So this is one of those pivotal episodes of the series that will have ramifications for years to come. Well not unless you’re one of the 100 people that have seen this show, you probably won’t give a shit.
Pre credit opener: We see Spike and Shane macking at one of Lucy’s infamous parties. Joey comes around looking like the wrestler the Brooklyn Brawler with his stupid leather cabbie’s cap on. He instantly ruins shit between Shane and Spike. She even tells him to fuck off. To escape they go into a bedroom and proceed to lay down on the bed. The twins Heather and Erica decide that it’s time to go and they ask her if she wants to come. I instantly get annoyed because one of them is banging on the fucking door like the police, yelling, “Spike!” How Shane could have porked her during that distraction is beyond me.
The next day Spike’s mom is being a major bitch going on and on about them being late. Yeah, they’re really going to push the episode title down our throats on this one. Spike of course comes in late and Raditch is going on about what classes they’re going to be choosing for high school. She notices that Shane has a shit eating grin on his face and Spike just looks away and the look of disappointment on his face is hilarious.
After class Shane asks Spike if she wants to go to another of Lucy’s parties and she goes off on him. Joey and Wheels then come up and Joey can’t resist being a nosy fuck. He wants to know what they were doing in the bedroom. Shane again get’s a, “I just got me some smile” and says, “Wouldn’t you want to know.” Joey says, “I bet they were just kissing.”
We then come by Melanie and Kathleen. Melanie’s going on about wanting to get a hickey. Kathleen being an uptight fucking prude says that “hickey’s are gross.” Melanie of course says, “Kathleen, you are such a prude!” I swear she tells her that in almost every episode they’re in. Anyways, she says hi to Arthur and the way Yick says hi, it’s pretty clear he has a thing for her. Arthur says that he should go for it.
In the restroom Joey and Wheels are still talking about whether Shane and Spike actually boned. Shane then walks in and joey being an asshole without tact asks him if they had sex or not. And if they did, how it felt like. Shane the stud says, “You guys have never done it before?” Of course they lie their asses off. Wheels then asks how come Spike hasn’t been talking to him anymore. Shane the dope thinks that Spike is just in a bad mood. Oh boy, if he only knew!
In the girls restroom the annoying twins ask Spike what bug has crawled up her ass and died. She’s been acting like a real bitch and not talking to them for a while apparently. So she tells them that she hasn’t gotten the red curse yet and that she thinks that she’s pregnant. She then tells them that she and Shane had really bad sex. She looks down all shamed faced, probably because he looks like Bill S Preston Esquire.
We then see Yick pussy out on actually talking to Melanie and Arthur tells him that he needs to take advice from him, because of the way his slutty sister is. Yick should have told him, “You couldn’t take care of a wet dream.” But of course he listens to Arthur’s useless advice.
Back in the girls laboratory, Erica says the stupidest shit ever. That one can’t get pregnant if it’s their first time. So they do a miserable job of comforting Spike. We then see Spike go into her mom’s beauty parlor. She and her client are talking about how someone they know is pregnant for the 6th time. Spike tries out Erica’s stupid theory and her mom and her friend laugh their asses of at such dumb fuckery.
The next day we see Arthur still coaching Yick and he tells him to practice the line, “Your eyes are so blue, they remind me of swimming pools.” But he says this shit with Snake and Tracy Morgan passing by and they’re all, wtf?! So they spot Melanie and Yick says the line, but he fucks it up. He says, “Your eyes are so blue, they look like pimming swoos.” Of course Melanie and Kathleen laugh their asses off. Yick then calls Arthur a “Broomhead.” Even though he’s the one that can’t talk right.
Holy shit the twins are really annoying in this episode. They keep bothering Spike about getting a home test, and going to the Dr’s, but Spike of course is scared shit less. Especially about what her mom’s going to say. Shane then asks her what the fuck her problem is, so she pulls him aside and drops the A Bomb. He just backs away and heads out the door. Kind of like when Homer Simpson backed into the shrubs and disappeared.
The next day conveniently Voula is going on about her sister’s new born baby. Showing pictures and all. I’m surprised her dad let the sister actually have sex. Anyways, Alexa says that she wants a baby and how awesome it would be to have a little human being to love you. Lucy being the constant buzz kill says what a pain in the ass it really is to take care of a baby. Shane and Spike both want to have a heart attack.
Man I swear Joey is worse than a bored house wife. He comes in the restroom and begs Shane to tell them whether they did the nasty or not. Shane asks them what they would do if they got someone pregnant and if it was the guy’s responsibility. Joey for once showing intelligence says that it would be the guy’s problem too. Shane leaves, probably thinking, FUCK!!
Arthur’s next idea is for Yick to give Melanie some flowers. Arthur actually steals them from Ms Avery’s desk and hands it to Yick. So what does stupid Yick do next? He literally shoves them right in her face, Melanie starts sneezing like crazy because she has allergies. Kathleen tells him to fuck off and Yick once again calls Arthur a broomhead.
He tells Arthur that his stupid ideas don’t work and says that he’s just going to ask her out. He asks her out and she get’s this big goofy smile. Melanie goes on and on about the stupid horoscopes because she’s a big believer in them. She talks about some bullshit about their signs not really getting along, but she says fuck it. It is her first date with a boy after all.
Goddamn! The twins are still pestering Spike and she says that she doesn’t want to go get a fucking test. They force her to go to the supermarket and they find all sorts of different pregnancy tests. Each one taking an eternity just to give you the results. But that’s the 80’s for you!
Spike then heads home and in this scene I can just imagine that it’s starting to get cold as fuck out there. Because it just looks so dreary. Anyways she tells her mom that she’s tired and is heading to her room. Stupid Spike has the drug store bag out in the open and her mom see’s it and demands to know what it is. Why couldn’t she wait until she was in her room or bathroom? I don’t know. But of course her mom not respecting Spike’s privacy insists on seeing what it is. Spike throws the bag at her and her mom sees what it is. Both cry their asses off.
The next day, Spikes mom takes her to a clinic to get a pregnancy test. She tells her mom that she’s sorry and that she only wanted Shane to like her. She basically says how bad the sex was with him. Then Mr Wonderful comes along, her mom saying why she had to tell him for. Spike said that he should know. Shane and Spike head on inside for the results. The mom is wracked with worry. Probably because she knows that she’ll have to take care of that kid too.
In contrast to Spike and Shane, we then cut to Yick and Melanie’s date. They’re just having a great grand innocent time ice skating. Melanie falls on her ass. Probably because of her mushroom head.
So then Spike and Shane come out and they tell her mom the good news. She’s pregnant! Her mom breaks down crying. You can tell that Shane wants to run for the hills but he can’t.
Back at school Shane and Spike have a talk in the darkened stair way. Spike lays the blame on Shane, Shane tells her to fuck off and that she could have stopped him. He then asks if she wants him to marry her. She ignores his stupid question and wonders if she could adopt or have an abortion. Shane doesn’t want her to have an abortion. Then she goes off saying that she doesn’t want to have a baby or an abortion. That she’s just a kid. She’s all, “oh woe is me!” Then says that it was just a little mistake and Shane says, “More like a big mistake.”
Well there you have it, the pregnancy episode. I was just thinking about when I was Shane’s age. All I had on my mind was hanging out in the arcades and playing Nintendo at home. But Shane was all about the pussy and see where it got him? Let that be a lesson to all of you out there!