Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.

Season 2, Episode 1, “Eggbert”

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Welcome to the all new, all different second season fuckers! Will this be less juvenile than the last? I hope so. But if we get more Yick, Arthur stories than we’re all fucked.

Pre-credit Opener: We see Spike in a group with a bunch of other pregnant teenage girls and one of them is just going off on her baby daddy. Spoiler alert, this chick is basically talking about all the plot points for Spike and Shane for the rest of the season. The lady in charge wants them to take an egg home to see how it is to care for a baby. It’s going to be eggs up the ass in this episode.

egg 1

Spike

Even though it’s supposed to be the 2nd semester of the school year, in reality it’s been a year since the last season and everyone looks a bit older. Kathleen is already passing judgement on Shane because she’s a fucking bitch. Melanie points out that it’s Spike’s fault too. Then the twins and Spike come along, basically bad mouthing Shane still. He tries to say hi but all Spike does is shoot him the evil eye and says that she has nothing to say to him. Spike is going to be a shithead like this for the rest of the season and I’m already sick of it. Reminds me of Voula’s grudge from season 1.

Spike bitch

The twins notice Spike carrying around a box and of course being nosy as hell the twins demand to know what it is. She tells them about the stupid thing she’s supposed to do. Kathleen over hears this and says that Spike shouldn’t be allowed at Degrassi. That she sets a bad example and should go to a home. What kind of 50’s thinking is that?! Man I’m telling you, I hate her even more already! Caitlin and Melanie argue against her. I love how they talk about Shane and he’s only two feet away and doesn’t hear any of this.

Kathleen bitch

Shane looking down walks in the boys laboratory and we hear Joey’s jackass theory about french kissing. That a girl biting on a guy’s tongue happens all the time and the dude get’s an infection. You can tell Joey’s never been with a woman before. Anyways Joey says a dumb joke like, “Hey Shane, way to get Spike pregnant. hehe.” Shane tells him to fuck off and then Wheels asks him what’s going on with him and Spike. She basically doesn’t talk to him anymore and he still hasn’t told his parents yet. Because they would cut his balls off and then send his ass to private school.

Joey asshole

Oh man, we then see the new Stephanie Kaye and she’s dressed like a grandma now. Talk about a complete 180 from how she used to dress last season. Alexa notices that she’s throwing all her whore clothes in the garbage, so she asks if she can have them. Steph says sure because she’s a more mature person this time around. I don’t know how they would fit though. Alexa is a much bigger girl than Stephanie.

Steph

We then come across Yick and Arthur. Any hopes that these two had matured goes right out the window as Arthur shoots Yick with a fucking water gun while Yick is going through his filthy locker. After their little sissy fight we come across a new character, Scooter. He’s basically the Canadian Urkel. But he’s not annoying as hell. He has a backpack that’s four sizes too small and is sporting old man glasses. He asks for Ms Avery’s class and stupid Yick says why he’s looking for it. Scooter’s all, “It’s my class you dumb fuck!” They notice how he’s still a little kid and Arthur says, “When did they start letting in little kids in Junior High?” You’re a little kid too you chubby asshole.

scooter

scooter back back

Back in Raditch’s Spike has now told everyone about the stupid egg and Alexa says that it needs a face. What a load of bullshit that she drew such a nice looking face on it, but whatever. Lucy gives her two cents about teenage pregnancy and annoys everyone. Alexa then says that the egg needs a name and one of the twins comes up with the least original name in the history of ever. Eggbert.

alexa eggbert

In comes Raditch with a new student in class. Simon Dexter. Apparently he’s a D list celebrity in the area. He made a candy bar commercial and he’s already about 10 times cooler than the Zit Remedy combined. Just look at his rolled up jacket sleeves. Alexa and Stephanie both take a liking to him. But you can tell that Alexa has a typical little girl, I love him look on her face. Stephanie has a, I wanna suck his dick, lick his asshole look to her face.

simon

alexa

steph simon

Back in Ms Avery’s, Scooter’s name is Scott Webster. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me? Webster?! He tells them that he prefer’s  Scooter. While Ms Avery is finding him a seat, Arthur shoots Yick again. You can tell Yick got pissed and wants to go VC on his ass.

In the next scene Shane and Spike are arguing yet again. I can tell that this is going to happen a lot during the season. While they’re doing that Rick and Alex pass by and fucking Alex walks around them in the slowest way possible and just gawks at them.  Shane says he wants to help and Spike seeing a way out of taking care of the stupid egg gives it to Shane to take care of for a week.

spike shane

Let me get off subject real quick. Any regular viewer of this show will by now notice how hard Degrassi tries to not be Canadian. Like using dollar bills, people sporting shirts that are from the states, like Lucy’s Kansas shirt. But they always have little slip up’s like the sign behind Spike.

spike can

Moving on. We finally see Shane’s home and it seems like he stepped into another time. Everything is so old fashioned, including his parents. His mom is frying some eggs in the late afternoon for some reason and she looks like Thelma Harper from Mama’s Family. His dad looks like Benjamin Franklin. BF get’s off the family pay phone and asks Shane if he’s heard of crack. Shane says, “Crack is whack yo!” His dad points out what a great kid Shane is and Shane feels guilty as hell as mama McKay proudly looks on.

shane old people

shane mom

The next day Shane comes with Eggbert and everyone is acting like a jackass. Making chicken clucking sounds. Stephanie is talking to the twins about Simon and holy shit. We’re introduced to a new Degrassi Junior High exclusive word. “Narbo.” Whatever the fuck that is. Anyways, Simon comes by and says hi. Steph get’s instantly wet.

