Degrassi Junior High Reviewed

Degrassi Junior High Reviewed is a blog about the sometimes cheesy, a lot of times badly acted, but beloved Canadian 80's tv series. Each episode will be reviewed in order by a guy who just loves Canadian melodrama. New reviews every week, on Mondays and Thursday's.

Season 1, Episode 2, “The Big Dance.”

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I’d like to give a shout out to my friend Veronica for making my very awesome site header. Thanks Veronica. Shout out!

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Pre credit opener: Voula’s in the kitchen doing the dishes and then we hear Count Dracula say, “Voula?” “You wrote all this?” But it’s not the Count, apparently it’s Voula’s dad and I’m pretty sure they’re Greek. You’ll notice later on in the show that there appears to be a really huge Greek population in the Toronto area. Anyways he’s reading the very cheaply made Degrassi newspaper. Seriously, that thing is only about four pages long and stapled at the corner. He notices a really shitty looking ad for a school dance and says, “what the motherfuck?!” Stupid Voula says that she wants to go, knowing that he would say no. He says, “boys only have one thing on their minds, doing the nasty with you.” Voula pathetically begs, but he’s adamant. Voula very sadly saying, “everyone else get’s to go.” He then looks at her like he’s about to summon the Greek Gods on her ass.

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Back at the school we see Lucy talking to Voula and the two annoying twins, Heather and Erica. Then Stephanie Kaye comes up and says, “hey Voula.” But Voula acts like a bitch because she’s still hella pissed about the school president thing and tells Steph to fuck off. Now that I think about it, this grudge lasts for most of the season and I’m already bored by it.

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Steph then goes to the rest room to change into yet another slutty outfit. Lucy asks her, “why don’t you change at home?” And Steph is all, “bitch please, I’d get into deep shit.” Lucy says that she can dress however she likes because her parents don’t give two fucks about her and that she’s a sophisticated woman. Steph surprisingly is a little shy about asking boys out. Lucy’s all, “come on Steph, it is the 80’s.” Meanwhile Lucy looks like a fashion victim.

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In the hallway we see Joey talking to Wheel’s about the school dance. Joey wants to ask out Stephanie because he figures that a slut like Stephanie would totally go out with a grease ball like him. Meanwhile Steph is looking at Wheel’s like she wants to fuck his brains out and Wheel’s smiles back. Stephanie then tells the twins how fine she thinks Wheel’s is.

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So Joey is trying to impress Stephanie by saying that he’s a good dancer, Saying, “Joey F Jeremiah.” “The F is for Foot work.” It should be for fuckball. But this is the first of many times that he’ll add an initial in his name to make a stupid point.

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Ms Avery walks in with Voula in tow because she wants to talk about some poor kid from some Latin American or South American shit hole country and she wants the school to sponsor him. Lucy comes up with the bright idea of having a dance to pay for the smelly bastard. Then Lucy again says, “well since it was your idea Voula, why don’t you present the check at the dance?” Voula was probably thinking, “shut the fuck up! I can’t go bitch because my dad has a stake up his ass.” But Voula thinking on her toes says that Steph should do it since she’s the president. She really dodged that land mine.

After school Lucy is still bothering Voula and Voula explains how her parents come from a little village and that their ways aren’t the Canadian way. Voula then tries on some of Lucy’s make up, mainly lipstick. Call me crazy, but I think she looks adorable.

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Back at her prison, I mean house, she talks to her dad again. But first he notices the lipstick and tells her to get that shit off her face and once again informs her that she’s just a little girl and it takes a long time to grow up. She finally get’s the courage to ask her dad about the dance, but she comes up with some stupid bullshit meeting for the poor kid and he doesn’t catch on because since it’s a meeting for geeks, he doesn’t give a shit. Just be back by 9:30.

We then cut to the next day and Steph is in the restroom talking to herself in the mirror while making her hair really big and puffy. Basically practicing asking out that fine piece of man meat Wheel’s. Then we see that fatso Nancy come out of the stall. She must have taken a big smelly shit in there. Obviously Steph is embarrassed or dying from the stench. I noticed that Nancy’s nasty ass didn’t even wash her hands. That’s so gross!

