Ok, so before I begin. I discovered this show when Showtime used to show this on Sunday’s. But because we didn’t have Showtime I would watch it at my grandma’s house cause we would visit her every Sunday anyways, so win-win. Anyways, I got hooked on it right away. I love how anti Saved By The Bell this was, even though I loved Saved By The Bell, it was really fucking cheesy and never dealed with any real teen issues. Not like Degrassi did. If anything bad can possibly happen, it’ll happen on this show. No one can just have a scare. You think you have HIV or Cancer, you do! Pregnant? You bet your ass you are. All but two of you may remember me from as far back as Myspace or recently on Facebook when I would post blogs as the character Claude or Clood. However you want to pronounce it.
So alright motherfuckers. We begin with the beginning of the Degrassi universe. It’s the first day of school and Stephanie Kaye is walking towards the school when all of a sudden some kid starts yelling out her name.
She turns around and instantly recognizes who it is. Her nerdy younger brother Arthur. She says, “Go away Arthur!” “I don’t know you!” And why should she be embarrassed. Just look at this kid. He’s obviously the king of the dipshits. Arthur sort of has a Burl Ives thing going on because he’s so chubby. But moving on, he’s genuinely surprised that she doesn’t want anything to do with him. So she tells him to fuck off and to never speak to her again in front of other humans.
Then comes the awesome intro with the stirring theme song. It’s a pretty catchy tune actually.
So apparently Steph is the bee’s knees at the junior high. Everyone knows her. Then she meets her best friend Voula.
She’s pretty much a nerd too with the huge lense glasses of hers. But Steph doesn’t seem to mind. They hug and say how much they’ve missed each other during the Summer. Stephanie then gives Voula a present. Two stainless steel bracelets. Steph starts to undress in the rest room and it turns out that she has ultra slutty clothes underneath. It’s her plan to have a new image for the school year. Turns out her new image is dressing like the whore to end all whores.
We then see Arthur asking for help and he meets one Joey Jeremiah. If you know this show, he’s one of the most beloved and recognizable characters in the entire series. But here in the beginning, he was kind of a douche and a bully. He and this kid Hank, who we will never see again throw Arthur into a maintenance closet and call him the very viscous insult, Broomhead. I guess the writers wanted to use something that was insulting but not offensive at all. So through out the Junior High years, you’re going to hear broomhead a lot!
Stephanie goes around the school showing off her bod and everyone is giving her looks. Even the girls like Nancy fatso Kramer. She’s all, “I don’t know whether to eat you or love you!”
Voula meanwhile manages to rile up Steph into running for school president. Voula’s all, yeah, you’re popular. But dressed like a whore? I don’t know. She didn’t say it like that, but basically she did. The boys all notice Stephanie’s clothes and get instant rock hard boners. Joey tries to hit up on her, asking if she wants to play even though he wouldn’t know what to do with her, he get’s interrupted by Degrassi’s answer to Magnum P.I. Mr Raditch. Joey’s nemesis throughout the series.
Arthur then meets Yick Yu.
When Yick tells him his name, Arthur’s like, “what the fuck did you just call me?” But Yick is all, that’s my name. They instantly become friends and they go to Ms Avery’s grade 7 class. She emphasizes the Ms about 4 goddamn times. Meanwhile in Mr Raditch’s grade 8 class he’s going over their schedule while Voula and Stephanie make plans on how to get her elected president. Mr Raditch seeing how the girls only care about their own stupid bullshit tells them to please shut the fuck up.
So we go through a quick montage of the girls putting up Stephanie Kaye for President posters. Steph is reading all the things that Voula wants her to do as prez like, wanting more current events in class, more information about family planning, more input into the curriculum. Steph realizes this is hella lame and tells Voula, what is this nerd bullshit? Joey and a young Derek (Wheel’s) Wheeler start whistling at Steph, which makes her instantly wet. Voula tells her to get back to work. Man what a buzz kill.
We see that Yick has met Joey cause he’s in the same closet as Arthur. Then we see Steph giving Voula’s lame speech, wearing an 80’s version of a skank uniform. A little ass shirt with an equally small mini skirt. Might I point out that it looks like she has band aids on her nips. Weird!
The guys obviously don’t give a shit about anything she had to say. They’re just staring at her barely there body. So then comes up Snake, the gentile giant of Degrassi. He starts singing a metal song about him wanting to be school president. He’s pretty talented because a whole invisible band starts playing along with him.
So all the horny boys tell Stephanie that they’ll vote for her if she lets them kiss her on the cheek. She says ok, not caring that she’s hoeing herself out like that. Voula and all the girls are super pissed. Including a girl that looks like a Punky Brewster wanna be saying “talk about sexism.” But Steph doesn’t give a shit. She’s loving the attention.
We then go through a stupid part about Arthur and Yick wanting to avoid Joey, but they just end up looking like two of the biggest fucking nerds on the planet. Arthur then see’s a mob of boys waiting for Stephanie to come out of the girls rest room. Among them that insufferable prick Joey Jeremiah. The look on his face, priceless.
Steph says that all they want is to get a kiss and who cares. Voula disagrees and Steph says that it’s just part of the election and reason’s because Joey said that it’s working. Why she would listen to an idiot like Joey is beyond me. So she goes outside to talk to everyone, after the boys basically want to see her naked body she thanks Joey Jeremiah instead of Voula. Voula get’s instantly butt hurt and huff’s and puff’s away.
Election day then comes to Degrassi Junior High and Stephanie of course wins by a land slide victory because the boys are all horny bastards. Stephanie quickly realizes what a fucking drag the job of president actually is. She see’s Joey and Hank terrorizing Arthur, tells them to leave him alone, making Joey instantly suspicious. She very easily deflects his questions. Joey then offers to help her with her speech and she quickly realizes what a fucking moron he actually is. She tries to weasel her way into getting Voula to write her a speech for some stupid parents meeting. Voula points out that Steph was acting like a shithead by just using her and Steph smiling with that missing fang is just all, whatever bitch, write the speech!
But Voula still enraged calls her a baby and tells her to get lost and that she doesn’t want to be her friend anymore. Even giving back the lousy bracelets that Steph gave her at the beginning of the episode. So Steph is pretty much fucked here. She goes to the rest room all dejected and puts on her regular clothes over her slutticus clothing. Vowing that she’ll be the best president in the history of ever.
Arthur hides behind a tree waiting for his sister and basically just thanks her for her saving him from Joey and that asshole Hank. Arthur quickly summarizes the week, saying that he met a new friend and wants to help Stephanie write the speech. She’s all, no thanks and Arthur just leaves all nonchalantly.
Steph then yells out something to Arthur that he will never again hear from a woman. “I need you!” He’s all, really?! And then the episode abruptly ends. You’ll notice that mostly every episode ends like that.