Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.

Season 1, Episode 7, “The Best Laid Plans”

6 Comments

This is another classic episode, and we finally get a decent Yick, Arthur plot.

Pre credit opener: Right away Joey annoys me by telling Stephanie Kaye that he’s, “Joey D Jeremiah” “D for doctor” If he was clever he would have said that the D is for dick because that’s right, this episode is about SEX! Stephanie of course has nothing but lusty eyes for Wheels. Joey can’t take a hint and just lingers while Steph wants to talk to Wheels, she finally tells him to fuck off. Steph asks Wheels out to a movie and he says yes. As they’re both walking away they say, “Fuck yeah! I’m about to get me some hot grade 8 poon/dick.”

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We then see Joey stalking Wheels and having no life of his own, wants to know what Stephanie wanted. Wheels informs him that she asked him out and that Stephanie likes him, not Joey’s corny ass. So he get’s down, but then talks to Shane and the chubby Asian kid about Wheels going out with Steph. Shane declaring what a hot piece of ass she is. Kathleen and Melanie hear this and laugh with delight.

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Steph goes to where else? The restroom. She see’s Voula and can’t contain her joy. She tells Voula all about making a date with Wheels. Jesus Christ! Voula is still angry and bitter about what Stephanie did to her back in the first episode of the show. No one even cares about that stupid bullshit anymore. Any who. The annoying twins walk into her shitty smelling office and ask her how it went with Wheels the stud. Basically Steph wants to tear him apart sexually.

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We then see Yick leading Arthur to his locker and busts out an ancient artifact. A VHS tape. But this is no ordinary tape. It’s a porno movie called “Swamp Sex Robots” Arthur says, “This is pornography!” And this is the moment that I finally realized what a square fucking nerd Arthur is. And he’s not a bad guy. He’s not an asshole or a bully. But he’s just so lame that he sickens me. Getting back to the story, Yick stole it from his older brother Long Duk Dong and they make plans to watch it at Arthur’s mom’s house.

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Back in Stephanie’s shit box, the twins are asking Stephanie what her mom’s going to think about her dressing like a super skank for the date. I gotta point out. She looks way better here than when she applies all the garish make up and makes her hair look poofy as hell.

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Turns out Steph’s mom is a pharmacist and Steph over hears at her mom’s work that her mom has a date, conveniently on Friday.

The next day at school Arthur and Yick are still conspiring about watching the porno because at this point they have the worst blue balls in the history of ever! So Arthur dares to talk to Steph and after she acts like a bitch towards him, he asks her if she or her mom will be home on Friday. Steph says that they both have dates and Arthur’s super excited. Now he and Yick can jerk each other off without fears of being caught.

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In the Degrassi Junior High library Steph is talking to the annoying twins and the slutty one of the two asks her what she’s going to do if Wheels tries something. Steph says that she’s totally open to a finger bang while watching the movie. Shane and Kim Jung Ill look alike Wai Li are beside themselves and immediately report back to Wheels in the rest room that he’s guaranteed to have some hot sex with Stephanie Kaye.

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Joey being a jealous asshole leaves in a huff. Wai Li and Shane then say, “All the way with Stephanie Kaye!” Oh and Arthur must have been taking a giant shit, because he hears everything.

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Back in class Steph passes Wheels a note. Voula and Joey both notice while Shane and Wai Li spread the rumor that it’s imminent Wheels and Steph are going to fuck. Heather the prude twin suggests that Steph cancel the date. But Steph says that sex is no big deal. Voula then comes by and calls Stephanie the “school sleeze” I have to admit, I laughed cause she called it as she saw it. Anyways they all get pissed at her and Voula frowns, knowing that she showed no tact by being a grudge holding bitch once again.

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Kathleen then passes judgement on Stephanie by saying that sex before marriage is wrong and that’s how she’s planning to do it. Melanie then gives her the zinger, “who would be stupid enough to marry you?” BURN BITCH!

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Oh man, we then go to the heart to heart scene between Wheels and his nerdy Woody Allen looking dad. Wheels asks him when he lost his virginity and his dad says that he lost it at a lot older age than him. I’m guessing he was about 30. Anyways he says that sex is complicated and basically it’s no fun at all. Is he out of his fucking mind?! He must have a horrible sex life. This whole scene was hard to hear by the way because of all the traffic on the highway 30 feet away from them.

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Steph basically has the same talk with her mother during dinner. She looks so innocent in her teddy bear sweater. Her mom decides that they should have the talk. But Steph declares that she’s not a little kid anymore, and then she takes a giant gulp of milk with a milk mustache and all.

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Finally it’s Friday and Joey asks Wheels if he has any condoms, embarrassing Wheels because you know how kids are. I wish Wheels would have bitch slapped him there.