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Meanwhile Joey is still bragging to Wheel’s about how he’s going to get with Stephanie and not get anywhere sexually with her. She comes around and Joey basically shoos Wheel’s away. But she’s all, “not so fast, I wanna talk to Wheel’s.” Joey then for some reason says, “sure, I’ll go polish my nails or something.” What the fuck kind of thing is that to say? So Steph and Wheel’s get to the business at hand, the dance. She barely asks him to the dance and he’s already saying yes. Joey hears this and storms off. I think this was Joey’s first rejection by a woman, but certainly not the last. But it’s probably hard for Stephanie to take him seriously with him sporting a sleeveless jean jacket that’s about 3 sizes too small.

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Steph is so excited that she squeals. Later on we see the girls getting ready for the big dance. Steph is waiting for her mom to leave so she can transform herself into a whore once again. Voula informs her dad that she’s leaving for the meeting and he notices that she has a big ass bag. And not respecting any privacy demands to know what’s in there. She says, “goddamn dad. It’s just Lucy’s clothes that I was borrowing, she’ll be at the meeting too.” Then he threatens her by saying, “if you’re not back by 9:30 I’m coming for you.” Man what a overbearing asshole.

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Wheel’s meanwhile is getting ready too and pours about a gallon of that horrible aftershave Aqua Velva. So Voula heads on over to Lucy’s, but then Stephanie and the annoying twins come over too. Apparently they have to ask Lucy if Steph can come in to change. Lucy’s says, “Whatever hoes.” Then brags about living in a loft in New York. Voula changed really fucking fast. She has an 80’s style top, but it looks like she has a gypsy dress from the late 1800’s. She takes off immediately because that skank Stephanie is there.

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Holy shit! The fabled dance, finally! Voula is all amazed to see banners and balloons all over the school. But who can blame her with that Bela Lugosi sounding dad of hers. Inside we hear some really shitty 80’s music. I’m guessing it’s Canadian because I’ve never heard any of these tunes before. Anyways we see admission to the dance is one dollar. That’s it?! One lousy dollar?! What a way to not make any money for that kid. He can kiss that new Optimus Prime figure away.

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We then see some of the whitest dancing ever by Arthur. Mr Raditch is DJ Rompin Rockin Raditch. He’s really god awful.

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Back at Lucy’s the girls decide to get fucked up before the dance and drink up some of Lucy’s parent’s alcohol. The twins brag about getting drunk at a cousin’s wedding once and Steph lies her ass off by saying that she’s been drunk before too. Back at the dance Joey walks in wearing the most loud obnoxious outfit ever!

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Joey being a fuckhead relishes in the fact that Stephanie isn’t there yet and is glad to say that she stood Wheel’s up. Back at Lucy’s Steph is getting more and more shitfaced. The girls are laughing like idiots because it’s obvious they can’t handle their shit. Lucy tells them to shut the fuck up cause she’s on the phone with her parents. Lucy then points out that Steph is drinking way too much, but actually does nothing to stop her.

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We then cut back to the dance and Arthur actually asks Voula for a dance. I can’t believe it. I’m guessing that it’s her first dance with a member of the opposite sex and too bad that it’s a dweeb like Arthur. So they get down as best as they can.

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Finally after dragging it out, Lucy and the girls get to the dance and Steph is so fucked up that she can barely walk. Whee’ls see’s her come in and instantly get’s turned on. But it must have hurt him because he has on the tightest pants ever. (A Wheel’s trademark actually.) Steph then slobbers all over him and informs him that his aftershave smells like death. Raditch interrupts with the Degrassi Junior High crazy dance. They all make asses of themselves. Steph Predictably makes herself sick by dancing like an asshole and she runs off to the rest room to throw up. I swear she’s always in there. She must smell like shit by now.

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She tells Lucy that she can’t give the stupid speech, so Lucy decides to go get Voula’s lame ass to do it. Voula then tells Arthur, “oh shit I have to leave.” And as she’s leaving she turns around to have one last look at Arthur. It seems that she actually likes him for some bizarre reason.

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Then Lucy comes in and tells Voula that she has to give the speech because of Stephanie’s drunk ass. We then cut to a shot of Voula’s dad arriving at the school. Jesus Christ! I bet it was barely 9:30 and he went over there to get her immediately. He then notices Shane and Spike macking on the school steps. Probably thought that his daughter was in an Junior High orgy by now.