Joey and the Zits come by and make the most unfunniest egg related jokes to Shane. It’s really painful to watch. Yick and Arthur’s on going saga about their water gun fight continues. Scooter’s looking at them like what are you two dweebs doing. Yick and Arthur Pulp Fiction style point their water guns at him and tell him to fuck off.

scooter fiction

BLT Then decides to fuck with Shane by getting a hold of Eggbert. Man we’re coming out with a bunch of new characters this season. And no, it doesn’t stand for Black, Long and Thick! Shane quickly get’s it back from Tracy Morgan and Spike makes this ugly disapproving face. Lucy then comes running in in joy and announces a huge party at her house that night.

Shane is then seen begging Spike to take care of Eggbert and Spike being an asshole says no. That if it was a real baby he wouldn’t be able to go. Steph is about to ask Simon to the party but sees that Alexa has beat her to it. Steph then talks mad shit about Alexa and how terrible she looks in her clothes.

alexa steph

Scooter get’s his little nerd revenge by shooting Arthur while he was talking to Trish. He instantly blames Yick and apparently they had a cease fire. Not anymore! And oh God who cares?! Shane leaves all sad. Diane and Michelle say, “Bye Eggbert.” Shane says, “Bye bitches.”

Finally it’s party time! The less ugly twin Erica goes for the liquor but Lucy tells her not to touch it. Since she’s still in deep shit for the shoplifting she did in season one. Maybe if those two lousy parents wouldn’t leave their booze out in the open there wouldn’t be a problem!

lucy

We see Shane having the most boring Friday night ever. His parents are playing Gin and he’s just in the dark sitting on the couch looking at them, doing his home work. His dad asks him what he’s doing home. He probably wants to have some nice geriatric sex with his wife but Shane is ruining everything.

old people

Back at the party, we see that the tape deck is busted and everyone is bored to death. Lucy says that they ruined her dad’s favorite album/tape, Rick James: Street Songs. Shane then comes along and Spike get’s instantly pissed. She asks where Eggbert is at and Shane says, “Plenty of people bring their babies to parties.” Checkmate Spike!

Stephanie see’s Simon and Snake talking about Alexa and Simon says how hot Alexa’s ass looks in those hot pants. Stephanie then acts like a fucking Indian giver and tells Alexa that she wants her clothes back and Alexa tells her, “Fuck no!” Steph even resorts to buying them back, but Alexa still refuses.

alexa steph 2

Joey in his Brooklyn Brawler cabby cap grabs Eggbert and starts tossing him around. Lucy starts going on how her parents just got a new carpet, but it’s clear they have hard wood floor. They ignore her and are tossing the egg around some more. Even LD joins in the fun with the dudes by having a toss too. Shane finally catches it. But then he get’s a stupid smile on his face and throws it around too. Spike has had enough at this point and storms out. Shane catches the egg and runs off after her. Shane, that’s what she wants you to do!

lucy joey

Basically Spike makes it all about herself. How she’s going to get big, how people are going to talk about her. Shane says that he’s scared too and Spike says that he’s only afraid of his parents finding out. He asks her why she’s being such a bitch and going off on him. Saying that he’s been taking care of Eggbert all week long. In a fit of rage she grabs Eggbert and smashes him to the ground, killing him. Then she goes on to say that it wasn’t the point. She walks off, still talking shit and Shane looks on all sad. Mostly because he wanted to eventually eat Eggbert for breakfast.

spike yelling

eggbert dead

Shane comes back home to his parents doing some more boring old people shit and watching the Canadian equivalent of PBS. Then he says, “Mom, dad.” “There’s something I gotta tell you.” And then the episode abruptly ends. I hate it whenever they leave us hanging like that. I wanted to see them both have a heart attack due to the fact that they’ll be first time grandparents at the ripe age of 77.

shane confess

So this season is going to be quite the doozy. We can look forward to even more teen pregnancy issues, pedophiles, bullying, epilepsy, alcoholic parents, depression and more Yick and Arthur Mickey Mouse bullshit! This is already a much better season than season one!

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Author: Degrassi Guy

Hi there and welcome to my little corner of the Degrassi Universe in the far side of interwebs. For all ten of you who are reading this, welcome! Degrassi Junior High/High was a show produced in Canada that showed the trials and tribulations of every day students. This show tackled everything and I mean everything. From alcoholism, depression, pedophiles, bullies, eating disorders, hitchhiking, death of parents, adoption, teen pregnancy, hiding other products to get condoms so no one will notice. To pornography, suicide, getting the smack down from your mustached boyfriend and getting the guts to get away from him. If I missed anything, trust me. Degrassi didn't. Degrassi was pretty much as real as it got. Especially back when I first started seeing it. Saved by the Bell it was not. You never saw Zack Morris smoking weed, getting Kelly Kapowski pregnant or AC Slater giving Jessie a good beating when she sassed him. So sit back and get ready to reacquaint yourself with the beginning of the Degrassi Universe. For those of you who are new, you don't know what you're in for. But that's a good thing. This is Degrassi Junior High/High seen through my eyes. Basically what I loved and hated. Some of you may disagree with what I think, but that's ok. Mostly though, after all these years later. I still love this cheesy show.

2 thoughts on “Season 2, Episode 1, “Eggbert”

  1. I had a project like this in school as well…..we didn’t use eggs as baby’s but flour sacks. I snorted my baby and got a wicked sinus infection. Needless to say I passed with flying colors because my teacher wanted to fuck me. Luckily, I had perfected the art of hand jobbery.

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