Erica and Heather laugh their asses off and who can blame them.
After school Liz asks Spike what she thinks about Joey. I love how Spike says that he’s a bit of a jerk, but other than that, he’s ok. Liz for some insane reason actually likes him. Joey then talks to Wheels whether he still has the condoms he bought last year. Wheels reminds him that they used them as water balloons. At least they actually used them, because none of them had a chance in hell of actually putting them to their original use.
We then see Liz’s house and the place is a fucking mess. Boxes all over the place. It seems like her mom works at a German themed restaurant. Her mom mentions how she doesn’t want any boys around the house when she’s not around. Maybe this is a little hint that she does happen to be a hoe? I don’t know, but Liz deflects this with the fact that it’s hard to make friends at that school and her mom get’s all happy at the thought and just leaves.
Joey’s trying to buy condoms but he’s all embarrassed about it. So he does the old technique of buying a bunch of other shit just to hide it. It’s not like it’s a bottle of Old Harper. Geesh! So he get’s to the check out line and the cashier being a real dick decides to do a price check on the condoms. Well look who it is. Nerdy East Indian girl returns and the cashier asks her to do a price check. She looks at Joey and sort of breaks the 4th wall Zack Morris style by looking at the camera and laughing her ass off. Joey humiliated waits and feels the old people behind him judging him.
We then cut to Arthur and Yick crammed into a phone booth. They’re listening to Dr Sally’s show on this old school boombox that my brother probably owned back in the day. Anyways, Arthur wants to pussy out on calling, so Yick does it for him. He get’s through and says, “I’ve got a friend who’s 12 years old, he get’s a lot of wet dreams. Is he a pervert?” Arthur get’s pissed at being referred to as a pervert and they start sissy fighting again, calling each other a broomhead. They then hear Dr Sally say that it’s perfectly normal and that he’s not an animal out of control. They get all happy and do a Top Gun windmill high five like the couple of dweebs that they are.
This right here is one of the most awkward scenes in the entire show’s run. Ready? Liz is going on about the War of 1812 and Joey looks like he has the worst blue balls ever. She notices how anxious he looks and without any charm he asks her, “Liz, do you want to do it?” She says, “Do what?” Dipshit replies with, “Sex.” and pulls out a condom. Anyone watching this scene is probably cringing. I know I was when I first saw it. He practically begs her for sex. When he touches her arm, that’s when she flips out on him. She tells him that she hates his guts and kicks his ass out of her house.
Liz get’s all sad over being completely wrong about Joey and wraps herself into a ball. We get a close up on the book of the War of 1812 and the condom. I guess they’re trying to make a point, but it when right over my head.
The next day we see Wheels acting like Joey for once and wants to know all the horny details. Joey informs him how he fucked up big time. She looks at him with hatred and Joey tells Wheels that he’s really down about it cause he really did like her.
So at the end of this episode we’re back to where it started. Liz still hates everyone, Spike’s still pregnant. Joey’s still a stupid fuck who didn’t have sex. Kathleen is still a bitch and a prude. Alex is still Degrassi’s annoying resident dweeb. Yick and Arthur are still huge nerds and Stephanie still dresses like a skank who doesn’t have Simon.