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Lucy then guilt’s Voula into giving the presentation. Her dad is like the Terminator at the dance. Scanning everywhere looking for his daughter. Ms Avery then announces her to give the presentation to some dude from a relief agency I’m guessing. She really got into her speech because she was actually helping someone out. Then she notices her dad coming up to the stage. At this point, she’s fucked. Her dad makes the most passive aggressive thing ever by just standing there with his arms crossed, lightning bolts coming out of his eyes and ass. Voula finishes her speech and then her dad showing no tact grab’s her by the arm and drags her ass out of the Degrassi cafeteria in front of everyone. How humiliating. I gotta say, every time I see this episode, this moment always manages to piss me the fuck off.

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Outside she tells her dad what an asshole he is and then he tells her that she lied to him and how her mom didn’t go to a dance until she was 16. Voula tells him that she doesn’t give a shit. That this isn’t the old country and people do shit differently in Canada.  He obviously didn’t hear a thing she said and repeats how she lied to him. Defeated, she says, “I’m sorry poppa.” I’m assuming that he annihilated her with a big ass kicking as soon as they got home.

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Stephanie after losing about ten pounds from vomiting says that she feel’s like such a broomhead and that she’ll thank Voula in the morning for giving the presentation for the poor kid and say sorry to Wheel’s for being such a drunken cooch. So there you go kids, the lesson is don’t drink unless you can handle your shit.

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Author: Degrassi Guy

Hi there and welcome to my little corner of the Degrassi Universe in the far side of interwebs. For all ten of you who are reading this, welcome! Degrassi Junior High/High was a show produced in Canada that showed the trials and tribulations of every day students. This show tackled everything and I mean everything. From alcoholism, depression, pedophiles, bullies, eating disorders, hitchhiking, death of parents, adoption, teen pregnancy, hiding other products to get condoms so no one will notice. To pornography, suicide, getting the smack down from your mustached boyfriend and getting the guts to get away from him. If I missed anything, trust me. Degrassi didn't. Degrassi was pretty much as real as it got. Especially back when I first started seeing it. Saved by the Bell it was not. You never saw Zack Morris smoking weed, getting Kelly Kapowski pregnant or AC Slater giving Jessie a good beating when she sassed him. So sit back and get ready to reacquaint yourself with the beginning of the Degrassi Universe. For those of you who are new, you don't know what you're in for. But that's a good thing. This is Degrassi Junior High/High seen through my eyes. Basically what I loved and hated. Some of you may disagree with what I think, but that's ok. Mostly though, after all these years later. I still love this cheesy show.

6 thoughts on “Season 1, Episode 2, “The Big Dance.”

  1. Is it just me or does Author look like he is doing an 80’s version of the Stanky Leg? It’s probably just me. Anyway, so yeah, it is refreshing to see that Stephanie is still a whore in episode two. I hate when the whore has some kind of moment where she realizes that she is indeed a skank and needs to change her ways. Voula needs to grow a pair and tell her dad to eat shit. Fuck! I love Joey! Anyway, another great review!

    • Oh she’ll be a whore until the day she leaves Degrassi Junior High. At one point she does stop, but it lasts for about 2 minutes. Oh man, it just get’s worse and worse for Voula. You’ll see. And yeah, I have a love/hate relationship with Joey. Thanks for reading! I do it all for you guys!

  2. When I was 14, I too would drink. My drunken escapades never turned into a puke party. It turned into hand job parties for all the boys in my class. I would “finish” all the boys in my homeroom in less than 30 minutes. Stephanie K was a rookie. Oh and FUCK Vulva, and her ungodly face. Nice blog though.

    • So awesome on how you could handle your liquor. Stephanie looks like she could have learned a lot from you and yeah Voula is getting more and more annoying as the series progresses. Glad you enjoyed my blog in this little corner of the internets.

  3. I always wondered where Voula’s family was from. I was thinking she was Greek but I was like “No, couldn’t be, we already have too many Greeks on the show.” Eh, what’s one more!

    Anyway, this review just cracked me up, I loved it. I kept laughing out loud at my desk, because yeah I’m being bad and reading this at work!

    • HAHA! That’s great that you’re reading them at work because I’ve wondered if people did. Guess that answers my question. Oh man Voula’s dad pisses me off so much in this episode with his old world ways.

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