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Voula hears all this and rushes to see Stephanie in where else? The goddamn restroom again! Voula then asks if she’s really going to ride Wheel’s dick and Stephanie says the typical dumb girl response. “I want him to like me.” Voula finally get’s over their stupid bullshit and apologizes for being a thundercunt this whole time.

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After school Wheels and Joey go to the pharmacy to get some condoms. Joey saying that all the guys are counting on Wheels and to not let them down. What a bunch of horny losers. So Joey asks the pharmacist for some service and then does a real asshole move and ditches Wheels. That motherfucker, I swear!

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And holy shit, it’s Stephanie’s mom. She rings him up and see’s that he’s barely gotten some hair on his balls, gives him a pamphlet about safe sex and STD’s.

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Meanwhile the gruesome twosome of Yick and Arthur are now making final plans to watch the porno but now Yick has invited a couple of more horny assholes to watch their feature presentation of “Swamp Sex Robots”. Yick is so happy he actually does a jump of joy as he walks away.

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Arthur goes to his mom’s and Stephanie’s house to fire up the VCR but Steph is in the room. He tells her that he doesn’t like that the boys all think that she’s a big hoe. But she tells him to shut the fuck up. Dinner time then comes along and their mom wants to talk to the both of them about sex. Arthur says, “Don’t worry mom.” “I’m not sexually active.” And he never was throughout the run of the series!

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So finally it’s date time. Except Stephanie’s mom is taking a fucking Eon just getting ready. Meanwhile Steph has the sluttiest, most whoreish outfit ever! A tiny tube top and spandex that are so tight it leaves nothing to the imagination.

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Now her mom’s date is taking forever but he arrives just as Wheel get’s there with a dorky I’m going to get some grin, a bouquet and a raging hard on. Steph’s mom recognizes who Wheels is from before and that’s pretty much it for their night. If I was Wheels I would have screamed and then take off running. But then she see’s Stephanie’s clothes and then tells Wheels horny ass to get inside and prepares to lecture the both of them.

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But it’s not over yet. Yick and his nerdy crew show up and Alex Yankou’s dorky hard up ass says, “We wanna see the porno!” Arthur slams the door shut, so now he’s fucked.

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The following Monday we see Stephanie talking to Voula and filling her in on what happened. She got grounded for 2 weeks and can’t go anywhere, not even to Voula’s. So you know it’s bad when she can’t even hang out with her square ass. But we see that Steph is sort of relieved that she didn’t have to do the nasty with Wheels.

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Joey then comes around and wants to know all the horny details so he can store it in his head and jack off about it later. But Wheels tells him nothing happened and to mind his fucking business. Joey for once takes the hint and then asks Wheels if he can ask Stephanie out. This asshole is unbelievable. But Wheels knowing that Joey has no chance in hell in getting in her pants says yes.

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Voula with the final words of this episode asks Stephanie if she really was going to do anything with Wheels and Stephanie gives a, I would have fucked his brains out smile at her.

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Author: Degrassi Guy

Hi there and welcome to my little corner of the Degrassi Universe in the far side of interwebs. For all ten of you who are reading this, welcome! Degrassi Junior High/High was a show produced in Canada that showed the trials and tribulations of every day students. This show tackled everything and I mean everything. From alcoholism, depression, pedophiles, bullies, eating disorders, hitchhiking, death of parents, adoption, teen pregnancy, hiding other products to get condoms so no one will notice. To pornography, suicide, getting the smack down from your mustached boyfriend and getting the guts to get away from him. If I missed anything, trust me. Degrassi didn't. Degrassi was pretty much as real as it got. Especially back when I first started seeing it. Saved by the Bell it was not. You never saw Zack Morris smoking weed, getting Kelly Kapowski pregnant or AC Slater giving Jessie a good beating when she sassed him. So sit back and get ready to reacquaint yourself with the beginning of the Degrassi Universe. For those of you who are new, you don't know what you're in for. But that's a good thing. This is Degrassi Junior High/High seen through my eyes. Basically what I loved and hated. Some of you may disagree with what I think, but that's ok. Mostly though, after all these years later. I still love this cheesy show.

6 thoughts on “Season 1, Episode 7, “The Best Laid Plans”

  1. I give this whole review two shlongs up! Laughed all the way through. I want you to write my obituary.

  2. Much better entry. The topic of sex is a finicky one. Kids are gross when they finally understand that sex is awesome and always fuck it up for themselves by being overtly horny. I think Joey and Voula should hook up and deflower each other. He’s horny and she is a prude, it would make a great story line. Yick and Arthur have horrible taste in porn, but I did too when I was a young lass. Anything with dick and tits got my motor running, but so did gay porn. I had a confusing childhood. I can’t help but think that so will Yick and Arthur.

  3. I love how Wheels brings a bigger bouquet then the guy who’s there for Steph’s Mum Lol

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