Pre credit opener: Oh man, so the first thing we hear is country music blasting out of LD’s dad’s auto garage. LD comes out in her best Peppermint Patty outfit yet. Her dad goes off on her for being such a dude and then tells her to get her ass to school. LD mutters, “fuck off and die!” And what happens? That’s right, he has a heart attack because of his butch daughter wishing him dead.
In Ms Avery’s class she gives out an assignment about mapping out the area around the school, but who cares. This is the episode where we’re formally introduced to the immortal Christine “Spike” Nelson. One of the more interesting characters on the show. Anyways LD, Spike and Voula are in the same surveyor team and she bitches to them how her dad wishes that she was more of a female. They sympathize with her and then say that they’ll wait for her after school to continue the project and she says, “I gueth.”
We cut to Melanie and it appears that she still likes Snake. Speaking of Snakes it appears that those two dipshits Yick and Arthur let the class serpent Amadeus get out of it’s tank, because Susie is chewing their ass’s out. Melanie get’s freaked out and hilarity will ensue with her fear of snakes. Too bad we have to put up with another Yick and Arthur subplot though.
LD get’s home and her dad’s assistant mechanic Jeff informs her that her dad has had a heart attack and that he’s at the hospital. You would have thought that someone would have informed her at school and pulled her out for the day. But I guess no one cared. Spike and Voula are still waiting for her at the school and Spike mentions what a lazy worthless person LD is because she did a science project with LD once and Spike ended up doing all the work.
Meanwhile LD’s packing up her dad’s shit and we hear this poor audio of apparently her when she was a little kid and is asking her dad what’s going on with her mom. So the girls call for LD and she says that she can’t make it. Spike get’s pissed. LD refuses to go to the hospital with Jeff. So she gives him her dad’s shit and says that she’s going to clean the kitchen.
Next day at school Melanie comes in with these Ronald McDonald boots that are taped off all the way to her chins it looks like.
Resident Degrassi Junior High nerd Alex Yankou asks her what’s with the stupid boots and she mentions how she’s terrified by snakes. So he makes this creepy grin, so now we all know he has evil intentions. Even Snake mentions the boots, but compliments her instead.
In the girls gym class LD mentions how the gym is the most comfortable place in the school. Which says a lot about her. Anyways Spike starts bitching at her over the stupid project and LD tells her that her dad is fucking dying and Spike immediately apologizes. She and Voula say that they’ll cover for her on the project. LD’s like, “whatever betch.”
After school all the Degrassi Junior High kids are giving LD their sympathies. Even Joey and Tracy Morgan.
Back at the garage LD is asking Jeff about living alone. And he says, “Sleep all day, party all night. It’s fun to be a vampire.” Oh no, that’s the tag line to The Lost Boys. Anyways, he says that it’s alright, no one fucks with you, but you do get lonely at times.
LD then goes to the hospital petrified because Jeff can’t go with her. Joey’s dad want’s his car back pronto. Again we hear really shitty audio of LD speaking to her dad about her mom being sick. She pussies out and just leaves the flowers she got her dad and hauls ass out of there. I love how she makes it all about herself. She calls her dad from a phone booth and her dad still bitches to her about wanting the house clean. It’s hilarious.
By the way, the still of this scene on the back of the box of the dvd set makes me laugh because she looks like the goddamn Tallman from the Phantasm movies. Yikes!
Another thing I noticed, this nerdy chick here in the wheel chair. You’ll see her a couple of times in other episodes. She was department store nerd security guard and I think she was also nerdy supermarket employee. I guess I just showed how many times I’ve watched this damn show. Sad really.
Back to Arthur and Yick’s stupid search for the snake. Arthur comes up with the brilliant idea of putting a cardboard box with a snake drawn on it in the school boiler room to catch it. Predictably it doesn’t work and someone puts a rubber one under it.
Alex then decides to fuck with Melanie by putting a rubber snake over her locker to scare the shit out of her. She yells out, “Snake!” And Snake is all, “yeah?” Melanie bangs her mushroom head against the locker in humiliation.
In class Voula starts going on about how her superstitious grandma believes about knowing someone’s health by just looking at their eyes. For some reason LD takes it to heart and get’s more freaked out. She should have used common sense and some logic to realize that Voula’s grandma is an old fool that still believes in stupid bullshit.
Spike and Voula go to visit LD’s dad for some reason and he tells them that she hasn’t come to visit him once. So they know that something is up with their lispy dude of a friend.
LD’s alone in the school gym and Voula somehow manages to find her. They have a heart to heart and LD finally reveals that her mom is a corpse now and she thinks she somehow did it by simply going there. Then she says that her dad doesn’t want her there anyways because he doesn’t like her being a tomboy.
Melanie finally finds the stupid snake. Looks like it was in someone’s bowling ball bag the whole time. She then says that it’s not slimy and it’s kind of cute. Man she sure got over her fear fast. Arthur then holds the snake up to Alex. It looks like he was going to shove it up Alex’s huge nostrils and Alex flees the scene terrified.
LD finally mans up and goes to the goddamn hospital. We hear some more poor echo sounding audio. By the time she get’s to her dad’s room it seems like LD’s mother has died in her voice over flashback. Way to go LD! The room meanwhile is empty. She’s probably thinking that he’s dead too. Turns out that he’s been discharged already. He says that he loves her as she is and to prove it, puts her Elmer Fudd hat on her head and they walk away.
I guess this whole episode was about confronting your fears. But the whole B plot was boring as hell. So much so that I said, “I don’t have time for this Mickey Mouse bullshit!”